


Text Me, Call Me, Skype Me Later

by Grassepi



Series: Text Me, Call Me, Skype Me Later [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bad Jokes, Bad Pickup Lines, Bad Puns, CAPTAIN SQUAD, Comedy, Eventual Relationships, F/F, Humour, M/M, Memes, Multi, Pretty Setter Squad, Romance, Slow Burn, Yachi is literally the gayest, chat fic, first year squad, for literally all of the ships, in which everyone has skype except asahi, is there a plot?? who knows, keeps up with canon but doesn't adhere to it's timeline tbh, l m a o - Freeform, literally just everyone is here, saltiness everywhere, skype chat fic, so much salt, tags the entire cast casually, tags will be updated as i keep writing this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-07
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2018-09-07 02:55:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 68,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8780407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grassepi/pseuds/Grassepi
Summary: Shirabuttstuff: So, what's the point of this groupchat anyways? You guys don't seem to be actually talking about setting. Ever.Sugarmama: The point is to talk about our feelingsSugarmama: They're bitter, nasty and salty feelings but we sure do talk about them anyways ( ﾟヮﾟ)KageyamaTobio09: The point for me is to learn more from Sugawara-san and Oikawa-sanKageyamaTobio09: Also, so Hinata will shut the fuck up when I tell him I have other friends and he doesn't believe meYahababe: The point is to get blackmail material on everyone else.Oikawaii: what the hell Yahaba-chanOikawaii: you dont get anything good if you tell them that!!





	1. Pretty Setter Squad Round 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Username:** Sugarmama  
>  **Mood Message:** Everyone needs a little suga(r) in their lives ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have like 17 K written of this atm, hopefully I'll be able to keep up with regular updates!! Thank you for reading <3

**KageyamaTobio09:** I just don't understand how his hair works  
**KageyamaTobio09:** It’s always fluffy and orange  
**Sugarmama:** Black magic?  
**Sugarmama:** That's my answer for my husband's thighs ~(˘▾˘~)  
**Oikawaii:** Ur married to Karasuno's captain?? Aren’t you a little young???  
**Oikawaii:** Im assuming that's who ur talking about, hes the only one on ur team with thighs that could crush a watermelon between them (─‿‿─)  
**Sugarmama:** well you're not wrong about the watermelon thing, but- we're not actually married Oikawa, I just like to call him that! (◕‿◕✿)  
**Oikawaii:** Aww that's cute  
**Oikawaii:** Iwa-chan always gets mad when i call him cute nicknames!!!! Even just Iwa-chan!!!!  
**Yahababe:** You called him your 'Buff Baboon' today during practice Oikawa  
**Yahababe:** Your 'Magnificent Muscle Man'  
**Yahababe:** 'Sexily Sculpted Servant'  
**Yahababe:** 'Fantastically Full-bodied Butterfly'  
**Yahababe:** 'Deliciously Delectable Dolphin'  
**Yahababe:** 'Refreshingly Ripped Rosebud'  
**Yahababe:** And need I mention: 'meaty pie' instead of 'sweetie pie'  
**Oikawaii:** Did I just hear u asking for triple the amount of running next practice? Hmm really you wanted that for the next two weeks???? Consider it done my sweet child ʘ‿ʘ  
**Sugarmama:** Your sacrifice won't be forgotten Yahaba  
**Sugarmama:** Thank you, you deliciously delectable dolphin  
**Yahababe:** Normal amount of running or I spill about the Third Year Abduction incident  
**Oikawaii:** u wouldn't dare u insignificant snotrag of a junior  
**Yahababe:** Try me bitch  
**Sugarmama:** ( ﾟ∀ﾟ) Am I witnessing blackmail right now?  
**Yahababe:** You don't need to worry about it so long as Oikawa gives me normal running  
**Oikawaii:** i think i see why Mad Dog-chan gets turned on when u talk like this Yahaba (¬‿¬) ur a S aren't you?  
**Yahababe:** Meanwhile I don't know what Iwaizumi-san sees in you except disappointment  
**Oikawaii:** °Д°  
**Oikawaii:** holy fuck Yahaba ur so mean!!!!  
**Sugarmama:** Oikawa I think you might be better watching your back from Yahaba rather than Kageyama haha  
**Oikawaii:** what happened to my respectful loving kouhai (ಥ﹏ಥ)  
**Sugarmama:** You actually have respectful kouhai at Aoba Jousai?  
**Oikawaii:** the first years are always so respectful and sweet and cute (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧  
**Oikawaii:** then they turn into second years ಠ~ಠ  
**Sugarmama:** Second years are little shits  
**Sugarmama:** Have you seen our Libero and Number 5? They're like two year olds but with enough power to actually destroy things  
**Oikawaii:** u think that's bad?? Mad Dog-chan actually TRIED TO BITE ME ONCE!!! All I asked him to do was 'fetch the ball', too…  
**Oikawaii:** and Yahaba blackmails me (ಥ﹏ಥ)  
**Oikawaii:** save me from these nightmares, Refreshing-chan!!!!!  
**Yahababe:** Oh please, you have Watari at least, he's quiet and nice  
**Sugarmama:** … So you admit that you and that Mad Dog guy DO torture Oikawa?  
**Yahababe:** He provokes us  
**Yahababe:** I've done nothing wrong in my entire life  
**Oikawaii:** you once pushed Kyoutani over on the court so you could get one more receive then him  
**Oikawaii:** to win a bet where he bought you milk  
**Yahababe:** Do you know how much effort it takes to push over Kyoutani?  
**Yahababe:** I deserved that win and that milk  
**Sugarmama:** In some countries, that would be called 'physical violence' and 'extortion'  
**Yahababe:** I've  
**Yahababe:** Done nothing wrong in my  
**Yahababe:** Entire life  
**Oikawaii:** hey ur all in class right now, right?  
**Sugarmama:** No  
**Yahababe:** Yes  
**Oikawaii:** wtf Suga-chan you have a spare???  
**Sugarmama:** ｡◕‿‿◕｡ You jelly?  
**Oikawaii:** u probably need it anyways i bet ur grades actually suck  
**Sugarmama:** Suck my college prep classes bitch  
**Oikawaii:** ur literally my least favourite setter now  
**Sugarmama:** Even worse than Kageyama and Shiratorizawa setters?  
**Oikawaii:** well no but that's only because Tobio-chan is a massive idiot and still manages to be smart on the court, and Shira-chan is the Worst Person Ever and Semi went through a goth phase in first year and is only now growing it out and it is a Mess  
**Oikawaii:** we should add them to this group chat!!!  
**Sugarmama:** But you just said they're terrible?  
**Oikawaii:** Yahaba and Tobio-chan are already here it can't get much worse  
**Oikawaii:** besides i want to watch them all break each other to the point of tears (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)  
**Yahababe:** I have Shirabu's Skype if you want to add him  
**Oikawaii:** ….why tf do u have that angle-head's contact??  
**Yahababe:** Back when Semi was their main setter still, we used to chat during matches  
**Yahababe:** God do I hate that guy  
**Yahababe:** He told me he brought a protractor with him to get his hair cut because they kept screwing up the angle and it had to be perfect  
**Sugarmama:** Oh! I've never met either setter, was Semi a third year that got replaced with his kouhai? I can relate ب_ب  
**Oikawaii:** Urgh yeah Semi's the saltiest setter I've ever met  
**Sugarmama:** Have you ever looked in a mirror  
**Sugarmama:** Nevermind that was a stupid question  
**Yahababe:** It occurs to me, Sugawara-san, that our fellow setters have a weird rivalry thing going on and we're always the ones off to the side  
**Yahababe:** I don't think I've ever spoken to you outside this convo?  
**Sugarmama:** We should hang out next match like you used to do with Shirabu (˚▽˚)  
**Yahababe:** Sounds fun :)  
**Sugarmama:** So we're adding the Shiratorizawa setters, anyone else? I know some setters from Tokyo I could add (• ε •)  
**Oikawaii:** what? who? I don't know any Tokyo setters even  
**Oikawaii:** what kind of shitty connections does Karasuno have anyways???  
**Sugarmama:** There's this second year Kenma Kozume from Nekoma, Karasuno's rival, and second year Akaashi Keiji from Fukurodani  
**Sugarmama:** They're both first string and …pretty nice? I admit I've never really talked to either  
**Oikawaii:** back the FUCK up!!!  
**Oikawaii:** wht do u mean Nekoma is Karasuno's rival???!!!??  
**Oikawaii:** it's obviously Aoba Jousai  
**Oikawaii:** i've never even met anyone from Nekoma or heard of it!!!  
**Oikawaii:** ┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻  
**Sugarmama:** Wow chill Oikawa no need to fight anyone  
**Sugarmama:** It's like how Shiratorizawa is your ultimate rival even above Karasuno  
**Sugarmama:** Though Karasuno has to get to Nationals to actually fight Nekoma properly  
**Oikawaii:** idc how good Nekoma is Aoba Jousai is definitely better ಠ⌣ಠ  
**Oikawaii:** oh fuck i gtg  
**Sugarmama:** What? Why?  
**Oikawaii:** Iwa-chan caught me texting in class again, he'll take my phone away if i keep going  
**Yahababe:** Oh no, the horror. You won't be able to take anymore selfies.  
**Oikawaii:** i'm just doing the universe, iwa-chan and my fangirls a favour  
**Yahababe:** Has anyone told you about the running group chat devoted entirely to unflattering pictures of you?  
**Oikawaii:** that's an obvious lie Yahaba  
**Oikawaii:** i'm gorgeous there are no bad pictures of me  
**Oikawaii:** that group chat is just my most recent fan club  
**Yahababe:** _Attached: IMG_3451.JPG.jpg_  
**Sugarmama:** Oh my god that's the best thing I've ever seen  
**Oikawaii:** aAAAAAAHHHHHHH WHO THE FUCK TOOK THAT  
**Yahababe:** I'm not selling anyone out  
**Oikawaii:** SO IT'S A FIRST YEAR? THERES NO WAY YOUD DEFEND A THIRD YEAR  
**Oikawaii:** IT WAS KUNIMI WASNT IT?  
**Yahababe:** When you're motivated i'm really impressed by your deductive skills. That took you two seconds.  
**Oikawaii:** I'M GOING TO STEAL HIS PHONE FROM HIS BAG AND BURN IT  
**Sugarmama:** …I'm messaging Iwaizumi holy crap  
**Yahababe:** Way ahead of you Suga-san  
**Oikawaii:** Hey yeah this is Iwaizumi, I took Oikawa's phone away in penance. Don't worry about Kunimi or his phone, I'll keep Oikawa away from them for now. Thanks for your patience with him... as always...  
**Sugarmama:** Ahahaaaaa I'm so glad we started this group chat  
**Yahababe:** It is pretty great, yeah  
**Sugarmama:** Oh! School's out, I have to head to practice. Talk to you guys later!  
**Yahababe:** Goodbye, Suga-san!  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Wait, Sugawara-san isn't actually married to Daichi-san?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha what's that?? theres no explanation for how everyone else originally got in a groupchat, let alone why they didnt add shirabu originally?? 
> 
> um
> 
> *dabs out of existence*


	2. Seijou Third Years Round 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Username:** Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad  
>  **Mood Message:** No I'm not protecting him, I'm protecting everyone else from him. Just message if you need help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does this actually progress the story any? No
> 
> Did i write it anyways? Yes
> 
> Watch out for dirty jokes and dirty language, hanamaki and mattsun are officially some of my favourite characters to write ever

**Oikawaii:** Hey but like I'm pretty right  
**Oikawaii:** Tell me I'm pretty, iwa-chan  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** You're pretty terrible, at least.  
**Hanamemeki:** OH SNAP  
**Oikawaii:** stfu makki I hate that you do this!!!  
**Oikawaii:** all you and mattsun do in this conversation lately is send all caps letters in response to mean things iwa-chan says to me!!!!  
**Matsukawaii:** OH GET FUCKED MAKKI  
**Oikawaii:** i didnt do anything to deserve this, i am a pure being of holy light  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** There's so many things wrong with that statement I don't know where to begin.  
**Oikawaii:** U guys just bully me all day long (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)  
**Oikawaii:** I hope u die and weeds grow over your graves becuz u don't deserve flowers  
**Hanamemeki:** 420  
**Matsukawaii:** BLAZE IT  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** I hate to say it Oikawa but you sort of dug your own grave there.  
**Oikawaii:** I HATE ALL OF YOU GOODBYe SUGA-CHAN DOESNT TREAT ME LIKE THIS  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Wait the setter from Karasuno? You've been talking to him?  
**Oikawaii:** ಠ⌣ಠ oh what now u wanna be nice to me???  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Is that what the group chat from the other day was? You're in a group chat with a bunch of other setters from other teams?  
**Oikawaii:** Yeah they all worship me and want my advice basically  
**Oikawaii:** u should see it Iwa-chan  
**Oikawaii:** how nice everyone is to me  
**Oikawaii:** unlike some other people i could mention (ಥ﹏ಥ)  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** That actually isn't that bad an idea. Maybe I should start one with some of the other aces from around the district and we can exchange tips.  
**Oikawaii:** r u ignoring me now?  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** I wonder if Karasuno's Ace has a skype, I should ask Kageyama.  
**Oikawaii:** why tf would u need to ask karasuno's ace for tips, just go suck ushiwaka's dick and you'll be loaded  
**Hanamemeki:** OOOH THE SALT!  
**Matsukawaii:** THE JEALOUSY!  
**Hanamemeki:** THE PUNS! OIKAWA TOORU SCORES A SOLID 69/10 ON HIS 'LOADED' PUN! IMPLYING THAT IWAIZUMI IS SUCKING DICKS FOR TIPS ON BOTH VOLLEYBALL AND AS IN MONEY TIPS, AND ALSO SWALLOWING ANOTHER MAN'S 'LOAD'! WHAT A CRUDE DISPLAY OF WORDPLAY, YET IMPRESSIVE!  
**Oikawaii:** sTOPPPP  
**Matsukawaii:** STAY TUNED FOR IWAIZUMI HAJIME'S SURELY EXCITING REPLY! HOW CAN HE MAKE A COMEBACK TO OIKAWA'S INCREDIBLE SCORE THERE?  
**Hanamemeki:** AND MY FELLOW ANNOUNCER MATSUKAWA ISSEI HAS SCORED A LOVEY 42/10 ON THAT 'COMEBACK' PUN, UTILIZING THE FACT WE'RE PRETENDING TO BE SPORTS ANNOUNCERS WHILE ALSO DESCRIBING IWAIZUMI'S TYPICAL RESPONSE TO OIKAWA'S WHINING!  
**Oikawaii:** its not even funny when u explain it  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** I don't know, you've been explaining aliens to me for the past decade and each time it gets funnier and funnier.  
**Oikawaii:** THEYRE REAL AND THEY ARE OUT THERE U FILTHY NONBELIEVER!!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Whatever you say, Oikawa.  
**Oikawaii:** Guess what??? Aliens are better than monsters. Godzilla sucks and i hope they never make another movie about it again  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** You take that back you dirty heathen.  
**Oikawaii:** lmao iwa-chan so childish, just admit aliens are real and i'll take it back  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Fine, okay, aliens are real. I should know; I've been best friends with one my whole life.  
**Oikawaii:** now tell me i'm pretty, iwa-chan  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Now who's being childish?  
**Oikawaii:** i've grown up into a fiiiiiine young man, admit it iwa-chan  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** _Attached: IMG_2793.JPG.jpg_  
**Matsukawaii:** Oh hey, that's one of mine  
**Matsukawaii:** I really liked the way the light made your nose hairs visible, but still dark enough to keep your hair look like a pile of shit on the top of the screen  
**Oikawaii:** WHY DID YOU GUYS MAKE THAT GROUP CHAT???? TO PRESERVE UR TINY LITTLE EGOS? LIKE UR TINY LITTLE DICKS????  
**Hanamemeki:** I'm pretty sure we're some pretty big dicks.  
**Matsukawaii:** The biggest dicks to ever plague Oikawa Tooru.  
**Oikawaii:** u guys suck  
**Hanamemeki:** we're the best at sucking, actually. Mattsun's really good with his tongue.  
**Matsukawaii:** I actually think you're partial to handjobs, Makki.  
**Hanamemeki:** Hey, if you ever need a hand getting better at them, I'll be happy to help.  
**Matsukawaii:** Thanks, Makki. You're a really good friend.  
**Hanamemeki:** We'll always be friends, right Mattsun? You with your blowjobs, me with my handjobs. Making each other cum forever and ever, right?  
**Matsukawaii:** I'd be honoured to be best man at your wedding when you finally find the right girl.  
**Hanamemeki:** We can retire together, you and me, getting each other off even in old age, with our wives right beside us.  
**Matsukawaii:** We'll be best friends forever, for sure.  
**Hanamemeki:** I love you, bro.  
**Matsukawaii:** Hey, let's make this fucking clear. There's no homo in this relationship, Makki. We're just friends, and always will be, engaged in highly sexual and romantic activities.  
**Matsukawaii:** But I platonically love you too, bro.  
**Hanamemeki:** Of course, brotato.  
**Matsukawaii:** Bromeo and Dudeliet, together forever.  
**Hanamemeki:** Actually, Mattsun... I... I think I'm gay.  
**Matsukawaii:** No shit? I think I'm gay too. We're all good, man. I'll still be your best man when you get married to some hunk.  
**Hanamemeki:** Of course, Mattsun. I'll be happy to be your wingman when you're out searching for a twink.  
**Matsukawaii:** You really get me, Makki. I'm so glad we came out to each other like this. It really makes those kisses feel a lot more natural, since there's no secrets between us.  
**Hanamemeki:** Haha dude, those kisses are the bomb.  
**Oikawaii:** omg cut it out u guys are literally the gayest  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** No, let them finish, they're telling a beautiful love story.  
**Oikawaii:** ¯\\_( ಠ д ಠ )_/¯  
**Matsukawaii:** Hey, Makki, i've been thinking about it, and... maybe we should date? It's been bothering me for a while...  
**Hanamemeki:** Actually, me too... I'd love to go out on a date with you, Mattsun.  
**Matsukawaii:** ...Wanna come back to my place after?  
**Hanamemeki:** Wtf Mattsun way to push yourself on me, we literally just started dating and you're already trying for third base? I can't believe I gave my virginity to a man like you.  
**Matsukawaii:** No wait, Makki, I can change, I'm sorry, will a blowjob make it up to you?  
**Hanamemeki:** Just marry me already, you fool.  
**Matsukawaii:** YES!  
**Hanamemeki:** I can't believe this whole time, when we were talking about being the best man at each other's weddings... we ended up marrying each other.  
**Matsukawaii:** All those times I gave you blowjobs, without even knowing I was gay...  
**Hanamemeki:** Life works in funny ways. And now, we'll really be spending our lives together. Will you be my gay-ass husband for all eternity?  
**Matsukawaii:** I will! And you?  
**Hanamemeki:** I'll give you the most non-platonic handjobs the world has ever seen. Of course, yes.  
**Matsukawaii:** I love you, Makki.  
**Hanamemeki:** I love you, Mattsun.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** There are tears on my face, right now. That was incredibly emotional.  
**Oikawaii:** mmmmm i definitely give better blowjobs than mattsun tho  
**Hanamemeki:** Because you're so used to sucking?  
**Matsukawaii:** succ  
**Oikawaii:** iwa-chan tell them i give better blowjobs than makki!!!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Why the fuck would I know that? I've never gotten a blowjob from either of you.  
**Oikawaii:** its not about whether or not you've actually had one iwa-chan, its about faith in my ability to deepthroat  
**Hanamemeki:** There's no way you give better blowjobs than me if you can't even swallow the truth.  
**Matsukawaii:** Oh, sick burn.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Get fucking rekt, Oikawa.  
**Oikawaii:** im fucking leaving goodBYE  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Oh, he actually put his phone down in class. I guess he was serious this time.  
**Matsukawaii:** Well, I'm out. I have to pay attention in class now. (Succ)  
**Hanamemeki:** See you guys at practice. (Succ)  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Yeah, talk to you later. (Deez Nutz)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Join Me next chapter for the return of the Pretty Setter Squad with some fun interference by the Shiratorizawa Team Chat
> 
> I swear at some point maybe a plot will start developing
> 
> [my blog!!](http://grassepi.tumblr.com/) i'm always open to people coming to chat with me about whatever! <3


	3. Pretty Setter Squad Round 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Username:** KageyamaTobio09  
>  **Mood Message:** confused
> 
>  **Username:** Oikawaii  
>  **Mood Message:** LOL TOBIO-CHAN AMAZING, UR AS STUPID AS I REMEMBER EVEN AFTER TWO YEARS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT I ALMOST FORGOT TO POST THIS

_-Yahababe added Shirabuttstuff to Pretty Setter Squad Group Chat-_

**Oikawaii:** omg wtf is your username  
**Oikawaii:** helloooooooooo??? Mr. buttstuff???  
**Sugarmama:** He might be at practice still or cram school or something, his status is set to away  
**Yahababe:** Yeah, I think I remember him saying something about practice always running super late? He’s probably just not free to respond to messages right now.

* * *

_**Shiratorizawa Team Chat**_  


* * *

**Shirabuttstuff:** wtf the fuck I just got added to a group chat with a bunch of other Miyagi Setters  
**AnalLover9000:** REALLY???  
**AnalLover9000:** THATS FUCKING GREAT SHIRABU!!! MAYBE YOU CAN FINALLY MAKE SOME FRIENDS WHO AREN'T OBLIGATED TO HANG OUT WITH YOU CAUSE OF VOLLEYBALL!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** With all due respect, you can suck my antisocial dick Tendou-san  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Admittedly, I have also been concerned about this. Please do your best to make friends, I don't want you to spend all day messaging Satori and I once we leave for college.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** _(edited)_ I'll do my best, Ushijima-san  
**AnalLover9000:** I SAW THAT LMFAO!!! [6:47:03 PM] **Shirabuttstuff:** I could suck your dick all day, Ushijima-san  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I'm going to steal all your underwear, burn them and replace them with panties  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Panties are comfy.  
**AnalLover9000:** They sure are, my good buddy pal friend!!!

* * *

****KageyamaTobio09:**** Who's Shirabuttstuff?  
**Yahababe:** Shiratorizawa's starting setter. We were gonna add both of the Shiratorizawa setters to... increase the salt content of this conversation, I guess?  
**Oikawaii:** You're gonna need a lot more salt to drown out my sweetness (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧  
**Sugarmama:** ...  
**Yahababe:** ...  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Sugawara-san's a lot nicer than you, though?  
**Oikawaii:** fuck off tobio-chan i'm a fucking delight  
**Sugarmama:** At least you're good at volleyball.  
**Yahababe:** It's in his name, Oikawa-senpai, you're not gonna be sweeter than Sugar ;) 

* * *

****Shirabuttstuff:**** I don't want to talk to them though. They're gross  
**AnalLover9000:** DO IT FOR THE MEMES. AND BY THAT I MEAN ME. AND ALSO ME!!! TELL ME EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS!!! FUCK, WHY AREN'T I IN ANY COOL GROUP CHAT WITH A BUNCH OF OTHER BLOCKERS??? I FEEL REALLY EXCLUDED!!! THIS IS #HOMOPHOBIC  
**Shirabuttstuff:** ...All of them are gay as balls, though?  
**AnalLover9000:** U CAN BE GAY AND STILL HATE YOURSELF  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I don't think there is a middle blocker group chat... and if there is, they probably wouldn't invite you. You even piss off other blockers during matches  
**AnalLover9000:** HOW DARE YOU??? IM A _G I F T_  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Who's in the chat?  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Karasuno and Seijou only as far as I can tell. All of their usernames are terrible and pretentious  
**AnalLover9000:** LMAO DID THEY SAY ANYTHING ABOUT YOUR USERNAME??? I SPENT SO MUCH TIME AND EFFORT COMING UP WITH IT,, TELL ME THE #REVIEWS!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Oikawa expressed disgust, as did I, a long time ago, when you came up with it  
**AnalLover9000:** AHAHAHAHA YESS GOD DO I LOVE PISSING THAT GUY OFF, NOTHING MAKES MY DAY MORE THEN SEEING OIKAWA TOORU'S STINK FACE!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** He totally hates Ushijima-san more then you, though  
**AnalLover9000:** auUUGH DON'T REMIND ME!!! IvE GOT HIS WHOLE FUCKING TEAM HATING Me, AND HE JUST HAS TO BE THE DIFFICULT ONE!!! WHY WOULD HE EVER HATE THE PRECIOUS AND PURE USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI MORE THEN ME, AN ASSHOLE?  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I do feel precious a lot of the time.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I don't know why he would hate me more. It's a topic that's baffled me for years. You put a lot of effort into being a dick.  
**AnalLover9000:** SEE, THERES THE PROBLEM!!! YOURE JUST A NATURAL DICK WAKATOSHI!!! THE REST OF HIS TEAM FELL FOR MY DICK TRICKS, WHILE OIKAWA SNIFFED OUT THE RUGGED SCENT OF SOMEONE BORN A GREAT DICK WITHOUT EVEN TRYING!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Oikawa's kinda hot though  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** True.  
**AnalLover9000:** do u think he's ever worn panties  
**AnalLover9000:** Shirabu go ask him if he's ever worn panties 

* * *

****Oikawaii:**** I'm booooooored waiting for shira-chan to show up!!! Suga-chan, what's your skincare routine???  
**Sugarmama:** Huh? I don't do anything like that. Washing my face is the most I do ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
**Oikawaii:** Fucking unfair  
**Sugarmama:** What do you mean? Are you jealous of something, Oikawa? ｡◕‿‿◕｡  
**Oikawaii:** No stfu i'm never jealous of anyone because my skin is clear and flawless, like me  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Hey Oikawa, have you ever worn panties  
**Oikawaii:** º _ º  
**Oikawaii:** w h a t???  
**Sugarmama:** Kinky  
**KageyamaTobio09:** He has  
**KageyamaTobio09:** I saw him once during middle school  
**KageyamaTobio09:** They looked nice on him  
**Sugarmama:** K i n k y  
**Yahababe:** What colour were they?  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Pink, with white lace  
**Sugarmama:** That's pretty cute  
**Oikawaii:** t(ʘ◡ʘt)  
**Sugarmama:** That's not so cute  
**KageyamaTobio09:** ? What did I do  
**Oikawaii:** !! that’s so weird that you saw that Tobio-chan, I saw something you might be interested in the other day too!!!  
**KageyamaTobio09:** What is it?  
**Oikawaii:** Oh just some cool bofa, do you want some?  
**Sugarmama:** I just want you to know you don’t have to do this, Oikawa  
**KageyamaTobio09:** what’s bofa?  
**Yahababe:** it’s too late for that, Sugawara-san. We’re about to witness a live murder  
**KageyamaTobio09:** ??  
**Oikawaii:** _BOFA DEEZ NUTS_

* * *

****Shirabuttstuff:**** That setter from Karasuno, the first-year one, just fell for bofa I can't believe this  
**AnalLover9000:** what's Bofa???  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I've never heard of Bofa before, please elaborate.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** Bofa? Is that a meme or something? Hang on senpai I'll look it up!  
**AnalLover9000:** goshiki ur so innocent and pure,, u naive little lamb,  
**TheCutestKouhai:** It's the Bank of America!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** How respectable sounding. I would certainly trust them with my money. 

* * *

****Sugarmama:**** Fucking fight me Oikawa, how dare you slay down my own son like that right before my eyes (´；д；`)  
**Oikawaii:** I'll kick your pansy ass any day  
**Oikawaii:** I don't even need Iwa-chan's help!!!  
**Sugarmama:** What, do you usually bring your Buff Baboon with you to your fights?  
**Sugarmama:** Your Tantalizingly Tasteful Tiger  
**Oikawaii:** Like you weren't planning on bringing ur captain with his filthy thigh magic ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
**Sugarmama:** Back the fuck off from Daichi's thighs u whore  
**Oikawaii:** I'm not interested in ur goody-two-shoes boyfriend ｡◕‿‿◕｡ I prefer my Heartbreakingly Handsome Hunnyboo, who could snap me like a twig in a moment with his lovely arms  
**Sugarmama:** So ur an M then? (¬‿¬)  
**Yahababe:** lmao nice throwback  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Wait  
**Oikawaii:** Wow Suga-chan i love ur hair!!! How old are you, sixty??  
**KageyamaTobio09:** I have a question  
**Sugarmama:** Oikawa, your hair is way better then mine! If you just multiply your “natural” (ha) locks with all that shine, you get all that _product_!  
**Kageyama Tobio09:** ?? What’s an M  
**Oikawaii:** Stooping to math jokes? That’s downright _sin_ ful Suga-chan!!  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Nevermind Hinata told me  
**Sugarmama:** Well you were the _cos_ of all this, so it’s your fault in the end (◕‿◕✿)  
**KageyamaTobio09:** But my original question was  
**Oikawaii:** Suga-chan wow!! Ur so wrong!! There is no fault in my end, my ass is amazing!!  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Oikawa’s not lying there, but  
**Yahababe:** Can also vouch for that.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Oh my god, Kageyama or whoever the fuck you are, just ask your question. This is so dumb.  
**Oikawaii:** “Or whoever the fuck you are”  
**Yahababe:** You literally played him 5 sets for the spot to Nationals??  
**Oikawaii:** that’s so savage im whimpering  
**KageyamaTobio09:** So what is bofa? No one explained in the end  
**Yahababe:** ...it’s like a parody  
**KageyamaTobio09:** A parody of what?  
**Yahababe:** _A PAIR O’ DEEZ NUTZ_  
**Oikawaii:** ヽ(；▽；)ノ y a h a b a ,, i  <3 u 

* * *

****Shirabuttstuff:**** The longer they talk, the more stupid it gets. Oikawa and the reserve setter from Karasuno are apparently going to fight? I don't know if he'll be able to out-bitch Oikawa  
**AnalLover9000:** it's easier then u think to annoy him into shutting up, young padawan! i personally like going through Oikawa's facebook and liking his pictures from 2009  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I keep asking him for more candy crush lives but he never answers. Does that count as shutting him up?  
**Shirabuttstuff:** You guys make it sound so fun to mess with Oikawa  
**AnalLover9000:** ITS FUCKING GREAT  
**AnalLover9000:** IM REALLY HOPING TO BUG HIM SO BAD THAT IWA-CHAN COMES AND PUNCHES ME RIGHT IN THE FACE ONE DAY!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** HE BETTER NOT HOLD BACK!! REALLY NAIL ME. I WANT THAT BLACK EYE AND BLOODY NOSE!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** If you wanted someone to punch you Satori, why not just ask me?  
**AnalLover9000:** IM DEFINITELY INTO YOU FISTING ME, JUST NOT IN THE FACE!!! UP MY ASS!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** I JUST REALLY WANNA BE PUNCHED BY IWA-CHAN ONE DAY FOR FLIRTING WITH HIS BOYFRIEND!!! ITS A PERSONAL GOAL!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Goals are important. Still, if you ever need me to fist you, just ask.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Is that offer exclusive to Tendou-san, or...?  
**TheCutestKouhai:** Oh! Me too! I'll fist anyone who asks for it!  
**TheCutestKouhai:** (that's a fistbump, right?)  
**AnalLover9000:** it's shoving your whole hand up someone's anus  
**TheCutestKouhai:** I never understand what you guys are talking about ;n; 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry its shorter but i literally could not find a way to add more stuff to this,,,
> 
> i love tender salami and cow man
> 
> next week we have uh. more seijou third years apparently?? radical, let's just follow the flow i went with writing this literally months ago with no plan at all
> 
> ...im trying to actually make a plot now for u guys one should be developing by like chapter............,, ... ( _awkward coughing, some people shuffling around in the audience_ ) um... **bye**  
> ....  
> ....  
> ...actually tho im so excited to keep posting these random meme chapters i love them so much and i love all of you reading this!! each and everyone one of you, you're all wonderful, please comment if you have time, its so wonderful to chat with you guys and see your thoughts!!


	4. Seijou Third Years Round 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Username:** Matsukawaii  
>  **Mood Message:** “I was looking forward to being worthy of a skype quote"- Oikawa Tooru

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: Matsukawa's username was created as an ironic statement against the uncreativeness of Oikawa's, and then i just forgot to change it to something else. It's just like that now. Forever
> 
> another fun fact: Matsukawa's skype mood message is literally my own friend's skype mood message, except about me. Im crying constantly this is bullyiNG

**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Hey, Oikawa.  
**Oikawaii:** yeeeees, iwa-chan?  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** I'd say your ass is a solid nine out of ten.  
**Oikawaii:** ?! IWACHAN ARE YOU FLIRTING WITH ME?!!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Yeah, it's pretty, asinine.  
**Oikawaii:** ITS PRETTY? oMG IWACHAN SCANDALOUS  
**Oikawaii:** I BET UR ACTUALLY THE HEAD OF MY OFFICIAL FANCLUB!!!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Read it aloud, dipshit.  
**Oikawaii:** no Iwa-chan idc what u say now u think my ass is pretty it's a 9/10  
**Oikawaii:** and hey u know what???  
**Oikawaii:** ur the one i need ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Of course you need me. What would you do without me?  
**Oikawaii:** Iwaaaa-chaaaaan that was a pickup line u big goof  
**Oikawaii:** but ur right id die without u  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Yeah, from over-working yourself. I guess you really kneed me around.  
**Oikawaii:** ugggHHHHH u strain ur knee ONE TIME and no one EVER lets u forget it  
**Hanamemeki:** 'brace' yourself oikawa, there are more puns coming.  
**Oikawaii:** STOOOOOPPP  
**Matsukawaii:** All that hard work, 'tossed' away in an instant. For shame.  
**Oikawaii:** hey wow guess what my knee is actually super painful right now, like literally the instant i read that. i guess you all have to shut the fuck up now or risk hurting ur darling captain  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Nah, this is your 'pun'ishment for overworking yourself like that in the first place.  
**Hanamemeki:** That's a pretty over-used pun. You don't want to sound too 'strained'.  
**Matsukawaii:** The best puns just sort of hap'pun'.  
**Oikawaii:** this is worse than Yahaba's blackmailing im never talking to any of u ever again  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Hey, by the way, if any of you guys know any of the ace’s usernames from other team’s skypes, feel free to give them to me. I’m trying to make a group chat for us, like Oikawa’s gathering of salt-fueled demons.  
**Oikawaii:** I’m not salt-fueled, I’m love-fueled  
**Hanamemeki:** I’m Mattsun-fueled.  
**Matsukawaii:** That’s cute but that’s the same thing as being love-fueled.  
**Hanamemeki:** I,  
**Hanamemeki:** I’m worse than Oikawa, I want to dive off a bridge.  
**Matsukawaii:** What if it’s the bridge to my heart?  
**Hanamemeki:** Babe… you know I’d never pass up a chance to die.  
**Matsukawaii:** I’m really happy you’re so accepting of my necrophiliac tendencies, Makki.  
**Hanamemeki:** I’m just glad you’re cool with me wearing the clown suit in bed.  
**Matsukawaii:** As long as you promise to wear it when you die, so I can screw you in it forever. Keep the horn up your ass, for me? I love hearing it honk.  
**Hanamemeki:** Like a goose ;)  
**Oikawaii:** So anyways,,  
**Oikawaii:** I don’t really know any ace’s skype but yours~ ಠ‿↼  
**Oikawaii:** lol i guess i’m just too faithful and solemn for me to leave ur side iwa-chan  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** You know Oikawa you’re a lot like this hat I am wearing, in the middle of winter with the sun blocked by clouds.  
**Oikawaii:** ?? how so iwa-chan?? Because I… like to touch your hair?? This isnt romantic at all Iwa-chan, ur really letting me down here ಠ~ಠ  
**Matsukawaii:** Probably because he wants you on top of him.  
**Hanamemeki:** Oikawa’s definitely a power bottom.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Well nice guesses, but no.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** It’s because he’s really useless to me right now, and I just keep him around for decoration.  
**Oikawaii:** But ...that means u think i’m pretty right  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** God sometimes I wanna punch you in the dick.  
**Oikawaii:** pls, iwa-chan, punch me gently in the dick ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** “Gently”.  
**Oikawaii:** ( ﾟ∀ﾟ)  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Yahaba was right, you really are an M.  
**Oikawaii:** (⌒▽⌒)(⌒▽⌒)(⌒▽⌒) did he (⌒▽⌒) say that?? (⌒▽⌒)  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** M for “Mistake”  
**Hanamemeki:** Hang on, I have Ushijima’s Skype.  
**Matsukawaii:** I ...have questions.  
**Hanamemeki:** Like what?  
**Matsukawaii:** How is it that you have Ushijima’s skype,  
**Matsukawaii:** But you’ve never asked him for a threesome?  
**Hanamemeki:** I tried, but he said that the three of us wouldn’t be able to fit in anyone’s bed together.  
**Matsukawaii:** For such a competitive guy in volleyball, he’s pretty lazy outside the court.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** A real man would have realized that Oikawa’s king sized bed is always up for grabs and also that his window is really easy to open from the outside.  
**Oikawaii:** Only becuz u broke the lock!!! ¯\\_( ಠ 益 ಠ )_/¯  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** You have no proof.  
**Oikawaii:** mY BEDROOM IS ON THE SECOND FLOOR AND ONLY UR STUPID ENOUGH TO CLIMB UP THE TREE TO GET IN  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** It was probably just a squirrel.  
**Oikawaii:** a squirrel named Iwa-chan  
**Oikawaii:** who wanted my nuts  
**Hanamemeki:** y do u gotta make it gay like that Oikawa  
**Matsukawaii:** yea u really need to grow up  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Ya I agree thats just nasty  
**Oikawaii:** STOP!! RENTING!! OUT!! MY!! BED!! TO!! HORNY!! MEN!! BEFORE!! YOU!! SAY!! THAT!! TO!! ME!!  
**Hanamemeki:** Wait, has this happened before?  
**Matsukawaii:** I’m gonna need pics/receipts or it didn’t happen.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Ha, I’ll send them to you in the other group chat.  
**Oikawaii:** um what other group chat  
**Oikawaii:** this is blatant exclusion  
**Oikawaii:** i feel really hurt and bullied  
**Oikawaii:** i came out to have a gay time and i’m feel some really homophobic vibes right now  
**Oikawaii:** guys???? There isnt actually another group chat right  
**Oikawaii:** iwa-chan u wouldnt leave me out like that right  
**Oikawaii:** g...guys?  
**Oikawaii:** no wayyy  
**Oikawaii:** WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING IN THERE THERE ARE NO PICS  
**Matsukawaii:** hot pics  
**Hanamemeki:** hot pics  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** hot pics  
**Oikawaii:** t(ಠ╭╮ಠ t)  
**Oikawaii:** I guess i’ll ask the other setters for their aces usernames  
**Oikawaii:** just for u iwa-chan  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** What do you want in exchange?  
**Oikawaii:** what?? I never  
**Oikawaii:** im a good fucking person  
**Oikawaii:** I would never ask for something in exchange for such a small favour  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Wow can you smell that?  
**Oikawaii:** ??  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** It’s the smell of bullshit.  
**Hanamemeki:** Smells very fresh.  
**Matsukawaii:** Organic.  
**Hanamemeki:** Natural, lovely.  
**Oikawaii:** RUDE IWA-CHAN!!!  
**Oikawaii:** but since u mentioned it,  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Is it my arms again?  
**Hanamemeki:** What?  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** His most common request is to get to feel me flex.  
**Matsukawaii:** Relatable request.  
**Hanamemeki:** What the fuck Mattsun, I have beefy arms too, but you never pay me in favours to feel them flex.  
**Matsukawaii:** But have you ever actually beaten Iwaizumi in an arm wrestling contest? No.  
**Hanamemeki:** I’m breaking up with you.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Guys, please.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** There’s enough of my arms to go around.  
**Oikawaii:** what so they just get to touch them without a fee?? Fucking lame iwa-chan  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** I’m not a whore Oikawa.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Of course they give me something in return.  
**Hanamemeki:** If it’s a threesome I’m cool with that.  
**Matsukawaii:** We’ll let you be in the middle.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** It’s actually the gift of your friendship.  
**Hanamemeki:** So no to the threesome?  
**Matsukawaii:** Makki… Please… Let’s not bring sex into this…  
**Matsukawaii:** This is… Purer than that…  
**Hanamemeki:** But this is also a no to the threesome.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Yes, sorry, no threesomes for you two still.  
**Oikawaii:** way to be a fucking tease iwa-chan  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Says the guy who constantly flirts with every girl in school but doesn’t actually want to go out with any of them.  
**Oikawaii:** ANYWAYS  
**Oikawaii:** the deal is i ask for the other aces skypes  
**Oikawaii:** and in return i get to feel ur bicep  
**Oikawaii:** once!! every!! time!! i get a username for you!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Sounds fair enough to me.  
**Oikawaii:** (▰˘◡˘▰)  
**Hanamemeki:** That emoticon is way too pure for you.  
**Hanamemeki:** Delete it.  
**Matsukawaii:** You got it from one of the other setters, didn’t you?  
**Matsukawaii:** Disgusting.  
**Matsukawaii:** To steal another man’s emoticon.  
**Hanamemeki:** Truly the lowest of the low.  
**Oikawaii:** (▰˘◡˘▰)  
**Oikawaii:** (▰˘◡˘▰)  
**Oikawaii:** (▰˘◡˘▰)  
**Oikawaii:** (▰˘◡˘▰)  
**Oikawaii:** (▰˘◡˘▰)  
**Oikawaii:** (▰˘◡˘▰)  
**Oikawaii:** (▰˘◡˘▰)  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** If you spam chat with that I’m not letting you even look at me flex ever again.  
**Oikawaii:** (▰˘◡˘▰)  
**Oikawaii:** (▰˘◡˘▰)  
**Oikawaii:** (▰˘◡˘▰)  
**Oikawaii:** (*￣∀￣)  
**Oikawaii:** u ,, fucking got me there iwachan  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** When do I ever not have you?  
**Oikawaii:** never  <3  
**Matsukawaii:** Gross.  
**Hanamemeki:** Ew.  
**Oikawaii:** Can you just for once let me have this  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Says the tease.  
**Oikawaii:** WTF IWACHAN UR THE ONE WHO STARTED FLIRTING  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Says the tease.  
**Oikawaii:** (ಥ﹏ಥ) just u watch iwachan im gonna get u so many aces  
**Oikawaii:** im gonna get u a HAREM of aces  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Don’t I already have a harem though?  
**Hanamemeki:** Yeah, the team is all pretty much into you.  
**Matsukawaii:** But Shiratorizawa is the same way with Ushijima, and if you had a harem of aces, you’d have more of a harem than Ushijima.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Shit, you’re right.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Oikawa, why are you still here? Go get me some numbers.  
**Oikawaii:** um its 1 AM  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Bye.  
**Oikawaii:** theyre all offline  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** See, this is why I call you a tease.  
**Oikawaii:** FINE THEN  
**Oikawaii:** BYE U ASSHATS  
**Hanamemeki:** Lol bye.  
**Matsukawaii:** Bye.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** (Now that he’s gone, let’s talk about the threesome.)  
**Matsukawaii:** (Yes, I knew you’d pull through for us Iwaizumi.)  
**Hanamemeki:** (How do we get him out of his house so we can use the bed?)  
**Oikawaii:** (hey guys whats going on over here did you know im still online?? Wild how that works haha. You can set ur status to away and still see everything said)  
**Oikawaii:** (guys)  
**Oikawaii:** (where did you go)  
**Oikawaii:** (THERE ISNT ANOTHER GROUPCHAT STOP LYING TO ME LIKE THIS)  
**Oikawaii:** (i hate u all)  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** (You love us.)  
**Oikawaii:** (I do and I hate you even more because of that)  
**Matsukawaii:** (screenshotted.)  
**Hanamemeki:** (screenshotted.)  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** (screenshotted.)  
**Oikawaii:** (maybe i wont be ashamed when u send that screenshot because i dont mind admitting i care about other people :)))  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** (what about Kageyama?)  
**Oikawaii:** (idc about tobio-chan)  
**Hanamemeki:** (<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWdD206eSv0>)  
**Oikawaii:** (tobio-chan’s arm muscles are weak and dont deserve my attention. I stand by my statement.)  
**Matsukawaii:** (I feel you Oikawa. I’m about to have a threesome with the two most ripped dudes on the seijou team.)  
**Oikawaii:** (literally get out. ur not allowed to feel me anymore)  
**Matsukawaii:** (But I am allowed to feel them.)  
**Oikawaii:** (im getting a new lock on my window 2 keep u nasty hoes out)  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** (I’ll just break it again.)  
**Oikawaii:** (WTF IWACHAN I KNEW YOU BROKE MY FIRST LOCK!!! STO P BREAKING MY WINDOWS)  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** (“If you’re going to hit it, hit it until it breaks”- Oikawa Tooru)  
**Oikawaii:** (I WAS TALKING ABOUT MY ASS NOT MY WINDOW)  
**Hanamemeki:** (Are we really still talking in brackets. This feels stupid at this point.)  
**Matsukawaii:** It does seem stupid.  
**Oikawaii:** u seem stupid  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** You’re the stupidest.  
**Oikawaii:** that doesnt even make sense???  
**Hanamemeki:** Definitely the stupidest.  
**Matsukawaii:** Dumbest person I know.  
**Oikawaii:** first of all fuck you second of alLLEJFLWJELKEW  
**Oikawaii:** tHERE IS A SPIDER SPIDER SPIDER  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** How big?  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Then again, you lose it no matter what size.  
**Oikawaii:** IWACHAN COME KILL ITTTT  
**Oikawaii:** ITS LIKE THE SIZE OF USHIJIMAS EGO IWACHAN PL Z  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Send pics.  
**Oikawaii:** ITS TOO DARK IDK WHERE IT WENT AFTER I FLUNG IT AWAY  
**Oikawaii:** IWACHAN PLEASE YOU KNOW I CANT STAND THEM THEYRE SO GROSS THEYRE LIKE KAGEYAMAS HAIR  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** It’s 1 AM, you can’t wake up your family, huh?  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Or have you already?  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Did you scream when you saw it?  
**Oikawaii:** UM BITCH YES IT CRAWLED UP MY FOOT  
**Oikawaii:** ITS FUCKING HUGE AND I DONT KNOW WHERE IT IS IWACHAN IM LITERALLY RIGHT ACROSS THE BLOCK JUST COME OVEr  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** If I do, I should probably just spend the night. I don’t want to wake my family up heading back home.  
**Oikawaii:** IWACHAN THANK YOU I LOVE YOU  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Be there soon.  
**Matsukawaii:** “How big?”  
**Matsukawaii:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
**Hanamemeki:** “Then again, you lose it no matter what size.”  
**Hanamemeki:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
**Matsukawaii:** “Send pics.”  
**Matsukawaii:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
**Hanamemeki:** “It’s 1 AM, can’t wake up your family, huh?”  
**Hanamemeki:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
**Matsukawaii:** “Or have you already?”  
**Matsukawaii:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
**Hanamemeki:** “Did you scream when you saw it?”  
**Hanamemeki:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
**Matsukawaii:** “If I do, I should probably just spend the night.”  
**Matsukawaii:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
**Oikawaii:** wow iwachan so risque~ Naughty boy~ (っ◕ ڡ ◕ς)  
**Matsukawaii:** You seem a lot calmer knowing Iwaizumi’s heading over.  
**Hanamemeki:** That assured by the thought of your faithful ace?  
**Oikawaii:** plz  
**Oikawaii:** u guys are such tryhards lmao  
**Oikawaii:** (◕‿◕✿)  
**Oikawaii:** wouldnt it be just delightful if we never found the spider and iwachan had to crawl into my bed to make sure it didnt get near me (◕‿◕✿) (◕‿◕✿) (◕‿◕✿)  
**Matsukawaii:** I both admire and fear your infinite amounts of desperation.  
**Hanamemeki:** You know, there’s a reason you two aren’t actually dating?  
**Hanamemeki:** Let me think…  
**Hanamemeki:** It’s…  
**Matsukawaii:** Oikawa’s bullshit?  
**Hanamemeki:** Yes! That. Thank you Mattsun. I love you.  
**Matsukawaii:** I love you too.  
**Oikawaii:** t(ಠ╭╮ಠ t)  
**Oikawaii:** and iwachan and i arent dating because of reasons  
**Matsukawaii:** Like?  
**Oikawaii:** volleyball takes too much time. Homework is stressful. We’re both thinking about colleges and universities and scholarships and offers. Dating is a lot of effort. Why potentially ruin what we already have.  
**Hanamemeki:** Wow. Do you have a list on your phone you copy/paste for that?  
**Matsukawaii:** Pretty sure that’s a copy/paste of what he tells girls who confess to him.  
**Hanamemeki:** And what’s the real reason?  
**Oikawaii:** thats the list yea  
**Oikawaii:** i have it on my phone  
**Oikawaii:** ur right, copy/paste what i tell girls who confess to me  
**Oikawaii:** anyways  
**Oikawaii:** hes here now  
**Oikawaii:** ...damnit you guys ruined snuggle time for me  
**Hanamemeki:** Sorry.  
**Oikawaii:** its fine whatever  
**Oikawaii:** i gtg  
**Oikawaii:** bye  
**Matsukawaii:** Goodnight.  
**Hanamemeki:** ...Shit.  
**Matsukawaii:** He’ll be fine. Iwaizumi’s there now.  
**Hanamemeki:** Yeah, probably.  
**Matsukawaii:** Hey.  
**Hanamemeki:** Yes?  
**Matsukawaii:** You still have the horn up your ass right?  
**Hanamemeki:** Mattsun, you have a way with words that always manages to make me instantly horny.  
**Matsukawaii:** M-Makki-chan… we’re too young for that…  
**Hanamemeki:** It’s okay, babe. I can wait until you’re dead.  
**Matsukawaii:** _doki-doki…*blushes*_  
**Matsukawaii:** So what’re you up to?  
**Hanamemeki:** Oh, just watching porn.  
**Matsukawaii:** Send the link.  
**Hanamemeki:** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PaFnO5LKTSs>  
**Matsukawaii:** Mmm yea babe that’s the good stuff.  
**Hanamemeki:** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kh0Y2hVe_bw>  
**Matsukawaii:** Karasuno shows up in this one? Instant turn-off.  
**Hanamemeki:** Oikawa @Shiratorizawa and Karasuno: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7iYL6GEgPCw>  
**Matsukawaii:** Relatable content. Rate it 10/10 Kawaiis on the Kawaii scale.  
**Hanamemeki:** Oh, yeah I’ve been meaning to ask, but why is your username the same as Oikawa’s?  
**Matsukawaii:** Because it’s awful.  
**Hanamemeki:** I love you.  
**Matsukawaii:** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4uFJMNSthE> Us right now.  
**Hanamemeki:** Want to watch the Bee Movie with me?  
**Matsukawaii:** Fuck yes. I’ll be over at your house in fifteen minutes.  
**Hanamemeki:** ...<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X9Bivt329y0> Awkward.  
**Matsukawaii:** Too late, I’ve already left my house. Guess you’ll just have to let me in.  
**Hanamemeki:** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IdtKbq3Omkw> it’s been two seconds. Go back into your house. It’s 1:30 AM.  
**Matsukawaii:** Too late, I have my shuttered sunglasses on and naruto jacket collar flipped. I’m too cool to go back on my word now. It’s my ninja way.  
**Hanamemeki:** ...Dattebayo…  
**Matsukawaii:** You’ve officially succumbed to my memes, now let me seduce you in person.  
**Hanamemeki:** Memes are the way into a man’s bed, I guess. Come to me, Rock Lee.  
**Matsukawaii:**   
**Hanamemeki:** I’m making popcorn.  
**Matsukawaii:** I’ll bring butter.  
**Hanamemeki:** You’re halfway on your walk over? Are you going to stop and buy butter?  
**Matsukawaii:** Planning on walking up to your door with a whole lot of nothing in my hand. Please fulfill your obligation in the joke and say “I can’t believe it’s not butter”.  
**Hanamemeki:** Anything for you, Mattsun.  
**Matsukawaii:** Ew  
**Hanamemeki:** What?  
**Matsukawaii:** Just got grossed out by how in love we are for a second there. It’s fine now.  
**Hanamemeki:** No I agree. Let’s tone it down by like 43% for next time.  
**Matsukawaii:** What if I just really like you and don’t want to tone it down?  
**Hanamemeki:** That’s really fucking gay Mattsun.  
**Matsukawaii:** You’re really fucking gay.  
**Hanamemeki:** Only for you  <3  
**Matsukawaii:** What about for Iwaizumi.  
**Hanamemeki:** Who _isn’t_ gay for Iwaizumi?  
**Matsukawaii:** I’ll fight anyone who says they aren’t attracted to him.  
**Hanamemeki:** You wouldn’t have to. Their pants would be burning from all the lies they’re telling.  
**Matsukawaii:** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1H0leZhXcY> Can we play this on loop at our wedding?  
**Hanamemeki:** Okay, but consider this: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oo0twK2ZbLU>  
**Matsukawaii:** What song is that? I can’t tell with the editing.  
**Hanamemeki:** <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HQaBWziYvY>  
**Matsukawaii:** You’re lucky you’re pretty, Makki.  
**Hanamemeki:** You’re pretty lucky that I love you, Mattsun.  
**Matsukawaii:** Yea, I am.  
**Hanamemeki:** Fuck off.  
**Matsukawaii:** Fuck me.  
**Hanamemeki:** Gladly.  
**Matsukawaii:** <3  
**Hanamemeki:** <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i meant to have this out on christmas but then i had... to deal with my family... i am SORRY
> 
> the end of this chapter is stupid and dumb and gay and I DIDNT HAVE A GOOD JOKE FUCK MY ASSHOLE
> 
> plz excuse ;u;


	5. Yachi Hitoka Protection Squad Round 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Username** : Yachi Hitoka  
>  **Mood Message** : I can help you guys with homework whenever now! Just message if you need help :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ironically enough, this chapter was 100% finished for the past week, then i missed the date to put it up because my mother took my computer away to make me go to bed earlier. 
> 
> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**(2:25 AM)**  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** quamcot  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** that is not how you spell that word  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** im very tired  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** quam… cum?? Cumquot  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** do u think Kiyoko-san would punch me in the face if i asked her too  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** asking for a friend  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** ...though i dont have any other friends then u guys  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** the mitochondria is the powerhouse of teh cell  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** its not like i want kiyoko-san to punch me in the face  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** its not like i think that would be pretty great or a highlight of my life or anything  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** it would just like. Be really nice  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** to feel her hand against my skin

* * *

**(2:58 AM)**  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** google wont tell me how you spell ..kkkummquote  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** google  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** goggle pls  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** kumquat  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** its a kumquat  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** i bet kiyoko-san wears lace underwear  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** thatd be pretty hot  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** its 3 AM  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** i draw a lot of girls in my sketchobook these days  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** boobs r fun to draw  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** and stare at  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** boobs

* * *

**(3:14 AM)**  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Hey did you guys know that  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** The mitochondria is he powehfkihse of the cell  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Mitochnrouss  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Powefuiosue  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Powerhosue  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Powerhose  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Pantyhosw??  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Panties  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** What a brillant pieceof worjd association that was  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Panties  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** not 2 be crude or anything but Saeko-san has rlly nice bobbs  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** so does kiyoko

* * *

**(3:42 AM)**  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** do u think i could rap if i tried  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** i dont think im gangster enough for it  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** i just   
**Yachi Hitoka:** i just dont look enough like a thug for it  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** that s actually really upsetting   
**Yachi Hitoka:** why couldnt i have looked more like ukai-san  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** or asahi-san

* * *

**(3:52 AM)**  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** yo yo  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** i really like kiyoko  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** if she gave me a kiss  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** that would be bliss  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** and if something’s amiss  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** it would be the complete dismiss-  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** -al of all of my love and affection  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** a completely awful analytical dissection  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** cross section, emotional rejection, a humiliating subjection  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Maybe i’m getting too into my head  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** But maybe this whole situation is getting misread  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Just because my heart’s full of arrowheads  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** My feelings might be better left totally unsaid  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** how about instead  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** i watch her from afar with blush on my cheeks  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Changing in locker rooms, stealing quick peeks  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Trying my best to keep my voice free of squeak  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Probably crying like my eyes are two flowing creeks  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Keeping it locked up for weeks and weeks  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** But Kiyoko herself could keep me from despair  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Just a glance or a look and i’m lighter than air  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** If she shows the least bit of care I’m repaired  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** outerwear, underwear, naked skin, bare  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Though she is peace she wreaks biological warfare  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Leaves me feeling guilty like im having an affair  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** She smiles and it’s like im being hit repeatedly by a chair  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Kiyoko could beat me up and i wouldn’t mind  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** They say love is blind but our love is still undefined  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Refined, kind, artfully designed, female inclined  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** I’d be her punching bag to let her unwind, unconfined  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** she’d be so pretty beating me up  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** straight, jab, kick, uppercut, windup  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** hit me so hard, blow me up,   
**Yachi Hitoka:** kiss it all better, mark me up  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** impression of pink lips, make it up,   
**Yachi Hitoka:** drink from her mouth like she’s a teacup  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** she’s fragile and agile and full of grace  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** debase anyplace, embrace, leave a loving trace  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** she’s already sewed my heart to her with needle and thread  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** despite all the injury there is no bloodshed  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** frick i just fell off my bed

* * *

**(6:12)**  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** I have two hours of sleep and I regret everything I’ve ever done  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** If i’m not going to dedicate myself to the thug lyfe then I shouldn’t appropriate their culture like this  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** That english homework drove me a little crazy, sorry  >~<  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** lol that english homework kept you up all night?  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** I finished it in class, with time to spare  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** it was so easy~  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** I guess I’m just dumb compared to you, Tsukishima-san, heh  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Don’t make Yachi feel bad, Tsukishima, you bastard  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** YEA, TSUKKI!! YACHI DID HER BEST AND YOU’RE BEING A DIPSHIT!! IM GONNA KICK YOU IN THE KNEECAPS TODAY  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** You should really let Yachi be gay in peace Tsukki  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** k thnxs 4 advice did not ask  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** the teachers always told me to be myself but i guess that’s not allowed anymore  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** That would probably be for the best  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** _k thnxs 4 advice_  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** _did not ask_  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** But did that one sheet really take you so long? If you need help Yachi I’d be okay to tutor someone who can actually comprehend what I’m saying  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Is he talking about us  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** idk?? Tsukishima is so hard to understand sometimes  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Ah, you’re right, it wasn’t that hard looking it over again  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** I just got too caught up in my own head, like usual //TuT//  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** I also chugged a can of redbull for energy and took two tylenols for my headache at 2 AM and after that everything is a bit of a blur  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** I fell down the stairs at one point apparently?  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** My mom found me giggling and mumbling things about panties  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** LIVE IT UP YACHI!!!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** THAT SOUNDS LIT  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** I SUPPORT ALL OF YOUR CHOICES IN LIFE  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** LOL DONT WORRY I WONT TELL MUM OR DAD THAT U WERE DOING DRUGS AND SHOTS!!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** self care is chugging a can of redbull and two tylenols and rapping awfully about your gay feelings at five in the morning  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** self care is having a nice mug of tea and one tylenol that is reasonable strength for your weight and expressing your feelings to your understanding friends before going to bed at a normal time  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** self care is pouring a litre of monster down your throat, driving for two hours straight on a deserted road wearing a clown suit and playing All Star by smash mouth the whole time, then stopping the car, firing the single bullet in your gun randomly into the sky to show you don’t fear death anymore, then curling up in the ditch at the side of the road and passing out  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** self care is drinking a glass of warm milk with a bit of cocoa powder, calling up your friends late at night to buy junk food together and talk about bullshit as you wander the halls of the quiet supermarket, being honest with others and being understanding when others are honest with you back, and enjoying the music that’s playing, whatever it is.  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** that sounds fake but okay  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** self care is volleyball!! Right kageyama? XD  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Self care is sleeping, which Yachi has not  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Kiyoko-san will let you take a nap in the club room during morning practice if you ask her, Yachi  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** uwaaaa, really? That’s so nice!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** But I probably won’t wake up before morning classes T^T  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Don’t mind! We’ll definitely wake you up  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Yeah! We’ll support you Yachi!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** guuuys ;u; you’re so nice to me  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Thank you so much!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** lol  
 **Tsukishima ReX:** liars  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** shut up, Tsukishima  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** you come into my house  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** you eat my food  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** you take my catchphrase  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** We have catchphrases?  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** of course, “Sorry Tsukki”. Hang on, “Dumbass” is talking  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I don’t say dumbass that often  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** you said it right then  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** .  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Oh do me!! What’s my catchphrase?? Let it be something cool!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** “I’m sorry”, probably  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** “One more”  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I hear you saying that in my dreams sometimes  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** What  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** What is that face  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Stop it  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I don’t like that face, stop it right now  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** omg Kageyama what are you dreaming about????  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Volleyball, of course  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Oh  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** why are you so disappointed with that response  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Sometimes I dream about being a fish and swimming down and down and then deep sea fish violently and brutally eating me  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** , Are you okay???  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** They’re just dreams they don’t mean anything  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** That the anglerfish lure me with volleyballs and always have oikawa’s hairstyle doesnt mean anything  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** You know only the female anglerfish are huge like that right  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Son:** WTH Kageyama!! You need to talk about your feelings  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Why  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Son:** When ur having a recurring bad dream its cause ur repressing ur feelings!! Thats what my mom says  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I’m not repressing anything. My feelings are fine  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** lol  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** What about you then, asshole? What kind of dreams do you have  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** I don’t remember my dreams  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Tsukki dreams about dinosaurs!! He likes the carnivorous ones of course but when we were younger he always dreamt about riding on top of a brachiosaurus!!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** why do you do this  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** What do you mean?? :))  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** why do you feel the need to tell everyone the most embarrassing things about me  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** I dont know what ur talking about  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** I think it’s cute that you dream about dinosaurs!!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** I’m blocking you  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Hahaha no you’re not  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Yamaguchi is right! It’s adorable you dream about dinosaurs  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** LMFAO TSUKKI UR SO CUUUUUUTE  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Aren’t you just the sweetest Tsukishima   
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** TELL US MORE ABOUT HIS DREAMS YAMAGUCHI!!!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** Hoe don’t do it  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** :)  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** He once dreamt that Hinata was literally the sun and kept yelling compliments at him throughout the day and bragging about how he was taller than Tsukki now  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** Oh my god  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** YAMAGUCHI I LOVE YOU  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** You know it occurs to me  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** How are you even texting us Hinata? Aren’t you biking to school right now?  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Im wearing a helmet i wont die if i crash  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Are you not holding onto the handles of your bike  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Hinata!!! Pay attention to the road!!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Lol im fin e  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** 50 bucks on him crashing within the next minute  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** What kind of fucking idiot would go against you on that  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Really Tsukki how gullible do you think we are  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Rude!!!   
**Yachi Hitoka:** Did you just crash Hinata???  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** THATS BESIDE THE POINT  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Please be more careful Hinata ;-; I don’t want you to get hurt  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** YES!! I CAN DO THAT FOR YOU YACHI!!! I’LL TRY TO LIMIT MY CRASHING!!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Thank you ;u; Also how are you so awake, im so tired  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Is it coffee  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Energy drinks??  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** We got, you know  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** A reasonable amount of sleep  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Well you know what would be nice right about now  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Death  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** same   
**#1TsukkiFanboy:** thirded!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** why are all you college prep class kids so ready to die  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** college?? Why else would they  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** crippling anxiety  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** depression and a general lack of motivation to do anything  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** im really gay and cant draw boobs very well  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Kageyama i suddenly get this weird feeling that we’re pretty lucky to be idiots  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Speak for yourself, I’m not an idiot  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** By the way  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Does anyone know what Bofa is?  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** Oh I know this  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** Have you heard of the ancient greek hero Bophades?  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** No  
 **Tsukishima:** He was a lot like Achilles- he had just one weakness. Except instead of his heel, it was his groin. You may have heard of “Achilles’ heel”, but have you heard of “Bophades’ Nuts”?  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** What are you even talking about  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** That didn’t explain anything  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** rest in pieces kageyama

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they didn't wake yachi up. she missed all her classes until lunch
> 
> annnnd i cant stopp,, and i wonnnnt stop (with the deez nuts jokes)
> 
> the entire drunken yachi rant was actually written by me while i was drunk tired. all those typos are completely 1000% legitimate. i may or may not have sent very similar rants to all of my friends. what can u do when ur gay and tired u kno
> 
> plz dont drag me for the "rap" ive never rapped in my entire life


	6. Captain Squad Round 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Username:** Brokuto  
>  **Mood Message:** Hoot first, aSK QUESTIONS LATER
> 
>  **Username:** KurooGotYourTongue  
>  **Mood Message:** i wanna eat some pudding rn :33333

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyo!! Sorry for my absence guys <33
> 
> reasons for this are:  
> 1) I was working super hard on my just-finished yuri on ice fic for the past while (it's called 'Blue Petals, Silver Thorns', i'm pretty proud of it!! I'd be super hype if any of y'all went and checked it out <33) and so i was working non-stop on that for 20 days straight and right after that... (see point 3)  
> 2) school is literally killing me with work and it's only gotten worse since (see point 3)  
> 3) i got super mega sick yo, was out of commission for over a week and basically unable to do anything ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> 4) honestly i was just kind of hesitating on finishing this chapter becuz of National Hot Dad Alliance?? (if u havent read that chatfic go read it right now) But whateVER FUCK IT I LOVE CAPTAIN SQUAD

**Brokuto:** HEY HEY HEY  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** yo  
**Brokuto:** WHAT’S UP WITH THAT?? BE MORE ENTHUSIASTIC!!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** yo yo homie joe  
**Dadchi:** What is this?  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** groupchat for captains  >:3c  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** Bo and I thought it’d be a good idea  
**Dadchi:** Is that Ushijima in the added list?  
**Dadchi:** Did you meet him at Nationals, Bokuto?  
**Brokuto:** YEA! USHI’S A REAL COOL DUDE, HIS SPIKES ARE AWESOME!!  
**Brokuto:** SHIRATORIZAWA’S REALLY STRONG IN GENERAL BUT THERE’S NOTHING LIKE THE ACE  
**Dadchi:** ...Yeah, I know what you mean… -_-  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** Remembering some fun times with Ushijima’s spikes there?  
**Dadchi:** All of the fun times. Each and every one that hit the court made a little spike of joy peak in my heart.  
**Dadchi:** Well, we won, but it was a well-fought battle on both sides, so I hope there’s no hard feelings for him.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** It was a good learning experience. It opened me up to a new point of view.  
**Dadchi:** Oh, you’re here.  
**Brokuto:** USHIIIIIII!!!! HEY!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Hello.  
**Brokuto:** OH MAN I HAVEN’T TALKED TO YOU IN TOO LONG!! WHAT’S UP? HOW’S THE TEAM? HOW’S TENDOU?? I MISS TENDOU  
**Dadchi:** Oh god, you know Tendou?  
**Brokuto:** TENDOU IS THE BEST!! HE’S HILARIOUS AND I LOVE HIM  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** Bro… :(  
**Brokuto:** BRO YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU MOST  <3  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** do you think tendou’s cute??  
**Brokuto:** TENDOU’S HAIR IS AMAZINGLY CUTE!!! BUT NOT AS CUTE AS YOURS!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** i’m sorry i can’t be him…  
**Brokuto:** BRO, NO, LISTEN, YOU’RE STILL MY FAVOURITE MIDDLE BLOCKER  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** maybe he’ll block your spikes better…  
**Brokuto:** BUT HE ISNT YOU D:  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** maybe he’ll help you with your homework….  
**Brokuto:** KUROO, BABE, HE LIVES IN THE COUNTRY AND IS ATTENDING SCHOOL ON A SPORTS SCHOLARSHIP  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** ...you didn’t say no… ur cheating on me :(  
**Brokuto:** NEVER!! I WOULD NEVER DO THAT!!! I WONT LET TENDOU COME BETWEEN US. I LOVE YOU BRO!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** fuck bo that’s really sweet  
**Brokuto:** BRO… :D  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** You’d still ditch me in a heartbeat for Akaashi tho right  
**Brokuto:** WITHOUT HESITATION :D  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** I love u Bo  
**Dadchi:** Shouldn’t we add some more captains? I’d feel awkward in here if it’s just you two and Ushijima. No offence.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** some taken  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Oikawa?  
**Dadchi:** ...That would only make the situation more uncomfortable  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** who’s that?  
**Dadchi:** Oikawa Tooru is the captain of Aoba Jousai High, a setter and incredible server. He… doesn’t like Ushijima or I much.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** uhoh what did you do to him. Spill the beans :3  
**Dadchi:** I received his serve. That’s enough for Oikawa.  
**Dadchi:** It probably doesn’t help that Karasuno beat Aoba Jousai in the quarter finals of the Spring Tournament.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Aoba Jousai has never beaten Shiratorizawa, but at some point Oikawa made it his personal goal to beat me. When they lost to Karasuno before he could even face my team one last time, he made it clear that there were hard feelings.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** ouch. That’s gotta sting for him  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Oikawa shouldn’t blame himself for his team losing. It’s just that Shiratorizawa was stronger than his team in the end.  
**Brokuto:** Still, that’s gotta hurt. To lose over and over like that… i understand what thats like.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** not anymore, though. You’ve carried ur team through a lot of matches, bo  
**Dadchi:** So, I’ll invite Oikawa I guess? It’d be nice to try and make amends with him… If that’s even possible...  
**Dadchi:** I can also add the captain of our girl’s team, Michimiya Yui.  
**Brokuto:** !!!!!?  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** Karasuno has a girl’s team?  
**Dadchi:** Well, it hasn’t done very well recently. But Michimiya’s a good friend and generally very sweet, so I’ll look into adding her.  
**Brokuto:** I’M SO EXCITED!! DAICHI’S BRINGING A GIRL HOME FOR THE FIRST TIME  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** im wiping away tears right now  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** we’re so proud of you  
**Brokuto:** OUR CUTE SON, ALL GROWN UP AND BRINGING HOME HOTTIES  
**Dadchi:** Michimiya is a friend! And neither of you are my parents! Act more mature for once in your life. Do you want to make a stupid first impression?  
**Brokuto:** WE JUST GOT OUT-DADDED SO HARD KUROO  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** should we brush our teeth too, dadchi  
**Dadchi:** Yes, and floss. Make sure your toothpaste helps your enamel as well. Teeth are very important, Kuroo. I don’t joke around about teeth.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Shirabu brushes his after every meal. He carries a toothbrush with him everywhere and a miniature toothpaste. It’s very small and I think it would be fun to squeeze.  
**Dadchi:** It probably would be.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** who is shirabu?  
**Brokuto:** THE SHIRATORIZAWA SETTER!!! HE’S REALLY GROUCHY AND AKAASHI AND HIM ALWAYS GLARE AT EACH OTHER!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** OH that guy, i remember him~  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** he looked kinda in love with Akaashi tho from where i was standing :3c  
**Brokuto:** ??? OBVIOUSLY YOU WERE VERY FAR AWAY BECAUSE HE WAS GETTING RED IN THE FACE WITH HOW ANGRY HE WAS  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** its okay, bokuto, akaashi was *actually* glaring in response. That really only seemed to turn shirabu on tho  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Shirabu fumbled a lot of tosses that day.  
**Brokuto:** HAHA YEAH HE DID!! AND WHEN AKAASHI SAID SOMETHING HE JUST GOT WORSE  
**Brokuto:** I FELT BAD FOR HIM, HE LOOKED REALLY DISTRESSED ABOUT IT  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** He was just trying to hide a boner, don’t worry about his feelings.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** called it lmao  
**Brokuto:** WAIT SO HE HAS A THING FOR AKAASHI????  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** idk maybe he just really likes being burned by a pretty guy, or he has some kind of punishment kink  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Shirabu likes people who are born better than others, so probably it’s that Akaashi is naturally aesthetically pleasing, while also being smart and calm.  
**Brokuto:** I’M GOING TO FIGHT SHIRABU  
**Brokuto:** FOR AKAASHI’S HEART  
**Dadchi:** Do you even have Akaashi’s heart in the first place?  
**Brokuto:** NO BUT I’M STILL GOING TO FIGHT SHIRABU  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** u know i got ur back bo  
**Brokuto:** DO YOU MIND USHIWAKA?? HE IS UR SETTER AFTER ALL  
**Brokuto:** ITS ONLY POLITE TO ASK  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** As long as you don’t damage his hands he’ll keep playing volleyball so I don’t really mind.  
**Dadchi:** No one is fighting anyone, everyone calm down. Akaashi wouldn’t even want you fighting for him, Bokuto.  
**Brokuto:** HANG ON  
**Brokuto:** IM ASKING HIM  
**Brokuto:** HE SAYS THAT IT WOULD HAVE TO BE A VIOLENT AND HARSH DUEL AND AFTER A HARD-FOUGHT VICTORY HE WOULD GRACE ME WITH MUCH PRAISE, BUT IF I LOST HE WOULD IMMEDIATELY LEAVE MY SIDE AND MOVE ON TO A MORE WORTHY MAN  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** lucky dude  
**Dadchi:** I really genuinely thought Akaashi wasn’t a Bokuto enabler, but there it is.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** hes only a Bokuto enabler when it’s something romantic for him. Akaashi’s just weak to Bokuto’s attempts at charming him  
**Dadchi:** …  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** I know. disgustingly cute, right? makes you want to puke up a rainbow and then beat the shit out of the next owl you see  
**Brokuto:** DO YOU THINK HE MEANS SHIRABU BY WORTHIER MAN?? OR ANOTHER ACE :(  
**Brokuto:** !! USHIJIMA YOU BETTER NOT TRY AND EARN AKAASHIS HAND  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Don’t worry. I live too far away.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** but bo.. How can it be a ‘hard-fought victory’ if you’d win every fight with just one shot from those guns?  
**Brokuto:** HANG ON I’M ASKING  
**Brokuto:** AKAASHI SAYS IT’S EVEN MORE OKAY TO WIN IN ONE PUNCH!!!  
**Dadchi:** I’m scared to add Michimiya now.  
**Brokuto:** DO IT!!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** go for it lol  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** if she’s uncomfortable she can leave  
**Dadchi:** ...I suppose…

_-Dadchi added YuiCan’tHandleThis-_

**Brokuto:** HEY HEY HEY!!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** well well well what do we have here?? :3c  
**Dadchi:** ...welcome to the chatroom, Michimiya.  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Hi everyone! I’m Michimiya Yui, ex-captain of Karasuno Girl’s Volleyball team  <3 Nice to meet you!  
**Brokuto:** I’M BOKUTO KOUTAROU!! I’M THE CAPTAIN AND ACE OF FUKURODANI ACADEMY VOLLEYBALL TEAM!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** Kuroo Tetsurou, captain of the Nekoma volleyball team. Nice to meet you  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I’m Ushijima Wakatoshi from Shiratorizawa. Welcome to the chat.  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** haha wow, so many familiar names that I’ve never spoken to before! Sawamura, why were you so nervous about bringing me in here? Everyone seems nice!  
**Dadchi:** ...it doesn’t matter, as long as they keep being this nice.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** Im always this nice :3  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Uwahhh I’m so excited right now! So many teams that have been to nationals!  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** I watched all your matches on TV! It’s like meeting celebrities!  
**Brokuto:** CELEBRITIES?? I’M A STAR  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** wheres the papparazzi. I want an exclusive on how “normal i am outside of the court, just like an average person” immediately.  
**Brokuto:** BRO!! UR ANYTHING BUT AVERAGE… TO ME  <3  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** bruh… i’d do a whole article just on how perfect your hair is  
**Dadchi:** See this.  
**Dadchi:** This is… actually not even that bad yet. At least you’re not talking about Shirabu’s awkward boner for Akaashi anymore.  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** what?? You lost me at boner  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** lmfao  
**Brokuto:** SMOOTH, DAICHI  
**Dadchi:** Uh.  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** I’m gonna go read the messages up higher, okay? Just to catch up c: and so maybe you can loosen up a little Sawamura, haha.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** Yeah Sawamura-kuuuun :3  
**Brokuto:** LOOSEN UP! :DD  
**Dadchi:** Why did I add Michimiya. This was a mistake.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** because u knew we deserved this gift  
**Dadchi:** I’m going to reverse it by adding Oikawa eventually.  
**Dadchi:** Oh no Michimiya is going to have to suffer Oikawa  
**Brokuto:** IS HE REALLY THAT BAD??  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Only if you irritate him or belittle him somehow.  
**Brokuto:** THAT DOESN’T SEEM THAT HARD TO AVOID!! HE’LL LOVE ME FOR SURE :D  
**Dadchi:** ...Yeah, well, do your best.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** I’m sure Michimiya-chan will be fine. She seems like a reasonable young woman  
**Dadchi:** -chan…?  
**Dadchi:** You sound like a creepy old man.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** Ohoho i forgot you’re so young Sawamura-kun! Wee little bab  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** when i was ur age,  
**Dadchi:** Extra creepy old man. A pedophile at this point.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** i spent all my time being a good samaritan and passing out candy to young children  
**Dadchi:** Never call anyone -chan again.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** But Dai-chan… ur just so cute :3c  
**Dadchi:** Stop that right now.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** wow okay ur not even my real dad  
**Dadchi:** Sometimes, it feels like I have to be everyone’s dad.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** Wow, didn’t know you could afford to fork out cash like that. The sex must be fucking fantastic  
**Dadchi:** NOT IN THAT WAY.  
**Brokuto:** JUST CHILL OUT MY DUDE!! WE’RE ALL ALMOST ADULTS HERE  
**Brokuto:** YOU LEAST OF ALL DAICHI LOLOLOL  
**Brokuto:** HEY AM I THE OLDEST??? I’M THE OLDEST AREN’T I  
**Brokuto:** THAT MAKES *ME* THE ULTIMATE DAD  
**Brokuto:** DO YOU THINK HINATA WOULD WANT ME TO BE HIS DAD MORE THAN YOU  
**Dadchi:** It’s a long-shot, but I wouldn’t put it past him.  
**Brokuto:** REALLY??!!! CAN I HAVE HIM  
**Dadchi:** No.  
**Brokuto:** FUCK YOU  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** Wait, what about Ushijima? When’s his birthday  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** August 13th.  
**Brokuto:** AW D: I’M NOT THE ULTIMATE DAD AFTER ALL  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I don’t think I’m very fatherly. People can find me off-putting in person. I don’t appear ‘huggable’, according to Semi.  
**Brokuto:** WHAT???? THATS BULLSHIT YOU’RE TOTALLY HUGGABLE  
**Brokuto:** EVERYONE IS HUGGABLE WITH ARMS LIKE MINE  
**Brokuto:** YOU HAVE REALLY BUFF ARMS TOO USHIJIMA  
**Brokuto:** I BET YOU’D BE A GREAT HUGGER ;D  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I’ve been told I squeeze too hard.  
**Brokuto:** NO SUCH THING!!! WHOEVER SAID THAT WAS JEALOUS OF YOUR AWESOME MUSCLES  
**Brokuto:** I’M GONNA HUG YOU SO HARD THE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I’ll have to work on my hugging skills until then.  
**Dadchi:** Michimiya is actually older than all of you. Her birthday is August 1st.  
**Brokuto:** ULTIMATE MOM!!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** MOMMY  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Praise the Ultimate Mother.  
**Dadchi:** See this is why I was worried about letting Michimiya into this chat.  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Ultimate Mom!!! That’s me  <3  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** I caught up on the messages!! Even the ones that showed up while i was reading  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** I can be all of your moms. Does that make your teams my grandchildren? I need to start going to everyone’s games with signs for my favourite grandchildren  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** are you like, a volleyball mom? Are you gonna get a big van and bring everyone watermelon slices after the games? lolol  
**Brokuto:** THE ULTIMATE VOLLEYBALL MOM!! YEA :D  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** But, wait, I don’t even know my own grandchildren’s names or faces, how can I call myself a good mother T^T  
**Brokuto:** I’M SURE YOU’RE A GREAT MOM!!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** don’t you already have practice being mom of ur own team tho?  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Ha ha, yeah, that would probably be expected  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** I can always be a better mother!! The PTA needs my voice :’)  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** No one will be able to handle my lemon squares  
**Brokuto:** YOU MAKE LEMON SQUARES????  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** mom of the year award right there  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Clearly i’m going to have to learn to make actual lemon squares for you guys!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I have a recipe.  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Send it to me!! I have to make the perfect lemon squares for my children!  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Oh brb I have to go help my little sister with her homework! Be back in five minutes or so  
**Brokuto:** MILF ALERT  
**Dadchi:** No. Stop. We’re done.  
**Dadchi:** None of you are allowed to talk to Michimiya anymore.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** She’s literally perfect sawamura-kun just let her be our mommy :3  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** Seriously what’s bugging you so much?? You’re being more of a stick in the mud than usual  
**Dadchi:** I’m just worried.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** about what? I mean, beyond our charming personalities?  
**Dadchi:** No, it’s definitely just the personalities.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** sawamura-kun I get ur protective of Michimiya-chan and its kinda sweet but ya gotta relax a bit here, we’re not gonna start spamming chat with dirty jokes  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** panties.  
**Dadchi:** wtf  
**Brokuto:** PANTIES  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** okay wait you guys are undermining my message here  
**Brokuto:** P A N T I E S  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Oikawa looks nice in panties.  
**Dadchi:** How do you delete other people’s messages.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** fuck dude I think anyone can look nice in panties  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** theyre a staple of sexiness  
**Brokuto:** AKAASHI IN PANTIES  
**Brokuto:** OH NO  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** how do u think Shirabu would react to Akaashi in panties scolding him out. With a garterbelt and stockings. And a whip  
**Brokuto:** KUROO DONT DO THIS TO ME IM TOO WEAK  
**Brokuto:** FORGET SHIRABU, ANYONE WOULD BE THIRSTY FOR THAT  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** it’s a nice mental image.  
**Dadchi:** Blocking all of you immediately.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** Wait, before you do that, consider this:  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** Sugawara in panties  
**Dadchi:** I hate you.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** and yet I remain unblocked  >:3c  
**Dadchi:** We’re making Michimiya uncomfortable, I just know it.  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Omg Sawamura I’m not this entirely pure and innocent little girl, I’m an 18 year old girl who *gasp* knows what _sex_ is  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** Plz sawamura-kun can we keep her  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Of course I’m staying! I was a captain, the same as the rest of you, no matter how short lived that was.  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** You keep saying how immature these guys are, Sawamura, but they sure seem to be having a lot more fun than you are!  
**Brokuto:** OOOOHHHHH  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** OOOOHHHH  
**Dadchi:** I’m having fun.  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Are you really tho??  
**Dadchi:** Fun is being had. In bucketloads.  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** You gotta learn to go with the flow some more, Sawamura. Not everyone is a wild teammate ready to destroy something if you loosen the reigns.  
**Dadchi:** I… you’re right. Sometimes I get too stuck in the role of parent leading rabid children around.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** And so the parent… becomes the parented.  
**Brokuto:** GET REKT DAICHI  
**Brokuto:** I LOVE YOU MICHIMIYA  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Ahh I didn’t mean to come in here just to nag you though! I want to get to know everyone and have fun :)  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** ur such a mom omg  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** I assure you that I can _meme_ with the best of y’all  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** y’all  
**Brokuto:** Y’ALL  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** ny’all  >:3  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** what???? What’s wrong with ‘y’all’?  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** im having chest palpitations ur so country  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** plz tell me you have an assortment of cowboy hats  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** haha sorry to disappoint!  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** I only have the one :(  
**Brokuto:** CAN I BORROW IT???  
**Dadchi:** No.  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Sorry Bokuto :( You live too far away  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Besides country kids aren’t like that at all. We don’t ride horses and wear cool boots and shoot guns haha  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** well yea we were just kidding around  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** We wake up every morning at 4 AM to water and taste the dirt just like you do :)  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** what  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** oh yeah Sawamura. Has your team finished their annual corn plantings? The girls team finished hand-harvesting and spit-shining the radishes the other day!!  
**Dadchi:** Nishinoya and Hinata thought it would be a great idea to steal a bunch of the seeds to try and make popcorn with the sun, the damn fools  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** I love the harvest festival! It’s so lovely every year, isn’t it Sawamura? Everyone wears their best blue overalls and takes some of the traditional sacred wheat to place under their pillow and sleep with… It’s just the most fun thing ever!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Ooooh yes. The Harvest Festival is a grand tradition at Shiratorizawa. We sow the fields with the finest of seeds, and collect fruit from the private apple orchard. The finest pluckings are used for the apple-bobbing tournament.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** (...we’re being bullshitted, right? There’s no way this is real)  
**Brokuto:** IDK MAN IT SEEMS PRETTY REAL TO ME??? IT SOUNDS AWESOME!! I WANNA GO PICK APPLES TOO!!  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Ahh, I love going searching through the fields for wild cows and wolves with my friends! It’s so pretty beneath the starry sky~  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I can remember the first moment I boarded a tractor. It felt very natural, very organic, very good.  
**Dadchi:** Personally, I like working with the animals. Nothing like birthing a calf, watching it’s red-soaked body tumble out of the mother.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** There is a particular delight in reaching within the mother to extract the calf, wearing the gloves but being able to feel the pulsing muscles of the incredible animal.  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** y’all have chickens, too, right? I keep finding feathers in my clothes ;^;  
**Dadchi:** We have about thirty of them. The rooster’s crow in the morning is truly the most majestic thing to wake up too.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** We have eggs for breakfast every morning at Shiratorizawa. There are so many eggs. They get left everywhere. Stepping on an egg after every class is not fun.  
**Dadchi:** Ah, I can relate to that. When the team starts getting too many eggs, they start bringing them to school and practice, trying to filch them off to someone else, but everyone else also has eggs. I’ll never forget the time I walked into practice to find Kageyama and Hinata practicing by spiking eggs.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** What an aggressive action against eggs. They may be everywhere but they have done nothing to warrant that level of harm.  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** How uneggpected!!  
**Dadchi:** Don’t start this Michimiya. You know it will never end. I’m b **egg** ing you.  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** That’s so lazy, that’s uneggceptible in any good egg pun circle.  
**Dadchi:** Then let me just s **egg** way to the next joke.  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** All of these are so eggigmatic!!! Put in more effort Sawamura!!  
**Dadchi:** I’ll try but I don’t know how **egg** citing egg puns can get.  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Well I haven’t cracked up at a single one so far.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** There’s a new band coming in for the Harvest Festival this year. I hear they’re very good. Tendou tells me they’re a Yolk band.  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** omg that’s so cool!! Thanks for sharing, you’re really coming out of your shell, Ushijima!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I may find some of you a bit perpleggcing at times, but eggs are important.  
**Dadchi:** I’m just so happy that so many **egg** ist.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** I feel like I’m in a strange and vivid fever dream  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Oh no! I forgot you’re a city slicker. Y’all doin’ okay?  
**Dadchi:** You kids from out in the city, you don’t even know what fresh manure feels like between your teeth and tastes on your tongue at one in the morning when your ma says you gotta bully the buttercups and spit in the horseshoes.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** You’ll never know the delight of plucking a leaf off a tree and eating it whole as an afternoon snack.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** im  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** bo are you getting a single word of this because i got lost a long time ago and im still struggling to find a way back  
**Brokuto:** EGG  
**Dadchi:** Don’t worry about it, I wouldn’t expect you city boys to understand the joy of eating an entire leaf.  
**Brokuto:** NO IVE DONE THAT  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Did you like it?  
**Brokuto:** IT WAS POISON IVY  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** bro :( that kills you  
**Brokuto:** I HAD TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL!!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** no really though poison ivy contains urushiol, it should have inflamed your throat and stomach by causing an allergic reaction, and ultimately made you unable to breathe, Bo  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** what the fuck  
**Brokuto:** IDK?? I WAS LIKE NINE I DON’T REMEMBER  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** maybe you just werent allergic? That can happen. Like some people being immune to Daichi’s dad-ism, like Michimiya and Suga, but its super rare  
**Dadchi:** You guys are immune to my dad-ism, too. I can’t really nag you that well.  
**Brokuto:** BUT ITS FUN CALLING YOU DADDY ;D  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** oooh nooo did i do something wrong?? Punish me daddy i’ve been naughty  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Care for me like the small little lamb I am.  
**Dadchi:** As your father, I didn’t fucking ask for this.  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** It’s okay guys!!  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Just call me Mommy c;  
**Dadchi:** See look at that. Fifteen minutes in this conversation and you’ve already corrupted her.  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** I’m just trying my best to be a good mom ;-; why are you tearing this family apart Sawamura  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** how dare u make michimiya cry dad  
**Brokuto:** !!! ITS OKAY MICHIMIYA I CAN BE UR HUSBAND  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Um  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Okay??  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** (are you actually hitting on me i can’t tell)  
**Brokuto:** :DDDDDD  
**Dadchi:** He’s not allowed to be hitting on you. Bokuto just go date your setter like everyone else is, stop trying to pull this heterosexual bullshit.  
**Brokuto:** BUT DAAAAADDDD  
**Brokuto:** SHES SO CUUUUTE  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** You’re sweet Bokuto but I’m actually trying to get over someone right now, so I’m not really interested in relationships.  
**Brokuto:** MICHIMIYA-ONEE-CHAAAN WHO BROKE UR HEART IM GONNA PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** ill be right behind u bo  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** watching ur truly magnificent back  
**Brokuto:** BRO ;D  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** (i love you)  
**Brokuto:** BROOOOO  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Would you like to talk about it?  
**Dadchi:** Eh? You were dating someone? Why didn’t I know about this?  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Uhhh, well, I wasn’t actually dating something, I just lost my first love to someone else. It’s okay though, I’m still friends with both of them!  
**Dadchi:** Michimiya, who was it? I want to have a word with them.  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** It’s no one you can beat up, Sawamura. Leave it alone.  
**Dadchi:** ? If you say so?  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** ohh  
**Brokuto:** oh  
**Dadchi:** what is it this time?  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** nothing at all  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** hey bro whats akaashi doing now  
**Brokuto:** HE’S LOOKING AT ME CAUSE I KEEP LOOKING AT HIM  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** anything, else?  
**Brokuto:** JUST SCROLLING HIS PHONE  
**Brokuto:** !! I’M GOING TO MESSAGE HIM  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** Annnnd there goes Bokuto for the rest of the night  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** I’m, um, actually going to go now too. Homework and all that.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** g o t c h a  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** good luck, ttyl, feel better  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** No worries! I’m super mom, happy smiles are my specialty!  
**YuiCant’HandleThis:** Goodnight everyone!  
**Dadchi:** Goodnight, Michimiya!  
**Dadchi:** Have a good night’s rest!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** why r u so nice to her but not to us :((  
**Dadchi:** Michimiya is amazing, and y’all are irritating.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** Wait was all the country-talk stuff real??  
**Dadchi:** Of course.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I can send pictures of my hand up a cow’s asshole if you don’t believe us.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** i think im good on pictures of ur ass for now  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** Bo really delivered on those  
**Brokuto:** HELL YA I DID!!!  
**Brokuto:** USHI DUDE UR ASS WAS HELLA FINE AT NATIONALS LAST YEAR!! I TOOK LIKE 600 PICTURES  
**Brokuto:** DO U MIND???!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** It’s fine. I’m used to teammates taking vaguely objectifying pictures of me.  
**Dadchi:** It’s all part of being a good captain.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** wait  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** my team has never taken sexy poster pictures of me  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** those little shits!!  
**Dadchi:** Oh no. The horror.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** daddy would u take pictures of me  
**Dadchi:** You look bad in pictures, Kuroo.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** what slander is this im always hot  
**Dadchi:** I don’t know what it is, but you always end up blurry and awful looking. It’s a curse.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** _ur_ a curse  
**Dadchi:** Actually, you’re not the only captain who doesn’t have nice pictures of them taken by creepy teammates, now that I think about it.  
**Dadchi:** There’s a Miyagi-wide groupchat dedicated to unflattering pictures of Oikawa Tooru.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** well now you have 2 add me  >:3  
**Dadchi:** Sure, but you aren’t allowed to let Oikawa in, ever.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** i dont even know him yet tho  
**Dadchi:** He has his ways.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** what kind of ways  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** conniving ways?? Seductive ways?? Annoying ways?  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Yes.  
**Dadchi:** Yes.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** which one  
**Dadchi:** Yes.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Yes.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** lolol gotcha  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** woah woah wait  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** i know this guy  
**Dadchi:** What? From where?  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** this is the asshole who stole the sailor moon costume i bought for kenma when we were at that con a year ago  
**Dadchi:** Wtf  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** not that i really expected kenma to wear it but  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** a man can dream  
**Dadchi:** Why did Oikawa need a sailor moon costume so bad he stole yours??  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** he took my drink too, and winked at me as he did it  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** He has pretty eyelashes.  
**Dadchi:** He’d look nice in a sailor moon costume.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** it was like kenma size tho there’s no way it fit him  
**Dadchi:** …  
**Dadchi:** No, he’s the type of person to force it on either way.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** wow this is so wild i’m finally gonna get the chance to find out what the fuck was happening with the sailor moon costume  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Oikawa in a sailor moon costume.  
**Dadchi:** That ...would be stellar.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** im sure his ass would be out of this world  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** He likes aliens.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** omg what a fuckin nerd  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** hey daichi  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** go steal back the sailor moon suit for me  >:33  
**Dadchi:** What? No. It’s past midnight on a school night. I’m not breaking and entering without an actually good reason this time.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** “this time”  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Oikawa’s window lock to his bedroom is broken. The tree is easy to climb.  
**Dadchi:** I’m not breaking into Oikawa’s house.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** im asking hinata to do it :3333333  
**Dadchi:** He’s probably not even awake right now. He won’t answer.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** but you know he’ll say yes :333333333  
**Dadchi:** ...He’s not awake to see your text.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** are u willing 2 bet his life on that???  >:33  
**Dadchi:** Hinata’s not going to break into Oikawa’s house.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** of course not :33  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** he has mad reflexes but no coordination off the court :333  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** kid is gonna get caught the minute he tries to do some parkour shit to get up the tree  >:3333  
**Dadchi:** Kuroo. Don’t make me do this.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I’ll do it.  
**Dadchi:** What.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** yessssss ushiwaka  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** go get me my ~~revenge~~ sailor moon cosplay outfit, cow man  >:3c

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> up next: Ushijima breaks into Oikawa's house at 1 AM to steal his ~~panties~~ sailor moon costume
> 
> Every single word of the "country talk" was bullshit and no one from miyagi is ever going 2 give up the gag
> 
> Have i imagined Kenma in a sailor moon cosplay with Kuroo as Luna?? absolutely
> 
> Is that possibly going to occur in this fic?? god i hope so
> 
> this chapter got wildly out of control  
> Oikawa isnt even my favourite character how did this happen why am i talking about him so much WHY IS HE EVERYWHERE


	7. Captain Squad Round 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Username** : KageyamaTobio09  
>  **Mood Message** : confused
> 
>  **Username** : Dadchi  
>  **Mood Message** : Hi confused, I'm dad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i forgot January 31st was a day that existed tbh
> 
> Also dont worry im not disappearing again!! I had the chapter done yesterday (*cough*when it was supposed to go up*cough) but I also had 3 tests today :') I didn't have time to go over it before going to bed
> 
> sorry kiddos but education technically is supposed to come first in priorities  
> (lol jk)
> 
> i found out this week kuroo doesnt like swearing?? like thats just a thing about his character. anyways, thats going 2 be a Thing now

**KurooGotYourTongue:** what if we added oikawa to the group chat while ushiwaka was breaking into his house  
**Dadchi:** Why must you play with fire like this.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** we could keep track of what he’s doing  >:3c  
**Dadchi:** This is why Bokuto is your partner in crime and not me.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** cmon daichi like you havent broken into a mans house for a cosplay they stole from u before  
**Dadchi:** Literally never.  
**Dadchi:** Never in my life have I thought that would be a thing that happens to me or anyone around me.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** wait if he was added to chat he could read the messages above this  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** our own plans to track him would inevitably bring us down  
**Dadchi:** Couldn’t we just distract him down here?  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** its not like ive ever met him  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** do you think that would work?  
**Dadchi:** Not really.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** why did u suggest it then smh sawamura-kun  
**Dadchi:** ...Not unless we started insulting him.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** i love u daddy :3  
**Dadchi:** You are ruining that word for me forever. I hope you know that and feel guilty about it when I can’t look my own child in the face for calling me daddy.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** oops u typo’d  
**Dadchi:** Where?  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** child should be suga  
**Dadchi:** Why am I friends with you.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** The tree was easy to climb. Oikawa is pretending to do his homework while actually watching makeup videos on youtube in his room right now.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** what is he wearing  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Nothing.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** Holy Shit really??  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** No.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** He has on sweatpants and a t-shirt.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** youre a bad person  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** ur an awful awful man  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Would you say I am naughty?  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** yes  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** yes you naughty, naughty cow  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Would you say I need to be punished?  
**Dadchi:** You’re about to go to jail for breaking and entering.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** sawamura-kuuuun didnt michimommya already lecture u about bein a buzzkill  
**Dadchi:** Mom isn’t here right now.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** >:3c  
**Dadchi:** I mean. Michimiya.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** >;3c  
**Dadchi:** No one in this chat is allowed to call themselves my child from now on.  
**Dadchi:** Only people on my team from now on.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** ur no fun :(  
**Dadchi:** And even then I’m not really eager to parent some of them most of the time. What I mean by "them" is Tsukishima. He’s a little shit. And Yachi doesn’t really feel comfortable around Suga or I now that I think about it.  
**Dadchi:** Why doesn’t Yachi feel comfortable around Suga or I?  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** probably cause shes the cutest thing in existence aside from kenma’s sneezes and ur intimidating as heck with ur creepy smiles and vague history in crime  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** no idea with suga tho  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** the dude is soft and kind all the time  
**Dadchi:** Right.  
**Dadchi:** Suga is… kind. All The Time.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** sawamura i dont really need to know about suga’s inner naughtiness  
**Dadchi:** Trust me when I say it’s not just inside him.  
**Dadchi:** Oh god that came out wrong.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** or did it cum out exactly right  >:3c  
**Dadchi:** Kuroo is there anyway for me to hire a deep web internet hitman to end your life. Or mine. Either one, really.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** dark internet show me the dark volleyball assassins to end Daichi’s life  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** hey btw ushi how’s it going with oikawa?  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Fine. I haven’t moved and he hasn’t noticed me.  
**Dadchi:** If he turned around and saw you outside his window right now I think he’d have nightmares for weeks.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** It would not be the first time I’ve given Oikawa nightmares.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** thats dark man  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** He said they were all of me trying to make a joke, but they were all just bad knock-knock jokes.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** like what :3c  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Knock-Knock  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** who’s there??  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Me.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** Me who  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Ushijima Wakatoshi.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** i know that isnt supposed to be funny but im laughing my ass off over here  
**Dadchi:** Knock-knock  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Who’s there?  
**Dadchi:** The police, here to imprison you for breaking and entering.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** cmon sawamura u know u want to see ushi steal back my cosplay  
**Dadchi:** FINE. Fine. You’re going to do it one way or another so I might as well offer my experience.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** How experienced would you say you are?  
**Dadchi:** I don’t see how that’s relevant.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** How fast do you think you could get in?  
**Dadchi:** Why does that sound so sexual.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** The statements are simply flowing. I could not stop them if I tried.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** f l o w i n g  
**Dadchi:** ....Ignoring that, back to Oikawa.  
**Dadchi:** If he’s in the room with the outfit, that makes this even harder. We’ll have to get him to move away for some reason...  
**Dadchi:** Or we could, y’know, just ask him for it back.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** with someone like suga beside u how did u manage to grow up to be such a lame nerd  
**Dadchi:** I practiced really, really hard at it.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** wait were u the one who stole all the teams underwear and hid them in the teachers lounge at training camp  
**Dadchi:** Unimportant.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** u blamed that on bokuto and bokuto agreed it was him  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** how did you even  
**Dadchi:** Do you want my help or do you want an extensive list of every crime I’ve been involved in?  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** both?  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Both.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** both is good.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** honestly, i feel kinda bad  
**Dadchi:** How?  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** Bo and i have always left u out of pranks because we thought u were gonna rat us out immediately  
**Dadchi:** That’s a fair assumption. You forget that I lead a team with Nishinoya and Tanaka on it, though. You don’t get this far by backing down from recklessness and danger.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Where do people usually keep their underwear?  
**Dadchi:** ...Kuroo, I’m backing down. You take this one.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** under their clothes  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** if you get lucky, on the floor  
**Dadchi:** Why would you possibly need to know where Oikawa’s underwear drawer is.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Tendou dared me to steal some of Oikawa’s panties for him.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** take them all  
**Dadchi:** They’re expensive, Kuroo. Ushiwaka, do not take them all.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I’m going to take them all.  
**Dadchi:** Kuroo stop enabling him.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** yuo can be my angle or my devil  
**Dadchi:** Ushijima, are you… okay?  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I am moderately drunk.  
**Dadchi:** And you’re breaking into Oikawa’s house.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** this is gonna be one for the books  
**Dadchi:** The books on death by Oikawa Tooru.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** whats the first chapter of that  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** excessive sparkliness?  
**Dadchi:** The first chapter is his serve. The second is his sneer. The third are his insults. The fourth is his best friend learning you hurt his feelings somehow. The fifth is his smile.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** what a sweet-sounding guy  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** i cant wait to meet him  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** hang on im gonna drag bo back into chat and then we can start  >:3  
**Dadchi:** Bokuto’s probably going to be the best option for distracting him in a nice way.  
**Brokuto:** WADDUP WADDUP  
**Brokuto:** ITS YOUR BOI BOKUTO  
**Brokuto:** BACK IN THE HOUSE  
**Brokuto:** READY TO PULL OFF A DARING HEIST  
**Brokuto:** EVEN THOUGH I MYSELF AM VERY MUCH ALONE  
**Brokuto:** EVERYONE IS ASLEEP EXCEPT ME  
**Brokuto:** AND I AM ALONE  
**Brokuto:** WHY DOES NO ONE LOVE ME  
**Dadchi:** What did Akaashi do to him, Kuroo.  
**Brokuto:** GOD I WISH AKAASHI WOULD DO ANYTHING TO ME  
**Brokuto:** LITERALLY ANYTHING  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** its okay hes just like 25% more desperate and needy after talking with akaashi at any point  
**Brokuto:** I JUST DONT GET IT  
**Brokuto:** ONE SECOND HES BLUSHING AND CUTE AND FLIRTING BACK  
**Brokuto:** AND THE NEXT HES WALKING AWAY AND GLARING AT ME  
**Brokuto:** DO YOU THINK SOMETHINGS WRONG?? DO YOU THINK HES HAVING PROBLEMS IN SCHOOL OR WITH OTHER PEOPLE OR HIS HOME???  
**Brokuto:** I JUST WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** Bo ur the purest human being ive ever met in my life  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** and i love you the more every day for it  
**Brokuto:** KUROO I WANT TO HAVE YOUR CHILDREN  
**Dadchi:** Hang on a second, let’s get Oikawa in here.

_-Dadchi added Oikawaii-_

**Dadchi:** Hey, Oikawa.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** hiya cutie pie  
**Oikawaii:** omg  
**Oikawaii:** i cant believe theres a captain groupchat and you didnt invite _me_  
**Oikawaii:** im so offended rn u would not believe ಠ_ಠ  
**Oikawaii:** im literally the best captain  
**Brokuto:** SORRY MAN KUROO AND I MADE IT AND WEVE LITERALLY NEVER MET YOU BEFORE IN OUR LIVES!!! OTHERWISE WE WOULDVE TOTALLY ADDED YOU  
**Brokuto:** UR HOT TBH  
**Oikawaii:** r u bokuto koutarou??  
**Oikawaii:** omg im a little starstruck  
**Oikawaii:** cant belive im talking to one of the best aces in japan and he thinks im the most gorgeous being in existence  
**Oikawaii:** handsome people think alike obviously  
**Brokuto:** DAICHI I CANT BELIEVE YOU DIDNT ADD HIM IMMEDIATELY  
**Oikawaii:** ya, _dai-chan_ ಠ╭╮ಠ  
**Brokuto:** I LOVE YOU OIKAWA  
**Brokuto:** THANK YOU!!! I WOULD HUG YOU IF WE WERE ANYWHERE NEAR EACH OTHER  
**Brokuto:** BUT HEY WAIT  
**Brokuto:** DONT YOU TALK WITH USHI ALL THE TIME? AND HES RANKED ABOVE ME  
**Oikawaii:** i dont know him (• ε •)  
**Brokuto:** BUT  
**Brokuto:** IM CONFUSED DONT YOU GUYS PLAY AGAINST EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME  
**Oikawaii:** suddenly i cant read, i dont know  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** Bo its a miracle  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** you’re the Best Ace in Japan  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** Oikawa-Tooru-Certified  
**Oikawaii:** ive watched all ur matches i could find!! (~˘▾˘)~ ur way better than anyone but my own ace  
**Brokuto:** DUDE THATS SO HELLA COOL!!  
**Brokuto:** I WISH I COULD RETURN THE COMPLIMENTS BUT IVE NEVER SEEN YOU SET IN MY LIFE  
**Brokuto:** AND WOW I WISH I COULD SEE YOUR ACE PLAY THEN!!  
**Oikawaii:** Speaking Of Him (¬‿¬)  
**Oikawaii:** do you mind if i pass along ur username to him??  
**Oikawaii:** hes trying to set up an ace groupchat  
**Oikawaii:** 2 match the setter groupchat  
**Brokuto:** THERES A SETTER GROUPCHAT??? IS AKAASHI IN IT???  
**Brokuto:** ALSO TOTALLY GO FOR IT!!!  
**Oikawaii:** ◕__◕  
**Oikawaii:** omg this whole time we’ve been trying to get ur setter into the groupchat thru fckin tobio-chan and chibi-chan but now i can just _ask_  
**Oikawaii:** incredible, the wonders of technology  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** is kenma in it?? he’s never mentioned anything like that  
**Oikawaii:** who is kenma  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** hes my setter and bf  
**Dadchi:** *They are not dating.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** if karasuno setters are in the groupchat i would assume kenma would be invited as well but i guess not  
**Oikawaii:** wait a minute  
**Oikawaii:** are you the captain of nekoma  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** yes?  
**Oikawaii:** Fight Me  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** what  
**Oikawaii:** you heard me bitch  
**Oikawaii:** 1 v 1 me IRL  
**Oikawaii:** meet me in the pits  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** u know what  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** im catching a train out to miyagi right now  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** so i can kick ur _butt_  
**Dadchi:** Wait, wait, why are you two fighting?  
**Oikawaii:** “[2016-11-05 2:15:03 PM] **Sugarmama:** There's this second year Kenma Kozume from Nekoma, Karasuno's rival, and second year Akaashi Keiji from Fukurodani”  
**Oikawaii:** aoba jousais honour was sullied on that day as the _tru_ rivals of karasuno  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** didnt u lose to them tho  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** nekoma has never lost an official match to karasuno  
**Oikawaii:** (ʘ‿ʘ)  
**Oikawaii:** im dragging all of my teammates out to tokyo immediately its Time to Duel  
**Dadchi:** D-D-D-D-Duel  
**Brokuto:** IM SO CONFLICTED ABOUT WHOS SIDE IM SUPPOSED TO BE ON  
**Brokuto:** ON ONE SIDE THERE IS KUROO, MY PARTNER IN CRIME, MY BESTIE, MY BUDDY, MY PAL, MY GREATEST CHUM OF CHUMS, GENERAL BUCKET OF FUN, THE CAT TO MY OWL, MY RIGHT HAND MAN IN THE RAD HAIR STYLE SQUAD  
**Brokuto:** AND ON THE OTHER HAND, OIKAWA COMPLIMENTED ME ONCE  
**Brokuto:** THIS IS SO HARD GUYS PLEASE STOP FIGHTING  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** id be offended u didnt immediately side with me except the fact that ur already so supportive of oikawa is downright adorable  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** i could literally never be mad at you  
**Oikawaii:** okay so iwa-chan says im not allowed to go out to tokyo at 1:30 AM on a school night  
**Oikawaii:** and i guess i have to listen to him because he could physically tear me in half with his two hands and i would enjoy it  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** i’ll trash u in mariokart  
**Oikawaii:** send me ur friend code we’re fightin this out right now  
**Brokuto:** CAN I JOIN IN  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** maybe after i finish teaching this nerdlord whos boss  
**Dadchi:** Am I not the boss? Only Bokuto and I’s teams made it to nationals, and Bokuto will let me be the boss.  
**Brokuto:** I WILL?  
**Dadchi:** Yes, you will.  
**Brokuto:** OKAY BOSS!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** is this how you got him to take the punishment for u at training camp  
**Dadchi:** No.  
**Brokuto:** HE BRIBED ME WITH PICS OF AKAASHI SMILING  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** honestly worth  
**Oikawaii:** my wii is set up and im pm-ing u my friend code  
**Oikawaii:** if u take rosalina im turning my wii off and we’re restarting  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** nah dude boo is my fav  
**Dadchi:** I like Bowser.  
**Brokuto:** YOSHI!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Princess Daisy.  
**Dadchi:** I would’ve pegged you as a Donkey Kong, myself.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** She is a strong, independant, often forgotten princess who excels in sports and doesn’t get kidnapped. I respect her as an individual.  
**Oikawaii:** jefkljkelafew UGH  
**Oikawaii:** has he been here the whole time??? (ʘᗩʘ')  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** did u actually just stop playing to message the groupchat  
**Oikawaii:** so did u  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** u know what  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** ur right  
**Brokuto:** WHOS WINNING???  
**Dadchi:** Objectively, no one. My money is on Kuroo, though.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** 100 dollars on Kuroo.  
**Dadchi:** Someone would have to be a real idiot to take those odds.  
**Dadchi:** Bokuto?  
**Brokuto:** PLEASE DONT MAKE ME CHOOSE A SIDE  
**Dadchi:** I vividly remember Hinata saying the exact same thing while crying over the Nekoma and Fukurodani match before he realized Nekoma still had a shot at Nationals even if they lost.  
**Brokuto:** HINATA  
**Brokuto:** DAICHI I LOVE HINATA WHERE IS HE  
**Dadchi:** ...Sleeping?  
**Dadchi:** ...Hopefully.  
**Brokuto:** MAKE HIM BE HERE NOW  
**Dadchi:** That is not a thing I want to do. It’s 1 AM. Let him sleep.  
**Brokuto:** BOO U WHORE  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** nekoma is better than aoba jousai its proven forever  >:3c  
**Oikawaii:** rematch  
**Oikawaii:** i demand a rematch ur obviously cheating u filthy cat  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** do u realize that i play mariokart regularly against kenma  
**Oikawaii:** and do you realize i want a rematch anyways??? ┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻  
**Dadchi:** Oikawa, you aren’t going to win.  
**Oikawaii:** enemies  
**Oikawaii:** ur all my enemies  
**Oikawaii:** everyone in this chat is an enemy suddenly except for bokuto  
**Oikawaii:** bokuto have i mentioned how great ur back muscles are  
**Oikawaii:** #goals  
**Brokuto:** OIKAWA I LOVE YOU SO MUCH  
**Brokuto:** I WISH I KNEW LITERALLY ANYTHING SUBSTANTIAL ABOUT YOU ASIDE FROM THAT YOU’RE A SETTER IN MIYAGI, HOT, AND YOU LOST TO KUROO IN MARIOKART  
**Dadchi:** That’s basically his whole personality in one sentence.  
**Oikawaii:** shut ur fuck t(ಠ╭╮ಠ t) i have an incredible personality its not my fault ur jealous XOXO  
**Brokuto:** YOURE REALLY NICE!! YOU KEEP COMPLIMENTING ME!!  
**Oikawaii:** can u blame me i mean ur the #1 ace in the nation  
**Brokuto:** IM LIKE NUMBER 5 THO  
**Oikawaii:** #1 ace (˚▽˚)  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** it’s tru, bro  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** anyone who says otherwise is a liar  >:3c  
**Brokuto:** THE RANKINGS SAY OTHERWISE  
**Oikawaii:** but i dont like any of the other aces rn so ur the best  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** how much the crowd likes the ace directly affects their standings  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** trust me im a volleyball doctor i know what im talking about  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** The rankings cannot argue with hard science.  
**Oikawaii:** speakin of science  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** space is pretty cool, huh  
**Oikawaii:** how did u know i was gonna bring that up  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** >:3c  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** gee idk i guess im just psychic or something  
**Oikawaii:** ಠ~ಠ  
**Oikawaii:** what did daichi and ushiwaka tell u about me before i got here  
**Oikawaii:** i should go read the chatlog before this  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Oikawa where do you keep your panties?  
**Oikawaii:** where do i keep my **w h at now**  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Your panties. What drawer.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** ya oikawa where do u keep ur panties  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** not a hard question  
**Oikawaii:** why is the world so obsessed with the idea of me in panties  
**Brokuto:** WHY WOULDNT IT BE  
**Oikawaii:** fair point im gorgeous  
**Dadchi:** In some ways, I’m glad the most risque this chat gets is discussion of our setters in panties.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** “In some ways”  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** what, u want it more risque?  >;3c  
**Dadchi:** Dear god no.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** _daddy scold me more_  
**Oikawaii:** _daddy can i have some candy?_  
**Oikawaii:** _you know i have such a sweet tooth_  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** _let us have some of your lollipop_

_-Dadchi has left Captain Squad.-_

**KurooGotYourTongue:** not allowed  >:3c

_-KurooGotYourTongue added Dadchi-_

**KurooGotYourTongue:** ur stuck with us forever  
**Oikawaii:** this is what u get for leaving me out of here earlier ಠ⌣ಠ  
**Dadchi:** Let me escape this hell. Why did I introduce you two to each other.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** oikawa wanna play another round of kart with bo added this time?  
**Brokuto:** YA BOI  
**Brokuto:** THIS IS SO GREAT  
**Brokuto:** YOU GUYS ARE ALREADY SUCH GREAT FRIENDS  
**Oikawaii:** ew  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** with him? nah  
**Dadchi:** …  
**Dadchi:** Add me too, actually.  
**Dadchi:** I have to prove Karasuno’s domination in every field available. Especially mariokart, the sport of kings.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I am extremely deep in the closet at this moment.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Otherwise I would be willing to play in turns.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** its okay bud we’ve all been there  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** In a dark closet looking for cosplay?  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** ya  
**Oikawaii:** ya  
**Brokuto:** YA  
**Dadchi:** No?? Also HA KARASUNO IS THE BEST.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** u lost to me tho  >:3  
**Dadchi:** But I beat Oikawa and that’s what matters.  
**Oikawaii:** everyone here is hacking!!! ┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻  
**Brokuto:** LOL  
**Brokuto:** JUST ENJOY THE GAME OIKAWA!! ITS FUN  
**Oikawaii:** whats the point of doing anything if you dont win at it!!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** idk i think losing can be fun sometimes  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** losing ur virginity for one  
**Oikawaii:** r u implying im a virgin  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** ;3c  
**Dadchi:** Who here isn’t, though?  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I am not.  
**Oikawaii:** wow cant believe everyone here is a virgin  
**Brokuto:** USHI JUST SAID HE WASNT  
**Oikawaii:** crazy how that turned out  
**Dadchi:** Hang on for a second, Kageyama just send me some highly concerning messages about fish in his dreams that I need to chat with him about.  
**Oikawaii:** woa what was that  
**Oikawaii:** i think i just heard something upstairs?? ರ_ರ  
**Dadchi:** You guys should play another round without me, though.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** ya cmon dont u have to prove ur school is better than mine or somethin  
**Brokuto:** I THINK IF YOU REALLY TRIED YOU COULD PROBABLY STAY ON RAINBOW ROAD FOR MORE THAN 3 SECONDS  
**Oikawaii:** listen bo  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** thats my nickname  
**Oikawaii:** as gay as i am, and as endeared by space as i am, of course my favourite track is rainbow road  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** he cant just do that  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** thats my nickname  
**Oikawaii:** but u can bet ur cute ass that there is no force on earth that could get me to play it twice in a row  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** ur not allowed to call him bo thats my thing  
**Oikawaii:** actually i dont want kuroos nickname its gross  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** excuse u  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** u just used it  
**Oikawaii:** im calling u owl-chan is that okay??  
**Brokuto:** YES!!! OIKAWA DO YOU LIKE PET NAMES  
**Oikawaii:** i live for them owl-chan  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** u live for _stealing_ them  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** oikawa tooru, stealing things from me  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** never thought id see the day  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** ;3333  
**Oikawaii:** listen kuroo babe i understand ur jealous of me and owl-chan’s budding new friendship  
**Oikawaii:** but u gotta learn to deal with the fact that owl-chan and i are soulmates  
**Oikawaii:** we’re just meant to be (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:·ﾟ✧ ✧: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ)  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** im really not the jealous type  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** at least not over bo because i know he will love me forever  
**Brokuto:** YOU GOT IT BRO  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** <3  
**Brokuto:** <3  
**Brokuto:** AKAASHI COULD CALL ME WHATEVER HE WANTS THO  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** bo  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** >;3  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** that does not include my nickname for u  
**Brokuto:** YES IT DOES  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** no it Does Not  
**Brokuto:** AKAASHI COULD BREAK MY NECK WITH HIS BARE HANDS AND I WOULD THANK HIM  
**Oikawaii:** smh bokuto u gotta learn to play hard to get  
**Oikawaii:** does he say this to him in person kitty-chan  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** its usually worse in person honestly  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** im calling u tooru-kun from now on btw ∠( Wヮ￣」∠)＿  
**Oikawaii:** kitty-chan ( ﾟヮﾟ)  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** tooru-kun  >:3c  
**Brokuto:** I LOVE BOTH OF YOU  
**Oikawaii:** owl-chan ur so adorable omg i love you too  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** bo i love u  
**Dadchi:** This is all so heartwarming.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** what’s wrong, sawamura-kuuuun? Feeling left out? :3c  
**Oikawaii:** dai-chan (˚▽˚)  
**Brokuto:** IM GOING TO HUG ALL OF YOU THE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU  
**Dadchi:** I’m going to out-hug you.  
**Brokuto:** LOL  
**Brokuto:** SURE DAICHI  
**Dadchi:** Who’s the boss again?  
**Brokuto:** YOU  
**Brokuto:** BUT HAVE YOU SEEN MY BACK MUSCLES  
**Oikawaii:** v good point by owl-chan  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** i have seen bo’s back muscles many times  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** u stand no chance sawamura-kun  
**Dadchi:** All of my dad skills are going to go into giving you all the most embarrassingly sweet hugs in your lives.  
**Oikawaii:** disgusting  
**Oikawaii:** get away from me forever  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** so ur admitting ur our father  >:3c  
**Brokuto:** AW DAICHI IM GONNA HUG YOU BACK AND BREAK YOUR RIBS  
**Dadchi:** Just try it, Owl boy.  
**Oikawaii:** okay WOAH what is that  
**Oikawaii:** someone is definitely in my room upstairs omg (ಥ﹏ಥ)  
**Oikawaii:** i think iwa-chan broke in again hang on  
**Dadchi:** Wait a minute.  
**Brokuto:** HANG ON  
**Oikawaii:** what????  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** ur the ugliest person ive ever seen in my life  
**Oikawaii:** um  
**Oikawaii:** _excuse me??_  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** ur hair looks like a giant shit swirl  
**Oikawaii:** my hair is exquisite and glows with an inner light even when no light is hitting it  
**Dadchi:** Your leg game is weak at best.  
**Oikawaii:** and ur serve game is weaker than kageyamas socials skills  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** u talk like a 14 year old girl whos too cool to be friends with someone “uglier” than her  
**Oikawaii:** im friends with u guys arent i  
**Dadchi:** You’re pettier than anyone I know, and it’s not a good kind of petty.  
**Oikawaii:** theres no bad kind of petty smh dai-chan  
**Oikawaii:** try again  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** ur mariokart skills are atrocious and i cant believe u fell off rainbow road 42 times  
**Dadchi:** Suga is prettier than you.  
**Oikawaii:** lies  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** kenma is cuter than u  
**Oikawaii:** LIES no one is cuter than me  
**Brokuto:** I CANT BRING MYSELF TO INSULT YOU UGH  
**Brokuto:** YOU’RE **TOO** NICE TO ME  
**Oikawaii:** what the fuck is happening (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)  
**Oikawaii:** even my own actual friends dont insult me like this 。゜(｀Д´)゜。  
**Dadchi:** Really?  
**Oikawaii:** no (￣∀￣;;)  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** ur a _bagel_  
**Oikawaii:** what does that mean ಠ_ಠ  
**Dadchi:** An ugly bagel. Without any toppings.  
**Brokuto:** I LIKE PLAIN BAGELS  
**Brokuto:** OIKAWA I LIKE YOU ITS OKAY  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** i bet ur not even toasted  
**Oikawaii:** listen if im any type of pastry im milk bread  
**Oikawaii:** its what keeps me beautiful and flawless  
**Oikawaii:** with milky clear skin (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)  
**Brokuto:** AKAASHI LOVES BREAD  
**Brokuto:** I ALWAYS BRING EXTRA TO GIVE HIM BUT HE NEVER THANKS ME  
**Oikawaii:** owl-chan thats just rude  
**Oikawaii:** why do you even like this guy so much  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** hes prettier than you  
**Dadchi:** Like a million times prettier.  
**Oikawaii:** uh _no_  
**Oikawaii:** not happening  
**Oikawaii:** how many instagram followers does he have  
**Brokuto:** HE DOESNT REALLY LIKE SOCIAL MEDIA  
**Brokuto:** SAYS THERES TOO MUCH SOCIAL PRESSURE TO ALWAYS BE PERFECT THERE  
**Oikawaii:** fckin lame  
**Oikawaii:** i need a selfie cmon i want to judge his every pore  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** ur not gonna like what u see  >:3c  
**Oikawaii:** kitty-chan im going to _destroy you_ in mariokart after i  
**Oikawaii:** (°□°)  
**Oikawaii:** omg the person in my room HOW DID YOU GUYS MAKE ME FORGET  
**Dadchi:** YOU’RE UGLY.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** lets play mariokart right now lets go Bagel man  
**Brokuto:** STAY WITH ME OIKAWA!!!  
**Dadchi:** And he’s gone.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** i cant believe insulting him actually worked that well for a bit there  
**Dadchi:** He can’t help it. He’s the definition of salt.  
**Dadchi:** And, by the way...  
**Dadchi:** A bagel?  
**Brokuto:** ITS HARD INSULTING SOMEONE AS PRETTY AND NICE AS OIKAWA LEAVE KUROO ALONE  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** well  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** hes definitely too pretty  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** there was nothing else i could say about his looks except that his hair was ugly  
**Dadchi:** His legs aren’t even that bad. They’re nicely toned.  
**Brokuto:** HOW ARE HIS BACK MUSCLES  
**Dadchi:** Incredible. You forget he does a wicked jump serve.  
**Brokuto:** GOOD THERES MORE TO COMPLIMENT HIM ON  
**Oikawaii:** **  
_why the fuck is Ushiwaka passed out in my closet wearing my sailor moon cosplay_  
**  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** excuse ur lying thieving butt  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** thats my sailor moon cosplay ∠( Wヮ￣」∠)＿  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** well, kenmas  
**Oikawaii:** ,,,  
**Oikawaii:** ¯\\_(• ε •)_/¯  
**Oikawaii:** je ne peux pas parler en japonais  
**Dadchi:** You stole it from him a year ago at a con, didn’t you?  
**Brokuto:** I DIDNT KNOW YOU SPOKE FRENCH OIKAWA  
**Brokuto:** YOURE SO TALENTED WHY DID YOU RESORT TO THIEVERY  
**Brokuto:** WHAT FORCED YOU TO TAKE THIS DARK PATH  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** i was gonna use it to convince kenma to cosplay with me at the next con we went to  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** i even had the Luna costume ready for me  
**Dadchi:** We get it, Kuroo. You’re a furry and weeaboo.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** never speak to me again  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** u dont know what the things u bring up so casually truly are, sawamura-kun  
**Brokuto:** DONT MAKE FUN OF ANOTHER MANS SCHOOL MASCOT  
**Brokuto:** CMON DAICHI YOU KNOW BETTER THAN THAT  
**Brokuto:** ITS OKAY KUROO I STILL LOVE YOU, FURRYNESS AND ALL  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** im not a furry but okay  
**Brokuto:** HAHA LOL  
**Brokuto:** UR TOTALLY A FURRY  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** i would very much like to be excluded from this narrative, one that i have never asked to be part of  
**Oikawaii:** oka y so let me get this straight  
**Oikawaii:** i allegedly “stole” this cosplay from kuroo a year ago for private reasons  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** u winked at me  >:3c  
**Oikawaii:** ugh i remember u  
**Oikawaii:** the cute tall one with the cool hair and nice jawline  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** oho?  
**Brokuto:** OHOHO??  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** u thought i was cute??  
**Oikawaii:** shut up u just collaborated on breaking into my house with fuckin ushiwaka of all people  
**Oikawaii:** nothin about u is cute  
**Oikawaii:** we’re rivals remember (งಠ~ಠ)ง im still gonna kick ur ass in super smash bros later  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** u can try lol  
**Brokuto:** SAVING FACE THERE HUH OIKAWA  
**Oikawaii:** owl-chan i thought u loved me (ಥ_ಥ)  
**Brokuto:** I DO!!! I ALSO LOVE KUROO  
**Dadchi:** If it makes you feel better, I don’t like you much Oikawa.  
**Oikawaii:** thanks daichi  
**Oikawaii:** i dont like u much either  
**Oikawaii:** u received my serve ಠ╭╮ಠ  
**Dadchi:** Glad we cleared that up.  
**Oikawaii:** ok great  
**Oikawaii:** so i took the cosplay and did the stupid contest with it  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** contest??  
**Oikawaii:** not important  
**Brokuto:** KUROO WE’RE SO FINDING OUT ABOUT THAT AFTER THIS  
**Oikawaii:** not _fucking likely_  
**Oikawaii:** idk if u know about this but its kind of a _thing_ in miyagi  
**Oikawaii:** the Third Year Abduction Incident  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** thnxs for providing a name for it all  
**Brokuto:** I LOVE BLACKMAIL  
**Oikawaii:** kitty-chan im going to physically fight u one day  
**Oikawaii:** but also no because i have to take care of my hands for volleyball  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** >:3c  
**Oikawaii:** the only other people who know about the Incident are on aoba jousai, and you’ll never get a word out of them in ur life  
**Oikawaii:** good fuckin luck  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** thanks babe  
**Brokuto:** THANKS BABE!!!  
**Oikawaii:** ur welcome babes ♡  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** darling  
**Oikawaii:** hunny bunny  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** cutesy wootsy  
**Oikawaii:** fabulously fragrant flower  
**Oikawaii:** temptingly touchable tooshie  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** b****  
**Oikawaii:** r u insulting me  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** (bagel)  
**Oikawaii:** U ARE ( ಠ д ಠ )!!!  
**Dadchi:** Could we, uh, get back on topic?  
**Oikawaii:** nerd  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** nerd  
**Brokuto:** JINX JINX JINX LOL  
**Oikawaii:** im pretending that never happened  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** im screenshotting it  
**Oikawaii:** so to summarize this- u decided that the logical course to take rather than just asking me for the cosplay back...  
**Dadchi:** I tried, Oikawa.  
**Oikawaii:** ...was to send ushiwaka to steal it while distracting me with mariokart  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** the mariokart was improv  
**Brokuto:** FUN IMPROV  
**Oikawaii:** what am i supposed to do with this mess??  
**Oikawaii:** he smells like alcohol ewwww ಠ~ಠ  
**Oikawaii:** someone who lives in miyagi come and take him  
**Oikawaii:** im gonna dump him out my window otherwise  
**Dadchi:** I’d offer to come get him, but you live like an hour’s drive away, and I can’t drive that far in the dark without my parents noticing I’m gone.  
**Oikawaii:** im dumping him  
**Brokuto:** JUST DONT DROP HIM ON HIS HEAD  
**Oikawaii:** im dropping him on his head  
**Brokuto:** OIKAWA NO  
**Dadchi:** Hang on a sec.  
**Dadchi:** I can get someone to go get him.  
**Dadchi:** I’m just going to relay some messages along.  
**Oikawaii:** am i supposed to take the cosplay off him or something  
**Oikawaii:** why did he put it on  
**Oikawaii:** hes stretching it out so much  
**Oikawaii:** i hate that he looks good in it  
**Brokuto:** I THINK USHI LOOKS GOOD IN ANYTHING  
**Brokuto:** HES A COOL GUY!!!  
**Oikawaii:** dont talk to me  
**Brokuto:** AW OIKAWA  
**Oikawaii:** anyone who likes ushiwaka unironically is going to be unfriended, unfollowed, blocked, my mom’s calling ur mom and ur uninvited from my teen queen sweet sixteen summer beach bash birthday party  
**Dadchi:** I like him.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** hes great :3c  
**Brokuto:** I LOVE USHI

_-Oikawaii has left Captain Squad-_

_KurooGotYourTongue added Oikawaii_

**Dadchi:** Wait, if Kuroo added Oikawa, that means you two are contacts on skype.  
**Oikawaii:** im leaving again b y e  
**Brokuto:** ADMIT YOU LIKE HIM OIKAWA  
**Oikawaii:** hes gross and has cooties  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** admit u love me tooru-kun  >:3c  
**Dadchi:** Okay, message has been relayed. Tendou and Shirabu will be by in like 15 minutes to grab him. Just… leave the cosplay, I guess. They say they want to take pictures of him.  
**Oikawaii:** oh ive already taken like 600 i can just send them along  
**Dadchi:** There were mentions of posing him?  
**Oikawaii:** ugh i hate that that sounds fun even with tender salami and salt child of all people  
**Dadchi:** Have some fun, Oikawa. Also, do your homework.  
**Oikawaii:** ಠ_ಠ how do u kno i have that  
**Dadchi:** Ushijima was spying on you earlier from your window.  
**Oikawaii:** brb going 2 throw upppppp  
**Oikawaii:** ew ew ew i have cold shivers im getting curtains and fixing that window lock (°ロ°)  
**Oikawaii:** idc if iwa-chan breaks it again  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** wanna play more mariokart until ushiwaka’s teammates show up?  
**Brokuto:** JOIN US OIKAWA!!!  
**Oikawaii:** … fine  
**Oikawaii:** i have to prove aoba jousai’s dominance after all  
**Dadchi:** I’m going to whoop your butts.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** bring it old man  
**Brokuto:** ARE YOU JUST GONNA LEAVE USHI IN THE CLOSET??  
**Oikawaii:** ya  
**Brokuto:** NICE!!!  
**Brokuto:** I LIKE HOW YOURE BRUTAL AND COLD TOO  
**Brokuto:** LIKE ELSA  
**Dadchi:** Or Hans.  
**Oikawaii:** how could u dare insuate im anything like that sideburns having-romance hating-asshole  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** oh oikawa, if only someone out there loved you  
**Oikawaii:** for the first time in forever im about to kick ur ass at mariokart  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** im gonna win tho  >:3c  
**Dadchi:** I wouldn’t count on it. Yaint seen nothing yet.  
**Brokuto:** YAINT  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** YAINT  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** Nyaint  >:3c  
**Brokuto:** WHAT IS YAINT  
**Dadchi:** Here we go.  
**Dadchi:** Oikawa, would you like to help me explain to these city folk what yaint is?  
**Oikawaii:** would be delighted 2, dai-chan (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

* * *

**_Shiratorizawa Team Chat (The following morning.)_ **

* * *

**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I have Oikawa Tooru’s lacy black panties. If you look closely they have little stars on them.  
**AnalLover9000:** IM GOING TO ASTRO-NUT!!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Your dare is getting pictures of him in them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the first chapter i've written that had zero pre-prepped stuff and its made me feel a lot better about my ability to keep writing this fic consistently after i've run out of pre-prepped stuff tbh
> 
> geez another 5K chapter tho im spoiling u guys
> 
> is the friend code thing on the wii even accurate?? i havent touched a wii in like a year i just assumed it would be almost identical to my 3DS but im totally willing 2 change that. if its wrong pls hmu because im trying to make this feel like theyre actually on skype ;u;
> 
> next chapter we're back with dem bois!!! oh shit wazzup (the Pretty Setter Squad :D)
> 
>  
> 
> ~~(any french in this chapter was courtesy of my 4 years of public school french woohoo)~~
> 
>  
> 
> some part of me knows i cant just keep using the furry emoticon on kuroo but i literally cannot stop myself >:3c send help


	8. Pretty Setter Squad Round 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Username:** A  
>  **Mood Message:** No fowl play on the court.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys!! Sorry for the late chapter again, I.... I was having a super rough time in school again and I tried to write and finish up this chapter but I just felt like I wasn't being, funny I guess? anyways im doing better now SO HERE IT IS ALMOST 6 FUCKIN K  
> pls enjoy the owl babe  
> FYI theres a link that... doesn't seem to be working in this chapter and im sorry?? im trying to fix it right now  
> EDIT (as of five minutes later) I FIXED IT ARE YOU PROUD OF ME MOMS

**Yahababe:** So we got Shirabuttstuff, but we still haven’t gotten anyone we actually _wanted_ to join this group.  
**Sugarmama:** I’m working on Kenma and Akaashi! _Apparently_ Akaashi doesn’t have a contact number with anyone on our team, and Tsukishima has _nothing_ more to say about that, so we’ll have to get it through Kenma, but Kenma is still in the process of being convinced by Hinata and Kageyama  
**Oikawaii:** oh i got Owl #2’s skype!! Forgot about kitty cat #2 tho oops i can get it later from Kitty-chan tho!! (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و  
**Sugarmama:** Oh thank god. I’m pretty sure Kenma is ready to run away to america to get away from Kageyama’s spam texting abilities.  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Hinata says I’m scaring Kenma  
**KageyamaTobio09:** But I don’t know what I’m saying wrong, I just want to be friends with him and also learn all of his secrets and techniques and steal them for myself  
**Oikawaii:** lol i taught u so well  
**Sugarmama:** I fucking knew you were the one who made him this way  
**Oikawaii:** it wasn’t intentional, you know  
**Oikawaii:** its just a product of the fact i wouldnt teach him how to serve or set even tho he was asking me so much, so he just resorted to watching me really carefully and figuring it out that way  
**Oikawaii:** so desperate and needy lol  
**Yahababe:** ...I feel really bad for Kageyama all of a sudden. That’s pretty harsh Oikawa-senpai.  
**Sugarmama:** Regardless of feelings, you’re a really bad captain if you don’t even teach the next-in-line setter. Didn’t you care how the team would do after you left?  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Middle school was a mistake  
**Oikawaii:** RIGHT Suga-chan because ur definitely trying ur best to teach Tobio-chan aLL of ur precious skills before u have 2 graduate  
**Sugarmama:** Yeah, actually, I am. I often skip lunch to work with Hinata at his recieves as well  
**Oikawaii:** OKAY THEN JUST KEEP MAKING ME LOOK LIKE A GIANT DICK  
**Oikawaii:** STOP BEING PERFECT FOR JUST A MOMENT ｡゜(｀Д´)゜｡  
**Sugarmama:** K (◕‿◕✿)  
**Sugarmama:** wow guys lolol i love milk bread SO MUCH~!! I keep a mirror in my pocket just to look at myself for 15 hours everyday~~ (ღ˘⌣˘ღ) iwa-chan is so hot omg i wanna suck his dick!! FUCK USHIWAKA AND TOBIO-CHAN,, i’m 12000% content salt at any moment of the day  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Sugawara I’ve never spoken to you really but you’re my new favourite enemy.  
**Yahababe:** Oikawa-senpai just put down his phone.  
**Yahababe:** He’s going to talk to Iwaizumi-senpai. Iwaizumi-senpai is listening carefully to his whining.  
**Yahababe:** Iwaizumi-senpai is laughing and reaching for Oikawa’s phone.  
**Yahababe:** AGH fuck if he sees me messaging here he’ll realize I’m not focussing on practice GTG  
**Oikawaii:** I can’t believe Oikawa got murdered- Iwaizumi  
**Oikawaii:** im not dead!!!fjnm’nodonttakeittttgmgm  
**Oikawaii:** Sometimes i can still hear his voice- Iwaizumi  
**Oikawaii:** Actually though he needs to practice, I’m taking his phone, bye- Iwaizumi  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Goodbye, Iwaizumi-senpai!  
**Oikawaii:** Hey Kageyama- Iwaizumi  
**Oikawaii:** Good job beating us this year- Iwaizumi  
**Oikawaii:** No matter what Oikawa said to you or did, you always did your best, and as your other senpai I’m proud of you for that- Iwaizumi  
**KageyamaTobio09:** ...Thank you, Iwaizumi-senpai?  
**Oikawaii:** So only a little bit of fuck you- Iwaizumi  
**KageyamaTobio09:** That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me  
**Sugarmama:** Wow??? Im being forgotten so quickly??  
**KageyamaTobio09:** You like Hinata more  
**Sugarmama:** That’s tru tbh  
**Sugarmama:** Fair point  
**Oikawaii:** iwachan is so nice  
**Oikawaii:** i still hate u completely but  
**Oikawaii:** u beat shiratorizawa when i couldnt so  
**Oikawaii:** ...good 4 you  
**KageyamaTobio09:** ??Thank you, Oikawa-senpai?? (i’m so confused right now)  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Seamline doesn’t have a skype, by the way.  
**KageyamaTobio09:** what? Who is that  
**Shirabuttstuff:** 3rd year Pinch Server from our match, apparently.  
**KageyamaTobio09:** the one who got no points except for the last set?  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Isn’t he a setter  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Probably, I wouldn’t know.  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Why are we talking about him?  
**Shirabuttstuff:** You know. Inviting more setters to the groupchat? God, you all get distracted so easily. Pathetic.  
**Sugarmama:** Didn’t you get distracted in the second set of the Karasuno and Shiratorizawa game and lose the set for them?? _That’s_ pathetic  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Blocked.  
**Sugarmama:** This is probably off-topic but,  
**Sugarmama:** Daichi was definitely staring at Asahi’s arms more than normal today  
**Sugarmama:** Should i start lifting weights? I mean I do basic strength training with everyone but what if Daichi likes a broader chest and stuff (*´﹏｀*)  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Daichi-san is definitely in love with you Sugawara-san  
**Sugarmama:** do you really think so Kageyama? I mean sometimes i definitely feel that way but sometimes he seems so out of reach...  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Sugawara-san, you’re the best senpai on our team in my opinion  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Even if you play favourites and like Hinata more than me,  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Daichi doesn’t really talk to me and Asahi is scared of me so you objectively win out  
**Sugarmama:** I’m really feeling the love right now  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Don’t feel like you have to be a certain way or act a certain way to get Daichi to like you  
**KageyamaTobio09:** He likes you as you are now  
**Sugarmama:** Ha, thanks, Kageyama. That ended up being pretty nice. I might have needed to hear that today (✿´‿`)  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Well that was awful to read and experience. If you’ll excuse me I have to go gouge out my eyeballs.  
**Sugarmama:** Hey wait, Shirabu. Can you check again with Semi whether he has a skype? Or help him make one?  
**Shirabuttstuff:** No.  
**Sugarmama:** Why not (• ε •)  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I don’t like him.  
**Sugarmama:** Well then (◕‿◕✿)  
**Sugarmama:** I’m Shirabu and I use proper punctuation because I like to think I’m better than everyone else, even though I’m the least exciting setter here. I’ve been to nationals twice, yet no one in the volleyball world even seems to knows who I am? I carry a protractor around with me to make sure my hair is just right, and I’d let myself be locked in a room without food or water if Ushijima was the one holding the key. I’m _so_ smart I got myself into Shiratorizawa with just my grades, yet I got outsmarted by a 15 year old who doesn’t even try in class during the most important point of the second set during the finals match. I’m a prick who will only talk in this chat if he has something he thinks is clever to say, and likes to think of himself as scathing when really everyone mostly ignores him  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Fuck you.  
**Sugarmama:** Go talk to Semi  
**Shirabuttstuff:** No.  
**Sugarmama:** Fine! I’ll talk to him myself  
**Shirabuttstuff:** What.  
**Sugarmama:** I have my methods ｡◕‿‿◕｡  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Is it that Hinata has Goshiki’s number and Goshiki can get you in contact with Tendou and Tendou probably has Semi’s number  
**Sugarmama:** Ya that’s my method ｡─__─｡;  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I’m forbidding you from coming into contact with Tendou.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I’ll get Semi to make an account myself.  
**Sugarmama:** (lol)  
**Shirabuttstuff:** But know this. I despise you, and will do everything in my power to make your life worse.  
**Sugarmama:** That’s adorable  
**Sugarmama:** Do your best!  
**Oikawaii:** practice is over and im EXCITED  
**Sugarmama:** Why?  
**Oikawaii:** CAUSE OF THIS (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:·ﾟ✧

_-Oikawaii added A-_

  
**Oikawaii:** im demanding an immediate selfie @...A  
**Oikawaii:** is that his full username or ¯\\_( ಠ д ಠ )_/¯  
**Shirabuttstuff:** A? What is this, pretty little liars?  
**Yahababe:** Basically.  
**KageyamaTobio09:** What about any of us is little  
**Sugarmama:** Our hearts (。◕‿◕｡)  
**Oikawaii:** omg suga-chan so cold….  
**Oikawaii:** my heart is accepting and kind (▰˘◡˘▰)  
**Yahababe:** Are we just going to ignore the fact that Kageyama just made a dick joke or?  
**KageyamaTobio09:** You permanently traumatized me because of your constant rejection  
**Oikawaii:** looks like the truly little thing here is tobio-chan’s capacity to forgive others for their middle school mistakes ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ  
**Oikawaii:** its okay tobio-chan i forgive you!!  
**Yahababe:** Okay, ignoring it, got it.  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Akaashi-san taught me more about setting in a matter of weeks than you ever taught me in a year  
**Oikawaii:** what are these standards ur putting on me?? lolololol  
**Oikawaii:** its like you think im a good person or something??  
**Sugarmama:** Why did you… why did you use Akaashi as an example there… I would have worked fine too…  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Oikawa-san doesn’t fear you like he does Akaashi-san  
**Oikawaii:** im not afraid of anyone! ᕦ(ò‿óˇ)ᕤ  
**Oikawaii:** except iwachan and yahachan ಥ_ಥ  
**Yahababe:** <3 Haha just remember I know all your dark secrets!  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Do you know about the time he used my toothbrush by accident at a training camp and then threw up in the bushes outside of the gym  
**Oikawaii:** ur officially not allowed to have any memories from middle school  
**Oikawaii:** delete them off the hard drive now ( ﾟヮﾟ)  
**Yahababe:** And then Iwaizumi-san had to put him to bed because he wouldn’t stop trying to make himself puke again, yep.  
**KageyamaTobio09:** What about the time he dropped his phone in the toilet and cried for two hours because he thought it was broken but then it was fine when he tried it again and when he threw up his hands in celebration it flew out of his hands and cracked upon hitting the ground  
**Sugarmama:** Ah, irony. The cruelest of mistresses.  
**Yahababe:** Tried to blame you for dropping his phone too. I know all.  
**Oikawaii:** it was him!!! It was his fault for making me drop it!!! He surprised me what was i supposed to do??? Not freak out???  
**KageyamaTobio09:** He used to not be able to swim and forced Iwaizumi-san to give him piggyback rides through the shallows of the ocean? Even though he could walk on the sand?  
**Yahababe:** Complained the sand was too hot for him to walk on, because he’s a baby with delicate feet.  
**Oikawaii:** well im definitely a babe ಠ‿↼  
**Sugarmama:** 1\. Can’t walk on his own 2. Demands things and cries if he doesn’t get his way 3. Annoys everyone when he starts yelling  
**Sugarmama:** Sounds about right (◕‿◕✿)  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Don’t witches melt when they touch water.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I think we all know the real truth behind Oikawa not touching the ocean.  
**Sugarmama:** E x p o s e d  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Stopped taking his meds for strep throat too soon and gave it to the whole team, who all blamed him and made him bake them cookies  
**Oikawaii:** anti- **bi** otics just didn’t fit with my way of life tbh i dont regret my choices  
**Yahababe:** They were chocolate chip cookies, Iwaizumi-san’s favourite. Try me.  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Suggested everyone tell ghost stories during the training camp then get too spooked to listen anymore and crawled into iwaizumi-san’s bedrolls in the middle of the night and got so embarrassed in the morning he couldn’t set properly at all all day long and i had to step in for him  
**Oikawaii:** i was a lame 14 year old  
**Sugarmama:** Right, because you would totally react differently these days  
**Oikawaii:** i would!! These days i would be able to set the next day, even while screaming inside!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Really, who isn’t screaming inside while setting.  
**Sugarmama:** Big Mood  
**Oikawaii:** big mood!!!  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Big mood  
**Yahababe:** And then he cried for the rest of the time on the sidelines until even the coach felt bad for taking him out. Iwaizumi-san made everyone play truth or dare with him and keep it light just so he’d be cheered up and be able to set the next day.  
**Oikawaii:** iwachan is my guardian angel  
**Oikawaii:** praise the iwachan  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Are you sure these are all stories from his final year of middle school?  
**Shirabuttstuff:** These sound like they’re about a five year old.  
**Sugarmama:** People mature at different rates, Shirabu.  
**Sugarmama:** Just because Oikawa happens to be about ten years old a lot of the time doesn’t mean we should make fun of him for it.  
**KageyamaTobio09:** During that game of truth or dare, Iwaizumi-san got dared to kiss Oikawa and Oikawa chickened out and slapped Iwaizumi-san across the face to push him away  
**Oikawaii:** dkjslfjdkslafjkelw  
**Oikawaii:** we don’T TALK ABOUT THAT ONE TOBIO-CHAN  
**Yahababe:** Woah, I didn’t know that. Thanks, Kageyama.  
**KageyamaTobio09:** No problem  
**KageyamaTobio09:** It was more about proving my superiority in embarrassing Oikawa moments  
**Yahababe:** I can respect that.  
**Oikawaii:** its probably bad that im so used to y’all dragging me that i dont even care anymore  
**Sugarmama:** That is bad!  
**Sugarmama:** If you’re not angry or embarrassed, we’re clearly not dragging you hard enough (。◕‿‿◕｡)  
**Oikawaii:** obviously its just that ive become immune to ur hatred and saltiness  
**Oikawaii:** ur jealousy of my amazing personality doesnt affect me (• ε •)  
**Oikawaii:** where the fuck is owl-chan #2???  
**Oikawaii:** ive been waiting for like 10 minutes thats too long!!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** ...Owl?  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Are you talking about Akaashi Keiji.  
**Sugarmama:** Ya!! Do you know him?

-Shirabuttstuff has left Pretty Setter Squad-

 

-Oikawaii added Shirabuttstuff-

  
**Oikawaii:** ur not escaping ur fate shira-chan!!! Admit to ur akaashi boner!!!  
**A:** Oh, hello.  
**Oikawaii:** hi!!!!!! (˚▽˚) ur finally here!!!  
**A:** Shirabu, Sugawara-san, Kageyama, and two I don’t know.  
**A:** Nice to see you all again. And meet some of you.  
**Oikawaii:** omg ur so polite??? What the Fuck is this?  
**Sugarmama:** Hi, Akaashi! Nice to chat again!  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Hi, Akaashi-san!!  
**KageyamaTobio09:** How is your setting going?? Any tips?  
**Oikawaii:** im immediately Disgusted by your level of eagerness and respect tobio-chan  
**A:** It’s fine.  
**A:** Your skill level is higher than mine.  
**A:** I should be asking you for tips, not the other way around.  
**Oikawaii:** haha  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Ugh.  
**Sugarmama:** (Every setter in this chat who feels personally attacked by Kageyama’s level of skill, say aye)  
**Sugarmama:** Aye  
**Oikawaii:** aye  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Aye.  
**Yahababe:** Aye.  
**KageyamaTobio09:** I can’t really help it  
**KageyamaTobio09:** But fuck you all anyways  
**Sugarmama:** Haha I’m kidding of _course_ , I’m happy to have you on Karasuno! You make the team better  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Thank you, sugawara-san  
**Oikawaii:** Ugh ಠ~ಠ  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Ugh.  
**A:** Even if I was in the Miyagi prefecture I think I’d prefer to work on my own abilities rather than complain about the skill in someone else’s.  
**Oikawaii:** did???  
**Oikawaii:** did we all just get subtly dragged by the fckin tokyo setter  
**Oikawaii:** ¯\\_( ಠ д ಠ )_/¯ ?????!  
**Oikawaii:** Everyone from Tokyo needs to Fight Me??  
**Oikawaii:** Owl-chan #2, Kitty-chan #2, Kitty-chan #1  
**A:** Not Bokuto-san?  
**Oikawaii:** NEVER!!  
**Oikawaii:** i love bokuto koutarou  
**A:** Why do you want to fight Kenma?  
**A:** I understand Kuroo-san.  
**A:** He’s a pain in the ass.  
**Oikawaii:** kitty-chan#1 said ken-chan was cuter than me (• ε •)  
**A:** Kenma is… subjectively cute, I suppose, if someone has a taste for the sort of lifestyle Kenma lives.  
**Sugarmama:** Kuroo probably just always thinks Kenma’s cute, haha.  
**Sugarmama:** Even when he hasn’t washed his hair in a week and smells like shit  
**A:** In fairness, Kenma always makes an effort in public appearances.  
**A:** We have just seen him in his natural habitat.  
**Sugarmama:** ...Gaming  
**Sugarmama:** Who knew it was possible to eat that many cheetos without moving??  
**A:** Kenma knew.  
**A:** … Kenma knew.  
**Oikawaii:** guess kitty-chan #1 is into having orange dust handprints on his dick huh  
**A:** They aren’t having sex, as far as I know.  
**Oikawaii:** welll hot diggity dang!!! I already knew that actually  
**Oikawaii:** ur a useful data hub of knowledge and gossip arent you?? (¬‿¬)  
**A:** I don’t really like to gossip.  
**Sugarmama:** Now There’s a Lie and a half  
**A:** Let me live, Sugawara-san.  
**Yahababe:** I’d die for dirt on someone.  
**A:** Better to live for it so you can spread it as you wish, though.  
**Yahababe:** You’re a wise soul, Akaashi.  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Akaashi, does Kenma not like me?  
**A:** Not in the slightest.  
**A:** He flinches at your name these days. It’s kind of funny.  
**Oikawaii:** no one likes u, tobio-chan  
**KageyamaTobio09:** hinata likes me  
**Sugarmama:** ...Eh  
**KageyamaTobio09:** ?? Hinata likes me  
**Sugarmama:** He did hate you a lot at the start  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I don’t like you, Kageyama.  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Fuck off, shirabu  
**KageyamaTobio09:** But Sugawara-san  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Hinata likes me now  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Right?  
**Sugarmama:** Lol of course he does!!  
**Sugarmama:** I’m just teasing (✿´‿`)  
**A:** Hinata is cute.  
**A:** In an entirely un-subjective manner.  
**Yahababe:** Agreed.  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Um  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Really?  
**Oikawaii:** smh tobio-chan (*￣∀￣)  
**Oikawaii:** when u have to ask ur friends opinions of whether ur bf is even cute  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Bf?  
**A:** Boyfriend.  
**KageyamaTobio09:** But we arent dating  
**Oikawaii:** ...right  
**Yahababe:** Sure.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Totally.  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Do we give off an impression that we’re dating??  
**A:** Just a bit.  
**KageyamaTobio09:** But we’re not  
**Sugarmama:** Just keep sharing your meat buns with him, darling (◕‿◕✿)  
**KageyamaTobio09:** It’s the only way to get him to shut up  
**KageyamaTobio09:** That doesn’t mean we’re dating  
**Sugarmama:** I think it’s precious that you let him pick first!  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Because he whines if he doesn’t get the kind he likes best  
**Sugarmama:** The way you two walk next to each other even though you claim you don’t like each other is really cute, fyi! (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)  
**KageyamaTobio09:** If I don’t walk next to him he just catches up to me  
**Sugarmama:** Okay, Kagayama  
**KageyamaTobio09:** That’s not how you spell my name  
**Sugarmama:** Okay, Kagayama  
**Oikawaii:** ugh if tobio-chan and chibi-chan arent dating?  
**Oikawaii:** and suga-chan and Thunder Thighs: The Person arent dating???  
**Oikawaii:** what hope do the rest of us mortals have???  
**Yahababe:** You get asked out like 3 times a week, Oikawa-senpai.  
**Oikawaii:** not by anyone cute tho?  
**Yahababe:** You regularly trade off girlfriends, Oikawa-senpai.  
**Oikawaii:** ?? ur point?  
**Shirabuttstuff:** The point is probably that you’re a whore.  
**Oikawaii:** I can do what i want with my life?? Just because i like being with people while secretly pining after just one person doesnt make me anything?? Dont throw labels around?  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Makes you just a bit of an asshole.  
**Oikawaii:** shut up ur like 12 years old u cant judge me  
**Oikawaii:** bsides the girlfriends are like  
**Oikawaii:** listen the girlfriends are literally just girl friends mostly  
**Oikawaii:** i cant stand making them cry theyre all so pretty  
**Oikawaii:** im not actually an asshole okay  
**Yahababe:** We know, Oikawa-senpai. Anyone who’s close to you knows you only have eyes for Iwaizumi-senpai, anyways.  
**Oikawaii:** and bokuto koutarou  
**A:** Bokuto?  
**Yahababe:** That’s actually adorable that you hear his name and you immediately come back to chat.  
**A:** Bokuto Koutarou ruined my life.  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Bokuto-san slapped my back once and I think my lung collapsed inwards.  
**A:** I’m going to die because of him one day. I’ve accepted this fact.  
**Sugarmama:** Why tho???  
**A:** He likes to take me to parties.  
**Oikawaii:** omg  
**Sugarmama:** Omg  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Omg.  
**A:** I don’t have a lot of control when I’m not sober. I’ve been told I’m quite a … daredevil when I’m inebriated.  
**Oikawaii:** Tell us Everything Immediately  
**A:** I… don’t remember a lot. I’ve only heard stories. Bokuto knows more than I do.  
**A:** It’s a little humiliating, I’m not sure if I really want to talk about it.  
**Sugarmama:** Whatever you’re comfortable with! We don’t want to embarrass you!  
**Oikawaii:** um excuz me  
**Oikawaii:** what about my pride and dignity, which was immediately beat up and kicked at by the lot of u (ಥ﹏ಥ)  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Oikawa Tooru is an outlier and should not be counted  
**A:** The first time I ever drank, I had had two tylenols for a stress headache earlier, and downed half a glass of champagne before I realized what it was. This was at a teammate- Konoha’s- birthday party. Reportedly, this was a bad combination. During the truth or dare game later, I dumped the majority of a glass of water over my head- which was my own idea- then decided I wanted to go outside to get some fresh air.  
**A:** The wet clothes and chill outside resulted in me freezing my ass off, and when I went back inside I promptly stripped off my shirt and pants. To this day, I don’t know where I put them. Konoha never found them. Then, I plopped back into Bokuto’s lap, drank back the rest of his untouched champagne, and spent the rest of the night curled in Bokuto’s arms. If anyone tried to get me to put on clothes I would kick them in the shin. If anyone tried to remove me from Bokuto I would go for the dick.  
**A:** Bokuto claims I was whispering mean comments about everyone else in his ears and poked his cheek to get his attention no less than 109 times.  
**A:** ...And this is only the first time I got drunk.  
**Yahababe:** Holy shit.  
**Oikawaii:** akaashi youre a wild man  
**Oikawaii:** im not sure i would win a fight against you anymore?? (; ·`д·´)  
**Sugarmama:** Man, I’ve missed the Akaashi stories (▰˘◡˘▰)  
**Yahababe:** Huh?  
**Sugarmama:** There were so many rumours flying around the training camp about him ｡◕‿‿◕｡  
**Sugarmama:** Akaashi is a better cryptid than mothman and could crush the shadow demon that lives behind your local supermarket without blinking an eye  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Akaashi is either a vengeful demon or a saintly angel  
**Sugarmama:** Akaashi is merely a fae in human form looking to trick one of us to going back to the fae realm with him so he can take our soul for his private collection  
**KageyamaTobio09:** With every soul, his eyebrows grow stronger  
**Sugarmama:** If you tried to hit on Akaashi when Bokuto wasn’t around, Akaashi would disappear the moment you blinked your eyes, like he wasn’t real. Like he only existed when Bokuto was around  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Akaashi is probably god and could kill me and i would thank him  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Amen to that.  
**Yahababe:** Shirabu, honestly I find you a much more agreeable person while you’re trying not to broadcast your presence and your salt has been stifled by thirst.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I am going to private message you my response to that, because I am a _quiet person who doesn’t speak much._  
**Oikawaii:** hey aka-chan ( ´ ▽ ` ).。ｏ♡ do you mind that shira-chan has a massive jealousy boner for you???  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Oikawa, do me a massive favour?  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Go jump off a cliff.  
**A:** I don’t really mind.  
**A:** It’s kind of weird and creepy but I suppose if it can’t be helped then I might as well ignore it.  
**KageyamaTobio09:** I like that strategy a lot  
**KageyamaTobio09:** You’re so smart akaashi-san  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Very wise  
**Sugarmama:** What a fucking suck-up  
**Oikawaii:** Ugh I know right  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Akaashi is the nicest person in this chat to me  
**KageyamaTobio09:** I’m just trying to be nice back  
**A:** It’s kind of creepier than Shirabu’s boner, honestly.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Can we just agree to stop bringing that up?  
**Yahababe:** But it’s already kind of up.  
**Oikawaii:** ( ﾟ∀ﾟ) can’t be helped if aka-chan himself brings it up~  
**Sugarmama:** Okay, wait, hang on a minute, I feel like we’ve gotten so far off track no one else remembers where we started this from.  
**Sugarmama:** Akaashi, why is your username “A”?  
**A:** Minimalism.  
**A:** I’d prefer to go unnoticed, mostly.  
**A:** This seemed like the base minimum I would need for people who knew me to know it was me.  
**Oikawaii:** thats pretty fuckin lame aka-chan  
**Oikawaii:** petition for aka-chan to change his name to somethin cute!!!  
**Sugarmama:** Seconded!  
**Yahababe:** Thirded, mostly because I want to see what shit Oikawa-senpai comes up with.  
**Oikawaii:** lmao yaha-chan!!!  
**Oikawaii:** none of my suggestions are going to be bad because all of my nicknames are adorable  
**A:** ...I’d prefer to change it myself if I had to.  
**Better Cryptid Than Mothman:** What about this? It’s the camp rumour I heard the most.  
**Better Cryptid Than Mothman:** Mostly because Kuroo-san started it.  
**Oikawaii:** i mean.  
**Oikawaii:** if you wanted to take all the fun out of it t(ಠ╭╮ಠ t)  
**Sugarmama:** I like it!  
**Yahababe:** What were you going to suggest, Oikawa-senpai?  
**Oikawaii:** Soul Succer (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و  
**Shirabuttstuff:** That kind of succs.  
**Oikawaii:** u come into my house  
**Oikawaii:** u get a boner over aka-chan but not me  
**Oikawaii:** U INSULT MY NICKNAME WITH A PUN  
**Soul Succer:** I like it.  
**Yahababe:** Oh my god.  
**KageyamaTobio09:** I support all of your decisions without hesitation Akaashi-san  
**Soul Succer:** Thanks, Kageyama.  
**Oikawaii:** HA HA!!  
**Oikawaii:** I KNEW MY NICKNAMING SKILLS WOULD PREVAIL  
**Oikawaii:** really u should thank me with a pic of urself aka-chan!!! ( ´ ▽ ` ).。ｏ♡  
**Soul Succer:** Since you’re so determined, sure.  
**Soul Succer:** I don’t really take selfies but here’s a link to a video of me playing at Nationals last year: <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JUZA8bzMspU>  
**Yahababe:** ...What did I just watch?  
**Sugarmama:** I feel strangely zenned out now.  
**Oikawaii:** aka-chan do you listen to vapourwave (• ε •)  
**Soul Succer:** I guess, sometimes. It’s pretty calming music.  
**Soul Succer:** I like synthwave better.  
**Oikawaii:** called it  
**Oikawaii:** anyways great vid thanks for sharing  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Those are all beautiful pictures of you akaashi  
**Soul Succer:** Thank you, Kageyama  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I’m so confused about life now.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Is this how Goshiki feels all the time?  
**Oikawaii:** i  
**Oikawaii:** love shiki-chan how is he????  
**Shirabuttstuff:** um.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Presumably alive, i suppose?  
**Soul Succer:** His hairstyle is questionable but I like his eyebrows.  
**Sugarmama:** He seems like a nice child  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Why is Goshiki popular here  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Goshiki shouldn’t be popular anywhere  
**KageyamaTobio09:** I don’t like Goshiki  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Hinata is friends with him  
**KageyamaTobio09:** But Goshiki makes faces at me when Hinata holds my hand  
**KageyamaTobio09:** I don’t know why he makes the faces but they make me angry  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Especially when goshiki grabs hinata’s other hand  
**Sugarmama:** You guys hang out outside of volleyball practice??  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Goshiki has friends???  
**Oikawaii:** omg omg omg  
**Oikawaii:** theres a LOVE TRIANGLE WITH SHIKI-CHAN AND TOBIO-CHAN FIGHTING OVER CHIBI-CHAN  
**Oikawaii:** this is so beautiful  
**Oikawaii:** im so bitter suddenly over my own love life  
**Soul Succer:** Ah, young love.  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Im not dating hinata  
**Sugarmama:** But the important thing is that Goshiki thinks you are (◕‿◕✿)  
**Oikawaii:** ohohohoho (¬‿¬)  
**Oikawaii:** r u plotting something there mister refreshing??  
**Yahababe:** I want in on whatever it is immediately.  
**Sugarmama:** I would never!!  
**Sugarmama:** Im a kind and precious soul who would never manipulate his teammates and their relationships  
**Oikawaii:** u kno its bad when someone starts to sound like me ಠ◡ಠ  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Sugawara-senpai please do not meddle  
**KageyamaTobio09:** I just need to crush goshiki on the volleyball court  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Then hinata will see i am superior and theres no reason he should be smiling at goshiki and holding his hand  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Jealous much?  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Weren’t you all busy being jealous of my volleyball skills earlier  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Why don’t you get back to that and stop prying  
**Sugarmama:** It’s not prying!! I’m just trying to help, I swear  
**Soul Succer:** That doesn’t sound like you plan on stopping.  
**Soul Succer:** Kageyama, I advise being wary of all of Sugawara-san’s endeavours in the future.  
**KageyamaTobio09:** If only someone had given me that advice at the start of school  
**Sugarmama:** I’m Offended  
**Sugarmama:** I’m the vice captain! I’m trustworthy (▰˘◡˘▰)  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Yea, and I’m in love with Stump.  
**Yahababe:** Stump?  
**Oikawaii:** who tf is stump  
**Soul Succer:** …. Semi Eita?  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I don’t know why you expect me to know who that is, honestly.  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Hinata and I are very happy sugawara-senpai so please leave us alone  
**Oikawaii:** it is tru that crushing someone in volleyball is a good way to get them off ur man  
**Oikawaii:** its why no one goes after iwachan!!! ( ﾟヮﾟ)  
**Shirabuttstuff:** But then everyone on your team and Karasuno and Shiratorizawa are void, because we’ve beaten you.  
**Yahababe:** Honestly, I’d date Iwaizumi-senpai if he wanted me.  
**Sugarmama:** I mean who wouldnt?  
**Sugarmama:** I may be a leggy man but those arms are something exquisite  
**KageyamaTobio09:** I dont… get that  
**Oikawaii:** iwachans arms??? How can you not get it  
**Oikawaii:** _there is so much to **get**_  
**Shirabuttstuff:** They’re nicer than Ushijima-san’s arms…  
**Soul Succer:** Nicer than Ushijima-san’s? Wow. That’s impressive.  
**KageyamaTobio09:** No, like  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Seeing someone and wanting to immediately screw them??  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Don’t you need to… know the person?  
**Soul Succer:** Well, sure.  
**Soul Succer:** But a lot of people want to get to know others based off their attraction to them.  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Thats weird  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Ive never wanted to screw someone without knowing them for a long time first  
**Sugarmama:** You mean like, demisexual?  
**Oikawaii:** look at poor little tobio-chan figuring out his sexuality  
**Oikawaii:** this is so heartwarming actually i can feel my bitterness over y’all trying to get at iwachan fading  
**KageyamaTobio09:** What is that  
**Yahababe:** Demisexual is someone who only feels sexual attraction to someone they already have a strong bond with!  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Oh  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Yes, it’s that  
**Sugarmama:** If you want we can talk about it more at school later?  
**KageyamaTobio09:** No its okay  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Yachi will explain it to me  
**Sugarmama:** Okay! Just know if you ever want to talk, I’m here  
**Soul Succer:** And if you ever want someone who isn’t vaguely pulling a  >:3 face every two seconds, I am here also.  
**Oikawaii:** all of ur drags are so passive aggressive aka-chan holy shit i love it  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Kageyama, by the way, I am not here for you and please never private message me.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Why did you just private message me.  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Because fuck you  
**Oikawaii:** i raised u _so well_ tobio-chan ヽ(；▽；)ノ  
**Yahababe:** Should we… talk about our sexual orientations at all? Or does everyone want to keep them private? I’m open to either.  
**Yahababe:** I’m panseuxal, by the way.  
**Oikawaii:** im a massively gay fuck and by that i mean im bi  
**Sugarmama:** I’m pan too!  
**KageyamaTobio09:** I guess I’m demi? I’ve only felt attraction to ...three people in my life  
**KageyamaTobio09:** All of them were male  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Gay.  
**Soul Succer:** I’m attracted to males. And I suppose genderfluid, though we aren’t talking about that right now.  
**Yahababe:** Oh, what pronouns do you prefer?  
**Soul Succer:** He/Him or They/Them are usually fine.  
**Sugarmama:** Nice!!  
**Sugarmama:** Glad we clarified exactly how wildly gay and great this chat is (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)  
**Yahababe:** Okay, since we’re talking about sexuality, and I hope this doesn’t come off as creepy, but you know the blonde manager on your team?  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Yes  
**KageyamaTobio09:** What about her  
**Yahababe:** Um  
**Yahababe:** I was just wondering if I have any sort of shot there or?  
**KageyamaTobio09:** No  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Never  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Stay away from Yachi  
**Sugarmama:** Kageyama, don’t be rude!  
**Sugarmama:** But also ya no  
**Sugarmama:** Kiyoko has dibs on her you’re out of luck  
**Oikawaii:** kiyoko-chan…  
**Oikawaii:** right of course she was gay no wonder she wasnt into me hitting on her  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Why have both of the Aoba Jousai setters hit on both of Karasuno’s managers?  
**Oikawaii:** listen  
**Yahababe:** Listen.  
**Yahababe:** You can’t hang around people like Oikawa-senpai and Iwaizumi-senpai all day without developing a huge amount of thirst.  
**Oikawaii:** fucking preach yaha-chan  
**Sugarmama:** Point is, Yachi is pining away after Kiyoko, and Kiyoko only has eyes for Yachi  
**KageyamaTobio09:** So stay away from them  
**KageyamaTobio09:** From Yachi, specifically  
**Sugarmama:** Not that they can’t take care of themselves!  
**Sugarmama:** Kiyoko could beat me up any day of the week  
**Oikawaii:** somehow that makes her even hotter to me  
**Oikawaii:** why doesnt she love me im beautiful  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Presumably, she’s 1) too gay for you, 2) into whoever… Yachi is, 3) she’s too hot for you, 4) you’re a pile of whimpering shit too pathetic for her tastes.  
**Soul Succer:** Kiyoko-san is a kindred spirit. She was a good friend during the training camp.  
**Soul Succer:** I’m happy that she’s doing well.  
**Sugarmama:** Oh man, I forgot the two of you were friends then!  
**Sugarmama:** I guess beautiful people think alike.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Oh no.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** They’re so gorgeous. How did anyone survive seeing them next to each other?  
**Sugarmama:** It was a trying time  
**Oikawaii:** aka-chan is kiyoko-chan levels of gorgeous???  
**Oikawaii:** nvm i dont want a picture of them anymore  
**Soul Succer:** Good. I wasn’t planning on giving you one.  
**Oikawaii:** FUCK THAT im asking owl-chan for one!!!!  
**Yahababe:** Sorry, Oikawa-senpai, I don’t have any blackmail info on Akaashi or Bokuto-san.  
**Yahababe:** I’m working on that, though.  
**Soul Succer:** Good luck with that.  
**Soul Succer:** Actually, if you hear any stories about me being drunk, you can probably assume I don’t remember it.  
**Yahababe:** Noted.  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Does being drunk help your setting?  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Maybe I should try drinking  
**Soul Succer:** It does not help, as a matter of fact. Please do not drink, Kageyama.  
**Sugarmama:** I’d smack that alcohol straight out of your hand you wannabe pro athlete  
**KageyamaTobio09:** ...Noted, also  
**Soul Succer:** You’re a good senpai, Sugawara-san.  
**Sugarmama:** I am, aren’t I?  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Whatever you’re plotting with hinata and i needs to stop immediately  
**KageyamaTobio09:** Dont think i forgot about that  
**Sugarmama:** Aww that’s no fun!  
**KageyamaTobio09:** I’ll get hinata to date me in my own way  
**Oikawaii:** (˚▽˚)  
**Sugarmama:** (˚▽˚)  
**Yahababe:** (˚▽˚)  
**Soul Succer:** (  
**Shirabuttstuff:** What is that?  
**Soul Succer:** Minimalism.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** But it’s not even a face.  
**Soul Succer:** You still got what I meant, though.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** This is stupid and I hate you.  
**Soul Succer:** I thought you had a boner for me.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** WE ARE DROPPING THE BONER. THE BONER HAPPENED ONCE, AND IT WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN.  
**Soul Succer:** Erectile Dysfunction is a hard burden, Shirabu. I hope you find medicine that helps.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I don’t have erectile dysfunction!  
**Oikawaii:** that sounds fake  
**Yahababe:** Agreed.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I literally have a boner right now, I don’t have erectile dysfunction.  
**Oikawaii:** (˚▽˚)  
**Soul Succer:** Wow.

-Shirabuttstuff has left chat-

 

-Oikawaii had added Shirabuttstuff

  
**Oikawaii:** n o e s c a p e  
**Soul Succer:** Out of curiousity, what aroused you? The arguing, the owl video, my general presence?  
**Yahababe:** Please, for the love of god, say the owl video.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I’m not talking about this.  
**Sugarmama:** Get Semi into chat, and we’ll drop it.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Who?  
**Yahababe:** He said “hoo”, it was the owl video.  
**Soul Succer:** Good to know.  
**KageyamaTobio09:** i thought we were dropping the boner  
**Oikawaii:** We did drop the boner  
**Oikawaii:** we dropped it, and it broke into a million pieces on the floor, and shira-chan is crying trying to pick them all up as the rest of us watch in glee  
**Sugarmama:** RIP in pieces, Shirabu’s boner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is kind of already done ;u; hope y'all enjoy having a regular update again (EDIT: this was a lie)


	9. Yachi Hitoka Protection Squad Round 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Username:** Tsukishima Rex  
>  **Mood Message:** lol so many people on my blocked list

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> SO: you might notice this chapter is oddly spaced? that's cause i just discovered "Rich Text" was a thing. apparently u can just hit a button and it does all ur dumb formatting/bolding for u. Fuckin wild.  
> Fun fact: ive spent like an hour just copy/pasting the html scripts for each individual username on every line for 8 chapters up til now.  
> Another fun fact: im probably gonna keep doing html just cause i kind of hate the spacing on this?? lemme know if you prefer it spaced out and not bunched up. this is an experiment kiddos !!! pls respond with ur opinion in the comments and i'll love u forever ( i really dont mind doing the copy/pasting of html for an hour, its actually pretty relaxing, oddly enough, i just need to know what people prefer ;u;)  
> EDIT AS OF 6/21/17: Changing this to the html formatting cause i like it just, so much more???

**KageyamaTobio09:** Tsukishima I need you to help me beat someone up  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** i don’t beat people up  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Yamaguchi said you used to beat people up for him  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Uhhhh  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** That was like, more verbally than anything else?  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Sorry to lead you on, Kageyama!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** WOA wait who are we beating up????  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Not you  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Why not me????  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Im small but DEADLY  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Youre short  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Tsukishima is cutthroat he wont hold back against nine year olds  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Not to dispute Tsukishima's ability at beating up nine year olds  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** I’m feeling vaguely insulted  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** I don’t just go around beating up nine-year-olds  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** Unless they have orange hair and like to make stink faces at me  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** U leave my sister aLONE  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Haha oh Tsukki  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Like you could actually take Hinata  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** You’re supposed to be on my side, Yamaguchi  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** I think being your best friend disqualifies me from that position  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** You’ve been getting rebellious  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** I’m not sure how to feel about it  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** I WOULD KICK TSUKKIS ASS  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** objection  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** The court will hear it  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** The _volleyball_ court will hear it haha  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** …  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** objection 1: the two of you are biased judges  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Overruled  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Overruled  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** HAHA REST IN PIECES TSUKKI  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** objection 2: I am much taller than Hinata  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Height doesnt MATTER !!!!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** MY ANGER FUELS ME  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** ID KICK YOU IN THE SHINS!!!!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** ur like two years old go away  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Kageyama, your judgement?  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Hinata wins the fight every time  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** maybe keep it in your fuckin pants king  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** all id have to do is sit on hinata and he would be done for  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** my agility stat is way higher than urs  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Youd never be able to catch me!!!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** are we in a video game now  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Kageyama’s right, Hinata wins  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** He’s far more motivated to kick your teeth in  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Hinata doesnt work  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I never thought id see the day i picked fucking Tsukishima over Hinata but here we are  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** You need to come beat up a nine year old with me  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Hang on, we were being serious about beating up nine year olds?  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Ive never been more serious in my life  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Do i get a running start??  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** What  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Can i have a running start before you and tsukki try and kick my ass???  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** no  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Awwwww  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Cmon let me run first   
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** I bet you wont be able to catch up to me!!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** no you’re just going to have to meet us outside the gym  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Why the fuck are you asking for Tsukishima’s permission to run away???  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** It seemed polite!!!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** You guys announced you were gonna beat me up!!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** It made things fair!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Literally the biggest dumbass Ive ever met in my life  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Hinata, that’s not how getting beat up works  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Besides, Tsukki and Kageyama aren’t going to beat you up  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Anytime soon at least. Especially since you aren’t nine  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** it must be the life to be one of the girls who doesnt know what kageyama is really like  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** and just fantasizes about him for his height and volleyball skills  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Hinata if anyone is trying to beat you up, tell someone on the team  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** And we’ll take care of it  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** What makes you think i cant take care of it myself???  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** It’s not that no one thinks you can’t handle yourself  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** awfully confident in saying that on behalf of everyone here  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I don’t think Hinata can handle himself  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Uh  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** It’s not that I don’t think you can’t handle yourself  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Just that it’s okay to rely on your friends for help outside the volleyball court too!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** becuz of course the King and Tsukki are SO GREAT IN A FIGHT  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** The court wants to see your evidence against this  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** both of u are volleyball nerds  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** objection  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** i dont care about volleyball  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** u are a MATCHSTICK, TSUKKI  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** lamppost!!!! French fry!!!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** i could pop kageyamas volleyball and he would probably start crying  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Why would you do that  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** to hurt ur feelings  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Dont touch my balls  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** I’ll touch them if i want 2!!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I wouldnt let you find them  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Ive seen your room I know you keep them in your drawers!!! U cant stop me!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I would sit on you until you gave up  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Id wiggle around and get my hand in ur drawers and feel around 4 ur fuckin balls and STAB THEM WITH A NEEDLE  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** How about go suck a dick, hinata  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** maybe i WILL  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** No you wont  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** YESI WILL  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** You dont have the guts  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** What is happening??  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** Just let them run their mouths  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** I HAVE ALL OF THE GUTS  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Usually youre busy losing your guts  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** AT LEAST IM NOT TRYING TO BEAT UP A NINE YEAR OLD  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** You know what  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Ill get Tanaka to come beat him up with me  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Tsukishima is obviously a wimp and Hinata isnt an option  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** OKAY. WHY ARE WE BEATING UP NINE YEAR OLDS?  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Natsu has a crush  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** She does????????  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** NO WAY!!!!!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** SHE WOULD HAVE TOL DME  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I guess she just loves me more than you  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Natsu?  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** MY LITTLE SISTER  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** HANG ON I HAVE TO YELL AT HER  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** So I need to go beat up her crush  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** that seems like a lot of effort  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** What do you get out of beating up nine year olds except being a bully?  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Intimidation  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Natsu told me he doesnt play volleyball  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I was out of options besides beating him up  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** So…  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** You wanted to intimidate the kid, asked if he played volleyball, then immediately gave up when he didn’t and decided to beat him up?  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Yes  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** ha  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** You have a problem?  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** i think youre the one with a problem, king  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Before this escalates further when Kageyama responds, I agree with Tsukki  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Do not beat up nine year olds  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** How else will I tell him not to mess with Natsu’s feelings  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Try words  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Thats not what Oikawa told me  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Oh  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** i love watching the cogs slowly turn in his head  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Oikawa was wrong  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Ya  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Got it  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Middle school was a mistake  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** We’ve all been there, Kageyama  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** But what do i even do if i cant beat him up  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** just leave it alone  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** she’s like 9  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** she’ll get over it  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Natsu’s growing up!  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** You have to accept that and let her make decisions for herself!  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** She’ll just hate you if you interfere anyways  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Natsu  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Will hate me?  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** don’t all little kids hate you  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** or something  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** They probably hate you more  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** Oh n o   
**Tsukishima Rex:** i am so upset  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** how can i ever recover  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** children hate me?  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** i just love children so much  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Shut up Tsukki  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Kageyama actually cares about children’s opinion of him, unlike you  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** you need to stop saying that  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** that’s not your catchprase  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Shut up, Tsukki  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** Shut up, Yamaguchi  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Shut up, Tsukki  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** Shut up Yamaguchi  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Both of you shut up  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Sorry, Kageyama!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** Shut up, king  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** So I shouldnt do anything about natsus crush?  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Well, I think you should trust in her to make good choices.   
**KageyamaTobio09:** But shes so young still  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** she probably makes better choices than you  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Youve never even met her  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Fuck you  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** so?   
**Tsukishima Rex:** you were about to go beat up a nine year old  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** At the time he deserved it  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** HOLYDSHITYALL  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** GUYGSUYGSUYGS  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** DSAJFLKSDJFKLJSDKLAJFKDLSYGUSYGUGYSYOUWONELWKAFFELAKNBELIGEVEI THIS  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** now try again   
**Tsukishima Rex:** in japanese, idiot  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** you should have an easier time at it than king  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** considering his last score on his japanese test  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Haha  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Tsukishima do you like puns  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** no  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Plays on words?  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** no  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Aren’t they the same thing basically?  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** A play on words isnt a pun???   
**#1TsukkiFanboy:** oops, sorry hinata  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** haha dont worry about it!!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Tsukishima do you know what a paronomasia is?  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** its another word for pun  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** are you trying to test me or something? ha  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** Try again, King  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Wrong  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** how?  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Its a par’o’deez nuts  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** OHLSKDAJKFLDS  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** KAGEYAMA YOU JUST OBLItEREATED TSUKKI!!!!!  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** HAHA  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** ugh  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Ha  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** TSUKKI HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR COFFEE?????  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** HE LIKES IT BITTER!!!!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** GOOD CAUSE THAT’S WHAT HE IS!!!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** shut up yamaguchi  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** ,, Sorry Tsukki (haHA)  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** BUt anyways  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** NATSU HAS !!!! A CRUSH!!!!??  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** We already knew that, dumbass  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** BUT WHY DID sHE TELL YOU BEFORE ME????  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** To make you feel pain  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** I’m sure she was planning on tell you, Hinata!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** siblings often lie to you for reasons you rarely understand fully until later  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** KAGEYAMA!!!!!!!!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Dont fucking yell at me im right here  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** this is a chatroom  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** it isnt even yelling  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** You read it in your head at different volumes  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** no you dont  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Yes you do  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** I think you can make the voice in your head whisper or yell and it sounds different, but it’s always at the same volume  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** KAGYEAMA COME BEAT UP A NINEYEAR OLD WITH ME  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Yamaguchi said not to  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Oh okay  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** If Guchi said not to then okay  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Do you know who the crush is on, Hinata?  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** … no????  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** HANGONG I GOGTTA GO TICCKLE IT OUT OF HER  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Good luck!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** using your powers of tickling for evil  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** tch  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** even more corrupt older sibling behaviour  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** But your laughter is really cute when you’re tickled, Tsukki!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** Yamaguchi  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Tsukishima is ticklish?  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** s h u t u p   
**#1TsukkiFanboy:** Oh boy  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Sorry, Tsukki!!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Ha  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Ha ha  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** if you tickle me ever i will murder you  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Ha hah a  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** I really am sorry Tsukki,,  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** i don’t care  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** king won’t be tickling me  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Bold assumption  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** I’ll protect Tsukki!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** ...  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Why though  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** I’m the one who shared that secret without his permission so I should at least try to make up for it  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** Shut up, Yamaguchi  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** that’s not necessary  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** i can protect myself  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Oh, sorry Tsukki  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Ahhhhhh Natsu has a crush!! That’s so cute //;u;//  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** I wonder if she’ll ask them out on a date or something!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Natsu is so adorable and brave and energetic, I can’t imagine anyone saying no  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Tsukishima would tell her no  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Tsukishima wouldn’t! That would be so mean ;-;  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** eh  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Tsukishima would crush her heart  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** That’s so cruel!! :(  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** What if Natsu loses her faith in people??? It would be so crushing to ask someone out so bravely and then get denied like that!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** sounds like a natsu problem  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Natsu would swear off dating forever. She’d stop trying to make friends and isolate herself entirely. She’d end up alone in the woods, living off bugs and moss!!! Don’t make Natsu wear bark for clothes, Tsukishima!! Natsu can’t fight a bear!!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** she can probably try  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** O-O✿  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** younger siblings are vicious and underhanded  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** i wouldnt count her out of the fight that quickly  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Natsu wouldnt do all that Yachi  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Natsu has all of the joy and soul sucking energy of Hinata  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** And her baseless confidence is at least three times higher than Hinata  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** That aside  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** If you ever tried to hurt her Tsukishima  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** who was the person needlessly trying to beat up a nine year old for most of this afternoon?  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** that’s right, it was King  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Blame Oikawa for that one  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** i’m not just going to break the heart of some random nine year old child  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** i’ve never even met her  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** how bad of a person do you think i am exactly?  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** I think you’re a good person Tsukki!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** I think you try : )  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** -2 on a good test  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** that was a rhetorical question  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Oops, sorry Tsukki  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** Shut up Yamaguchi  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** you two are getting very worked up over nothing  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** it’s not like we’re going to know who the crush is, anyways  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** NATSU HAS A CRUSH ON YACHI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** sigh  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** ????????????????????????????????  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Oh okay  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** WHAT??????????!!!!!???  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** SHE THINKS YOURE PRETTY AND TELL FUNNY STORIES AND ARE REALLY GOOD AT DRAWING AND CUTE!!!!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** YACHI YOU HAVE AN ADMIRER!!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Natsu isn’t wrong about any of that  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Totally!!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:**   
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Woa how did you do that!!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:**   
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** How is she sending blank messages????  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I dont know  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Gee thanks Kageyama for taking the time to let me know that  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Dont sass me  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Its not like ur around to grab my head or anything!!! I can be as sarcastic as i want!!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** >:(  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** jdsLAKFJKLSDF KAGEYAMA IS FIGURING OUT EMOTICONS GUYS  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** >>:(  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** ITS LIKE WATCHING A FISH TRY AND JUGGLE  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Fishes cant juggle dumbass  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Pffft thats the point idiot!!!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** and CMON Yamayama-kun u cant just leave me hanging on the emoticons like that!!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** How am i supposed 2 know the TONE!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** D: << !!!!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** :DDDD!!!!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** i know how to send a blank message  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** it’s really easy   
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** tell me how to do it!!!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** lol no  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** UR NO FUN  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** IM GONNA ASK KENMA  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** You can send a blank message by hitting ‘enter’ and then pressing send!  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** But it only works on mobile i think  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** THANK YOU YAMAGUCHI!!!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:**   
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:**   
**KageyamaTobio09:**   
**#1TsukkiFanboy:**   
**KageyamaTobio09:**   
**Tsukishima Rex:** this is so stupid  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:**   
**KageyamaTobio09:**   
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:**  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:**  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** WHATDYA MAEAN NATUS HAS A CURSH ON ME  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** *what *do *you *mean *Natsu has a *crush on me  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** NATSU cANT HAVE A CURHS OM NE  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** *crush *on *me  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** IM NOT WORHTY  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** *I’m *worthy  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** That’s so sweet of you to correct Yachi like that Tsukki!! Of course she’s worthy of Natsu’s crush :)  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** ugh  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** of course natsu would like u yachi!!!!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** ur so cute and nice and u make funny faces  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** i make faces????  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** They aren’t bad faces!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** i????  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE HINATA  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** why not?????  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** IVE BARELY EVEN SAID ANYTHING TO NATSU???  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** Kiyoko has barely said a thing to you either and you’re still writing gay poetry about her at 4 am  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** BUT WHAT IF  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** WHAT IF SHE ASKS _ME_ OUT?????  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** AND WHAT IF I GET SCARED AND SAY NO!!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** AND I CRUSH ALL HER DREAMS  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** AND SHE STARTS AVOIDING ME AND NOT TALKING TO ME  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** AND SHE GROWS TO HATE ME  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** AND 15 YEARS IN THE FUTURE  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Oh dear  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** WE’RE COMPETING FOR THE SAME POSITIO N AT A JOB  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** AND BY NOW HER MEMORIES OF ME ARE MORE BITTERSWEET  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** SHE ISNTS MAD ANYMROE SHES JUST SAD AND WONDRES WHY SHE WASNT GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** AND SHE STEPS DOWN TO LET ME HAVE THE JOB POSITION BECUSE SHE THINKS I DESERVE IT MORE  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** BUT I DONT DESERVE IT MORE!!!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** AND SHE CRIES HERSELF TO SLEEP AT NIGHT  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** BECUASE WATCHING ME BE HAPPY WITHOUT HER Is THE MOST PAINFUL THING OF ALL  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Deep breaths, Yachi-san  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Time to slow down  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I dont get it  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Youre a nice person  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** You wouldnt hurt anyone on purpose so why are you worrying about hurting someone  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Besides Natsu isnt like that at all  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Ya!!! Natsu would be over you in like an hour if she asked you out and you said no!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Really? You think so?  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Absolutely!!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** That’s a relief!!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** You wouldnt say no to her tho :D  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** I’ll do my best not to !!  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** That’s the spirit Yachi-san!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Do you guys ever wonder who would date you if you asked???  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** what kind of creepy question is that?  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** I mean!! Like!! Not even who has a crush on you, or someone who makes your heart so squomsh, but which of your friends would sort of be happy with you going on a date?  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** I think I know what you mean? Someone who you’d say yes if they asked to kiss you, but you’re equally cool with just staying friends with them?  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** YES!!! Yamaguchi ur so SMART  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** I think everyone probably wonders about that!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** not really  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Since we are on the topic  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Who would you date if they asked Hinata  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** (isn’t it adorable when he thinks he’s being slick, yamaguchi?)   
**#1TsukkiFanboy:** (LOL)  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** BOKUTO SAN  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Of course  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** SUGA-SAN TOO!!! BUT THATS WEIRD BECAUSE HES WITH DAICHI-SAN. BUT HES SO NICE!!! AND PRETTY!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Right  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Pretty  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Yachi and Yamaguchi of course!!!!   
**Yachi Hitoka:** wHAT  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Awww Hinata  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** You’re so sweet  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** what, no date offers for me?  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** I’d rather date KAGEYAMA or something LMAO  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Ha ha  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** KENMA!!! I’d DATE KENMA!!! Lev is too tall for me tho :(  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** I’d date Kiyoko-san  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** real shocker there  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** NOYA-SAN AND TANAKA-SAN ALWAYS GIVE ME ICE CREAM!!! ID GO OUT WITH THEM  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** good news, hinata has literally no standards  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** every vaguely kind man with ice cream can pull up and offer themselves to him   
**Tsukishima Rex:** but king? Out of the question  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** lower than pedophilic ice cream men  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** how does that feel king?  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Feels like im going to be pushing you harder in games from now on  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Jump higher, lamppost  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Youll get the ball i set to you and deal with it  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Play a nice game of fetch every set  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Im not THAT naive Tsukki!!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Im not just gonna accept ice cream from aNYONE  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** i throw up a little in the back of my throat every time you call me that  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** what, Tsukki?  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** It’s so cute!! Can i use it?  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** no  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Yes!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** YA YACHI  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** uh  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** admittedly i’m getting some mixed responses there ?~?  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Just call him whatever you want Yachi  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** He cant do anything about it  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Can you,  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Tsukki?  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** tobio-chan  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Tsukki-chan  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** dictator king  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Giraffe asshole  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** sonic the hedgehog and shadow the hedgehog’s lovechild’s humansona  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Who is sonic the hedgehog you dick  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** I’D DATE KIYOKO TOO OF COURSE BTW  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** oh my gosh relatable  <3  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Asahi-san maybe?? Noya-san kind of has dibs on him   
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Ennoshita seems like he’d be so DEPENDABLE and bring me LUNCH!!!!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** WHAT ABOUT ASAHI-SAN AND NOYA-SAN  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** I HADNT EVEN CONSIDERED POLYAMORY!!!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Why dont you just ask the whole team except Tsukki-chan and I to take you on a group date at this point  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** thAT WOULD BE SO FUN!!!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** ah, the jealousy of youth  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** And the holes we dig ourselves into  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** A team outing would be super fun, even if it wasn’t a date thing!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** It would be good to bond as a team ;u;  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** welcome to bad idea town, population: yachi  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Don’t listen to him!! It sounds super fun!!  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Why don’t you suggest it to Kiyoko-san, Yachi-san?  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Eh? Me? Nononono it wasn’t really my idea, it’s okay  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** buT it WAS your idea!! Cmon think of the proud looks Suga-san and Dai-san will shoot ur way :D :D :D  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** slkjflskdfj I CANT  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** It was your idea though  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** If anyone else took credit it would be lying  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** and we cant lie to our dads!!!!  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Kiyoko-san will be super happy with you, Yachi-san!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** okay!! Okay i’ll do it  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** T-To tokyo maybe? Nonono that’s too expensive for just a team outing, uh,   
**Yachi Hitoka:** Mall?  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Ahhhh but no one is going to interested in shopping  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** I dont want to suggest something no one likes :(  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Shiratorizawa riding center  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** LETS StEAL A HORSE  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** the population of bad idea town only continues to grow  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** do you guys even know how to ride a horse?  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** uhhhh  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** no?   
**KageyamaTobio09:** Its about proving our superiority, not actually riding the horse  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** What about something less immediately criminal?  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** We could go to the beach for a day!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** That would be so fun!! Good idea yamaguchi-kun!! I can’t swim though ;n;  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** I could teach you how!!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Kageyama would help too!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Uh  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** aw thank you hinata!!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** hang on  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** Tobio-chan, can you swim?  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Of course i can swim  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Can _you_ swim?  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Ya he can!! Tsukki’s a great swimmer, he taught me how to when we first became friends!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** Shut up, Yamaguchi  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** i don’t believe you  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** Hinata, ask him if he can swim  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** What kind of difference would hinata asking make?  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** :3  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Can u swim kageyama-kuuuun??  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Fuck you of course i can swim  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** So if i pushed you into a pool it would be totally cool?  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Do you think you have the courage to push me in a pool?  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** you’re avoiding the question, yama-kun!!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Dumbass, of course that wouldn’t be cool! I’d drag you in after me and drown the life out of you!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Woooow, yamayama-kun is so scary :D  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Are you sure you wouldn’t need me to save you??  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** 100%  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** If we’re going to the beach, I’ll need to make sure everyone who can’t swim is marked down, Kageyama-kun… uhhh  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** sso  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** ,,are you being 100% sure on that? ;u;  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** …  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** :D  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** (the king in floaties is going to be a fun sight. Could we inflate an inner tube to match his ego?)  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** (LOL)  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I hate all of you  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Fine   
**KageyamaTobio09:** I cant swim  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** AHAHAHA  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** IM SO EXCITED TO TEACH YOU HOW  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** IM BETTER THAN YOU AT SOMETHING FOR ONCE!!!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Shut up dumbass  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Youre already better than me at a lot of things  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** ??????!!!!? Are you complimenting me??  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** What am I better at than you???  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Being a dumbass  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Im better than you at japanese class!!  >:P  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** You guys both have your own strengths!! Kageyama-kun is really good at volleyball and memorization and coordinating with others!! Hinata-kun is really good at motivating people and talking and smiling and jumping!! Comparing yourself to one another is only gonna hurt people’s feelings :(  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** a valid point that is being directed at rival brick walls  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Aha thanks Yachi! But Tsukki is right, Kageyama is my rival!! I gotta be comparing my abilities to his if I ever want to surpass him   
**KageyamaTobio09:** Yea  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** oh okay!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Sorry to intrude ;~;  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** No worries yacchan!!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Oooo we can try beach volleyball!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Ive heard its good for building leg muscles  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** The secret of the sand…  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** MAYBE IT WILL GIVE US A LEG UP ON THE COURT  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Don’t go overboard! Remember we’re there to relax, not train!  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Though knowing you two, training is your version of fun...  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** WE CAN MAKE A TEAM OF THE FIRST YEARS!!!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** YACCHAN CAN PLAY WITH US TOO!!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** wha  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** nononononononono  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** bad idea!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** im fine just watching trust me  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** im not great at sports ;~;  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Dont worry about it!! We’re just there to have fun after all :D  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Cmon we can teach you to spike!! Its so fun Yacchan :DD i know you’ll love it :D  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Nope  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Yachi will learn to set  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Its much cooler  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Ooooooor something easier!! Like serving :)  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** But setting is easy  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** slkajfklsdjflsdjflk  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** i dont think any of those things are easy!!!!!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** ??  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Don’t worry Yachi-san, I would only teach you a basic serve! Jump float serve is really hard, you’re right  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** SPIKING IS EASY   
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Kageyama will set it right into your hand!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** i dont think im gonna be tall enough to get over the net ;n;  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** probably  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** YOU JUST HAVE TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND JUMP  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** JUST BELIIIIIEVE IT  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** SHUT UP TSUKKI!!! U PRICK!! OFFER TO TEACH YACHI SOMETHING TOO!!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** there is no way im going to the beach  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Aw cmon Tsukki :( the whole team will be there  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** exactly  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** We can make sandcastles!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** sand is awful  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** it’s nitty and gritty and gets everywhere  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Do you not like making sandcastles anymore?  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** not in this company  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** OH  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** ;) I understand completely!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** so is tsukki-kun coming?  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** YES  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Ya  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Yes!!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** i vaguely remember a time when i spoke for myself  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Sounds fake!!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Unrealistic  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Sandcastles sound fun c:  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Id like to make one!!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** YA!!! WE CAN MAKE A HUGE FORTRESS  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Last time i was at the beach i accidentally stepped on a childs sandcastle and he cried for half an hour and my teammates buried me in sand up to my neck as punishment  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** And they said they would come undig me but they didnt and my face got burnt and Kindaichi laughed at me every time he saw me for a week and Kunimi kept asking if i was blushing at anyone in particular and he knew i wasnt fucking blushing but he kept asking  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** The year before that Oikawa-senpai was there and he told me to follow him out to sea so he could teach me a super special setting technique and then he pushed me over into the deeper water and watched me flounder for a good twenty seconds before he helped me  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** And then i made a sandcastle and Oikawa-senpai kicked it over  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** And the year before that Oikawa-senpai didnt want to tan or burn in the sun so he made me hold an umbrella out for him and follow him wherever he went  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** And he told me it was endurance training  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Middle school was a mistake  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** this is the funniest thing i’ve seen since hinata served that ball into the back of the King’s head  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** IM GONNA BE THE FIRST TO BURY YOU UP TO YOUR NECK IN SAND THIS TIME   
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** CALLED IT !!!DIBS !!! ETERNAL DIBS!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** What  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Why is that your first reaction  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Because its gonna be fun!!! :DDDDD  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I share my pain with you and this is what you do to me  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** YACCHAN WE CAN BUILD THE FORTRESS ON KAGEYAMA!!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** uh  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** sure??????  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** I’ll help!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Im not getting buried  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** heh  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** What  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** it’s like he doesn’t even know that he’ll do anything that hinata asks him to do, yamaguchi  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** A tragic fate indeed LOL  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** hey King  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Fuck off Tsukki-chan  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** i just wanted to let you know about something that might help  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** See guys, Tsukki can be nice!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** :\  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** KAGEYAMA BACK AT IT AGAIN WITH THE EMOTICONS!!!! :DDDDD  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** >:\  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** it’s called bothov theory  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** ooooh what is that? Ive never heard of it!!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Ur so smart Tsukki-kun :)  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Tsukki really likes science documentaries and stuff!!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** its so hard to imagine Tsukki genuinely liking anything  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** except y-gucci of course :D  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** shut up hinata  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** have you heard of it, king?  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I dont trust you  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** i’m hurt  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** here I am, trying to do something nice for you for a change  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Fine  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I dont know it  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** What is it  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** Bothov deez nuts  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** *inhales*  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** _OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH_  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** _SHIT!!!!!_  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** KAGEYAMA IS DEAD!!!! IM ATTENDING HIS FUNERAL THIS THURSDAY DOES ANYONE WANNA CARPOOL  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** I DONT HAVE ANYTHING BLACK N FANCY TO WEAR!!!!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** HAHA THATS OKAY!!! HES DEAD IT DOESNT EVEN MATTER WHAT YOU WEAR  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** I CAN BRING SNACKS  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** just watch out if Tsukki is the one handing the food to you because it might burn you :)  
 **KageyamaTobio09:**   
**KageyamaTobio09:** >:\  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** oh no you guys look out  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** he’s glaring at us  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** >>:[  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** (i think this is how he plans on stopping us from burying him in the sand too)  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** At least he’s trying :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont even know mdudes  
> this chapter just somehow took me literally forever to do??? im so sorry  
> thank u for sticking with me for so long i love all of u <3333


	10. Second Year Squad Round 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Username:** Sour Bitch Kid  
>  **Mood Message:** fuck everyone who says im short just because i look a little shorter than aone????? Im not fucking short im over 6 feet tall im not short!!!!! Im the fucking captain of the team i dont deserve this kind of asshole treatment why does everyone just fucking look past me im fucking im OVER 6 feet tall this shouldnt be happening to me
> 
>  **Username:** Me. Me Big Boy  
>  **Message:** Big Boy… Small Boy… They Are All Good Boys...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I TOLD YOU GUYS I WAS GONNA GET SOMETHING OUT IN MAY  
> NGL IM REALLY PROUD OF MYSELF FOR ACTUALLY MANAGING TO PULL THAT OFF?????  
> anyways, april hiatus is over and while it took me a while to pull myself back to this, hopefully im gonna get more chapters out for this pretty soon!!  
> heads up to my girl @jamthedingus for helping me come up with some of these usernames , if u like voltron go check out her works!! shes very funny and i love her

**Sour Bitch Kid:** my first question is  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** why does this exist?  
**Sufferer of Fools:** Tanaka and Nishinoya found out about the growing assortment of volleyball groupchats and decided they wanted in :\  
**Pounder of Balls:** Its not fair if just the third and first years get the spotlight!! We’re extra cool, cause we’re both senpai AND kouhai!!  
**Receiver of Balls:** THE SECOND YEAR OF HIGH SCHOOL:  
**Pounder of Balls:** A TIME FOR TEACHING AND BEING TAUGHT  
**Receiver of Balls:** A TIME FOR GOOFING OFF AND LEARNING TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY  
**Pounder of Balls:** A TIME FOR BUDDING ROMANCE  
**Receiver of Balls:** ITS THE BEST TIME!!!  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** ... second question  
**Sufferer of Fools:** Shoot.  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** are they always like that  
**Pounder of Balls:** how about you shut your fuck??  
**Sufferer of Fools:** Pretty much, yeah.  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** is that shirabu and yahaba in the added list? Hell, tanaka’s an asshole too  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** lmao this bitch empty  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** yeet  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** see y’all later  
**Sufferer of Fools:** Cool, see ya  
**Pounder of Balls:** Good riddance!!!  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** …  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** like thats it?  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** no ones gonna try and make me stay?  
**Receiver of Balls:** I dont really know who you are ????? Ryuu who is this???  
**Pounder of Balls:** Futakuchi  >:( i don’t like him at all!!  
**Pounder of Balls:** why would you add him Chikara???!!  
**Sufferer of Fools:** I like Aone, and they come as a set.  
**Yahababe:** I’ll hold the door out for Fuu-chan! :)  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Jfc why do you people keep making these groupchats?  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I literally don’t care who is here. Fuckkuchi can do whatever he wants.  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** well you know fucking what  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** now im gonna stay :\  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** if y’all want me gone so bad, you’ll have to kick me  
__

_-Yahababe has ejected Sour Bitch Kid from this conversation-_

  
**Pounder of Balls:** HA  
 _

-Me. Me Big Boy added Sour Bitch Kid to this conversation-

_  


**Pounder of Balls:** FUCK  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** BET YALL THOUGHT YOUD SEEN THE LAST OF ME  
**Pounder of Balls:** GET OUT  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** nah  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** aone has my back ;)  
**Me. Me Big Boy:** :)  
**Sufferer of Fools:** Considering how he’s usually the first to shut you up, i’d call that the  
**Sufferer of Fools:** Irony wall B)  
**Receiver of Balls:** OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH  
**Me. Me Big Boy:** B)  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Someone kill me.  
**Yahababe:** I volunteer as tribute.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** God I already have to deal with you in another groupchat, now this? What did I do to deserve this?  
**Yahababe:** 1.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Don’t fucking answer that.  
**Yahababe:** You’re a prick.  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** i think yahaba has you pegged shirabu  
**Receiver of Balls:** HAHA  
**Receiver of Balls:** See its funny, because you suck  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Okay I understand Yahoo.com and Firefox coming after me, but what have I ever done to Nishinoya?  
**Yahababe:** Lets check the list again for potential reasons!  
**Yahababe:** 1\. You’re a prick.  
**Receiver of Balls:** You havent done anything to me, I just dont like you  
**Pounder of Balls:** What reason would we have to get along with anyone on Shiratorizawa?? You guys are all so snooty and up on your high horse, looking down at the rest of us  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Oh boo-hooty-fucking-hoo. Look at this, I’m just crying over here. Your story is just so sad.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** The world’s smallest, saddest violin is playing just for you, I’m sure.  
**Sufferer of Fools:** This is why you’re called a prick.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Shut up, benchwarmer.  
**Receiver of Balls:** OH HELL NO  
**Pounder of Balls:** LISTEN UP SHITHEAD  
**Yahababe:** That insult doesn’t even make sense. We don’t sit on the bench? Like we have to stand. I guess Shirabu wouldn’t know.  
**Sufferer of Fools:** Everyone here needs to calm down a bit. I’m not even offended. It’s a fair thing to call me.  
**Pounder of Balls:** BUT CHIKARA  
**Receiver of Balls:** CHIKARA!!!!!!  
**Sufferer of Fools:** I’m not going to respond to the immature insult of a child?  
**Receiver of Balls:** OHSHIT  
**Shirabuttstuff:** We are literally the same age.  
**Sufferer of Fools:** I must have been mistaken then. I couldn't tell, because you haven't grown up and learnt to be nice to other people yet.  
**Receiver of Balls:** :D :D :D :D :D  
**Pounder of Balls:** DESTROYED!!  
**Yahababe:** I really thought this groupchat wasn’t gonna be much fun, but this is amazing.  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** isnt it tho  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** turns out all we need to get along is a common enemy to roast the fuck out of  
**Yahababe:** Uh.  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** what  
**Yahababe:** Are we being friendly now?  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** idk man  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** do you really care that much about court rivalries?  
**Yahababe:** I guess not?  
**Yahababe:** When did you get so mature about this?  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** probably around the same time datekou lost to your team, but then you guys lost to karasuno  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** its a rough loss  
**Yahababe:** Tell me about it.  
**Receiver of Balls:** AHAHA YES!! IM SO FOR NEW FRIENDSHIPS AND BONDS!! :D  
**Pounder of Balls:** You guys aren’t so bad after all!! Maybe I was hasty in deciding I hated everyone here except Noya-san and Chikara :)  
**Me. Me Big Boy:** :)  
**Chad:** YO WHATS THIS  
**Pounder of Balls:** I RESCIND THAT LAST COMMENT  
**Receiver of Balls:** ITS THE FUCKBOY!!!  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** who?  
**Chad:** HEY HEY WHATS UP  
**Chad:** ITS UR BOI TERUSHIMA YUUJI IN THE HOUUUUUSSEEEEEE  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** holy fuck  
**Chad:** OOOHHH DANG THERE ARE SOME REAL CUTIES UP IN THIS BITCH  
**Chad:** yahaba ;)  
**Yahababe:** Oh my god.  
**Chad:** do you remember me??? Cause i CERTAINLY remember you!!  
**Yahababe:** Someone kill me.  
**Chicken Nugget…:** Who is Chad  
**Chad:** more like, who’s the Nugggggggggg?????? Haha  
**Chad:** the NuuUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuugggggggggg  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** holy FUCK is that a gremlin??  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** someone kill it with fire  
**Chad:** YEA LETS GET FUCKIN LIIIIIITTTTT  
**Yahababe:** fkflfkff Kyoutani is here too???  
**Pounder of Balls:** ENNOSHITA!! YOU ADDED SO MANY PEOPLE I DONTEVEN LIKE  
**Sufferer of Fools:** Tanaka, you and Nishinoya barely ever try to make friends with people. If you come up to me yelling about starting a groupchat and ask _me_ to make it because I have the most contacts with teams we’ve played...  
**Sufferer of Fools:** This is the price you have to pay. :)  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** that’s cutthroat  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** i would like it, except this kid is a w f u l please delete him  
**Chad:** NAHHHHHH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAHHHH LOLOLOL  
**Chad:** EVERYONE LOVES THE CHADSTER!! U JUST GOTTA GIVE IT TIME  
**Chad:** I’m in no rush  <3  
**Chad:** ;)  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** what button do i have to press to hire a deep web assassin to kill him  
**Receiver of Balls:** CHIKARA UR SO MEAN!!!  
**Sufferer of Fools:** These people are nice. I’m friends with most of the people here already. If you got to know them, you’d probably be friends with them too.  
**Chad:** Best friends ;)))))  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** **what fucking button**  
**Sufferer of Fools:** Hmm. Why don’t we play a get-to-know-you game?  
**Sufferer of Fools:** Everyone loves games.  
**Pounder of Balls:** I dont  
**Sufferer of Fools:** Yes, you do, Tanaka.  
**Pounder of Balls:** You cant tell me what to do  
**Pounder of Balls:** You’re not my captain yet!!  
**Sufferer of Fools:** Do you want me to call Daichi-san and ask him for his opinion?  
**Pounder of Balls:** …  
**Pounder of Balls:** I love games!!!  
**Pounder of Balls:** Lets play a game!!  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** ugh  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** i wont like it but ill play  
**Chad:** Sounds FUN AF !! #YOLO, AMIRITE??  
**Receiver of Balls:** NICE IDEA CHIKARA :D  
**Yahababe:** I’m for it. :)  
**Sufferer of Fools:** Kyoutani? Aone? Yay or nay?  
**Me. Me Big Boy:** Sure.  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** sldfkajfj  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** seeing aone talk thru text is just as weird and vaguely ominous as in person  
**Chicken Nuggets...:** no  
**Yahababe:** Cmon, Kyoutani. It’ll be fun.  
**Chicken Nuggets...:** not interested  
**Yahababe:** It’s a bonding exercise!! Didn’t you want to learn to connect with people better or something?  
**Chad:** ya ;) cmon ;) connecting with people is super SUPER fun!!  
**Chicken Nuggets…:** i dont like him  
**Chicken Nuggets…:** or tanaka  
**Pounder of Balls:** huuuuuhHHH?? WHY DONT YOU SAY THAT TO MY FACE  
**Chicken Nuggets…:** i just did  
**Pounder of Balls:** WHY YOU LITTLE SHIT  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** fight fight fight fight  
**Sufferer of Fools:** Wowie, the tensions are high in here. It’s time to calm down, children.  
**Sufferer of Fools:** How about this?  
**Sufferer of Fools:** I flip a coin. Heads = Kyoutani plays, Tails = Kyoutani doesn’t play.  
**Receiver of Balls:** Sounds fair to me!!  
**Chicken Nuggets...:** i dont want to play  
**Sufferer of Fools:** Well, I got heads, so you’re playing.  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** you didnt even really flip a coin did you  
**Sufferer of Fools:** :)  
**Sufferer of Fools:** Moving on,  
**Chicken Nuggets…:** this is unfair  
**Sufferer of Fools:** Here’s a fun question to get us started!  
**Sufferer of Fools:** Why did you choose your current usernames?  
**Yahababe:** Oikawa called me this on my first day on the Aoba Jousai team and told me he was taking me under his wing, so I should have a nickname that owned my good looks.  
**Yahababe:** I thought he was ridiculous at first, but it kind of grew on me.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Tendou Satori chose this for me. I did not choose this. Don’t think I chose this, don’t ask me about it again, and I’m still not participating in this game or conversation.  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** have u really just been haunting here this whole time?? Lmfao u wanna be included so bad dont u  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Ennoshita shouldn’t have added me if you all didn’t want me here.  
**Sufferer of Fools:** Oh, I just added you because I knew everyone else hated you.  
**Sufferer of Fools:** Look how nicely everyone is getting along now!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** You’re an evil, evil man.  
**Receiver of Balls:** THIS USERNAME WAS JUST REALLY FUNNY LMAO  
**Pounder of Balls:** REALLY FUCKIN FUNNY!!!  
**Sufferer of Fools:** ^^^ they’re my reason :)  
**Chad:** ITS MY FRATSONA  
**Yahababe:** Your what?  
**Chad:** YKNOW LIKE  
**Chad:** who i am, on the inside, as a fuckboi  
**Chad:** not all of can be Chads… but I feel in my heart that im one of the Chaddiest Chads there is  
**Chad:** Chad’s favourite activities include teaching people what his tongue piercing feels like and working out ;)  
**Shirabuttstuff:** So “Chad” is really just Terushima but with a different name.  
**Chad:** Basically ya!! Haha ur so smart shirabu-chan  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Don’t call me that ever again, or compliment me, or talk to me, or come near me ever.  
**Chad:** I love it when they play hard to get ;;)  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I swear to god I wil get a restraining order on your undercut flaunting ass.  
**Chad:** You know you love it  <3  


_

-Shirabuttstuff has ejected Chad from the conversation-

_

  
_

-Sufferer of Fools added Chad to the conversation-

_   


**Sufferer of Fools:** Terushima’s a nice dude, I promise. Half of his fuckboi schtick is ironic.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Irony is such low class humour.  
**Sufferer of Fools:** On every level of being that I am, that statement is incredibly false.  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** irony ~~wall~~ is the only thing Aone finds funny  
**Me. Me Big Boy:** :D  
**Sufferer of Fools:** Futakuchi? What about you?  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** i love sour candies, and Kamasaki-san used to call me this sometimes  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** i kinda liked it  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** nothing more than that for me  
**Pounder of Balls:** It fits you pretty well though!!  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** fuck off, tanaka  
**Pounder of Balls:** MAKE ME  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** Aone used to get called a “big boy” all the time growing up  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** and he didnt like it much  
**Me. Me Big Boy:** :(  
**Yahababe:** Why is that single emoticon so heartbreaking?  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** cause Aone was a gentle kid , and he didn’t like that the other kids were afraid of him  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** he didn’t like being tall and big and strong  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** but when he got to high school  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** he finally had senpais who could ruffle his hair, and honestly call him small  
**Me. Me Big Boy:** When Kamisaki-senpai ruffled my hair for the first time without having to reach up, he called me a real big boy.  
**Me. Me Big Boy:** It was the first time being called that made me feel proud of being big and strong.  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** cause Kamasaki-san wasn’t afraid  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** not even Moniwa-san was, and he was the tiniest of the lot  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** and thus Aone felt truly accepted etc etc etc  
**Yahababe:** I…  
**Yahababe:** Did not know that Aone was such a pure guy.  
**Chad:** THIS IS THE SWEETEST THING IVE EVER READ IN THE WORLD  
**Pounder of Fools:** IM GONNA CRY  
**Receiver of Fools:** NICE AONE!! HAVING A SUPPORTIVE TEAM IS THE BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD!! SORRY I TRIED TO BEAT YOU UP THAT ONE TIME  
**Receiver of Fools:** EXCEPT IM NOT ACTUALLY THAT SORRY  
**Receiver of Fools:** I STILL THINK YOU’RE A DICK FOR WHAT YOU DID TO ASAHI-SAN  
**Receiver of Fools:** But you’re a nice guy underneath all that bluster in the end!!  
**Receiver of Fools:** :D  
**Pounder of Fools:** No wonder Hinata’s such good friends with you!!  
**Me. Me Big Boy:** :)  
**Yahababe:** Kyoutani? I think it’s your turn.  
**Yahababe:** C’mon, don’t go quiet now. We have to practice communication, remember?  
**Yahababe:** Like, on a volleyball court.  
**Yahababe:** We need to communicate.  
**Yahababe:** You can’t just shut up after that heartwarming story.  
**Pounder of Balls:** Don’t wimp out now!!  
**Receiver of Balls:** Open your heart!!  
**Chicken Nuggets…:** …  
**Yahababe:** Finally, he speaks.  
**Yahababe:** I swear, it’s like talking to a brick wall.  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** i take offense to that  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** im a good conversationalist, for a wall  
**Sufferer of Fools:** What about Aone, though?  
**Me. Me Big Boy:** :|  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** … fair point  
**Yahababe:** Anyways, Kyoutani???  
**Chicken Nuggets…:** i like chicken nuggets a lot  
**Chicken Nuggets…:** when i was trying to think of a username, i typed in chicken nuggets because i was hungry  
**Yahababe:** Of course you did.  
**Chicken Nuggets…:** then couldnt think of anything else  
**Chicken Nuggets…:** so my username is just  
**Chicken Nuggets…:** a thoughtful chicken nugget, i guess  
**Pounder of Balls:** ...I still dont like you, but broooooo SAME  
**Chad:** CHICKEN NUUUGGGGG  
**Chad:** I LOVE U CHICKEN NUG  
**Chad:** MAYBE ONE DAY I CAN GIVE U  
**Chad:** a chicken hug :)  
**Chicken Nuggets:** if you come anywhere near me i’ll beat the shit out of you  
**Chad:** haha  
**Chad:** and then what ;)  
**Yahababe:** Then he gets suspended and can’t play on the volleyball team for another month.  
**Yahababe:** Which isn’t allowed.  
**Receiver of Balls:** OUCH  
**Receiver of Balls:** TRUST ME WHEN I SAY THAT MONTH OFF HURTS  
**Pounder of Balls:** Noya-san :( I missed you so much during that month!!!  
**Receiver of Balls:** I MISSED YOU TOO RYUU!!  
**Sufferer of Fools:** That was kind of a nice month honestly. I got to play libero and the ace position. It was a lot of work but gave me a lot of real game experience.  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** ???  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** wtf was happening with karasuno before the interhigh?  
**Receiver of Balls:** REMEMBER WHEN YOU BROKE OUR FUCKIN ACE  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** haha ya  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** fun times  
**Receiver of Balls:** BASTARD!!!  
**Pounder of Balls:** ASSHOLE  
**Receiver of Balls:** ASAHI-SAN GAVE UP ON THE GAME BECAUSE OF YOU !!!  
**Me. Me Big Boy:** :(  
**Receiver of Balls:** NOT YOU AONE  
**Receiver of Balls:** OKAY MAYBE A LITTLE YOU CAUSE IM STILL NOT FORGIVING YOU  
**Receiver of Balls:** BUT YOU DIDNT MEAN IT LIKE THAT!!  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** geez sorry damn  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** its just a game  
**Pounder of Balls:** YOU TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT NOW  
**Receiver of Balls:** BLASPHEMY!!!!!  
**Yahababe:** _just_ a _game_ ????  
**Shirabuttstuff:** JUST a GAME????  
**Pounder of Balls:** THATS EVIL SPEAK  
**Pounder of Balls:** THATS HOW LOSERS AND WIMPS TALK  
**Receiver of Balls:** VOLLEYBALL IS ALL WE HAVE !!!  
**Receiver of Balls:** GOOD GRADES ARE IMPOSSIBLE FOR PEOPLE LIKE US  
**Chad:** ball…  
**Chad:** Ball is life.  
**Chad:** Ball is LIFE  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I’ve been to nationals, I only got into Shiratorizawa to be on the volleyball team, I’ve fought and clawed my way up the ladder to Ushijima-san’s side, and you dare to call this just a _game_?? This is my LIFE!  
**Pounder of Balls:** BALL IS LIFE  
**Chad:** BALL IS LIFE  
**Receiver of Balls:** BALL IS LIFE  
**Chicken Nugget…:** god i wish i’d gotten a chance to kick your ass in this ‘game’  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** well anyways  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** if y’all are done bitchin  
**Pounder of Balls:** B A LL I S LIFE  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** so what, ur ace quits the game  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** he obviously comes back :\  
**Sufferer of Fools:** Asahi-san felt totally defeated, and Nishinoya got mad at him for it. They had a huge fight, where Nishinoya tried to yell Asahi into wanting to play again, while Asahi moped about. Neither of them were taking the whole thing very well.  
**Receiver of Balls:** RIGHT  
**Receiver of Balls:** SO THEN I KNOCKED OVER A VASE AND ACCIDENTALLY HIT THE PRINCIPAL AND GOT SUSPENDED FOR A MONTH  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** is  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** is that the end of the story  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** cmon, you cant just leave it at that  
**Pounder of Balls:** Chikara and yours truly B) filled in for Asahi-san for the month, but it wasnt enough  
**Yahababe:** You _did_ beat Aoba Jousai with that roster, though.  
**Pounder of Balls:** We needed that ACE POWER to have a chance of winning with Oikawa around!!  
**Yahababe:** Fair enough.  
**Sufferer of Fools:** The new kids, Hinata Shouyou and Kageyama Tobio inspired Asahi-san to want to play again. Nishinoya joined back as soon as Asahi did. We didn’t have a lot of time before the interhigh to really get organized, but it worked pretty well.  
**Me. Me Big Boy:** :)  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** wha  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** oh, right, you’re friends with the hinata kid  
**Me. Me Big Boy:** :)!  
**Pounder of Balls:** HaHA thats adorable!! I’ll let Hinata know you said hi!!  
**Me. Me Big Boy:** :)!!!  
**Yahababe:** So you guys got all the way to Aoba Jousai in the Interhigh and almost beat us with a hastily-cobbled together team and shaky teamwork? That’s ridiculous.  
**Yahababe:** No wonder you won the second time around.  
**Chicken Nugget…:** we almost won  
**Yahababe:** But we didn’t! :) Partially because of you! :)  
**Chad:** OUCH  
**Chad:** haha SICK BURN  
**Chad:** That had to hurt tho WOW  
**Shirabuttstuff:** You’re not even this mean to me Yahaba. What’s your problem with Kyoutani?  
**Yahababe:** I don’t have a problem with Kyoutani.  
**Chicken Nugget…:** you’re lying  
**Chicken Nugget…:** but i don’t want to hear what you have to say anyways  
**Chicken Nugget…:** we’re going to be working together as ace and setter  
**Chicken Nugget…:** we don’t need to get along to do that  
**Chad:** wow!  
**Chad:** WOW I mean just WOW  
**Chad:** is anyone else feeling this insane sexual tension between these two??  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Oh definitely. You should try feeling it in person.  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** its ridiculous, they start glaring at each other in silence and you can just tell they want to start madly making out in a corner or something  
**Receiver of Balls:** THEY SHOULD FUCK :D  
**Chad:** LMAO TOTALLY HAHA  
**Chad:** NUUUUUG GO GET THAT SWEET SETTER ASS  
**Chicken Nugget…:** if you call me nug again i’ll break you face  
**Chad:** cmon NUUUUUUUG I know u wont do me like that  <333  
**Chicken Nugget…:** what school does he go to again  
**Chad:** i’d tell u but im legitimately afraid for my face  <3  
**Pounder of Balls:** I feel like it’s unfair that ANYONE we play get a boyfriend or girlfriend BEFORE ME  
**Pounder of Balls:** CMON WHERES MY HIGH SCHOOL ROMANCE??? WHERES THE JUSTICE  
**Pounder of Balls:** IM MUCH BETTER LOOKING THAN THAT MAD DOG  
**Sufferer of Fools:** We shouldn’t push them along, they’ll come to their own conclusion with time.  
**Yahababe:** I’d rather gouge out my eyeballs, thank you very much.  
**Yahababe:** I don’t have a problem with Kyoutani, nor do I have any sort of un-acted-on romantic feelings.  
**Yahababe:** Don’t we have anything better to talk about?  
**Yahababe:** What’s everyone doing right now?  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** i think everyones been pretty plugged into this conversation for a while now tbh  
**Sufferer of Fools:** Well, we were supposed to be playin that get-to-know-you game, but that went off the rails pretty fast. Unless anyone else has any ideas for questions?  
**Receiver of Balls:** Who here has a crush????  
**Yahababe:** God fucking damnit.  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** i dont think u can escape this now lmfao  
**Yahababe:** I don’t have a crush on anyone.  
**Yahababe:** And neither does Kyoutani.  
**Chad:** lets ask him first!!! Cmon, NUGGY MY FRIEND  
**Chicken Nugget…:** i’ll rip out your tongue piercing  
**Chad:** HOT  
**Chicken Nugget…:** fuck off  
**Chicken Nugget…:** if i did have a crush it wouldn’t be anyones business  
**Receiver of Balls:** :D :D :D :D :D :D :D : D HE HAS A CRUSH  
**Pounder of Balls:** 100% has a crush!!!!!!!!  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** oh DANG does kyoutani have a crush on yahaba and has yahaba been shutting him down this entire conversation???  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** that would be brutal  
**Chicken Nugget…:** i dont have a crush  
**Sufferer of Fools:** It’s too late, you’ve admitted too much already.  
**Chad:** BRO IM SO TOTALLY GONNA BE THE BEST WINGMAN YOUVE EVER HAD IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE  
**Chicken Nugget…:** i will rip out your hair  
**Chad:** THATS THE SPIRIT  
**Yahababe:** This question is posed to everyone, so everyone has to answer. Anyone else have a crush?  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** ur so transparent  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** u just want the attention off u and kyouken lmfao  
**Yahababe:** Suck my dick, Futakuchi.  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** geez geez lmao okay  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** i dont have a crush on anyone rn  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** i think Aone might have a bit of a crush on the flying annoying orange boy  
**Me. Me Big Boy:** :)  
**Pounder of Balls:** thats so adorable i just wanna rip my HEART OUT  
**Pounder of Balls:** its not like… a really serious crush though right  
**Me. Me Big Boy:** Kageyama has his heart set on Hinata. I respect that.  
**Receiver of Balls:** Pheeewwww  
**Receiver of Balls:** That would’ve been really awkward if you didnt already realize that!! :D  
**Sufferer of Fools:** To anyone observing outside, it’s immediately apparent that Kageyama and Hinata are the kind of destined idiots you only see once in a lifetime. They’re practically made for each other.  
**Pounder of Balls:** Ahhhhhhh, young love  
**Chad:** It brings a tear to the eye :’)  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** are they not together yet??  
**Pounder of Balls:** I think Kageyama has realized his feelings for Hinata, but Hinata’s still painfully oblivious!!  
**Receiver of Balls:** WE’RE TRYING OUR BEST TO PUSH THEM TOGETHER :D :D :D  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Clearly, you guys are awful matchmakers if you haven’t managed to make Kagehina happen yet. They’re not really that dumb as to not notice the other for so long, right?  
**Sufferer of Fools:** Ha!  
**Sufferer of Fools:** You underestimate how dumb they are.  
**Pounder of Balls:** They are… they are truly some oblivious little fuckers  
**Receiver of Balls:** and we love them for it!!  
**Receiver of Balls:** but nevermind them!! I wanna sink my teeth into that big hunk of meat on our team!!!  
**Chad:** ur captain?? I know what u mean… those thighs….  
**Receiver of Balls:** What?? LMFAO NO  
**Receiver of Balls:** ASAHI-sAN  
**Pounder of Balls:** Here we go  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** oh geez  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Is he awfully lovey-dovey? I’m just going to leave if we’re about to get a hopeless romantic’s spiel.  
**Sufferer of Fools:** Not exactly.  
**Receiver of Balls:** IF HE HAD ANY SORT OF SPINE AT ALL HE’D HAVE MANNED UP AND JUST FUCKED ME BY NOW BUT NOOOOO HES GOTTA BE THE GENTLEMEN AND AVERT HIS EYES WHEN WE MAKE EYE CONTACT AND GET ALL BLUSHY BLUSHY WHATEVER  
**Chad:** ohhhh MAN  
**Chad:** I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN NOYA  
**Receiver of Balls:** RIGHT??? LIKE GOD WHAT DOES WANT ME TO DO, BREAK INTO HIS HOUSE AND WAIT FOR HIM ON HIS BED?? I THINK ITS BLINDINGLY OBVIOUS I HAVE A MASSIVE HEART-BONER FOR HIM AT THIS POINT!!! I DONT THINK IT COULD BE ANYMORE CLEAR IF I TRIED  
**Sufferer of Fools:** I mean, you’re not even dating. You could probably ask him out. Or even just start with something easier for Asahi, like holding hands or soft kisses. You already know that’s what dating him would actually be like.  
**Sufferer of Fools:** You’re just bitching at this point.  
**Chad:** heres my advice  
**Chad:** (certified terushima yuuji, matchmaker extraordinaire and panty dropper, advice)  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** ur the virginiest virgin ive ever met or spoken to  
**Chad:** virginity is fake and a social construct  
**Chad:** get with the times, babeakutchi  
**Sufferer of Fools:** He’s not wrong.  
**Pounder of Balls:** i cant believe terushitma just said something vaguely intelligent  
**Chad:** BELIEVE IT  
**Chad:** DATTEBAYO  
**Receiver of Balls:** WHATS UR ADVICE ??  
**Chad:** Youve just been throwing urself at the dude!! And if that isnt working obviously the next step is-  
**Yahababe:** Playing hard to get?  
**Chad:** What?? LMaO no  
**Chad:** TEASE THE HELL OUTTA HIM  
**Receiver of Balls:** OOHHHH  
**Sufferer of Fools:** This is a bad idea.  
**Receiver of Balls:** UR A GENIUS TERUSHITMA  
**Chad:** can u stop callin me that  
**Pounder of Balls:** NAH  
**Receiver of Balls:** LMAO NO  
**Chad:** LAMESAUCE MY BROS  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** if ur just constantly being a flirt-tease with someone but ur never upfront about what u want from them, isnt it kind of just confusing to the person ur flirting with  
**Sufferer of Fools:** ^^^ My point exactly. Asahi-san isn’t the kind of person to understand what you want, Nishinoya. He’s just going to be confused and scared.  
**Receiver of Balls:** hes ALWAYS confused and scared!!!!  
**Receiver of Balls:** THIS IS GONNA BE FUN  
**Receiver of Balls:** if it doesnt work after like a week or two i’ll stooooppppp  
**Chad:** EVEN LAMER SAUCE!!  
**Pounder of Balls:** I SUPPORT U IN EVERYTHING U DO NOYa-SAN  
**Pounder of Balls:** but also yea stop after a week or two if it doesnt work  
**Pounder of Balls:** and we’ll try another way!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Well, that was boring.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Who hasn’t answered the crush question yet?  
**Yahababe:** You definitely haven’t.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** At this point, doesn’t everyone have all the answers to my heart basically? You’ve ripped me apart in the Pretty Setter Squad chat enough times.  
**Yahababe:** Lol yeah. I’d feel bad for you except.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I know, I’m a prick, what the fuck ever.  
**Pounder of Balls:** So who exactly do you like?  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Ushijima-san and Akaashi-san from Fukurodani. That’s it, that’s all, move on quickly because I can assure you I’ve already been brutally torn apart for these crushes enough times.  
**Sufferer of Fools:** Akaashi is beautiful.  
**Pounder of Balls:** AKAASHI IS SO PRETTY!!!  
**Receiver of Balls:** not my type, but i can see the appeal :D  
**Chad:** Oh DANG Who is this hot hot stud??  
**Chad:** Someone link me their instagram!!!  
**Sufferer of Fools:** Akaashi doesn’t have instagram, he doesn’t like social media much.  
**Chad:** as if thats enough to deter me  
**Sufferer of Fools:** I don’t really have a crush on anyone right now.  
**Pounder of Balls:** KIYOKO-SAN!!!!  
**Pounder of Balls:** I LOVE HER  
**Chad:** SHES SO GORGEOUS  
**Yahababe:** She really is beautiful.  
**Receiver of Balls:** ISNT SHE JUST THE BEST???  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** didnt u plead for ur ace to just take u already like 2 seconds ago  
**Receiver of Balls:** I CAN HAVE A CRUSH ON KIYOKO-SAN AND STILL WANT ASAHI-SAN TO POUND ME LIKE ONE OF SAEKO-NEE-SAN’S DRUMS  
**Pounder of Balls:** ew  
**Pounder of Balls:** dude dont bring my sister into this it just makes it weird  
**Sufferer of Fools:** Right, it’s the sister part that makes it weird.  
**Pounder of Balls:** Kiyoko-san is like…. Out of our league  
**Chad:** I almost got her number once!!  
**Pounder of Balls:** Are you… sure about that?? Sounds unrealistic  
**Chad:** I swear she was about to give me her number before the little orange kid on your team interrupted!!  
**Sufferer of Fools:** Hmmm.  
**Receiver of Balls:** ?????????  
**Chad:** What?? Why are you all so suspicious?  
**Yahababe:** I tried to get the attention of the little blonde manager girl once, but Kiyoko-san drove me off.  
**Chad:** So??  
**Yahababe:** I think what they’re trying to say is that like...  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** harold theyre lesbians  
**Pounder of Balls:** Yea, that  
**Chad:** awwww FUCK  
**Chad:** Now i feel bad for pushing so hard for her number!!!  
**Chad:** Can u tell her im sorry????  
**Sufferer of Fools:** Sure, I’ll pass on the message.  
**Receiver of Balls:** YACHI HAS THE BIGGEST CRUSH ON KIYOKO-SAN  
**Pounder of Balls:** THEYRE SO CUTE TOGETHER  
**Yahababe:** I think they look perfect together honestly. They seemed on really good terms too!  
**Yahababe:** Also, the look in Kiyoko’s eyes when I went to go talk to Yachi was awe-inspiringly scary.  
**Yahababe:** The ultimate level of “You can’t sit with us”.  
**Pounder of Balls:** Isn’t it the BEST??  
**Receiver of Balls:** I LOVE WHEN SHE SCOLDS ME  
**Chad:** We had this manager on our team who was GORGEOUS and i lOVED HER and once she slapped me and it was the HIGHLIGHT OF MY LIFE  
**Pounder of Balls:** A KINDRED SPIRIT  
**Receiver of Balls:** KIYOKO SLAPPEd ME ONCE AND IT WAS AMAZING  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** why do all the shitty teams get managers  
**Yahababe:** I know right?  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** karasuno isn’t even a powerhouse anymore and they have TWO managers  
**Sufferer of Fools:** We did take down Shiratorizawa, though.  
**Yahababe:** But you had two managers before that too!  
**Pounder of Balls:** I guess we’re just BETTER THAN U  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** and i mean it’s weird enough that aoba jousai doesnt have a manager  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** oikawa has so many girls show up to his games, why hasnt one of them applied for manager??  
**Yahababe:** I think they think it’s going to be too much work.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** We’re literally a private school that goes to nationals all the time and we don’t even have a manager. We have a BAND but not a MANAGER.  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** oh wow, _just_ a band, i feel so sorry for you  
**Yahababe:** … Hey, Shirabu?  
**Shirabuttstuff:** What?  
**Yahababe:** Do you hear that?  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I don’t hear anything?  
**Yahababe:** Really? Cause I can hear the the world’s saddest, smallest violin, playing just for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this isnt gonna be a group convo that happens super often, but i really wanted to throw in tanaka and nishinoya and ennoshita and the datekou boys somehow because i LOVE THEM ALL SO MUCH
> 
> not gonna make any promises about when the next chapter is gonna be out, but its gonna be back to the good good seijou third year boys!!


	11. Seijou Third Years Round 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Username:** Hanamemeki  
>  **Mood Message:** "I would gladly shove a mint leaf in my eye. I would be able to see the freshness."- Mattsun, 2016

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHATS UP BREADSLICES its 7 am and ive been awake all night watching rick and morty and star vs the forces of evil. neither of those are anime... oh my god ive betrayed the weeb lifestyle............. spent like 5 hours watching hunter x hunter uhhhh yesterday (its not really "yesterday" or "tomorrow" until youve slept for like at least 6 hours but shhhhhhhhh we can ignore that for now) though which probably is good enough?? 
> 
> anyways heres another ALMOST 6K pile of garbage pls enjoy it. i genuinely had to stop writing for a bit cause i was laughing too hard at one part which is cool and fun

**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** If you guys had a superpower, what do you think it would be?  
**Matsukawaii:** Dick manipulation.  
**Hanamemeki:** Dickulation.  
**Matsukawaii:** Is that your answer or just a joke?  
**Hanamemeki:** Yea.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** I think I'd like to be able to read people's emotions. Maybe calm them? Emotional manipulation sounds handy.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Wait, fuck, that came out super wrong.  
**Oikawaii:** ur FACE came out super wrong  
**Hanamemeki:** Absolutely roasted.  
**Hanamemeki:** As per usual, Oikawa comes in with the most thought out and clever of insults.  
**Oikawaii:** ur FACE is the insult here  
**Matsukawaii:** Get fucked, Makki.  
**Hanamemeki:** Only if you’re the one offering.  
**Oikawaii:** id want to be able to control flowers and plants!!  
**Oikawaii:** to have a power as pretty as me~ (◡‿◡✿)  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** That actually sounds kind of useful. I thought you'd choose something dumb, like super strength.  
**Oikawaii:** oooh wait i take it back!! i want telekinesis!!  
**Matsukawaii:** Bruh.  
**Hanamemeki:** That's so basic.  
**Oikawaii:** im a basic bitch so what??  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** No, telekinesis is a good power. It basically renders a bunch of other super powers useless- like, for example, super strength. Who the fuck would just want to be stronger than a normal human? There's so many more options out there.  
**Oikawaii:** also i would be better at setting than tobio-chan!! (⊙‿⊙✿)  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Shut the fuck up.  
**Oikawaii:** MEAN IWACHAN!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** You’re so dumb.  
**Hanamemeki:** It’s a waste of a power.  
**Matsukawaii:** You're already better at setting than Karasuno's setter.  
**Oikawaii:** ( ´ ▽ ` ).｡ｏ♡ u guys!!! are so good and i love u very much!!  
**Matsukawaii:** That’s literally so gay.  
**Hanamemeki:** You’re not allowed to show affection, it just comes off as insincere and creepy.  
**Oikawaii:** how about both of u shut the fuck up and accept my love??  
**Hanamemeki:** There’s the captain we’re used to.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** I WAS WRONG I WANT TO BE ABLE TO TURN INTO A GIANT MONSTER LIZARD.  
**Matsukawaii:** Oh, we’re still talking about this.  
**Oikawaii:** god,,  
**Oikawaii:** u and ur fuckin godzilla movies!!  
**Hanamemeki:** That's the best power we've thought of yet.  
**Matsukawaii:** I want to be able to turn into a giant cryptid too honestly.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Godzilla is my past and present and future. Godzilla is my destiny, Oikawa.  
**Oikawaii:** i stg u love godzilla more than u love me!! (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Yeah.  
**Oikawaii:** thats not what u were supposed to respond with  
**Oikawaii:** (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)  
**Hanamemeki:** Tfw u try and flirt with bae... but bae doesn't love u...  
**Matsukawaii:** Bae only wants that scaly monster dick...  
**Oikawaii:** if iwachan becomes godzilla the only person whos gonna be owning that scaly monster dick is my ass (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** I'm a proud, independent giant mega monster who's going to be too busy destroying cities and laying waste to humanity to bother with you.  
**Oikawaii:** thats hot tbh??  
**Oikawaii:** go iwachan!! I support u in all ur endeavours!!  
**Matsukawaii:** Not that we’re all not super into discussing this, but what brought this up?  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** I was just watching a superhero anime and it made me start wondering, that's all.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** So Oikawa has telekinesis, I can turn into Godzilla, and Hanamaki and Matsukawa can... control other people's dicks?  
**Matsukawaii:** That sounds about right.  
**Hanamemeki:** Controlling our own dicks is pretty important too.  
**Matsukawaii:** The only dick I want to be able to control is yours, Makki.  
**Hanamemeki:** That’s gay, but also you'd be giving up so much power.  
**Matsukawaii:** You're right and I hate that. Multiple dick manipulation it is.  
**Matsukawaii:** This is what happens when I try to be romantic.  
**Hanamemeki:** I think you're cute anyways.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Okay, I finished my episode and chat’s been dead for a while.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** So what's everyone up to?  
**Oikawaii:** mmmmmm  
**Oikawaii:** nothing ¯\\_(• ε •)_/¯  
**Hanamemeki:** That’s immediately suspicious.  
**Oikawaii:** what?? I didnt even do anything???  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Your lights aren’t on, so you're not at home. Where are you?  
**Matsukawaii:** Oh shit bae's getting mad.  
**Matsukawaii:** Detective Iwaizumi mode activated.  
**Hanamemeki:** You know when they start monitoring where you are it's a red flag.  
**Hanamemeki:** Should probably break it off quick.  
**Oikawaii:** the only thing thats gonna break around here is my heart when iwachan goes off to become a giant lizard monster and destroy cities, leaving me alone and crying  
**Hanamemeki:** A sad soundtrack plays in the background, and the camera pans.  
**Matsukawaii:** We watch the sunset, the scarlet of the evening sky perhaps a bit more red than normal. It’s all the death and explosions happening in the distance. But none of that touches this place where we are right now, filming the ending of the most tragic romance monster film of the year. We do a close up on a tear that slowly rolls down Oikawa's perfect cheek.  
**Hanamemeki:** Distantly, there is fire and burning, but here there is quiet.  
**Matsukawaii:** It's the quiet of loss.  
**Hanamemeki:** The loss of a companion, a friend, a soulmate and lover.  
**Matsukawaii:** Oikawa makes tea. He picks flowers.  
**Hanamemeki:** Yet he is alone for breakfast. He puts another plate on the other side of the table for someone who will never show up.  
**Matsukawaii:** It's so tragic. The entire audience is crying. Can assure you, I’m from the future and I’ve seen it already, it’s super sad and everyone wants to die of sorrow.  
**Hanamemeki:** Oikawa turns on the news, and there is his love, who he can never see or fuck again.  
**Matsukawaii:** Giant Monster Dicks are... too big.  
**Oikawaii:** movie me isnt trying hard enough imo  
**Hanamemeki:** Even a Magnum condom could not hold that dong.  
**Hanamemeki:** Shut up Real Oikawa we’re doing a bit.  
**Oikawaii:** im just saying!!  
**Matsukawaii:** Oikawa will be sad and lonely forever, and we as the audience know this.  
**Hanamemeki:** We cut back to Monster Iwaizumi, who looks back towards the direction of his hometown, perhaps considering returning. The ruins of a city are laying around him. Sirens flared once, fires blazed once, but that was hours ago and now he just sits in the ruin of the city’s largest bank, considering his life choices.  
**Matsukawaii:** There is regret in those solid black dino eyes. Regret and lazerbeams.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Lazerbeam eyes only were a thing in the 1978 feature, "The Godzilla Power Hour". If you want to keep it truer to the character of Godzilla, use Atomic Breath instead. It's pretty consistent over every adaptation.  
**Matsukawaii:** Thanks, Iwaizumi. There is regret in those solid black dino eyes. Regret and tears.  
**Oikawaii:** why the fuck does iwachan get to make an interjection but i dont????  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** I’m just better than you or something.  
**Matsukawaii:** Both of you shut up.  
**Oikawaii:** t(ಠ╭╮ಠ t)  
**Hanamemeki:** He sighs and breathes out fire and suffering onto the already destroyed city. A giant clawed hand picks up the remains of a bus sign, and we watch it crumble to ashes in his hands. He’d ridden that bus into town earlier. Then he’d stepped on it. The tragedy of this affects literally everyone who even considers the prospect. It’s like stepping on a lego block or something, but it was your favourite lego block and even though it hurt to step on it you’re more concerned with whether it’s okay.  
**Matsukawaii:** But horrifically you find that you’re a giant huge monster being and you squashed that lego block like a bug and there’s no return for it. You just ruined that lego block. And maybe it didn’t actually hurt that much, but it hurts your heart more than a lego block would anyways.  
**Hanamemeki:** Are we really going to go that far? Very little hurts more than a lego block.  
**Matsukawaii:** Of course this movie and scene hurts more than a lego block. The lego block is dead, Makki, and both of us are crying as we type this.  
**Hanamemeki:** Sorry you’re right.  
**Hanamemeki:** The tears just blurred my screen for a while, you know how it is.  
**Matsukawaii:** So.  
**Matsukawaii:** We pan up towards the horizon, and Iwaizumi watches the sun set. He has killed thousands today, but will anything fill up the hole in his heart?  
**Hanamemeki:** Oikawa's dick once filled that hole....  
**Matsukawaii:** But now he is too large for Oikawa's dick to have any effect on him.  
**Hanamemeki:** Both Oikawa and Iwaizumi shed an identical tear as they watch the same sunset and long for their once kind of fulfilling sex lives, and the screen fades to black.  
**Matsukawaii:** The credits begin to roll.  
**Hanamemeki:** Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You" plays.  
**Matsukawaii:** As the audience, you want to tear out your heart and offer it to the movie makers who thought up this genius.  
**Hanamemeki:** You never thought you'd be wishing for a boy to have never turned into Godzilla so two dudes could fuck and be happy forever, but goddamn do you hate that Iwaizumi had to turn into Godzilla.  
**Matsukawaii:** This is solid gold, we should send this to that movie making dude from Karasuno.  
**Hanamemeki:** It will be the romance of the century.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** I'd watch that movie.  
**Hanamemeki:** Maybe later you look back and go, ‘hey why didn’t Iwaizumi just turn back into a normal human because it was never implied that Iwaizumi couldn’t just turn back into a normal human, and also why was it treated like Iwaizumi had to do this for whatever reason? Like, Iwaizumi didn’t have to go destroy all those cities or anything, he just acted like he had this grand obligation to do so”. And we have the answers to your questions.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Yeah, I was actually wondering about that.  
**Matsukawaii:** The answers are fuck you, it doesn’t matter because this is a goddamn cinematic masterpiece.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Hey, fuck you guys too. I’m not going to act in your fucking monster movie then.  
**Hanamemeki:** Ugh. Overpaid actors always think they can make demands.  
**Matsukawaii:** How about you shut up and start learning your lines, Iwaizumi?  
**Matsukawaii:** Repeat after me: ‘Oikawa, you know you can’t follow me once I… once I turn. You think you can, but you couldn’t handle it. The sheer size of my lizardy dick… it will lay waste to cities. You’d die, Oikawa.’  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** This movie’s script is bad because it drastically underestimates the lengths Oikawa is willing to go to to get something he wants.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** It’s out of character.  
**Hanamemeki:** That’s a fair complaint.  
**Hanamemeki:** You’re fired.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** You don’t have anyone to replace me?  
**Matsukawaii:** That’s show business, baby.  
**Hanamemeki:** Kyoutani will work in a pinch. He’s replacing you on the team already, after all.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Wow, thanks, Kunimi the Senior.  
**Oikawaii:** hey so this is off topic  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Aw fuck. What are you doing Oikawa?  
**Oikawaii:** i am  
**Oikawaii:** mmmmmmmmmmMMMMM  
**Oikawaii:** kinda  
**Matsukawaii:** Gay.  
**Hanamemeki:** Gay.  
**Oikawaii:** fuck u guys!! im Full 10000000% Gay all the time!!!!  
**Oikawaii:** no halfs here only full power!!!  
**Oikawaii:** 'kinda gay' pfffft miss me with that weak shit???  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Oikawa.  
**Oikawaii:** OKAY FINE IM LOCKED IN USHIWAKAS BATHROOM!!!!!  
**Oikawaii:** (ಥ﹏ಥ)  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Oh my god.  
**Hanamemeki:** Oh fucking bless.  
**Matsukawaii:** You're just been messaging us from in there this whole time?  
**Oikawaii:** ya???  
**Oikawaii:** what can i say im desperate for social contact at all times because it lets me forget my problems ( ° ͜ʖ °)  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Why are you in Ushiwaka's bathroom?  
**Oikawaii:** SO  
**Oikawaii:** i was digging aroudn in his closet for my panties!!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Your What?  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** I feel like we skipped the start of this story.  
**Hanamemeki:** Did you not know about the panties?  
**Matsukawaii:** They're kind of legendary.  
**Hanamemeki:** Doesn’t he put pics of himself in them up on his snapchat story all the time?  
**Matsukawaii:** He's also faked aesthetic photos of him in them on instagram.  
**Hanamemeki:** Like classy photos or straight up naughty?  
**Matsukawaii:** C’mon Makki. You know our good captain never does anything in halves.  
**Hanamemeki:** So downright filthy. Nice.  
**Oikawaii:** i cant hear u over my five digit follower count??? Besides i look good and we all know it?? Everything looks classy with a filter anyways!!  
**Oikawaii:** also iwachan doesnt have ig or sc (• ε •)  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** The fact that you shorten snapchat to 'sc' proves you spend too much time on social media. I don't care about that stuff, I can just go see you in person if I want to see you.  
**Matsukawaii:** You're missing out on Oikawa panty pics though.  
**Hanamemeki:** Seriously bro.  
**Matsukawaii:** _Filthy_ Oikawa panty pics too. With a filter.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** I’m satisfied enough with just the ugly Oikawa picture groupchat honestly. I don’t really need half-naked pictures of him.  
**Hanamemeki:** Lame.  
**Matsukawaii:** That’s literally the straightest thing you’ve ever said to me Iwaizumi.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** None of the talk about baseball or arm wrestling or working out was straighter?  
**Matsukawaii:** Baseball was automatically made LGBTQ+ culture when High School Musical 2 released to song “I Don’t Dance” which was an obvious euphemism for one dude being super gay and trying to get the other dude to admit he’s also super gay.  
**Hanamemeki:** In a counter argument, baseball represents heterosexuality and an unwillingness to be adventurous in the context of the song. Dancing represents that good gay shit.  
**Matsukawaii:** However throughout the song the first dude plays baseball to prove that you can dance and play baseball, that you don’t have to choose just once. It’s actually a perfect song representing bi and pan culture. It’s gay either way.  
**Hanamemeki:** Huh. I think you’re right.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** I don’t know what you’re talking about and I don’t think I want to know.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Why the fuck are we just ignoring Oikawa being locked in Ushiwaka’s bathroom?  
**Oikawaii:** THANKS IWACHAN FOR BRINGING THAT AROUND NICELY!!!  
**Oikawaii:** LETS TALK ABOUT ME FOR A BIT!!  
**Oikawaii:** so okay heres how my day went:  
**Oikawaii:** a while ago ushijima broke into my house to steal my panties  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Holy shit.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Why didn't I know about this?  
**Oikawaii:** idk iwachan maybe u just dont care about me and my life ¯\\_( ಠ д ಠ )_/¯  
**Matsukawaii:** Really? There was like a whole rant post about it on Oikawa's blog.  
**Hanamemeki:** It was some funny shit. Got a lot of notes too when he added the pics of drunk Ushiwaka in the sailor moon outfit.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** You're not going to convince me to get all these random forms of social media just because you keep referencing them.  
**Oikawaii:** submit to the sc already!!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** The SC, or the Succ Club.  
**Oikawaii:** i wish i could be mad but honestly tea  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Isn't this some form of sexual harassment with the panties? Like, Ushiwaka should be in jail. At least for breaking and entering.  
**Oikawaii:** i kinda stopped caring once i got the pics of him in the sailor moon outfit ~(˘▾˘~)  
**Oikawaii:** and technically he didnt actually break in cause he just!! Pulled open my window!! Because someone!! Broke the !! fucking!! Lock!! IWACHAN!!  
**Oikawaii:** I wonder who that might be!!!???  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** We need to actually get you a new lock. No jokes this time.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** This is all kinds of fucked up. This is so fucked up. Someone dangerous could have just waltzed into your house. Fuck.  
**Oikawaii:** iwachan its okay im fine~  
**Oikawaii:** Besides its not like ushiwaka didnt have to work for it  
**Oikawaii:** he had to climb a tree just like u do!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Just. Keep telling your story Oikawa.  
**Oikawaii:** iwachan ಠ⌣ಠ dont be upset  
**Oikawaii:** nothing happened to me and u dont have to worry about anything  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** I get it, so shut up and continue.  
**Oikawaii:** (；一_一)  
**Hanamemeki:** So you broke into Ushiwaka's house, you say, casually.  
**Matsukawaii:** How'd you manage that?  
**Oikawaii:** shira-chan let me in!!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** You mean, that asshole Shirabu? The dipshit with the protractor hair?  
**Oikawaii:** hes so sweet n cute and agreed so easily!!  
**Oikawaii:** i have a lot of blackmail material on him!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧  
**Matsukawaii:** Wouldn't have it any other way.  
**Hanamemeki:** So you got into the Shiratorizawa dorms.  
**Oikawaii:** right, so shira-chan had a key to Ushiwaka's room and i didnt question that because it was rlly convenient!!  
**Oikawaii:** also shira-chan's a thirsty bitch!! which is really fuckin relatable!!  
**Hanamemeki:** True.  
**Matsukawaii:** Super true.  
**Oikawaii:** so anyways i head into ushiwakas room and im digging through his drawers and trying to find my panties but i cant find them so i start looking in weird places because ushiwakas weird so he probably put them somewhere weird right????  
**Oikawaii:** but then i hear the door open and tendick shitori and ushitwaka come strolling on in!!!  
**Matsukawaii:** Your entire life is like some poorly written story about a weird jealous ex-girlfriend in a dumb sitcom.  
**Hanamemeki:** The crazy ex-girlfriend, breaking in to steal back her panties. She probably hears some information that creates a plot twist on the drama that’s been unfolding in the last eight episodes. As the viewer, you were kind of expecting this, because they usually have about 2 plot twists per episode.  
**Oikawaii:** i really wish that was what i was overhearing ب_ب  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Are they having sex with you locked in their bathroom.  
**Oikawaii:** SOMEONE HELP ME IM DYING  
**Hanememeki:** Sometimes, the world just gives you a present, and you have to take it in all it's glory.  
**Matsukawaii:** That present is usually my dick for you.  
**Hanamemeki:** Too true, my man.  
**Oikawaii:** WELL MY PRESENT TODAY IS !!! THE VARIOUS SOUND OF USHIWAKA AND TENDOUS DICKS!! WHICH I DONT REALLY WANT TO DESCRIBE AT ALL BUT YOU ALL JUST PROBABLY IMAGINED AND I HATE U FOR THAT!!! I HATE MY BRAIN FOR DESCRIBING IT LIKE THAT!!!  
**Oikawaii:** SOMEONE GET ME A FUCKING RECIEPT CAUSE I DONT WANT THIS  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** I’m trying to not be amused but I’m definitely amused.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** You’ve been in there for a while too? How long have they been going at it?  
**Hanamemeki:** Isn’t the average length of sex like six minutes?  
**Matsukawaii:** They’re healthy teenage boys, though. They can probably keep going for longer than that if they’re trying really hard.  
**Oikawaii:** well lemme tell u theyre the two biggest tryhards ive ever met  
**Oikawaii:** i wish i was kidding when i said that ushiwaka sounds like a cow mooing when he moans!!! i wish i didnt know that!!!  
**Oikawaii:** I JUST WANTED MY PANTIES  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Am I going to have to come save you?  
**Oikawaii:** IWACHAN PLEASE  
**Oikawaii:** I TRIED TALKING SHIRA-CHAN INTO COMING TO SAVE ME AND HE WOULDNT DO IT CAUSE HES A FUCKING BABY  
**Oikawaii:** or wait wiaiti wait fuck no dont do that  
**Hanamemeki:** Yeah, I was just thinking.  
**Hanamemeki:** Wouldn’t that just give away the fact you’re there?  
**Hanamemeki:** As it is now, there’s a slight chance you can still find the panties and get away somehow.  
**Matsukawaii:** And if Iwaizumi shows up to collect you they’ll definitely know you were in there the whole time.  
**Matsukawaii:** Which will just make your whole relationship so much weirder than it already is.  
**Hanamemeki:** Would it actually?  
**Matsukawaii:** That’s a fair question.  
**Matsukawaii:** Tendou does essentially insinuate doing something like this exact situation you’re in sometimes on facebook.  
**Hanamemeki:** Mattsun, don’t sell Tendou short. He insinuates much worse than this.  
**Oikawaii:** ahhghghhgghghghh i was dumbbbbbb i was being so DUMB!!!!!!  
**Oikawaii:** iwachan already leffttttt  
**Oikawaii:** hes not repsonding anymore so u know hes already gone  
**Oikawaii:** why does he have to be so nice n gallant!!!!!  
**Oikawaii:** why cant he just leave me to deal with my own stupid problems that i created for myself!!!  
**Hanamemeki:** Probably because he’s basically in love with you.  
**Oikawaii:** lmfao (˚▽˚) nice joke!!!!(˚▽˚)  
**Oikawaii:** im just dying of laughter over here!!! (˚▽˚)(˚▽˚)(˚▽˚)(˚▽˚)(˚▽˚)  
**Oikawaii:** but anyways i need to start working on an escape plan before iwachan gets here so i can intercept him  
**Hanamemeki:** Ahuh.  
**Oikawaii:** theres a window above the toilet?  
**Matsukawaii:** How big is the window?  
**Hanamemeki:** Definitely not bigger than your mom’s dick.  
**Matsukawaii:** Definitely not bigger than Iwazilla’s dick.  
**Hanamemeki:** Fucking nice bro.  
**Oikawaii:** Like u know one of those weird tiny rectangular windows they always have in public bathrooms?  
**Oikawaii:** its like that  
**Oikawaii:** also this is probably less important than getting free of this awful situation but i still kinda want my panties (*￣∀￣)  
**Matsukawaii:** Apparently, the whole world wants your panties just as much as you do.  
**Matsukawaii:** It’s time to suck it up for today and try again another time.  
**Hanamemeki:** There’s no way you’re going to be able to fit out of one of those weird tiny windows.  
**Oikawaii:** ur right and i hate that  
**Oikawaii:** okay fuck they’re finally done  
**Hanamemeki:** Are you just listening at the door?  
**Hanamemeki:** That’s really creepy, Oikawa.  
**Hanamemeki:** My face is really creepy.  
**Oikawaii:** ur FACE is really creepy  
**Oikawaii:** oh aslkdjfklsajf how did u actually manage to pull that off????? R u psychic now???  
**Hanamemeki:** This is the price of overusing a bad comeback, Oikawa.  
**Oikawaii:** tell me my future oh wise and enlightened one  
**Hanamemeki:** You’re going to be very sad and alone.  
**Oikawaii:** (´；д；`)  
**Hanamemeki:** Because your boyfriend transformed into godzilla and won’t come back to give you that delicious dino dick.  
**Oikawaii:** =͟͟͞͞( •̀д•́)))  << me headin for that dino ass in the future  
**Hanamemeki:** Oh, I just had an idea for the sequel to the romantic monster tragedy film of the year.  
**Matsukawaii:** I definitely just had the same idea.  
**Matsukawaii:** But also Oikawa’s trapped in a bathroom, you guys.  
**Oikawaii:** ive been trapped in worse places before  
**Oikawaii:** its not even that bad now that theyve stopped “rocking the bed” u know  
**Matsukawaii:** At least it will look slightly less weird if Iwaizumi shows up now? I mean, he won’t be bursting onto the two of them having sex.  
**Matsukawaii:** Weird Shiratorizawa style sex.  
**Hanamemeki:** Infinitely worse style sex, you mean.  
**Matsukawaii:** Word.  
**Oikawaii:** theres a lighter in here???  
**Hanamemeki:** Oh jesus.  
**Hanamemeki:** Whatever you’re thinking of doing, don’t do it.  
**Oikawaii:** relax, im not gonna burn the dorms down! !! (⊙﹏⊙✿)  
**Oikawaii:** who do u think i am????  
**Hanamemeki:** I think you’re a 17 year old boy with a history of pushing it too far when he gets desperate about something, who thinks he’s pretty smart because he’s good at strategizing in volleyball. But he puts far too much pressure on himself in real life and needs some pretty simple things to be explained to him by his best friend(s) sometimes.  
**Oikawaii:** okay wow i didnt ask for a painfully accurate roast that would cut into all my flaws but thanks makki!!  <333  
**Oikawaii:** but like really tho i have like a college application to worry about and a future to think about??? Im not gonna get arson on my permanent record for ANY REASON. Give me some more credit than that!!  
**Matsukawaii:** Hey, we’re here to help. Not have faith in you.  
**Matsukawaii:** Helping you and having faith in you are completely different things.  
**Oikawaii:** being ur friend and actually liking being ur friend are completely different things  <333  
**Matsukawaii:** Ouch.  
**Oikawaii:** too much?? Oops sorry mattsun  
**Oikawaii:** u know for all our joking around that i love u guys a lot  
**Hanamemeki:** Yeah, we know. We love you too.  
**Matsukawaii:** Don’t worry about it, I know you don’t mean it. I don’t mean anything insulting I say either.  
**Oikawaii:** <3333!!!  
**Oikawaii:** BUT ANYWAYS  
**Oikawaii:** i was just thinking about why they need the lighter??? Like why would that even be in the bathroom? Thats weird to keep in a bathroom right ?  
**Hanamemeki:** That’s true, my family keeps a lighter in the kitchen.  
**Matsukawaii:** Same here.  
**Oikawaii:** i mean it might just be more weird ushiwaka stuff  
**Oikawaii:** actually idk why i called it weird cause i keep a lighter in my bathroom??  
**Matsukawaii:** Why do you keep a lighter in your bathroom?  
**Oikawaii:** oh theres lots of reasons!!  
**Oikawaii:** if u use one to heat up older dried out makeup it can burn off the dry layer and it wont get all crumbly! Also some drier foundations can be made easier to apply if u heat them up first?? And ooooh i really like making lipstick palettes!!  
**Hanamemeki:** What strange world have we wandered into?  
**Matsukawaii:** The world of instagram beauty gurus, Makki.  
**Oikawaii:** its a cutthroat world out there!!  
**Oikawaii:** u go one day without uploading a tutorial or flashy selfie and everyone forgets about u :((  
**Matsukawaii:** You’re not even that famous compared to most beauty accounts.  
**Oikawaii:** im only in high school, its not like its a career for me! I focus more on volleyball~ besides.  
**Oikawaii:** still more famous than UR crusty ass ¯\\_(·∀·)_/¯  
**Matsukawaii:** I wouldn’t want to be famous.  
**Matsukawaii:** If I were to ever publish anything or create anything that had a shot at attracting attention, I’d probably use a pseudonym.  
**Oikawaii:** thats possibly the most unrelatable thing youve ever said to me  
**Oikawaii:** dont u want to leave ur mark on the world?  
**Oikawaii:** dont u want people to know ur name and who u are and remember you?  
**Matsukawaii:** I already have people who know my name and know who I am and remember me.  
**Hanamemeki:** (Oh shit that’s me.)  
**Matsukawaii:** I don’t need anyone else because the people I care about already care about me as well.  
**Hanamemeki:** ( <3.)  
**Oikawaii:** thats wise in its own way i guess  
**Oikawaii:** i want to be something big, though. I want to be everywhere  
**Oikawaii:** i wanna be so good at volleyball and setting and _life_ that people can’t help but know who i am  
**Oikawaii:** i wanna be so big and amazing and omnipresent that my name reaches the far ends of the galaxy  
**Oikawaii:** maybe then one day the aliens will take me away  
**Hanamemeki:** If there’s anyone I know who can be that big, it’s definitely you, Oikawa.  
**Matsukawaii:** You’re certainly on your way. 17 years old and you’ve already been featured in the news, magazines, and on TV multiple times.  
**Oikawaii:** im gonna be more famous and successful than ushiwaka or tobio-chan or so help me i will take this dumb little lighter and burn their giant mansions down one day when im sad and alone after iwazilla has left me  
**Matsukawaii:** I’m sure Iwazilla will leave their particular mansions entirely untouched, just so you can burn them down personally.  
**Oikawaii:** good!!!!  
**Hanamemeki:** So, since we swiftly dodged this question the first time around and I’m willing to be the one who goes back to pick up the dropped bomb.  
**Hanamemeki:** What in the name of fuck is a lipstick palette?  
**Oikawaii:** u break off lipstick tubes and melt down the lipstick so u can pour it into these little plastic palettes u can buy on the internet for cheap!! Then u can just use a brush to apply the lipstick which is so much easier anyways (~˘▾˘)~  
**Hanamemeki:** You know.  
**Hanamemeki:** I feel like for all you talk about these beauty things, I never see you wear any of it in person.  
**Oikawaii:** well ya lmao its completely impractical for volleyball?? I dont exactly have time to just put on a full coat of makeup after morning practice!!  
**Oikawaii:** its like u dont even think sometimes i swear  
**Matsukawaii:** Your head is entirely filled with volleyball, revenge plots, and makeup. It’s both awe-inspiring and terrifying.  
**Oikawaii:** that basically sums me up  
**Matsukawaii:** Makki, you don’t get it. He has to be good at makeup to makeup for his awful fashion sense.  
**Hanamemeki:** Was that pun even intentional?  
**Matsukawaii:** I’m going to say yes but I don’t know at this point in truth.  
**Hanamemeki:** Legendary.  
**Oikawaii:** enough people have dragged me on ig for me to know that ur right about having bad fashion sense ಥ_ಥ  
**Oikawaii:** so my solution!! Was to just not wear clothes anymore in any selfies i posted  
**Oikawaii:** hence the panties!!  
**Hanamemeki:** Why don’t you just buy some more?  
**Oikawaii:** do u even know how much good panties cost?????  
**Oikawaii:** id have to sell SO MUCH OF MY STUFF!!  
**Hanamemeki:** Get a job, bum.  
**Oikawaii:** i do have a job!!  
**Matsukawaii:** Really? When did you get that?  
**Oikawaii:** ive had it all of high school???  
**Oikawaii:** i cant believe u guys dont remember????  
**Oikawaii:** its like we’re not even friends!!! 。゜(｀Д´)゜。  
**Hanamemeki:** Sorry, I guess we both forgot. What’s your job?  
**Oikawaii:** its puttin up with ur BULLSHIT, and its a 24/7 gig!!  
**Hanamemeki:** You know it’s a show of friendship whenever we let you set us up, right?  
**Oikawaii:** ya and i feel blessed every day for it (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)  <33333  
**Matsukawaii:** It’s just how we show affection.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Hey, I’m outside the Shiratorizawa campus. It occurs to me that I don’t actually know where the fuck I’m going from this point.  
**Oikawaii:** omg iwachAN  
**Oikawaii:** UR HERE AND U DIDNT JUST STORM RIGHT ON UP LIKE A DINGUSHEAD!!!  
**Oikawaii:** IVE BEEN SO BLESSED ON THIS DAY!!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Oi, I’m not that dumb, so shut the fuck up and run me through this. How am I getting them out of the room without making this sound suspicious?  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Were you guys actually talking about how to get Oikawa out of this duckfucky situation at all without me here?  
**Matsukawaii:** What can we say, Iwaizumi. You’re our rock and foundation.  
**Matsukawaii:** You keep us from floating off into the clouds.  
**Hanamemeki:** Also, we got distracted by a lighter we found in Ushiwaka’s bathroom.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Jesus christ. Okay, whatever, we’ll find something. Actually, wait, a lighter?  
**Oikawaii:** IWACHAN NO  
**Oikawaii:** WEVE ALREADY HAD THIS DISCUSSION  
**Hanamemeki:** Yes, unfortunately we’re banned from burning down the Shiratorizawa dorms.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Of course I wasn’t planning to burn down the dorms! I was thinking of setting off the fire alarm.  
**Oikawaii:** we could still get in so much trouble for that tho????  
**Oikawaii:** like ya geez we could get everyone out of the dorms but also we’d summon fire trucks n stuff ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ  
**Matsukawaii:** It’d be a lot for something so small. No one’s in any real danger here, except I guess Oikawa’s dignity and ego.  
**Oikawaii:** which r still important things but not THAT important u know?  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** You’re right, I don’t want to distract any sort of emergency services from an actual fire with a false alarm. It’s irresponsible and disrespectful.  
**Hanamameki:** Oikawa being locked in a bathroom isn’t worth that, definitely.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Am I going to be forced to straight up interact with Tendou and Ushiwaka then?  
**Oikawaii:** nooooooo i dont want them to know i was here at all!!!!!  
**Matsukawaii:** What are Ushiwaka and Tendou doing now?  
**Oikawaii:** i think watching a horror movie or something?? It could also just be pokemon tho its hard to make out  
**Hanamemeki:** So. Pokemon or a horror movie. Those are the only two options?  
**Oikawaii:** does it really matter??? Do u want me to record some of it so u can find what fuckin show theyre watching or do we want to plan how to actually get me out of this??  
**Hanamemeki:** Actually that recording would be great.  
**Hanamemeki:** You’re always so cooperative, thanks.  
**Oikawaii:** i stg im gonna fight u when i get out of this t(ಠ╭╮ಠ t)  
**Matsukawaii:** Don’t bother, Makki will just beat you up.  
**Oikawaii:** its not like i dont take worse beatings from iwachan every DAY of my LIFE  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** <3.  
**Oikawaii:** stop hitting me in the head with volleyballs and i’ll look into returning ur heart emoji~  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** <\3.  
**Oikawaii:** im just. Wow im so moved by ur single added slanted line. Look im being so sincere and oh GEEZ that SURE IS A TEAR ON MY SCREEN!! That single slanted line sure did convince me to immediately give up my grievances with the years youve spent ASSAULTING ME!!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** <\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\3.  
**Oikawaii:** AW GEEZ U GOT ME THIS TIME!!! LOOK THERES MORE LINES!!!  
**Hanamemeki:** He’s got you now.  
**Oikawaii:** IM DONE FOR,, THIS IS IT!!  
**Oikawaii:** IM BEING COMPELLE,,D,,  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** <\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\3.  
**Oikawaii:** THERES TOO MUCH HURT IN THE BROKEN HEART!!! ITS MAKING ME,,, FEEL SYMPATHETIC,,, AGAINST MY WILL,,  
**Oikawaii:** I CANT RESIST,, I SIMPLY MUST TYPE!!!  
**Oikawaii:** <3!!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** <3!  
**Hanamemeki:** Fucking adorable.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** You’re right, but we’re goofing off again when stuff is actually happening.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Anyone have a plan?  
**Matsukawaii:** Let’s look at our choices, though.  
**Matsukawaii:** It’s a normal bathroom I’m assuming, so you have a bathtub, showerhead, toilet, sink, toothbrushes, a cup or two, soap…  
**Oikawaii:** theres WAY more stuff in the cupboards tho, like too much stuff to list  
**Oikawaii:** uhhhhh shampoo, conditioner, body wash, glass cleaner, other kinds of cleaners, shaving cream, hair product, disposable razors, etc etc etc  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** I can always go get more things, though I don’t know what would even help at this point.  
**Hanamemeki:** If this was a video game this would be the first level.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Get out of a room with only the items in a normal bathroom, a lighter, a cellphone and an outside helper. Bonus if you grab the panties on the way.  
**Hanamemeki:** Listen, I know this chatroom’s full of a bunch of jocks and preppy dudes who barely ever think about video games let alone play them, but we can definitely figure this out.  
**Matsukawaii:** Oh, for sure. I’ve already found about 6 different ways Oikawa could make a bomb to blow up the wall.  
**Oikawaii:** Or maybe we Dont do that one?????  
**Matsukawaii:** Not one, six.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Hm. Bombs, huh?  
**Oikawaii:** omg no  
**Oikawaii:** dont get hooked on the bombs!!!  
**Oikawaii:** theyre a bad idea iwachan!!!!  
**Hanamemeki:** Please, get hooked on the bombs. This is fucking hilarious.  
**Matsukawaii:** There are like at least 5 ways you could filter poison into the apartment and “knock out” Ushiwaka and Tendou.  
**Oikawaii:** okay nvm lets go back to bombs!!!!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Okay, yeah, no huge property damage or killing of Shiratorizawa members, or even light knocking out of Shiratorizawa people. No fires or big explosions.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** But.  
**Hanamemeki:** The ‘but’ is always my favourite part.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** I have an idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also hey homies if i was. having conversations with any of y'all and i left u hanging for like a month or two in the comments on the last chapter im super sorry and im probably gonna go respond to those now and ill try and not do that in the future,,, love u guys so much tho?? u guys are all so funny n kind n awesome and im really grateful to have u guys supporting this fic. thank u <333
> 
> also kudos to my friends for responding to the question "hey does godzilla have lazer beam eyes" with instant google searches and only a vague sense of surprise that i would even be asking that when we were in a discord call specifically to write
> 
> ooooh also with the superpowers at the start: i know there are some really popular fanon abilities- iwaizumi having a form of super strength, oikawa having a power booster or sorts, hanamaki and matsukawa having some form of defensive abilities or other usually- that i genuinely really like and super love reading AUs for (in fact id love to read more if anyone has any recs) but even tho those powers work symbolically, super strength is DUMB. turn into a giant lizard monster instead
> 
> mostly tho i just dont think they would have thought of those fanon powers in the canonverse?? OH LAST THING. u know how sometimes writers write themselves into a corner and their solution ends up feeling contrived n dumb? trust me when i say i have 4 ideas for how oikawa could get out of this with the tools at his disposal and hopefully none of u guys end up feeling like it was too dumb or convoluted when we get to that next chapter :) (next chapter might have some written prose too btw, theres some stuff i want to express that might be a little limited with just groupchats)
> 
> ANYWAYS. NEXT CHAPTER IS: SHIRATORIZAWA GROUP CHAT, B-B-B-BONUS ROUND (Part 2)


	12. Shiratorizawa Group Chat BONUS ROUND

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Username:** AnalLover9000  
>  **Mood Message:** if all of u fucking whores could stop slut-shaming me that'd be great. if u spent less time sucking dick and more time respecting others maybe u wouldn't be such dirty thots
> 
> **Username:** Mooshijima Wacowtoshi  
>  **Mood Message:** if all of you fucking farmers could stop garden-shaming me that'd be great. if you spent less time hoeing fields and more time respecting others maybe you wouldn't be such dirty ranchers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey hey hi!! two chapters in one month?? what's happening?????
> 
> the answer: ive really got my mojo back for writing this fic since summer started//i started writing again, which is great cause as of now it's been? a literal year since I first started writing the first chapter. I'm pretty proud of how far I've come since then, and I'm really amazed how many people are reading this. I don't pay a lot of attention to the statistics on this fic because at some point I became too stressed out (cause of school, not the writing) to look at it, but wow? almost 1K kudos? I'm really honoured tbh. 
> 
> the downside to writing this fic a lot recently is i tried to write normal narrative the other day and literally couldn't remember how. it was a mess y'all. im not looking forward to having to get back into practicing that lmao
> 
> BUT ANYWAYS, WITHOUT FURTHER RAMBLING: SHIRATORIZAWA GROUP CHAT, B-B-B-BONUS ROUND!!!!

**AnalLover9000:** HEY WHATS THE AVERAGE LENGTH OF SEX?????  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I don't know, like 5 minutes? Why didn't you type that question into a search browser instead of skype?  
**AnalLover9000:** WELL WAKAWAKA AND I JUST DESTROYED THAT AVERAGE LIKE IT WAS AN ASS IN A POORLY WRITTEN FANFICTION WHEREIN THEY SOMEHOW BELIEVE LOVE AND SPIT CAN MAKE UP FOR LUBE AND PROPER PROTECTION!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Wakawaka?  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Does he really want you to call him that?  
**AnalLover9000:** i just sat on his dick i dont think what i call him matters????  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I sincerely did not need to know about your gross third year sex.  
**AnalLover9000:** YOU DEFINITELY NEEDED TO KNOW ACTUALLY!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** it pisses u off and u get jealous lmfao!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I've never been jealous a day in my life.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Ha. Ha. Look, I made a joke.  
**AnalLover9000:** ur hilarious shirabu  
**AnalLover9000:** the funniest part is that u think that was funny  
**Shirabuttstuff:** The real joke around here is my reputation and love life, apparently.  
**AnalLover9000:** AWWW are u SAD cause u dont have someones dick in UR ass???  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** If you ever wanted to join us, you need only ask. It would make it easier to sate Satori's stranger ideas.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** What?  
**AnalLover9000:** I DONT HAVE STRANGE IDEAS!!  
**AnalLover9000:** AND ONLY A COWARD WOULD CALL THEM THAT!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I'm not a coward. Just moderately concerned about your safety.  
**AnalLover9000:** WHAT ARE WE, FIVE AND PLAYING WITH SHITTY FOAM SWORDS THAT BREAK IN 2 MINUTES??? NO!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I'm worried about how that analogy would apply to our bodies. I don't like the imagery you're creating.  
**AnalLover9000:** MY POINT IS THAT ITS HARDER TO BREAK A HUMAN BEING THAN YOUD THINK!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** This doesn't sound conducive to pleasure.  
**AnalLover9000:** pleasure can come from a _variety_ of sensations  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Uhm.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Not that this doesn't sound ....appealing.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I just really don't understand what you're offering. Tendou-san has never seemed too happy about my overtures towards Ushjima-san.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Really, it just seemed like he wanted to lord the fact that he had Ushijima-san's company over me.  
**AnalLover9000:** I WAS JUST TRYING TO GOAD U INTO JOINING US, TOTALLY!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** HAHA THATS DEFINITELY WHAT ALL MY TEASING AND MOCKERY IS ABOUT!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** You're razzing me, correct?  
**AnalLover9000:** NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
**AnalLover9000:** I WOULD NEVER DO THAT!!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** You just want me to admit something I can't take back so you can make fun of me for it.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** See, look, Tendou's already being a mighty fucking dick about it.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Satori's sarcasm doesn't diminish the fact that neither of us would find you unappealing in a relationship.  
**AnalLover9000:** haha totally  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** We've discussed this and we think it would make you much more agreeable of a person.  
**AnalLover9000:** protractor boy needs to looooooseeeeen UP  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I don't understand. You've been together for almost a year now and this has never come up.  
**AnalLover9000:** i guess if we're actually being honest.........  
**Shirabuttstuff:** And dropping all these transparent attempts to make me feel better by offering ...weird strange tendou-san style sex?  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** It's not the worst style of sex that exists.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** But you're right, we haven't been talking about this for a long time like we said. That was a lie. It's been around 2 minutes of talking about it. Sorry.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Okay.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Okay I guess I can accept that.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** So if all matters of polyamory are off the table...  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Just because we haven't been considering it for long doesn't mean we still wouldn't be open to you joining our relationship.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** If it's what would make you happier, we would welcome you.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** This still feels like a very long, weird fever dream. I can't imagine you guys asking me to join you in any form of seriousness.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** What do you really want from me here?  
**AnalLover9000:** Do u REALLY think we would have some DOUBLE MOTIVE HERE?????  
**AnalLover9000:** maybe we just wanna ask random people to join our relationship??? maybe thats the end of the story  
**AnalLover9000:** u pushy fuck  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Jesus, okay, shut up. I get it. You're just being an asshole for no reason. Like always.  
**AnalLover9000:** haha ya i cant believe u believed that  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** We did have a reason.  
**AnalLover9000:** ur rlly sad recently shirabu!!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** ...Is that it? I'm _sad?_  
**Shirabuttstuff:** So what?  
**AnalLover9000:** IDK WHATS UP WITH U BUT UR FEELING MORE SORRY FOR URSELF THAN OIKAWA TOORU AFTER WE KICKED HIS PRETTY PRETTY ASS AT THE LAST INTERHIGH!! LMFAO  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Oh. Yeah. Oikawa. Forgot about him. Have you seen him?  
**AnalLover9000:** THATS A WEIRD ASS QUESTION WHILE WE'RE DISCUSSING UR EMOTIONAL STATE SHIRABUUUUUUU  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** It is. Should we have seen him for any reason?  
**Shirabuttstuff:** No, don't worry about it.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I don't need any pity offerings of relationships or sex or whatever. Frankly, it's insulting. I know that you guys are a little looser about that kind of thing but. I couldn't be that way.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** That's not anything that's going to make me feel better in the end. It would just be a whole new slew of problems to worry about.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** That's fair.  
**AnalLover9000:** FUCK U IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SOME REALLY GREAT PITY SEX  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Eat my entire ass, Tendou-san.  
**AnalLover9000:** WELL I CANT ANYMORE, CAN I????  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** He really does try to get in there.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Once again, didn't need to know that.  
**AnalLover9000:** U DID NEED TO KNOW  
**AnalLover9000:** U NEEDED TO KNOW WHAT UR MISSING TF OUT ON!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** If we were wrong in assuming that it was jealousy of our relationship and sexual frustration dragging you down, what is wrong then?  
**AnalLover9000:** I STILL THINK ITS THE SEXUAL FRUSTRATION THING!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** he just wont know until someone gives him the good ol' succ  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Shut up, Tendou-san.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** ...I'm not trying to mope or feel sorry for myself. There's no point feeling sorry for myself.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** The best I can do is try harder and do better.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** And if doing better doesn't help, then there's no point trying.  
**AnalLover9000:** THAT IS????  
**AnalLover9000:** SUPER HARD ON URSELF LMAO WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT PHILOSOPHY  
**AnalLover9000:** IT DOESNT EVEN MAKE MUCH SENSE UR JUST BEING VAGUE AND CRYPTIC  
**Shirabuttstuff:** It's the natural reaction. Be good enough, or you failed and you should move on.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** That's a natural reaction after being at this school and in this volleyball club long enough, actually. I used to think that way too.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** But if there's anything people like Oikawa and Hinata Shouyou have taught me, it's that hard work pays off.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Even when you think you've hit a limit and done as much as you can do, keep striving for more. There's always a new limit.  
**AnalLover9000:** AND IF THERES ONE THING SHIRATORIZAWA IS GOOD AT!!! ITS BREAKING THE LIMITS OF WHAT SHOULD BE POSSIBLE IN VOLLEYBALL!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** UR ON THIS TEAM TOO!!! WAKASHI AND I ARENT THE ONLY ONES WHO CAN DO COOL SHIT!!!!  
**TheCutestKouhai:** Tendou-senpai is right! I can do cool things too!!  
**AnalLover9000:** GOSHIKI HELLO!!!! UR THE CUTEST BOWLCUT BEAN IVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** OF COURSE U CAN DO COOL THINGS!!!  
**TheCutestKouhai:** HI TENDOU-SENPAI AND USHIJIMA-SENPAI AND SHIRABU-SENPAI!!  
**AnalLover9000:** but whats up with u shirabu??? ur response was still SUPER vague!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** As your teammates and friends, if you're genuinely having a hard time, we want to help.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** i dont like you much but i still want to help shirabu-senpai!!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Things just haven't been going great lately. I've been getting the feeling a lot of people hate me.  
**AnalLover9000:** A LOT OF PEOPLE DO HATE U THO LMFAO???  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Yes, and I enjoy it. I kind of relish in being better than others. It's not about wanting people to like me.  
**AnalLover9000:** its one of the things i admire most about u!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Good, I don't know how we could have helped you with that.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** Thats definitely a lost cause!!!! Ur an insufferable prick Shirabu-senpai!!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** No, it's that people keep getting the last word on me. I'm never able to pull off the coolest comeback in these massively multiplying groupchats.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** It's dumb. I should be smarter than them, I got into Shiratorizawa with my grades alone!  
**TheCutestKouhai:** Who specifically are we talking about???  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Oikawa Tooru, Yahaba I-don't-know-his-first-name, That one benchwarmer guy from Karasuno who I barely remember the face of, Basically any setter or second year in the prefecture and also in Tokyo.  
**AnalLover9000:** HOLY SHIT SHIRABU UR SO ACCOMPLISHED!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** UR PROBABLY ALMOST UP TO AS MANY HATERS AS I HAVE!!!!  
**TheCutestKouhai:** Dont sell urself short Tendou-senpai!!!  
**TheCutestKouhai:** People rlly hate u!!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** AWWW THANK U GOSHIIIII-CHAAAN  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Hell, you guys get last words on me all the time.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Everyone has their role in life. Yours is to be the butt of the joke.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** But I don't want that. What happened to going beyond your limits and trying even harder?  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** No, give up on this one. Some goals are impossible.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** Ha!!!  
**TheCutestKouhai:** Shirabu-senpai got shut down!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** HOLY SHIT THATS AMAZING!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** HE EVEN TELLS GOSHI-CHAN THAT HE CAN TOTALLY HE AS GREAT AN ACE AS HIM ONE DAY!!  
**TheCutestKouhai:** BUT I CAN AND WILL??  
**AnalLover9000:** OF COURSE U CAN BUDDY!!!  
**TheCutestKouhai:** THANK U TENDOU-SENPAI !!  
**AnalLover9000:** BUT SHIRABU HAVING BETTER COMEBACKS??? LMFAO NO WAY!!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Okay, yeah. That's fair. I'm going to take that to heart.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Sometimes being the best you you can be means swallowing your pride and carrying on being an asshole as best you can, even if it means getting brutally murdered by people you barely know the names of.  
**AnalLover9000:** IM SO PROUD OF U SHIRABU!!! CANT RELATE THO BECAUSE IM BETTER AT COMEBACKS THAN U SO I CAN BE AN ASSHOLE WITHOUT HAVING TO SWALLOW MY PRIDE!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** You learned to swallow other things.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** I swear im gonna learn to swallow things just as well as tendou-senpai and shirabu-senpai!!!!!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** I BELIEVE IN U GOSHICHAN!!!!!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I really can't believe you guys discussed my moping about not being good enough at comebacks and thought it was because I was sexually frustrated.  
**AnalLover9000:** cumbacks  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Hey, you know what Tendou-san? Fuck you.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** If I were anyone else I would probably be hurt by this but as it is I'm almost flattered that you're willing to go that far for me. Mostly because Ushijima-san was the one extending the invitation.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Satori and I don't really like to put labels on our relationship. It's fun as it is. That's good enough for us. If someone else came along who could make it even more fun, we'd be open to that.  
**AnalLover9000:** its not really an open relationship either though??? like i would NOT be cool with u fuckin around with anyone u damn well pleased  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** But I wouldn't do that, because I don't really like anyone else that way. I don't think I'd mind much if you did whatever or whoever you wanted, though.  
**AnalLover9000:** THATS WHY UR SO GREAT  
**AnalLover9000:** Im NOT gonna go around messing around with whoever but the fact that youd be COOL if i DID makes u EVEN COOLER  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I know.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** Im confused!!! Arent you guys boyfriends????  
**AnalLover9000:** WE ARE!!  
**AnalLover9000:** but also eh,,,  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Labels.  
**AnalLover9000:** _l a b e l s_  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** It's good enough to just be together.  
**AnalLover9000:** WAKAWAKKA!!! UR MY MAIN MAN!!  
**AnalLover9000:** HE GETS IT!!  
**TheCutestKouhai:** I dont get it???  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Don't bother trying to understand Goshiki.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I'm pretty sure you'd fry your tiny, tiny plankton brain trying.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** Plankton was the worst character on spongebob!!!  
**TheCutestKouhai:** NO SQUIDWARD WAS  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Squidward was objectively the best character. There's no question.  
**AnalLover9000:** THATS CAUSE UR LITERALLY SQUIDWARD SHIRABU  
**AnalLover9000:** WE SHOULD CALL U SQUIDRABU!!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Squidderific.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** Can u ??? Try to explain?? Cause I still dont get it!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Most simply you could say they're dating, but they also don't like that label. It's not something easily definable and they're not going to ever make it easily definable because once again, Tendou-san likes to fuck with people and Ushjima-san likes Tendou-san enough to let him do whatever he wants.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** I think I get it????? Maybe???  
**TheCutestKouhai:** So Tendou-senpai can just do whatever he wants!!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** As long as it's not illegal.  
**AnalLover9000:** BOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** BUZZZZZKILLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** We have our futures to think about, Satori.  
**AnalLover9000:** SUCKS TO UR FUTURE!!!  
**TheCutestKouhai:** WHEN IM ACE IM GONNA LET MY TEAM MEMBERS DO WHATEVER THEY WANT!!  
**TheCutestKouhai:** WE'RE GONNA BURN DOWN THE GYM!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** FUCK YES GOSHIBEAN THIS IS WHY UR THE BEST!!!!!!!!! BURN DOWN WHATEVER YOU WANT!!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Don't burn down the gym.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** IM GONNA BE BETTER THAN USHIJIMA-SENPAI JUST YOU WAIT!!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** YES YES YES!!! BURN DOWN THE GYM MY PROGENY!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** MAKE SURE YOU INVITE ME FIRST I GOTTA SEEE THIS!!!!  
**TheCutestKouhai:** JAIL HERE I COME!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** FUCK YES!!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** I GOTTA PROBLEM WITH AUTHORITY!!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Don't fucking burn down the gym. Jesus Christ. Ushijima-san please help me here.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Hm.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Ushijima-san, please for the love of god tell them to not burn down the gym.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I don't like limiting people.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** If Satori and Goshiki want to try and do something they're free to. They have to deal with the consequences themselves, though.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Oh my god.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** You're the worst enabler.  
**AnalLover9000:** OHOHOHOHOHOHO  
**AnalLover9000:** DID SHIRABU????? JUST????? INSULT WAKA????  
**AnalLover9000:** ARE YOU FINALLY SOARING FREE OF THAT STUPID CRUSH TO BECOME THE BEAUTIFUL MATURE INDEPENDENT BUTTERFLY I ALWAYS KNEW YOU COULD BE????  
**TheCutestKouhai:** SHIRABU-SENPAI IM SO PROUD OF U!!!! UR GROWING AS A PERSON!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** No, I just.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Fuck. Wait. I didn't mean that, I take that back.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Why? It's true.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** That doesn't mean I want to tell you it's true.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** You're very scary, Ushijima-san.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Thanks.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** USHIJIMA-SENPAI IS THE WORST AT SOMETHING HAHAHAHHAHA  
**TheCutestKouhai:** MY RISE TO THE TOP WILL BE SWIFT AND FULL OF DESTRUCTION!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** FLY YOU BEAUTIFUL BABY EAGLE!!! KILL YOUR BETTERS AND BECOME A SYMBOL OF REBELLION!!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Tendou-san. Please. Stop riling him up. His brain can't take it, he's like a dog. He'll lash out soon.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Didn't you ever have a dog as a kid?  
**TheCutestKouhai:** FIRE MUST BE SPREAD TO SPREAD THE FLAMES OF REBELLION  
**Shirabuttstuff:** First they're excited, and everything is fun and games, because "Oh, haha, there's the dog", and it's so happy to see you. It's tail is wagging and you're laughing. And then you're yelling out of your own excitement as it licks your face, and it's barking and "Oh no, maybe this is getting too intense". And your parent is yelling at you to leave it alone now, and you're very distressed. But the dog is still too excited and tries to grab at you as you try and run away and it's almost biting you and you start crying. And your parents end up getting rid of the dog because now you're scared of dogs. And you miss that dog every day. Even though you were scared of it.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** I MUST SPREAD THE FIRE!!!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOME WEIRD PERSONAL CHILDHOOD TRAUMA SHIT THAT IM NOT GONNA GET INTO!!!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** What? Of course this isn't personal. It's just an example.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** What was the dog's name?  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Momo.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** That was far too fast to not be personal.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** I WILL SPREAD THE FIRE!!!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** ....I trusted you.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** That was your first mistake.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Let's be honest. It was at least my fifth.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Even that might be generous.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I've never had a dog, though they seem nice.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** THE FIRE OF MY SOUL IS NOT ENOUGH!!! I NEED MORE!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I can't own pets, I'm allergic to fur.  
**AnalLover9000:** MY ONLY BITCH IS WAKAWAKKA  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Ushijima-san is no one's bitch. Least of all yours.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** THE FIRES OF REBELLION ARE ALIGHT IN MY SPIRIT AND SOUL!!!! BUT THEY NEED TO BE ALIGHT IN REAL LIFE TOO!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I thought it was established that I'm a cow, not a dog.  
**AnalLover9000:** DOESNT MEAN U CANT BE MY BITCH  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Please. This is destroying everything about the image of Ushijima-san I had built up in my head.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Woof.  
**AnalLover9000:** YIFF YIFF  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Delete those messages. They can't be allowed to exist.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** FIRE!!!!! FLAMES!!!!! SCORCH DOWN THE GOVERNMENT!!! FUCK THE GYM!!!! ITS A SYMBOL OF OPPRESSION!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** No. Stop. I'm . Why did I consider for a moment that I would ever want to join you two in a relationship.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I'm also going to continue to ignore Goshiki, even though he's clearly on a downwards spiral towards actually attempting something here. He's Tendou-san's problem now.  
**AnalLover9000:** I KNEW YOU WERE CONSIDERING IT YOU PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** YOU LOVE US UNDERNEATH ALL YOUR BULLSHIT!!!!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** The offer remains open, Shirabu.  
**AnalLover9000:** "And dropping all these transparent attempts to make me feel better by offering ...weird strange tendou-san style sex?" MY _ASS_  
**TheCutestKouhai:** I DONT HAVE A LIGHTER OH NO  
**TheCutestKouhai:** SOMETHING MUST BURN ON THIS DAY!!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** YOU WOULD HAVE LOVED MY WEIRD TENDOU STYLE SEX!!!! AND U JUST ADMITTED IT!!!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** You just sent the message "Yiff Yiff", I don't think you have a leg to stand on, you filthy furry.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Woof Woof.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Stop. Please, I'm begging you. You awful, awful people.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** IF IM GONNA BE BETTER THAN USHIJIMA-SENPAI!!!!!  
**TheCutestKouhai:** I NEED A HEAD START !!!! I NEED TO BREAK SOMETHING  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Whatever you're planning on doing, don't fucking do it. Tendou-san, please. I'm begging you to stop him.  
**AnalLover9000:** GOSHICHAN UR GOING TO BE A SYMBOL OF REVOLUTION ALL AROUND THE VOLLEYBALL WORLD!!!!!!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** _Tendou No._  
**TheCutestKouhai:** NO RULES!!!!  
**TheCutestKouhai:** ONLY MAYHEM!!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Goshiki, you fucking idiot. Stop.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** He's not responding.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Oh my god he's not responding.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I can hear yelling from the dorms, what the fuck is happening.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Someone just ran down the stairs to the dining room.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** ...Hmm.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** ...Tendou.  
**AnalLover9000:** okay okay okay okay okay okayok ay okay okay  
**AnalLover9000:** so!!  
**AnalLover9000:** SO!!!!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** I can see how u MIGHT POSSIBLY look back at this conversation and see!! that maybe??? I was somehow responsible for this!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** 100%.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Definitely your fault.  
**AnalLover9000:** OBJECTION!!!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** GOSHI-CHAN IS A GOOD BEAN AND I HAVE FAITH IN HIM TO MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICES AND NOT GET EXPELLED!!!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** HES RESPONSIBLE AND GREAT AND haha i can hear him breaking plates down in the dining room  
**AnalLover9000:** im so proud of him  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** He's going to hurt himself doing that.  
**AnalLover9000:** hes fine hes fine dont worry about him!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** That sounded painful.  
**AnalLover9000:** OKAY SO MAYBE THINGS ARE CRASHING AND MAYBE HES SHRIEKING A BIT!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** BUT WE CAN TRUST HIM TO HANDLE THIS!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I wouldn't trust him as far as I can throw him.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** You can't throw very far.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** You're good at setting, but your muscles are tiny.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Like a child.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Little baby arms.  
**AnalLover9000:** LMFAOOOOOOOOOOO  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Thanks, older-students-who-are-in-charge-of-me. And also in charge of Goshiki by extension.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I'm going to go yell at Goshiki in person. Maybe he can process it if I'm right next to him.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Do you think his brain can handle that?  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** At the very least you can make sure he doesn't hurt himself permanently.  
**AnalLover9000:** UR THE BEST SHIRABU!!!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** ID GO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT!!! BUT ALSO  
**AnalLover9000:** I CANT MOVE IM WATCHING JOJOS!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Fuck you, Tendou. Lick my goddamn glass dildo and try taking some responsibility for your weird hellspawn first year child.  
**AnalLover9000:** KISSES AND HUGS IN REPAYMENT!!!!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** wait????????????  
**AnalLover9000:** u have a glass dildo???????????  
**AnalLover9000:** SHIRABUTT NO U CANT GO OFFLINE NOW I NEED UR DETAILS ON THAT TASTY SEX TOY  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** He's gone, Satori.  
**AnalLover9000:** Top 10 Tragic Anime Deaths :(  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Does it ever bother you that only four members of Shiratorizawa are in this groupchat?  
**AnalLover9000:** everyone else is lame??  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** That implies that Shirabu and Goshiki are not lame.  
**AnalLover9000:** LMFAO WOW U REALLY ARE CUTTING THEM DOWN TODAY WAKACHAN!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I wasn't trying to say they're lame.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Only that they're breaking plates and yelling downstairs and we are watching anime peacefully upstairs.  
**AnalLover9000:** UR FUCKING RIGHT!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** hey do u think we could get semi in this groupchat ever  
**AnalLover9000:** i miss that guy  
**AnalLover9000:** it feels like we never see him anymore????  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Really? I feel like we talk about him a lot.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Almost every chapter.  
**AnalLover9000:** hes still lame but not nearly as lame as the other squares here!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** He _is_ your best friend.  
**AnalLover9000:** theres no such thing as a best friend, theres just people i like more than others  
**AnalLover9000:** and i like semi a lot!!!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** If you like him so much maybe you should marry him.  
**AnalLover9000:** MAYBE I WILL!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** the future is full of ~endless possibilities~  
**AnalLover9000:** what do u wanna do in the future wakachan  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Volleyball.  
**AnalLover9000:** OF COURSE UR SO PREDICTABLE  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I was kidding, Satori. I'd actually like to join the circus and learn to juggle.  
**AnalLover9000:** what  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I can't be that hard. It's just more balls.  
**AnalLover9000:** im too busy trying to figure out whether this is a gag to make a dirty joke????  
**AnalLover9000:** IM LOOKING AT UR FACE AND UR NOT EVEN REACTING TO THIS  
**AnalLover9000:** NOTHING IS TWTICHING???????????/  
**AnalLover9000:** WAKAWAKA PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME U ACTUALLY WANNA BE A CIRCUS CLOWN!!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** THATS THE BEST POSSIBLE TIMELINE  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Of course I want to be a circus clown.  
**AnalLover9000:** FUCKKKKK YES OH MY GOD OKAY  
**AnalLover9000:** IM GONNA STARt A CIRCUS  
**AnalLover9000:** I WOULD BE THE BEST RINGMASTER IN EXISTENCE?????  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** No, Satori, I want to play volleyball.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** How gullible are you that you believed me for a minute?  
**AnalLover9000:** GULLIBLE ENOUGH TO KICK YOU OFF THE FUCKING BED YOU GIANT GARBAGE BAG OF MOLDY RICE!!!!!! SMELL THE DIRTY UNDERWEAR PILE UNDER THE BED AND REGRET WHAT YOUVE DONE!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** The floor is nice.  
**AnalLover9000:** ive got a nice view of ur ass now at least  
**AnalLover9000:** What do i wanna do in the future???? oh man THANKS FOR ASKING WAKACHAN  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Oh, I forgot. You only ask a question like that when you want to be asked the question yourself.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** What do you want to do in the future, Satori?  
**AnalLover9000:** i want to do u  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** That can be arranged.  
**AnalLover9000:** wooooooWWWW we're like???? The champions of smooth???? Flirting skills THRU THE ROOF  
**AnalLover9000:** im gonna have to send u hand-written prose poetry to match up to ur flirting skills wakkancha  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Sonnets. The iambic pentameter better be correct or else I'll have no reason to date you anymore.  
**AnalLover9000:** its a testament to my lose for ur insane biceps that im gonna actually try and make some of those for u  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I have faith in you. You're very good at poetry and literature.  
**AnalLover9000:** my incessant need to make up songs about every minute of my day came through for me where it counted  
**AnalLover9000:** where is everyone else this is so boring without Shirabu here to be a pretentious dick and Goshichan here to not understand innuendos!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I can hear Shirabu yelling at Goshiki through the floor if I press my ear to it.  
**AnalLover9000:** LMAO i can actually hear it without pressing my ear to the floor???  
**AnalLover9000:** shirabu is a loud and pretentious dude  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** "Goshiki, you flaming piece of trash, put that plate down or so help me I will come over and start kicking you in the shins".  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Oh, another crash. I guess Goshiki put the plate down by dropping it.  
**AnalLover9000:** thats my boy!!! MY BEAUTIFUL VOLLEYBALL BOY!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Why do you like him so much anyways?  
**AnalLover9000:** how can u even ask that??? hes so good??  
**AnalLover9000:** 1) that Rock-Lee, mini-Tendou-Satori, Shigeo-Kageyama(Mob)- esque haircut??? It's the best haircut out there and hes rocking it so good???? BOWL CUTS ARE THE HAIRCUT OF THE FUTURE. JUST CAUSE I DROPPED MINE CAUSE IT LOOKED FUCKING LAME DOESNT MEAN ANYTHING. for real tho how does he pull that off so well?????  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Your bowl cut wasn't awful. I've seen pictures. It just looked bad. Not awful.  
**AnalLover9000:** 2) HE TRIES SO HARD??? HES LIKE A SHITTY SPORTS ANIME PROTAGONIST EXCEPT MORE HOT BLOODED. HES LIKE THE SET UP RIVAL. OH MY GOD HE AND HINATA SHOUYOU ARE GONNA BE DESTINED RIVALS AND KISS ARENT THEY  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I got the impression Hinata Shouyou already has that with Kageyama Tobio. The destined rivals who are going to kiss thing.  
**AnalLover9000:** LOVE TRIANGLE!!!! INTRIGUE!!! DRAMA!!! ROMANCE AND MATCHMAKING!!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** 3) HE LOOKS UP TO ME A LOT WHICH IS LIKE. THE BEST POSSIBLE QUALITY FOR ANY KOUHAI TO HAVE??? LIKE LMAO THANKS I KNOW IM GREAT BUT ITS STILL NICE TO HEAR????  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I didn't think you were that shallow.  
**AnalLover9000:** im not but like it sure does help the good ol insecurities to get hit with a "Wow, Tendou-senpai, that was an amazing block!" every once in a while.  
**AnalLover9000:** I might pull of an amazing block but it's Goshi-chan's compliments that block off my TRAUMATIC PAST of being CONSTANTLY REJECTED  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** You don't act very bothered by that.  
**AnalLover9000:** so what if i like being positive and also barely remember most of my past before coming to this school???? WHO CARES  
**AnalLover9000:** NEW HAIR. NEW ME  
**AnalLover9000:** just like Kirishima from boku no hero academia  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I have no idea who that is.  
**AnalLover9000:** For hanging out with me so often you understand so little of my anime references.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** It's hard to pay attention to the show when you're always texting this chat instead of watching.  
**AnalLover9000:** touché, mi amigo. tou-fucking-ché  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** That doesn't make sense. I never pick up my phone until you do. Usually you bug me into picking up my phone anyways.  
**AnalLover9000:** so its MY FAULT again JUST LIKE ALWAYS  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Yeah.  
**AnalLover9000:** hmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMM  
**AnalLover9000:** hey wakawakka do u think there was something weird with shirabu asking if we'd seen oikawa earlier????  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I was inclined to ignore it in favour of inquiring about whether he'd like pity sex but in retrospect that was strange.  
**AnalLover9000:** do u thINK OIKAWA IS COMING IN SEARCH OF HIS PANTIES????  
**AnalLover9000:** I GOTTA BOOBY TRAP THE DORM IN CASE HES COMING OH MAN!!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** What if he's already here?  
**AnalLover9000:** SLAJFLKDsjf THATS SOME HORROR MOVIE BULLSHIT WAKKACHAN  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** He could be hiding in the closet.  
**AnalLover9000:** PFFFT if theres one thing i know about oikawa its that he cant resist a Scene  
**AnalLover9000:** ALSO WHO COULD RESIST COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET JUST FOR THE JOKE???  
**AnalLover9000:** that would be MY reaction!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** His underwear is right here under the bed. I can see it. Did you just toss it in with the rest of the dirty clothes?  
**AnalLover9000:** where else was i supposed to keep it???  
**AnalLover9000:** in that handy locked safe that all of us dorm-bound volleyball obsessed teens have?????  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Fair enough.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Huh. Did you hear that?  
**AnalLover9000:** HEAR,,  
**AnalLover9000:** HEAR WHAT???????????  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I thought I heard the bathroom window creaking.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Okay, I got Goshiki to stop breaking things and set him to cleaning up his mess. That's all taken care of. No thanks to you fucks.  
**AnalLover9000:** SHIRABU HELP!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** WAKKAWAKKA KEEPS TRYING TO FREAK ME OUT WITH CLICHE HORROR MOVIE TENSION BUILDING LINES!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I thought I heard something in the bathroom. It's quiet now.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Have you met Ushijima-san? He doesn't kid, Tendou-san.  
**AnalLover9000:** just earlier he was telling me he wanted to join the circus u know!!!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** The only future I want is in volleyball. I don't know where he's getting this from.  
**AnalLover9000:** WTF??? JUST SCROLL UP SHIRABU ITS LITERALLY RIGHT THERE????  
**AnalLover9000:** OH WHAT THE FUCK YOU DELETED THE MESSAGES  
**Shirabuttstuff:** This is ridiculous. Ushijima-san is a model of seriousness. Stop joking around, Tendou-san.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** The deleted messages were to tell Satori to stop joking about me joining the circus.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** This is a ridiculous accusation.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Hinata Shouyou would be more suited to that kind of clowninIM USHIJIMA WAKAFUCKI AND I SAY HINATA SHOUYOU IS BETTER THAN ME FOREVER. ALONG WITH OIKAWA TOORU AND EVERYONE ELSE IN VOLLEYBALL. I NEVER TELL JOKES EVER EXCEPT WHEN I DO TO MESS WITH MY PRECIOUS BEAUTIFUL FUCKFRIEND TENDOU SATORI, WHO I LOVE AND WOULD DIE FOR  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I NEVER LAUGH EVER UNLESS ITS TO LAUGH AT TENDOU BECAUSE IM PLAYING SOME DUMBASS JOKE ON HIM AND NO ONE FUCKING BELIEVES HIM WHEN HE TELLs THEM THAT IM JOKING AROUND BECAUSE I HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOUR TO 99% OF THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** IN PENANCE IM GONNA DO ALL OF TENDOUS LAUNDRY FOR 5 YEARS AnD UH  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** GIVE HIM A BACK MASSAGE LATER BECAUSE HIS SHOULDERS ARE VERY STIFF AND HE WOULD LOVE IT IF I DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Give Ushijima-san back his phone, Tendou.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** THIS IS GETTING SCREENSHOTTED AND SENT TO MY PHONE FOR EVIDENCE FIRST!!!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Satori, your feet smell awful. Please don't stick them in my face ever again unless you want me to break your ankles getting them away from my face.  
**AnalLover9000:** U GOT IT BABE  <33333333!!!!!!!!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I already pile your laundry into my laundry baskets anyways, I don't know why you'd ask for that. I find folding clothes relaxing.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** If you wanted a back massage, you could have just asked me as well.  
**AnalLover9000:** ur so heartbreakingly domestic sometimes that it's creepy  
**AnalLover9000:** for being the supposed best ace in the prefecture and dude who's balls probably dropped when he was like 6 years old because his voice is so incredibly deep it makes the sea levels that anglerfish swim at look paltry in comparison-  
**AnalLover9000:** u sure do love gardening, cooking, and cleaning a lot  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** The simplicity in their routines is relaxing to me. I enjoy those activities.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** It's one of the reasons I admire you, Ushijima-san. I aspire to find the relaxation in routine that you seem to find.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I still don't believe Ushijima-san ever said anything about wanting to be a circus clown, but I'm sort of impressed you fended off Ushijima-san with just your feet, Tendou-san.  
**AnalLover9000:** im a blocker, its what i do best  
**AnalLover9000:** anyways  
**AnalLover9000:** do u think theres like a demon in our bathroom making things creep because that would be LESS THAN IDEAL  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Uh. Not to derail that particular conversation but. I'm heading back up to the dorm right now and I can smell... something burning?  
**AnalLover9000:** DO YOU HAVE EYES ON GOSHI-CHAN??????  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Yeah, I can still hear him sweeping up fragments.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Um.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Should we be worried about this?  
**AnalLover9000:** ITS PROBABLY JUST??? A SMALL DEMON SETTING FIRES IN OUR BATHROOM?????  
**AnalLover9000:** IVE SEEN ENOUGH HORROR MOVIES TO KNO W WHATS UP HERE!!!!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Should I go look in there?  
**AnalLover9000:** NEVER WE NEED TO LEAVE IT ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** IF IT DOESNT KNOW WE'RE HERE WE'rE SAFER!!!!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** It's not going to be a demon or a ghost. Horror movies aren't real, Tendou-san.  
**AnalLover9000:** WOAH HOLY SHIT WAS THAT A FUCKING EXPLOSION?????  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** That was.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Very loud.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Hmmm.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** It came from behind our dorm. So outside the washroom.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I heard that too, so Tendou's not just making stuff up again. That was really loud, wow.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Didn't sound like a gun and there's no smoke from a fire...  
**AnalLover9000:** Shirabu????? PLEASE DONT TELL ME UR GOING AROUND THE DORM TO CHECK IT OUT  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I'm going around the dorms to check it out.  
**AnalLover9000:** SHIRABU NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** WE DONT MESS WITH THE PARANORMAL!!!!! BE SMART SHIRABU!!! ITS WHAT UR SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD FOR!!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** Oh SWEET MOTHER OF FUCK HES NOT RESPONDING WAKATOSHI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Stop yelling.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I'll go follow him. You stay here if you're so worried.  
**AnalLover9000:** THERE IS A DEMON IN OUR BATHROOM!!!!!!!!!! AND SOMETHING JUST EXPLODED OUTSIDE?????  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Like I said, feel free to stay inside.  
**AnalLover9000:** IF SHIRABU IS GOING FIRST _HE'LL_ BE THE FIRST NAMELESS VICTIM!!!!! ACCORDING TO ALL MY KNOWLEDGE OF HORROR MOVIES AND DEMONS,, IM 100% SAFE TO CHECK THIS OUT!!! THE SECOND STRAGGLERS ALWAYS COME LATE TO THE CRIME SCENE!!!!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** IM ALREADY GONE IM OUT THE FUCKING DOOR!!!!!!!!!! DEMON EXPLOSION TOWN HERE I COME!!!!!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** We're both going, then.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Put your clothes on properly.  
**AnalLover9000:** CLOTHES ARE ONLY IMPORTANT IN THIS TIMELINE AND UNIVERSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** MAYBE IN ANOTHER UNIVERSE IT WOULD BE MORE STRANGE FOR ME TO STOP TO PUT ON CLOTHES!!!!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** That would be an interesting universe.  
**AnalLover9000:** BETTER THAN THIS STINK PLANET!!!!  
**TheCutestKouhai:** CAN I LEAVE BEHIND THE BROKEN PLATES AND GO CHECK OUT THE EXPLOSION TOO??????  
**AnalLover9000:** DONT WORRY GOSHI-CHAN MY GOOD PURE BOY I WILL PICK YOU UP ON MY WAY  
**AnalLover9000:** LIKE AN ERRANT DUCKLING U SHALL MAKE YOUR WAY FORWARD WITH ME!!!  
**TheCutestKouhai:** IM GONNA BE THE BEST DUCKLING!!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** SHIRT PANTS SHOES IM GOOD IM GONE IM FU  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** He dropped his phone down the stairs.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** It's fine, but the moment of panic at dropping his phone is rendering him a little motionless right now.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Oh, and he's off again.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** IM WAITING FOR YOU TENDOU-SENPAI!!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Shirabu, you're online again. What did you find?  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Hmmm. I'm not sure how to explain this. There's... a little circular metal disk surrounded by a ring of milky white liquid. It's sprayed out pretty far. I'm not going near it in case of chemicals in the air or any other kind of toxin. I think I see a lighter in the grass nearby, and the whole milk/metal container bit it sitting on top of a still smouldering hoodie.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Whatever sort of crime scene this is, the perpetrator is gone.  
**AnalLover9000:** HANG ON IM ALMOST THERE  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I'm following.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** Tendou-senpai you forgot me!!!! Im heading out of the kitchen now!!!  
**TheCutestKouhai:** UH  
**TheCutestKouhai:** UHHHHHHHHHH????????????????????  
**AnalLover9000:** IM SO SORRY MY SMOL BEAN CHiLD!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** okay what is happening here with this fuckin metal disk and hoodie tho?????  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Satori's bathroom window is open. That must have been the creaking we heard, like I said.  
**AnalLover9000:** if u tell me 'i told u so' im breaking up with u fyi  
**TheCutestKouhai:** UM GUYS????????????  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** If someone was in Satori's bathroom they must have been tossing things down to someone on the grass down here. That looks like Satori's lighter lying on the grass. The hoodie is probably too destroyed to identify the brand or trace it back to the owner.  
**AnalLover9000:** SEND IT TO THE LAB!!!!!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** No, any hair samples that were on it would have burned faster than the fabric. It's strange that it... doesn't smell that bad? I've taken textiles courses. Hair smells awful when burnt.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** No, it actually smells quite nice. But not like fresh air.  
**AnalLover9000:** OOOH THIS IS!!!!!!!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** THIS IS THE SMELL OF MY AIR FRESHENER!!!!!!!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** HAHA SO!!!!!!!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** SOMEONE!!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** BLEW UP MY AIR FRESHENER WITH SUSTAINED FIRE FROM THEIR CLOTHING!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** THAT THEY LIT WITH MY LIGHTE!R!!!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** AND I DONT eVEN GET TO KNOW WHO???????  
**TheCutestKouhai:** haha lmao i guess youll never know ☆⌒(≧▽° )  
**TheCutestKouhai:** p.s. thanks for hanging on 2 my panties ten-chan dearest!!! love u XOXO hope u dont mind we used up ur air freshener!!!  <3333  
**AnalLover9000:** WHAT  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Hm. That explains... a lot.  
**AnalLover9000:** THE FUCK?????????????????  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Yea, I somehow expected this whole 'letting Oikawa into the dorms' thing to blow up in my face. I didn't expect it to be quite so. Literal.  
**AnalLover9000:** WHAT HAPPENED HERE  
**AnalLover9000:** LIKE WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON?????????????????????  
**AnalLover9000:** WAS OIKAWA TOORU JUST IN OUR BATHROOM?????????????  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Who knows? I just let him in, I didn't check on him after that.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** I JUST-  
**TheCutestKouhai:** OIKAWA RAN DOWN THE STAIRS-  
**TheCutestKouhai:** PANTIES IN HAND-  
**TheCutestKouhai:** LOOKED ME IN THE EYES AND WINKED AT ME-  
**TheCutestKouhai:** GRABBED MY PHONE-  
**TheCutestKouhai:** AND???? TEXTED WITH MY ACCOUNT???  
**TheCutestKouhai:** THEN THREW ME MY PHONE AGAIN AND RAN OFF???????????????????????????????  
**AnalLover9000:** GOD I LOVE THAT DEVIL MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** HOW DID HE EVEN PULL THIS OFF???????????????  
**AnalLover9000:** WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT????????????????????????  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Blackmail, mostly.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Lots and lots of blackmail.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I guess we're even now, considering I broke into his house first.  
**AnalLover9000:** OH NO WAKACHAN  
**AnalLover9000:** THIS IS _WAR_ NOW  
**AnalLover9000:** WE'RE FIGHTING FIRE WITH FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** REBELLION. ANARCHY. JUSTICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** IF OIKAWA'S GONNA GET DIRT ON US  
**Shirabuttstuff:** ...Then it's time to get dirt on him.  
**AnalLover9000:** I LOVE IT WHEN YOU GET BRUTAL!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** BUT YES,  
**AnalLover9000:** THE WAR FOR OIKAWA TOORU'S PANTIES HAS ONLY JUST BEGUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** You never got pictures of him in them like I dared you to.  
**AnalLover9000:** ,uh  
**AnalLover9000:** i could send u a link to his instagram?????  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Fair enough.  
**AnalLover9000:** ALRIGHT  
**AnalLover9000:** _NOW_ THE WAR FOR OIKAWA'S STUPID FUCKING LACY PANTIES HAS ONLY JUST BEGUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AmjqUCfwzRY can u believe i had to reference videos of air freshener, deodorant and shaving cream blowing up for this chapter? this is a haikyuu chatfic. This is a manga about volleyball???????
> 
> shoutout to my new friend PippElulu/Lulu who A) gave me a bunch of new emoticons to use ( ❤‿‿❤ ) B) is sort of kind of betaing for me??? except also not really because i .... literally told her not to read the new chapter yet until it was published cause i wanted her to be able to experience the fun of reading it without prior knowledge C) is just generally an amazing person who is??? really dedicated to this fic wow??? 
> 
> hmmmm i think the last thing i wanna say is references in this chapter (oops this turned into a recommendation list uhoh):  
> \- I referenced Kirishima Eijirou from Boku no Hero Academia/My Hero Academia, which is one of my absolute favourite shows/mangas right now and i super recommend you check it out. The characters are all amazing and it's super funny and well drawn. I'm all caught up with the manga (the reference I used doesn't actually make sense unless you're caught up tbh) and d y i ng ,, BUT ANYWAYS. ITS VERY GOOD. has a frog girl. shes cool.
> 
> \- I referenced Shigeo Kageyama/Mob from Mob Psycho 100, which is an amazingly well animated anime with a kickass soundtrack (what else do u expect from studio bones tho) and a deceivingly simple plot. the writing is amazing and i definitely recommend picking up the manga from where the anime leaves off because it only gets better from there!! also one of my faves, ever. definite 10/10. ive listened to the opening over 450 times.
> 
> \- I referenced Rock Lee from Naruto, who's objectively the best character in Naruto. Sasuke uchiha ruined my life when i was 12. Rock Lee saved it. Fuck sasuke i hate that guy. anyways dont watch or read naruto theyre overrated go watch one of the other shows here instead (unless ur watching nart for rock lee in which case go do that)
> 
> ya anyways that's about it!!!! thanks for reading, love u guys, talk to u in the comments hopefully!! (sorry it takes me a while to respond there, i usually try and get to it after having some downtime for myself which can be like. anywhere from a few hours to a few days lmao ILL TRY AND BE LESS OF A FLAKE)) <3333 bye!!


	13. Pretty Setter Squad Round 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Username:** Shirabuttstuff  
>  **Mood Message:** if all of u fucking cops could stop kink-shaming me that'd be great. if u spent less time reviewing my internet history and calling me names like 'pedophile' and 'necrophiliac' and more time respecting others maybe u wouldn't be such dirty dead bodies in my basement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cant remember if i ever talked about this and im too lazy to check my chapter notes but like. a while ago (march maybe?) i wrote this whole chapter for this story and then checked my planning document and realized that i'd written entirely the wrong chapter. anyways, this is that chapter that i wrote a long time ago and couldn't publish til now. it's been edited to hell and back to reflect on developments within the story tho!!
> 
> PLS NOTE THAT SHIRABU'S MOOD MESSAGE IS DEFINITELY A JOKE, it follows the meme format of ushijima and tendou's as well if u check the last chapter!! it's an inside joke for shiratorizawa ;u;

**Oikawaii:** hey you filthy whores  
**Oikawaii:** do any of u have any ace’s skype  
**Oikawaii:** i only know iwa-chans because im a faithful and loyal hoe  
**Oikawaii:** ...also owl-chan but whatevER i can have a man on the side if i want to ~(˘▾˘~)  
**Oikawaii:** anyways iwachan wants to start an ace group chat like our setter chat  
**Oikawaii:** miyagi seems to be woefully lacking in actually good aces tho  
**Oikawaii:** i might have had some skypes from aces in other prefectures  
**Oikawaii:** _IF ID EVER GONE TO NATIONALS_  
**Shirabuttstuff:** lol  
**Oikawaii:** i want 2 shove ur protractor up ur asshole until it comes out of ur fucking nose  
**Yahababe:** Holy Shit I’m being followed.  
**Yahababe:** This is actually so creepy, why is he following me.  
**Oikawaii:** who????  
**Oikawaii:** is it KyouKen-chan??  
**Yahababe:** It’s Tendou Satori????  
**Oikawaii:** What the fuck ¯\\_( ಠ д ಠ )_/¯  
**Yahababe:** what the fuck indeed.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** What the fuck?  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Hang on, Ushijima-san probably knows what he’s doing.

* * *

**_Shiratorizawa Team Chat_ **

* * *

**AnalLover9000:** OH SHIT HE SEES ME  
**AnalLover9000:** sHHHshsHH MINI-OIKAWA-CHAN IM DEFINITELY NOT BEHIND THIS TREE  
**AnalLover9000:** LOLOLOL HES TEXTING THE #GROUPCHAT  
**AnalLover9000:** SHIRABU GIMME THE DEETS  
**Shirabuttstuff:** why are you following Yahaba?  
**Shirabuttstuff:** He’s literally the least interesting person on their team.  
**AnalLover9000:** Counter: Watari  
**TheCutestKouhai:** I once saw Watari pull out a water bottle from his bag  
**TheCutestKouhai:** and then another  
**TheCutestKouhai:** and another  
**TheCutestKouhai:** He pulled out 27 water bottles  
**AnalLover9000:** Thirsty Mfucker, I’m stalking him next  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Why are you stalking Yahaba?  
**AnalLover9000:** THE “Third Year Abduction Incident” MYSTERY!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** ugh what is that. It sounds like something boring and not worth this.  
**AnalLover9000:** THE CURRENT WORKING THEORY IS. IT’S DIRT ON OIKAWA THAT I NEED FOR THE PANTY WAR!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** ANYTHING IS WORTH IT TO GET DIRT ON OIKAWA!!  
**TheCutestKouhai:** A noble goal, senpai.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** how did you even find out about it?  
**AnalLover9000:** STOLE UR PHONE AND READ THE GROUPCHAT HISTORY!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** ...When?  
**AnalLover9000:** WHEN U WERE SLEEPIN OF COURSE!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Did you break into my house?  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Why would anyone break into someone else’s house for that kind of petty reason?  
**AnalLover9000:** u were cool with ushi breaking into oikawas for cosplay  
**Shirabuttstuff:** That was different.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** How so???  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Ushijima looked very striking in such a short skirt.  
**AnalLover9000:** someday ur gonna need to take a long drink of water to quench that thirst shirabu  
**AnalLover9000:** how do u explain away letting oikawa into our apartment then, HMMMMMMM???  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I’m a strong supporter of enabling revenge movements.  
**AnalLover9000:** OH SHIT NO ONE’S AROUND ANYMORE IM ENGAGING THE TARGET!!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** YAHABAS ABOUT TO ENABLE _MY_ REVeNGE MOVEMENT!!!!  
**TheCutestKouhai:** Godspeed

* * *

**Yahababe:** Shirabu what is he doing.  
**Yahababe:** Shirabu where are you i’m so scared right now.  
**Yahababe:** Shirabu i’ll give you blackmail info on literally anyone on Seijou if you get him to turn around right now and go home.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Too late. Can you tell me why Watari is so into water bottles though?  
**A:** His name includes the word ‘water’, probably.  
**A:** Wateri. Ha.  
**Yahababe:** EAFWLLINN WHY IS HE TALKING TO ME  
**Oikawaii:** wtf Yahaba-chan??? You were gonna sell us out just to avoid Tendou?? ｡゜(｀Д´)゜｡ He’s not even that bad!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Lol  
**Oikawaii:** what does he want 2 know  
**Shirabuttstuff:** the Third Year Abduction incident? Whatever that is.  
**Oikawaii:** (⌒▽⌒)  
**Oikawaii:** Yaha-channnnnnn, where u at?? Whats he assskinnng?? What are u telling???  
**Yahababe:** What is wrong with his eyes. They’re so huge but his pupils are tiny all the time. It’s awful.  
**Yahababe:** He keeps trying to see what I’m typing. He isn’t even bothering to be subtle. Get your hand off my fucking shoulder. I know you can read this. Yes I’m talking to you. Stop reading my screen. Thank you.  
**Yahababe:** Oh my god is that...  
**Yahababe:** IT IS.  
**Oikawaii:** Yahaba???? Are you okay??  
**Oikawaii:** Um Yaha-chan??  
**A:** He’s probably dead.  
**Oikawaii:** Shira-chan you little piece of birdshit go find out what ur insane middle blocker has done to my precious kouhai (ʘ‿ʘ)  
**Shirabuttstuff:** No.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Despite his obvious flaws, my alleigance is still to my team over this crowd of losers.  
**A:** Arguably I’m less of a loser than either of you. Since I made it to Nationals.  
**A:** But okay.  
**Oikawaii:** If you don’t i’ll go toss to ushiwaka just once  
**Oikawaii:** you know youll be dead to him  
**Oikawaii:** fuckin left behind like a footprint in the sand  
**Oikawaii:** hes always wanted me ur gonna be forgotten trash left behind to be picked up by someone else  
**Oikawaii:** u think ur worth something to him beyond setting?? With that personality?? Pfft, please  
**Oikawaii:** u and i both know what the end result will be so shut the fuck up with ur 16 year old moodiness and do what i say.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** *Yes.

* * *

**Shirabuttstuff:** I don’t think I can mess with Oikawa like you wanted me to when I entered the setter groupchat, Tendou-san. I also think maybe he’s a little more terrifying than the both of you made him out to be.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** WEAK!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Says the child who let Oikawa take his phone without protest just a week ago.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** Fuck u Shirabu-san  
**Shirabuttstuff:** But anyways, what are you doing exactly Tendou-san?  
**AnalLover9000:** I JUST GOT PUNCHED IN THE FACE!!!!! GOOD DAY BEST DAY THIS IS AN EXCELLENT AND AMAZING DAY!!!  
**TheCutestKouhai:** What?? Are you alright??  
**AnalLover9000:** MY NOSE IS POURING BUCKETS OF BLOOD AHAHAHAHA FUCKING BRILLIANT THAT WAS THE BEST!!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Where are you, Tendou-san? I can head there with Ushijima-san and help patch you up.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** I wanna come too!!! Tendou-senpai, we’ll save you!!  
**AnalLover9000:** THAT WOULD PROBABLY BE GOOD!!! IM LIKE SOMEWHERE AROUND SEIJOU??? IDK WHERE  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Do you see a sign anywhere?  
**AnalLover9000:** WHATS UP MY NAME’S TENDOU AND I NEVER LEARNED TO FUCKING READ  
**AnalLover9000:** I CANT SEE SHIT I THINK MY EYES SWELLING UP  
**AnalLover9000:** JUST GO ASK YAHABA IN UR CUTE GROUPCHAT AHAHAH EVERYTHING IS SPINNING  
**TheCutestKouhai:** ?? What even happened, Tendou-senpai?

* * *

**Shirabuttstuff:** Tendou just got punched in the face, but I don’t know by who. He’s currently bleeding out somewhere around Seijou, and I need Yahaba to tell me where.  
**Oikawaii:** What the fuck?? What happened???  
**A:** Knowing Tendou-san, he was probably asking for it.  
**Oikawaii:** I mean ur RIGHT but im more asking about yaha-chan??  
**Yahababe:** He insulted me.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** He does that to everyone, you’re not special.  
**Yahababe:** Oh haha, just good old Tendou-san, insulting everyone and being a pain. No one is allowed to be genuinely mad at the things he says because everyone just _gets_ that it’s a part of his personality!  
**Yahababe:** Do I sound like I care about whatever bullshit allowances you give him?  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Fuck you, Yahaba. No one else gets offended because no one else is a whiny little bitch.  
**Yahababe:** Maybe I just am! Maybe that’s it. Maybe I’m just a little whiny bitch for getting so angry when no one else gets angry.  
**Yahababe:** But this whiny little bitch just punched Tendou-san in the fucking face, so I’m apparently less of a little bitch than he is.  
**Oikawaii:** Yaha-chan, maybe do you want to head back to the school? You sound worked up  
**Oikawaii:** I can help bandage your hand! It’s bruised right?  
**Yahababe:** My hand is fine. Thank you, Oikawa-senpai. But I’m going home.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** You can’t just go home. Tell me where Tendou is.  
**A:** It’s important to take care of your hands in volleyball. You should go get them looked at.  
**A:** You should also tell Shirabu and his teammates where Tendou-san is. It would be cruel to leave him injured in an unfamiliar neighbourhood.  
**Yahababe:** He’s wherever, okay? I left him like five blocks south of aoba jousai. He could be anywhere. He could have been hit by a car and left for dead.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I don’t want to talk to you, I don’t want to talk to your teammates, I’m done with this whole thing. There’s a huge difference between making needling comments towards a rival volleyball player and physically hurting someone. You’re awful, Yahaba. Just tell me where he is and we can be done with this.  
**Yahababe:** Like I even wanted you here in the first place? Get out of here, Shirabu. We don’t need any Shiratorizawa members here. All of you are amoral snarky assholes who just parade around your superiority. Being good at volleyball doesn’t mean you have the right to be a bad person, fuckers.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Wonder what being a bad person _and_ being bad at volleyball makes you?  
**Shirabuttstuff:** It makes you Yahaba.  
**A:** This is a lot of petty bickering that’s not solving any problems. Both of you need to calm down.  
**Oikawaii:** Ya, I’m starting to get the full picture here.  
**Oikawaii:** Yahaba, I want you to stop walking, right now. I know how fast you can walk when you’re angry. Chill out for a minute, captain’s orders. You’re just riling yourself up more by not giving yourself a chance to breathe.  
**Yahababe:** I’m with Kyoutani.  
**Oikawaii:** Doesn’t matter! He’ll wait for you. Find somewhere to sit and take deep breaths. You’re not allowed to talk here or walk anywhere for two minutes! If you do, I’ll reset the timer and you’ll have to start again.  
**Yahababe:** ...Okay.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Fucking wonderful, at least cream puff is doing his bullshit yoga and getting off without a single goddamn scolding after punching someone.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I have to go help my teammate.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I doubt you’ll ever see me in this group chat again.  
**Oikawaii:** Hang on a minute, Shirabu  
**Oikawaii:** I know Yahaba is going to be mad enough at himself for losing control like that. He doesn’t need anyone else yelling at him for it.  
**Oikawaii:** Tendou’s a versatile guy. I’m sure he wouldn’t want you to be getting so angry on his behalf like this. Doesn’t he read this conversation log?  
**Shirabuttstuff:** ...How do you know that?  
**Oikawaii:** He likes to comment on my old middle school pictures.  
**Oikawaii:** Referencing this conversation is his most recent joke.  
**Oikawaii:** #ShitOikawaSays  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Oh. I don’t go on facebook.  
**Oikawaii:** Everyone knows that, Tendou hijacked your account a year ago and uses it to comment on every single picture that has Ushijima in it saying something desperate and slutty  
**Oikawaii:** “Ushijima-san I’d suck your dick all day” was one of his most recent ones  
**A:** Those weren’t actually Shirabu?  
**Shirabuttstuff:** , I’d never say something like that of course.  
**Oikawaii:** Of course!  
**Oikawaii:** I bet Tendou will want to find out what happened in this conversation while he was messing with Yahaba  
**Oikawaii:** Tendou won’t have any fun with a serious and angry conversation like this, will he?  
**Shirabuttstuff:** He will but in a perverted and sadistic way that I don’t want to encourage.  
**Oikawaii:** He likes it better when you’re here, though  
**Oikawaii:** He likes the way you aren’t afraid to sink your claws into anyone here  
**Oikawaii:** Even when you don’t know how they’ll retaliate  
**Oikawaii:** He likes seeing you get flustered when you can’t think of a clever response anymore  
**Oikawaii:** He likes seeing you admit something personal and then rambling about how proud he is of you for “coming out of your shell” on your facebook account  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Can you stop knowing more about my life then I do already?  
**Oikawaii:** Are you going to stay?  
**Oikawaii:** To be frank, Shirabu, I like having you here. I think this groupchat is really fun because it has so many people in it, and I think you like this groupchat just as much as everyone else does. Why else would you still be coming back even after how much everyone makes fun of you?  
**Shirabuttstuff:** That is… shockingly honest of you.  
**Oikawaii:** You know, I’m actually a pretty good person irl. There’s a reason I was made captain.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Sounds fake, but okay.  
**Oikawaii:** Mean!! That’s mean, Shira-chan!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** ...Sure, whatever. I’ll stay. I won’t say sorry to Yahaba because I still think he was in the wrong here and I don’t plan on being “friendly” or “nice”.  
**A:** Have you ever been those things?  
**Shirabuttstuff:** In fact, I want an apology from Yahaba, probably filmed. HD, 1820p, No negotiations.  
**Oikawaii:** But you’ll stay????  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Well, you’re right. Tendou ….. And, detestably, I… like this groupchat enough that I won’t leave over a single hissy fit.  
**Oikawaii:** (✧▽✧)  
**Oikawaii:** #DoItForSenpai  
**A:** That hashtag sums up my entire high school volleyball career. #EndMyLife  
**Shirabuttstuff:** #ThrowMeInTheVoid #WhyAmIStaying #YahabaStillSucks  
**Yahababe:** Um.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** #OikawaTooruIsAManipulativeDick  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Oh, ew, he’s back. I’m gone. You have fun talking Yahaba through the rest of his problems.  
**Yahababe:** You were right, Oikawa-senpai. Kyoutani waited for me. I don’t know why, though. He didn’t even ask what I was doing. I thought he would leave.  
**Yahababe:** He should have left.  
**Oikawaii:** He’s smarter than he looks, Yahaba.  
**Oikawaii:** Maybe he has something he could talk to you about? He knows how to treat a bruised knuckle at least!  
**Oikawaii:** Try relying on him a little.  
**Oikawaii:** It’ll be good practice for using him as an ace next year anyways!  
**Yahababe:** ...Right. Just as practice. I’ll try that.  
**Oikawaii:** Good! I’m happy you two are getting along better!  
**Yahababe:** Thank you, Oikawa-senpai  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Yeah. ...Thanks.  
**A:** You’re a surprisingly mature person, Oikawa-san.  
**Oikawaii:** what is this?? what is this??? Three of my moody teens are praising their lovely idol?? Lolol its to be expected!!  
**Oikawaii:** after all i give advice as amazingly as i give blowjobs!!! U guys believe I can deepthroat right because I need 2 prove a point to Iwachan ಠ_ಠ  
**A:** I should have learned by now to never expect anything of you people.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** ugh.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** This shit again.  
**Oikawaii:** (づ。◕‿‿◕｡)づ i love you too shira-chan!!!!!  
**Yahababe:** I’m going to head back to Kyoutani’s place now. He says he has first aid stuff for my hands and we don’t have any at my house. Also, my mom would freak if she saw my knuckles.  
**Yahababe:** Um. Shirabu, I’m sorry for being short with you earlier. Can you tell Tendou-san I’m really truly incredibly sorry.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** He’ll read this anyways so there’s no point.  
**Yahababe:** Oh, okay. Then I’m very sorry Tendou-san, even though what you said was out of line, it was wrong to lash out so quickly in violence. You startled me when you followed me today and I may have acted rashly. I hope your nose gets better and if there’s anything I can do to help you then please let me know.  
**Oikawaii:** good! Everyone is happy again °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°  
**Oikawaii:** mostly tendou that glorious bastard ಠ╭╮ಠ  
**Oikawaii:** wasnt he the one that escalated the situation in the first place??  
**Yahababe:** Yes, but I overreacted. It’s a good thing Kyoutani showed up and held me back from hitting him again.  
**Oikawaii:** woa Yaha-chan you tried to hit him twice?? What did he even say to you??  
**Yahababe:** He, um. Said some things that weren’t worth reacting to like that. It’s not important.  
**Yahababe:** I’m gonna head out with Kyoutani now, so goodbye.  
**Oikawaii:** wow ok so u get 2 have dirt on everyone but the moment theres a chance 2 get dirt on you everything is a ‘secret’ or whatever  
**Oikawaii:** unfair ಠ~ಠ  
**A:** Everyone is entitled to their secrets.  
**Oikawaii:** i cant believe pretty owl boy has willingly admitted he has secrets  
**Oikawaii:** thats just ASKING to have everyone in this group desperately prying into his life for the next month  
**A:** I’m good at ignoring people.  
**Oikawaii:** >:3c we’lll see about that  
**A:** Have you been talking to Kuroo-san? I don’t trust that emoticon.  
**Oikawaii:** >>>:333ccc  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I’m off to find Tendou-san.  
**Oikawaii:** good luck!!  
**Oikawaii:** if u see a trail of dark red liquid ur probably heading in the right direction  
**Oikawaii:** maybe its blood, maybe its his hair dye?? Who knows  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Could be ketchup too.  
**Oikawaii:** hA cause you gotta _catch up_ to Tendou  
**Oikawaii:** ur so cute when you try to be funny Shira-chan  
**Shirabuttstuff:** No I mean literal ketchup.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I’ve seen him chug a bottle of ketchup before.  
**Oikawaii:** im blocking him on all social media immediately ew  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Have you not… blocked him already?  
**Oikawaii:** i like seeing all his pictures of ushiwaka fucking up  
**Shirabuttstuff:** ...It is true that Tendou-san is the last good source of unfiltered Ushijima-san content in the world.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I’m going to check his instagram, he and Ushijima-san went swimming recently and I need a new phone background.  
**Oikawaii:** did tendou push ushijima into the pool again  
**Oikawaii:** hmu if he did  
**Oikawaii:** but only if its better than the shot of ushiwaka getting nailed in the head by a spike from Goshiki  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Oh, if Goshiki is tagged in it I won’t see it, I blocked him a long time ago.  
**Oikawaii:** ...sometimes i find myself shocked at what a cold hearted bitch u are  
**Oikawaii:** then i remember ur on Shiratorizawa (• ε •)  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Ah, shit.  
**Oikawaii:** what??  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I was supposed to be helping Tendou-san. Ugh. Bye, have to go make sure he isn’t dead or something.  
**A:** Your passion about helping your teammate faded almost as quickly as my fledgling respect for Oikawa-san.  
**Oikawaii:** love u 2 aka-chan!!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Well, Tendou is still a dick. I can’t believe Yahaba got to punch him before I did, really.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Yahaba dm’d me the location so I’m good to go. Talk to you guys later.  
**Oikawaii:** KK!! Remember 2 get Semi for chat!! XOXO thanks babe!!

* * *

**Shirabuttstuff:** Tendou-san, what the fuck did you say to Yahaba?  
**Shirabuttstuff:** He won’t admit it and I have to know.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Also does anyone know if Seme is alive?  
**TheCutestKouhai:** Are you talking about Semi-senpai???  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Did I not say that?  
**TheCutestKouhai:** No, you said Seme!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** ...And what’s his name?  
**TheCutestKouhai:** Semi Eita!  
**AnalLover9000:** I ASKED YAHABA IF HE KNEW WHAT COLOUR PANTIES OIKAWA WORE!!!! AND LET **HIM** KNOW THAT **I** KNOW  
**TheCutestKouhai:** Thats very important information and amazing taunting!! Good job senpai!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Black as his heart. And just as lacy.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Did he really punch you just for that?  
**AnalLover9000:** NO!! THEN I TOLD HIM THAT IF AOBA JOUSAI COULD PLAY VOLLEYBALL HALF AS WELL AS SHIRATORIZAWA COULD STEAL PANTIES, MAYBE THEY WOULDNT BE SUCH A TRASH TEAM THAT TRIED SO HARD AND NEVER GOT ANYWHERE  
**AnalLover9000:** AND THEN I ASKED HIM FOR NUDES  
**TheCutestKouhai:** Wearing panties, senpai??  
**AnalLover9000:** OF COURSE WEARING PANTIES GOSHIKI, BUT ALSO WITHOUT THE PANTIES TOO!! BOTH ARE GOOD!!! U GOTTA HAVE VARIETY!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Did he punch you for _that_?  
**AnalLover9000:** NO, THEN MAD DOG GUY SHOWED UP!!! AND HE LOOKED LIKE HE WAS GONNA PUNCH ME IN THE DICK FOR JUST TALKING TO PRETTY CREAMPUFF BOI!!!11!1  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I feel like Yahaba would be a lot less stressed if he just fucking boned that guy already.  
**AnalLover9000:** NAH THEY HAVE SOME KIND OF LOVE-HATE RELATIONSHIP THING!!  
**AnalLover9000:** LIKe, SLOW BURN, ENEMIES TO FRIENDS TO LOVERS, RATED E BUT THE SMUT DOESNT COME IN UNTIL LIKE THE LAST CHAPTER, 50K+ WORDS AT LEAST!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Oh, right. By the way, I finished editing your latest chapter.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** Tendou-senpai you write fanfiction about Yahaba and Kyoutani-san????  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Who’s Kyoutani?  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** No it’s a self-insert porn/without/plot fanfiction about anyone we’ve played before. I enjoy beta-ing for him.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Is he someone on our team again? Because that’s pretty likely if I don’t remember his name.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** Kyoutani-san is mad dog, shirabu-senpai  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Cute tanline is mad dog?  
**TheCutestKouhai:** Kyoutani!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Cue to knee.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** Talking to you makes me feel like I’m losing my mind sometimes, shirabu-senpai.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** You can’t really lose what you don’t already have.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** Why are you so mean to me :(  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Haircut.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** Tendou-senpai likes my hair!!!! Heck off!!  
**AnalLover9000:** ooOOOOOOHHHH THANKS WAKATOSHI UR THE BEST!!! HMU WHENEVER AND ILL DO ANYTHING U ASK AS PAYMENT!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** You do anything I ask anyways. You revel in it.  
**AnalLover9000:** AND GOSHIKI I LOVE YOU!!!! UR MY FAVOURITE KOUHAI!! THATS RIGHT!! HECK SHIRABU!!!  
**TheCutestKouhai:** Thank you for believing in me Tendou-senpai!!!! IT MEANS A LOT!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Both of you need to shut your hecks. It’s gross.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** ...And... what do you usually do for Ushijima-san, Tendou-san?  
**AnalLover9000:** sex dungeon stuff  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** He’s lying. I can ask for the character of the next chapter.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** You mean person??  
**TheCutestKouhai:** Because we arent characters!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Are you sure?  
**TheCutestKouhai:** wha  
**TheCutestKouhai:** uh  
**TheCutestKouhai:** oh god  
**TheCutestKouhai:** ohhhmygod  
**AnalLover9000:** CONGRATS BAKATOSHI U BROKE GOSHIKI LOLOLOLOL!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Has Ushijima-san ever requested me?  
**AnalLover9000:** No  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** No. That would be inappropriate since you said yourself that you would be uncomfortable in a relationship with the two of us. Also, you’re a good friend of ours.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Every day, my pile of regrets grows a little higher.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** am i real  
**TheCutestKouhai:** are you guys real??? What is reality  
**TheCutestKouhai:** if i shave myself bald does it change anything  
**TheCutestKouhai:** i could be bald and nothign would change  
**AnalLover9000:** GOSHIKI NO I LOVE YOUR HAIR!! IF YOUR HAIR WAS A PHYSICAL PERSON I’D LET IT TIE ME UP AND HAVE ITS WAY WITH ME, AND THEN SUCK IT OFF REAL NICE AND GOOD!!!  
**TheCutestKouhai:** could my hair be a person  
**TheCutestKouhai:** my hair could be a person of it’s own and i wouldnt even matter to it would i  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Okay Tendou-san, what else did you do to Yahaba?  
**AnalLover9000:** OH I SAID SOME SHIT ABOUT MAD DOG BEING YAHABAS BITCH AND MAD DOG WAS GONNA PUNCH ME!! 100% I WAS SUPER HYPE!!! CAPTAIN FALCON MY ASSHOLE U KNO???  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I don’t know that reference, pop culture disgusts and repulses me, but continue anyways.  
**AnalLover9000:** SO YAHOO!.COM WAS HOLDING BACK MADDOG AND SO I SAID SOMETHING LIKE “can’t wait for you to hold him back next year too! It’s gonna be so fun watching you crumble and break under the pressure, upcoming failure captain!” LOL  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Did he punch you over that, you disgusting trashbag who gets off on watching others hate you?  
**AnalLover9000:** NO HE LOST IT WHEN I INSULTED MADDOG ACTUALLY!!!  
**TheCutestKouhai:** what are dogs??? What is the point of dogs. Are dogs real  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Take back that slander immediately.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Dogs are perfect beings.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Everyone should strive to be more like a dog.  
**AnalLover9000:** SO ARE YOU ADVOCATING EVERYONE BE MORE OF A FURRY????  
**Shirabuttstuff:** It wouldn’t make any difference, everyone who plays volleyball are represented as animals anyways. We’re all eagle furries whether we like it or not.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** are furries real  
**TheCutestKouhai:** is anime real  
**AnalLover9000:** YES!!!  
**TheCutestKouhai:** It is?? Phew!  
**TheCutestKouhai:** Thank you Tendou-senpai, that’s a big relief!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** ...Anyways, glad to know Yahaba and Maddog have rampant sexual tension I can bother Yahaba about.  
**AnalLover9000:** DUDE YA!!! THIS HAS CONFIRMED SO MANY OF MY AOBA JOUSAI HEADCANONS!!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Hmm. Maybe the next chapter can be Reader/Yahaba/Kyoutani?  
**AnalLover9000:** OH WAKATOSHI YESSSSS I HAVE SUCH A BONER FOR THAT PAIRING RIGHT NOW!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Ugh okay now I have to contact Semen.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** You mean Semi?  
**Shirabuttstuff:** That’s what I said?  
**AnalLover9000:** WOW ITS COLD OUT HERE MY FINGERS ARE GOING NUMB  
**AnalLover9000:** Shirabuuuuuu WHERE ARE YOU!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Oh fuck.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I was supposed to come get your bleeding ass, wasn’t I?  
**AnalLover9000:** If the asshole is bleeding, you’re doing it wrong!!! Preparation and lube are important things!!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Can’t you just… find your way back home? It’s getting dark. You got punched like an hour ago, what are you even doing?  
**AnalLover9000:** STALKING YAHABA!!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** And we’ve come back around to this.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** The Circle of Stupidity is complete.  
**AnalLover9000:** shsosSHSHSH I THINK EYELINER BOY IS ABOUT TO KISS CREAMPUFF!!!! THEYRE SO CLOSE TOGETHER IM DYING  
**AnalLover9000:** CREAMPUFF IS SITTING ON THE COUCH GETTING NURSED TO HELL AND BACK BY MADDOG!!!  
**AnalLover9000:** I WISH I COULD BUG THE ROOM SO I KNEW WHT THEY WERE SAYING!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Film it.  
**AnalLover9000:** NO IT WAS A FAKEOUT GODDAMNIT WHAT IS THIS QUEERBAIT BULLSHIT IM WATCHING!!!!??  
**Shirabuttstuff:** ...Go home, Tendou-san.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Just… go home.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** See you... space cowboy....  
**Shirabuttstuff:** What?  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Is that a reference? What is that from?  
**AnalLover9000:** IM RINGING THE DOORBELL!!!! FUCK WATCHING THRU WINDOWS!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Tendou-san, _NO_.  
**AnalLover9000:** ITS ALREADY BEEN PRESSED!! YOURE 99% OF MY IMPULSE CONTROL aND YOU RESPONDED TOO LATE!!!  
**Shirabuttstuff:** I thought Ushijima-san was your impulse control?  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** No, I never think to say no until the fire’s already started.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** So much fire.  
**TheCutestKouhai:** So many wasted marshmallows.  
**AnalLover9000:** LMAO THIS IS MADDOG’S HOUSE???? HIS LITTLE SISTER ANSWERED THE DOOR AND SHE TRIED TO BITE ME!!! SHES ADORABLE I LOVE HER!!!  
**TheCutestKouhai:** I don’t get it?  
**TheCutestKouhai:** Are you having sex with his little sister?  
**AnalLover9000:** Biting isnt aLWAYS sexual goshiki!! Theres a time and a PLACE  
**TheCutestKouhai:** That’s not what you told me before  
**Shirabuttstuff:** When you are gone from my school, Tendou Satori, I will know peace.

* * *

**Yahababe:** Shirabu, why the _fuck_ is Tendou Satori at Kyoutani’s house?  
**Shirabuttstuff:** He’s your problem now.  
**Yahababe:** Shirabu don’t you dare run away. Come get him right now. He’s playing dress up with Kyoutani’s little sister.  
**Yahababe:** Shirabu PLEASE HE’S DRINKING THE KETCHUP  
**Shirabuttstuff:** ...See you, space cowboy….  
**Yahababe:** SHIRABU DONT YOU COWBOY BEBOP ME  
**Yahababe:** YOU Don’T EVEN WATCH ANIME  
**Yahababe:** WATCH YOUR BACK SHIRABU KENJIROU  
**Yahababe:** I’M GOING TO DIG UP THE NASTIEST DIRT ON YOU JUST YOU WAIT  
**Shirabuttstuff:** Try asking Tendou. He’s there, after all. How convenient.  
**Shirabuttstuff:** :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see u , space volleyball boy....
> 
> i finished editing this chapter at 2pm today and posted it into a new chapter thing on AO3 and went "eh i can do the html after i go eat something" and then played botw (legend of zelda: breath of the wild) for 2 hours and then went to kickboxing and then watched little witch academia (rlly good anime, opening song is stuck in my heAD) for an hour then played more botw and then watched uhhh some hunter x hunter (my favourite anime ever) and haikyuu (meh. its alright. maybe a 2/10, would never write a fic about it u kno?) with a friend of mine until 11. and now im FINALLY GETTING MYSELF TO DO THE HTML CODING. see y'all in an hour lmfao
> 
> [Edit, as of September 1st 2017: THERE'S A SIDE STORY UP FOR THIS CHAPTER, PLEASE CHECK IT OUT! It's part 2 of this series, I'd be super happy if y'all read it because I'm pretty proud of it]


	14. Captain Squad Round 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Username:** LOLOL I GOT INTO KENMA'S ACCOUNT  
>  **Mood Message:** Curiousity killed the Cat
> 
> **Username:** KurooGotYourTongue  
>  **MoodMessage:** BUT SATISFACTION BROUGHT IT BACK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! so as I predicted, school basically killed me when it started up again ;-; I'm in my final year of high school and trying to do my best, and it's actually working out okay? Who knew focusing on your studies actually helped you in school ¯\\_(• ε •)_/¯
> 
> Heads up that I posted a technical "chapter" of this as a short story in this series, and I super recommend reading it to get some behind-the-scenes stuff from last chapter! I would have posted it as an actual chapter here, but it broke my formatting too much i think? Anyways, please go check that out <3 I'll love you forever if you do
> 
> BUT FOR REAL LET'S GET TO WHAT YALL ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT, THE MEMES:
> 
> **EDIT AS OF FEBRUARY 2ND 2018:** IM ACTUALLY SCREAMING HOW DID NO ONE TELL ME THAT THERE WAS LIKE A CHUNK OF DIALOGUE MISSING FROM THIS CHAPTER!!!!!!!!!! I HAD TO REREAD IT MYSELF 3 MONTHS LATER TO FIND THAT OUT!!!!!!!!!!! P L E A SE!!! anyways its back in there now, I won't say exactly where it was in case of new readers but it's about halfway down.

**Oikawaii:** @Ushiwaka put a fucking muzzle on ur rabid dog  
**Oikawaii:** listen i don’t like getting Serious with anyone ever because i’m just trying to have fun here  
**Oikawaii:** But if Tendou tries to come up to and blatantly bullies anyone on the Aoba Jousai team who has never provoked him or asked for it in any way again, this isn’t gonna be some fun pranking war between our teams anymore  
**Oikawaii:** that shit is Serious and I don’t like thinking of Tendou as a genuinely bad person but I like bullies and assholes even less tbh  
**Oikawaii:** I know Yahaba really, really well  
**Oikawaii:** He’s not the type to punch someone without provocation  
**Oikawaii:** And we both know Tendou, and what kind of provocation that would be  
**Oikawaii:** I can deal with Tendou, I’m used to him, I play into the teasing and even enjoy it sometimes  
**Oikawaii:** I wouldn’t let it keep happening unless it was fun for me in a way  
**Oikawaii:** Yahaba’s not like that  
**Oikawaii:** And I know he’s gonna be thinking about this for weeks, even if it was just some cool fun recon for Tendou  
**Oikawaii:** So deal with him, or I’ll have to  
**Oikawaii:** And that isn’t going to be pretty.  
**Oikawaii:** ok ok im done with that then (◡‿◡✿)  
**Oikawaii:** Sorry to make this a little too serious for everyone else here, but this is the only groupchat I’m in with Ushiwaka and we aren’t contacts so I couldn’t PM him.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** that is some heavy shit wow  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I understand. I agree Tendou went too far. He knows not to do anything that extreme again.  
**Oikawaii:** what, i dont get an apology or anything???  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Why should I apologize? I didn’t do anything.  
**Oikawaii:** mmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM  
**Oikawaii:** one day i will kill u  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** That would be illegal.  
**Oikawaii:** one day i will kill u ( ⊙ ‿ ⊙ ✿)  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** aw man okay let’s chill out a bit here  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** what even happened?  
**Oikawaii:** ya ya i know im kidding!! Dw about it ( ﾟヮﾟ)  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** yea, i got that  
**Oikawaii:** ,, mostly kidding ( ✧ヮ✧)  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** just never a good idea to let you two go on without interruption for toooooo long  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** but get the groupchat up to speed toooooru-kuuuun :3c  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** whats the latest country gossip  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** who’s writing murderous country songs about whomst  
**Oikawaii:** well, kitty-chan!!!!  
**Oikawaii:** tendou satori (ushiwakas boyfriend(??) and key member of the shiratorizawa team) was bein a lil’ shit like usual and he started bugging an underclassmen of mine (cute kid called yahaba, super polite n nice usually) and pushed him to the point yahaba punched him in the face  
**Oikawaii:** the people directly involved have mostly worked it out but fuckin hell that’s not acceptable over a dumb joke war for panties  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** huh  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** sounds like this dude tendou’s gotta GET GUD  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** AND LEARN FROM THE PROVOCATION MASTER™  >>>:333ccccc  
**Dadchi:** I’m pretty sure Tsukishima did his own version of punching you in the face a while ago, so I don’t know how much ground you have to stand on there.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** Sawamura-kun!! I’m hurt!! Injured!! Slain!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** s-scold me more, daddy  
**Dadchi:** I’m going to block you.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** lmao u wanna 1 v 1 me in blocking bro??  >>:3cc  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** just a lil blockin practice between friends??  >>>>>:33ccccc  
**Oikawaii:** OH RIGHT!!!!  
**Oikawaii:** lmao i never even asked what positions u guys are on ur teams???  
**Oikawaii:** what r u guys like, super super good at??? Obviously we’re all the best cause we’re captains but GIMME THOSE DEETS  
**Oikawaii:** this is definitely not information i will use against u in the future!!! ☆⌒(≧▽° )  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** i trust you tooru-kun  <33333:3  
**Oikawaii:** as u all should!!!! °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** my special skills r snark and the moonwalk  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** plus my persuasion skill is like maxed out to combat kenma’s Super Reluctance Trait  
**Oikawaii:** ur such a nerd omg  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** volleyball is my favourite video game  
**Brokuto:** DUDE U FUCKING SUCK AT THE MOONWALK  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** that’s just cause i haven’t been to the moon yet  >:3c  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** once i have walked on the moon technically i will have done the moonwalk  >>:3c  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** also way to STAB UR BRO in the BACK the moment u came into chat :’’’(  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** i thought u loved me :’(  
**Brokuto:** I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU KUROO!!!!  
**Brokuto:** BUT THAT DOESNT CHANGE THE FACT YOU FUCKING FUCK AT THE MOONWALK  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** fuck  
**Brokuto:** *SUCK SORRY  
**Oikawaii:** fuck  
**Dadchi:** Fuck.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Fuck.  
**Brokuto:** I KNOW SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** you know what bo……..?  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** you never have to apologize for sucking to me….. It’s just who you are and i respect you can’t change that……  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** you just constantly suck at life and that’s just who you are bo….. :’3  
**Brokuto:** IM STILL BETTER AT THE MOONWALK THAN YOU  
**Brokuto:** SO I GUESS UR JUST THE MASTER SUCKER!!!!  
**Oikawaii:** ( ° v °)  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** i take that title with Pride and Dignity  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** can’t wait to tell kenma about this ∠( Wヮ￣」∠)＿  
**Oikawaii:** theres like three different definitions of sucker to parse through here but all i really know is that u 2 are dumb as hell  
**Oikawaii:** and i love owl-chan for it!!!! ( ´ ▽ ` ).｡ｏ♡  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** i love you too tooru-kun!!  
**Oikawaii:** shut up bitch!!!!! i wasnt talking to you!!!!!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** rude :’(  
**Brokuto:** I LOVE YOU TOO OIKAWA!!!!!!!!!!!! YOURE MY FAVOURITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** that’s a lie if i’ve ever heard one  
**Oikawaii:** ya im calling bullshit there  
**Oikawaii:** akaashi is ur favourite and we all know it  
**Dadchi:** I actually think Hinata might be in the running too?  
**Brokuto:** WHY CANT EVERYONE BE MY FAVOURITE??????????  
**Brokuto:** THIS IS UNFAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Brokuto:** I LOVE ALL OF YOU EQUALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** you say that now but then you go n call out my moonwalk like that :(  
**Brokuto:** ITS JUST REALLY BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST FUCKING SUCKS KUROO!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Brokuto:** THERE ARE NO EXCUSES FOR THAT LEVEL OF SUCKITUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** lmao i’m kidding bo  
**Brokuto:** OH  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** but like  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** hurtful :’(  
**Oikawaii:** “provocation master™” (¬_¬)  
**Brokuto:** YOU KNOW WHAT??????????????????????????????????????????  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** what’s up, bo :3  
**Brokuto:** I THOUGHT ABOUT IT AND UR RIGHT!!!!!!  
**Brokuto:** I DO LOVE AKAASHI MOST!!!!!!!!!  
**Brokuto:** AND ALSO HINATA MOST!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Brokuto:** AND ALSO KUROO MOST!!!!!!!!  
**Brokuto:** AND ALSO OIKAWA MOST!!!!!!!!  
**Brokuto:** AND ALSO KONOHA AND SARU???????  
**Dadchi:** Wait, where’d Bokuto go? He was still typing.  
**Dadchi:** Actually, I don’t see him in the added list anymore?  
**Oikawaii:** omg  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Neither do I.  
**Oikawaii:** WHO KICKED OWL-CHAN???  
**Oikawaii:** HES THE SHINING LIGHT OF MY MISERABLE LIFE!!  
**Oikawaii:** (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)  
**Dadchi:** Hey, Kuroo?  
**Dadchi:** You’re being awfully quiet.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** oh i’m just messaging bo  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** he’s whining cause i kicked him because he Was Going To Go On Forever :\  
**Oikawaii:** （╯°□°）╯︵( .o.)  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** omg is that me?  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** i love him :)  
**︵( .o.):** he’s my new favourite thing  
**Oikawaii:** stop that!!!! Ur not supposed to enjoy it!!!!!  
**︵( .o.):** well jokes on u because i enjoy everything about u tooru-kun  <3  
**Oikawaii:** u know who else loved everything about me?  
**︵( .o.):** i thought this was gonna be rhetorical but it's been a solid minute, so... Bo?  
**Oikawaii:** ur MOM LAST NIGHT  
**Oikawaii:** and also owl-chan.  
**Oikawaii:** please let him back in you monster.  
**︵( .o.):** i can’t believe you sat on that joke for like two minutes  
**Oikawaii:** i cant believe you dont think i would sit on a joke for two whole years if it meant getting the last word  
**︵( .o.):** okay you’re right  
**Oikawaii:** what, about my pettiness factor??  
**︵( .o.):** no, bo being gone :\  
**︵( .o.):** this is weird  
**︵( .o.):** there’s no one around to appreciate your sick burns like he does  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I appreciate them.  
**Oikawaii:** but whats the point of that if u dont say it with as many exclamation points as possible??  
**Oikawaii:** also, whats the point of u appreciating my burns??? get out of my life?????  


_-︵( .o.) has added Brokuto to the conversation -_

**Brokuto:** THANK GOD  
**Brokuto:** I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Brokuto:** OIKAWA PLEASE ACCEPT MY FRIEND REQUEST  
**Brokuto:** I WAS SO FOOLISH NOT TO SEND ONE TO EVERYONE IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!!!  
**Oikawaii:** OWLCHAN ヽ(；▽；)ノ  
**Oikawaii:** IVE MISSED U SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** changed my name back too, everything is Back to Normal  
**Dadchi:** Except the antagonism towards you in chat has risen at least 75%.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** and yet no one’s got any actual hurt feelings in the end, huh?  >:3c  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** Provocation Master™  
**Brokuto:** MORE LIKE MASTER FUCKER!!!!!!!  
**Brokuto:** WAIT FUCK  
**Brokuto:** MASTER SUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Oikawaii:** omg  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** bo……………… i love you so much  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** i’m truly the master fucker  
**Oikawaii:** so wait,  
**Oikawaii:** how do we kick people again?? ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** /kick (name)  


_-Dadchi has added Mooshijima Wacowtoshi and KurooGotYourTongue-_

**Dadchi:** Oikawa, no.  
**Oikawaii:** but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!!  
**Dadchi:** I’ll just keep adding them back.  


_-Brokuto has added Mooshijima Wacowtoshi, KurooGotYourTongue, and Dadchi-_

**Brokuto:** OIKAWA NO!!!!!  
**Oikawaii:** lame!!!!! Bo i thought u were on my side!!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** i don’t know why i didn’t expect this actually  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** i gave you so much power  
**Brokuto:** WAIT WWHERE DID OIKAWA GO????????????!!!!!!!  
**Brokuto:** MY BEAUTIFUL BOY!!!! IVE LOST MY BOY!!!!  
**Brokuto:** HOW DO WE KEEP LOSING EACH OTHER!!!!!!!??????? THIS IS SUCH A CRUEL WORLD!!!!!!!!!  


_-Brokuto has added Oikawaii to this conversation-_

**Oikawaii:** ¯\\_( ಠ д ಠ )_/¯  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Sorry, just trying out the kick feature myself.  
**Oikawaii:** one day  
**Oikawaii:** one day, i will murder u  
**Brokuto:** HEY SORRY TO CHANGE THE TOPIC FROM MURDER BUT,  
**Dadchi:** No, please go on. As long as people stop getting kicked. And death threats stop being issued.  
**Brokuto:** DO U GUYS BELIEVE IN THE MOON???  
**Brokuto:** I WAS THINKING ABOUT WHAT KUROO SAID ABOUT GOING THERE AND LIKE…  
**Brokuto:** THATS SO WEIRD!!!!!  
**Dadchi:** ...Yes?  
**Brokuto:** WOAH FOR REAL?????  
**Brokuto:** U ACTUALLY BELIEVE IN THE MOON??????  
**Oikawaii:** wh  
**Oikawaii:** u dont think the moon exists???????  
**Brokuto:** U DO??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????  
**Dadchi:** There’s just no way to prove it exists.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** A lot of people have been there and taken pictures of the Earth from there. Also, we can see it with our eyes.  
**Dadchi:** There’s just no way to prove it exists. Science still has so far to go.  
**Brokuto:** HA  
**Brokuto:** “EYES”  
**Brokuto:** I REMEMBER WHEN I THOUGHT THOSE WERE REAL  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** bo have u been watching conspiracy videos again :\  
**Brokuto:** ALIENS ARE REAL AND THEY WALK AMONG US!!!!!!!  
**Brokuto:** IM PROBABLY ONE OF THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Oikawaii:** OWL-CHAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Brokuto:** OIKAWA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Oikawaii:** UR A KINDRED SPIRIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Brokuto:** I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Oikawaii:** I LOVE ALIENS LETS TALK ABOUT ALIENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Dadchi:** How about we don’t, and get back to positions and strengths. You all already know because we’ve played each other, but I’m a wing spiker.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** You are?  
**Dadchi:** Hm.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** haHA  
**Brokuto:** HAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA SLAMMMMMMEEEED  
**Oikawaii:** now You know, just like i know  
**Oikawaii:** dont u just wanna  
**Oikawaii:** smash him in the head with a really nice serve  
**Dadchi:** It is hard to resist the violent impulse, yes.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I don’t mean to offend anyone. You were better suited as a libero, though.  
**Dadchi:** We… had one of those, as well. I was not… the libero.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Yes, the one with the hair. He was an impressive receiver.  
**Dadchi:** Amazing, more than one of us had hair, but I’ll let that pass.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** The bald one didn’t have hair.  
**Dadchi:** ……………………………………………………………… Sure.  
**Dadchi:** And the fact that he was like, dressed in bright orange while the rest of us were in black didn’t get through either?  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Are you talking about Hinata Shouyou now?  
**Dadchi:** ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….Yeah.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** ( l m f a o)  
**Oikawaii:** GOOD JOB USHIWAKA U SOLVED THE LIBERO MYSTERY  
**Oikawaii:** HERES UR PRIZE OF SHUTTING THE FUCK UP t(ಠ╭╮ಠ t)  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** There wasn’t any sort of mystery, though. Also, I haven’t said my position yet. If we’re still talking about that.  
**Oikawaii:** I ALREADY KNOW WHAT U DO, DREAMCRUSHER EXTRAORDINAIRE!!!!  
**Brokuto:** USHI’S THE BEST AT SPIKING!!!!!!!  
**Brokuto:** AND CRUSHING DREAMS!!!!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** bo and wakkkkkuuuun are the best at spiking basically, tho u knew that  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Not that I was even close to the level that Bokuto-san and Ushijima-san are on, but I was a wing spiker too!!  
**Oikawaii:** o m g  
**Oikawaii:** who is this and why didnt i know she was here  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Hi!!!!!!!! I’m Michimiya Yui from Karasuno!! Youre Oikawa tooru, right??  
**Oikawaii:** k a r a s u n o, u say ಠ⌣ಠ  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** You’re not gonna be weird about school rivalries, like some kind of baby right?  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Like a little 2 year old?  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Baby child throwing a cute little tantrum?  
**Oikawaii:** uhm,  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Are you a baby child Oikawa Tooru?  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** YUIcHAN  
**Dadchi:** Oh my god, please don’t do this shit again.  
**Brokuto:** MOMMMMMMMMMMMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Brokuto:** MAKE ME UR BABYCHILD!!!!!!!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Goo.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** YUI-CHAN YOUVE BEEN GONE FOR SO LONG WE’VE MISSED YOU SO  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Goo.  
**Brokuto:** CRADLE ME IN UR ARMS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** YOU HOLY BEING OF ABSTRACT LIGHT WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Ga Ga.  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** SHUSH MY CHILDREN IM BLUSHING /////  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** :3cc  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** <333333 Ahhh Im sorry!!! Ive been busy with exam prep :(  
**Brokuto:** IM SO PROUD OF U MOTHER!!!!!!!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** hell ya ur killing it  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** studying ur butt off while the rest of us losers sit around listening to tooru-kunnn bitch :\\\  
**Oikawaii:** ರ_ರ  
**Oikawaii:** so  
**Oikawaii:** like,  
**Oikawaii:** what the FUCK just happened??????????????????????????????????????  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Hi Oikawa-san!! I was the captain of the girl’s volleyball team at Karasuno. Nice to meet you!!  
**Oikawaii:** u were joking with the baby stuff right????? That was joking????  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** yuichans hilarious dont worry about it :3  
**Oikawaii:** ...sounds fake but okay (¬_¬)  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** No, I’m sorry, that was too abrasive as an intro :( I shouldn’t have been mean-joking immediately with someone I just met :\\\\\  
**Brokuto:** DONT WORRY ABOUT IT MOMMY!!!  
**Dadchi:** For the love of all that is good and righteous, please stop calling her that.  
**Brokuto:** OIKAWA IS A RLLY COOL PERSON!!! AND UR A REALLY COOL PERSON!!! SO IM SURE YOULL GET ALONG!!  
**Oikawaii:** owl-channnnn is too sweet 2 me!! Rlly im just a humble kinda dude (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** lol  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** …sounds fake but okay (¬_¬)  
**Oikawaii:** did u just  
**Oikawaii:** copy/paste my message  
**Oikawaii:** im  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** ahahahhaaHAHAHA  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** this is the best day of my life :’3  
**Brokuto:** LITERALLY OWNED LMAOOOOOOO  
**Oikawaii:** owl-chan,  
**Oikawaii:** ur supposed to be on my side  
**Brokuto:** I AM!! I JUST ALSO LOVE MY HOT NEW MOM  
**Dadchi:** I am begging you to stop.  
**Brokuto:** NO!!!  
**Dadchi:** ...Please.  
**Brokuto:** NO IM GONNA START CALLING HER UHHHH  
**Brokuto:** MOMCHIMIYA!!!!!!!  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** That’s so clever!  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** I love you too bokuto-kun!!  
**Brokuto:** <33!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Oikawaii:** cant believe the hot new babe in town is stealing my man (´；д；`)  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Bokuto-kun has so much love to go around though!!  
**Brokuto:** I DO!!!!!!!!  
**Brokuto:** I LOVE ALL OF YOU EQUALLY!!!!!! EXCEPT KUROO  
**Brokuto:** FUCK YOU KUROO  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** what did i do? :(  
**Brokuto:** YOU KICKED ME FROM CHAT!!!!!!!!!!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** oh ya  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** that’s fair  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** I was rereading chat and saw you guys were talking about positions! I guess I should say I was a wing spiker :)  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** I wasn’t the best player, though? But I could spike somewhat well I guess!  
**Dadchi:** Don’t say that, you were the best player on the girl’s team.  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** I don’t know if I could offer much in the way of actual volleyball... advice or “recon”, since I’m not nationally ranked like the other two spikers here!  
**Brokuto:** UR NATIONALLY RANKED IN MY HEART  <3333!!!!!!!!  
**Oikawaii:** its nice to talk to a spiker who isnt nationally ranked though!! Theres so many perspectives and personalities to learn about (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Is that the kind of thing you think about when you’re figuring out how to best set to someone?  
**Oikawaii:** i mean its definitely important imo  
**Oikawaii:** u can learn a lot about how someones probably gonna behave on the court from just a short conversation with them  
**Oikawaii:** like, ive never set to you, but i can already guess ur the kinda person who performs better when she has people counting on her?  
**Oikawaii:** not that im trying to make judgements! Just a guess ( ﾟヮﾟ)  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** No, you’re super right! That’s what I was like on the court, for better or worse :)  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** It’s spooky how fast you picked that up, honestly  
**Dadchi:** Michimiya’s one of the most hardworking and dependable players out there.  
**Oikawaii:** ☆⌒(≧▽° )  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I’ve never heard of the Karasuno’s Girl’s Team. You’ve never gotten very far in a tournament, have you? Being the best player doesn’t mean much when the rest of the team is subpar, even if you are hardworking or dependable.  
**Oikawaii:** OHHHHNOOOOOO  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** yikes  
**Oikawaii:** OHHHHHHH MYYYYY GOOOOOOD  
**Brokuto:** USHIJIMA NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** ?  
**Oikawaii:** YOU ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Oikawaii:** THE WORST TODAY!!!!!!!  
**Oikawaii:** NO ONE IS ALLOWED!!!! TO RESPOND TO SELF DEPRECATING REMARKS WITH COMMENTS THAT MAKE IT WORSE!!!!!! EVER!!!!!!!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** That does seem rude.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** y i k e s  
**Brokuto:** READ THE MOOD!!! READ THE MOOD!!!!!!!!!!! YOU CAN DO IT USHIJIMA!!!! JUST LEARN TO READ THE MOODDDD  
**Oikawaii:** IM TALKING TO U, U DENSE COWFUCKER  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** ?  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Oh. Upon rereading the messages I do see how that would… come off as rude. Apologies, Michimiya.  
**Brokuto:** IM PROUD OF YOU BUDDY!!!!! YOU GOT THERE IN THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Oikawaii:** a m a z i n g  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** character development tbh  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Um,  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** I. Thank you. I think?  
**Oikawaii:** im in a MOOD today  
**Oikawaii:** and that mood is not putting up with ANY of ushiwaka or anyone else from shiratorizawa’s shit!!!!  
**Dadchi:** That’s fair.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** that’s so valid  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** apparently angry oikawa is a protective oikawa?? This is Wild  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Well. Thanks  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** And don’t worry about it, Ushijima-san, I know you didn’t mean it in a harsh way. You weren’t wrong.  
**Oikawaii:** ಠ⌣ಠ  
**Oikawaii:** i dont like thiiiiiis  
**Dadchi:** Agreed, for the second time in a minute, which is a strange rate with Oikawa Tooru.  
**Oikawaii:** hey ¯\\_( ಠ д ಠ )_/¯ whats with the drive-by???  
**Dadchi:** You definitely weren’t a bad player, Michimiya. I’d know, we’ve practiced together enough times. You could sub in for any of my team’s wing spikers at any point.  
**Brokuto:** HELL YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Brokuto:** IF YOURE AS GOOD AS DAICHI THEN YOURE ALREADY REALLY GOOD!!!!  
**Dadchi:** Thanks, Bokuto. I didn't know you thought that highly of me, honestly.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Then she’s good at receives?  
**Oikawaii:** i stg  
**Dadchi:** .................................................................................................  
**Oikawaii:** i stfg  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** That was a joke.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Sawamura Daichi is a talented wing spiker. I believe his assessment. I’m sure Michimiya Yui is an equally talented wing spiker. I really didn’t mean to offend anyone earlier, it just came out wrong.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Satori read over my messages and after he was finished laughing, he told me why what I said was rude.  
**Brokuto:** YEA WE GET YOU BUDDY!!! SOMETIMES WORDS ARE HARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** sometimes ppl are harder :\  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** and for once i don’t mean that in a dirty way  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** lighten up tooru-kuuuun :3c ushi is doin his best, u dont need to snap at everything he says  
**Oikawaii:** false, but if u wanna think that then ur free to ಠ~ಠ  
**Brokuto:** THE ULTIMATE POINT IS THAT MOM IS A REALLY GOOD SPIKER AND PLAYER AND WE ALL LOVE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** also that tooru-kyun is adorable when he gets protective :3cccc  
**Oikawaii:** ur still not allowed to call me that, kitty-chan!!! ( ﾟヮﾟ)  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** won’t u protect my soft little vulnerable heart too?  
**Oikawaii:** id rather die thanks  
**Brokuto:** ILL PROTECT YOU KUROO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** b r u h  <3  
**Brokuto:** ID DIE FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** not if i die for u first  >:3c  
**Brokuto:** NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** you’re too late, i’m already bleeding out...  
**Brokuto:** NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** i’m sorry bo, i dont have time to work out a dramatic speech to give as i die in ur arms that will bequeath you with important information for the rest of the movie plot...  
**Oikawaii:** “bequeath”  
**Oikawaii:** ur such a nerd  
**Brokuto:** BUT THE PROPHECY??????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** sorry bo i guess ur just not the chosen one and i wont have to die for u :\  
**Brokuto:** BUT THE PROPHECY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Dadchi:** Ignoring these idiots, as someone with first hand experience, you’re a very good player Michimiya. Honestly you’re better than half the people Karasuno has played on the court and it’s a damn shame that your volleyball career ended how it did.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** ^^^^^  
**Brokuto:** ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I don’t believe in blind support of someone I don’t really know.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** But I trust in the opinions of everyone else here enough to say that I'm sure Michimiya-san is a fine player.  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Wow  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** I don’t really know what to say to all that!  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** You’re all so nice :’)  
**Brokuto:** THATS CAUSE U DESERVE ALL THE PRAISE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Please, don’t worry too much about me and my self esteem though. It’s enough that you’re all being so encouraging  <3  
**Oikawaii:** i dont really know u either michimiya-chan but u seem like a nice person and a good player (▰˘◡˘▰)  
**Oikawaii:** and quite frankly im on the side of anyone being looked down on by ushiwaka!!  
**Brokuto:** THATS A LOT OF PEOPLE  
**Brokuto:** HES VERY TALL  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** True.  
**Oikawaii:** so stop putting urself down like that!!  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** No, no, really, I mean it!  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** All those compliments do mean a lot!  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** I just don’t really know what to say. It’s easy enough to joke around with you guys, but I don’t want to lay a bunch of personal stuff on y’all. You are still essentially a bunch of internet strangers...  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** those are like the Best People to open up to about ur problems tho :3  
**Brokuto:** HELLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TELL US ALL UR PROBLEMS MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Brokuto:** ITS TIME FOR THE CHILDREN TO BECOME THE PARENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Dadchi:** I’ve always been one of the parents. The rest of you are the ones who have to grow up.  
**Dadchi:** Michimiya doesn’t have to share anything with you guys. Stop pushing her.  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** I really don’t mind!  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Stop being weirdly protective of me, Sawamura!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** sawamura-kun just has a knight in shining armor complex, dw about hiiiiim  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** we could kick him and be alone with u if u wanted tho mommy-channn ;33333ccccc  <3 <3  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** then u could tell us all about ur problems and we could help u with them  <3  
**Brokuto:** ID DIE TO HELP YOU MICHIMOMYA!!!  <33333333  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Haha  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Sawamura keeps typing and then deleting it  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** This is hilarious lol  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** lmaoooooo  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** mommy-chan told u that u cant scold me for calling her things and now ur stuck!!!  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** He’s just in an endless feedback loop of being disappointed in you!  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** I can picture the vein in his forehead popping out as he glares at his computer screen too hard  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** “Dadchi is typing…”  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** hes gonna explode soon im calling it  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** hey mommy-chan u dont mind that i call you mommy-chan right?  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Lol I don’t mind any of you guys calling me mom or any variation on that, it’s really funny and kind of cute? I thought I made it clear enough but I love the idea of being the grandma to all your teams, too :)  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** ur adorable michimomya  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** dadchi is still typin away there lmaooooooooooooo  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** h-have i been naughty? spank me daddy  
**Oikawaii:** oh ill get in on that action  
**Oikawaii:** b-blease  
**Oikawaii:** harder, daddy?  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** ;3c  
**Oikawaii:** (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)  
**Dadchi:**  
**Dadchi:**  
**Dadchi:**  
**Dadchi:** This is what a disappointed silence looks like online, by the way.  
**Dadchi:**  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Please, father, apply your hand to my rear.  
**Dadchi:**  
**Brokuto:** LMFAOOOOOOO  
**Brokuto:** SPANK ME TOO DADDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Brokuto:** THROW YOUR STRONG BEEFY THIGHS INTO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Dadchi:**  
**Dadchi:**  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** we’re waitin for it daddy-kun  <3  
**Dadchi:**  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I’ll spank you three. Since Daichi-san will not.  
**Brokuto:** OMG  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** omg  
**Oikawaii:** no  
**Oikawaii:** peace. im out  


_-Oikawaii has left Captain Squad-_

**Dadchi:**  
**Brokuto:** OIKAWA NO!!!!!!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Shame.  


_-Brokuto has added Oikawaii-_

**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I’m quite practiced in it, due to Satori.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** ushijima-kun’s gonna be my new d-daddy?  
**Brokuto:** OIKAWA UR ALIVE AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!  
**Oikawaii:** So I Hate This!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Oikawaii:** I Hate The Little Comment That Ushiwaka Made There That Everyone Else Ignored And I Hate The Mental Image Of Him Spanking ANYONE But Especially Tendou!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ┻━┻ ︵ヽ(`Д´)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻  
**Oikawaii:** Can We Talk About Anything Else??????????????????????  
**Dadchi:** 10000% agreed.  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Honestly I’m fine with just staying with Ushijima-san spanking Kuroo-san and Bokuto-kun  
**Brokuto:** HAHA IM THE ONE SHE LIKES BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** MOMMY NO  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** UR ALLOWED TO CALL ME BY -KUN  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Maybe I just want to play favourites, have you ever considered that, Kuroo-SAN  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** :’(  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** that’s cold, mommy :''''''(  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** No, I’m kidding, I’ll call you Kuroo-kun! Please don't be sad :(  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** <333 ily bless  
**Dadchi:** Michimiya was calling me by just Sawamura within a day. She’s very quick to adjust to people like that.  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Sawamura, that’s embarassing, shut upppp  
**Dadchi:** No, I’m going to keep singing your praises. I’ve never met a single person who didn’t like Michimiya, she’s the friendliest and kindest person I’ve ever met. **Brokuto:** SOURCES: EVERYONE MICHIMIYA HAS EVER MET ALSO SAID THE EXACT SAME THING SHOCKINGLY!!!!!!!!!  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** :’)  <3  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** hmmm idk about that sawamura-kun :Tc  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** not even suuuuuuga-kuuuuuuun is kinder? rlly?  
**Dadchi:** Have you ever met Suga?  
**Dadchi:** He’s a fox dressed up in sheep’s clothing. Don’t trust a single kind word out of his lying little mouth.  
**Dadchi:** It’s a pretty mouth, though.  
**Oikawaii:** lmao ya!!! sugachan is cutthroat!!!!  
**Oikawaii:** im love him ( ´ ▽ ` ).｡ｏ♡  
**Dadchi:** How much do you guys even talk in the setter groupchat?  
**Oikawaii:** idk like? A normal amount? We talk more there than the captains do here tho  
**Dadchi:** That’s… mildly concerning.  
**Oikawaii:** i guess y’all are just boring lmao  
**Brokuto:** G A S P  
**Brokuto:** G . A . S . P!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** did u hear that bo???  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** tooru-kun thinks we're boring  >:3c  
**Dadchi:** I don't like the look on your face.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** you can’t even see me :?  
**Dadchi:** My magnificent dad senses told me so.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** your dad senses?? :000  
**Dadchi:** To activate them, you first scream at a wall and then wait for the tracking beam to seek out disappointing faces.  
**Dadchi:** Next, you wait for the beam to bounce back. This can take 8-10 business days.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** lmaooooo  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** if you put all that work into it, i better put on a face you can be more disappointed in  >:333cccc  
**Dadchi:** That’s the stuff.  
**Brokuto:** HOW DO WE  
**Brokuto:** PROVE WE'RE NOT BORING ACTUALLY ??????????????????????/  
**Oikawaii:** mmmmmmmmmmm dunno ¯\\_(・∀・)_/¯  
**Oikawaii:** sounds like something a not boring person would be able to think up (◡‿◡✿)  
**YuiCan'tHandleThis:** Oh, hey, why don’t we play a game?  
**Brokuto:** I LOVE GAMES!!  
**Brokuto:** WHAT GAME????  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Fuck, Marry, Kill? With people from the teams we’ve played?  
**Brokuto:** IM INTO THAT!!!!!!!!!!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** me too babe :3  
**Dadchi:** Sure, sounds fun.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Oh, I’ve practiced this game a lot.  
**Oikawaii:** did ushiwaka just admit to murder?? 〣( ºΔº )〣  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** No, I’ve just played the game before.  
**Oikawaii:** cant believe ushiwaka is a stone cold serial killer!! ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
**Oikawaii:** okay, fine, i maybe definitely dont believe that  
**Oikawaii:** im going first tho  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Oh, you’re playing? Does this mean we’re not boring?  
**Oikawaii:** depends on ur answers!!!! Calm down!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Oikawaii:** Oikawa Tooru, Akaashi ???, Sugachan!!  
**Dadchi:** Marry Suga, Fuck Akaashi, Kill you.  
**Brokuto:** MARRY AKAASHI, FUCK OIKAWA, KILL SUGA!!!  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Marry Sugawara-kun, fuck Oikawa-kun, and kill Akaashi-kun I guess? I don’t really know who Akaashi-kun is, so…  
**Brokuto:** MICHIMIYA NO!!!!!!!!!!!! THATS MY HUSBAND!!!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** Marry Tooru-kun :3c, Fuck Suga-kun, Kill Akaashi!  
**Brokuto:** BRO!!!!!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CMON GUYS!!!!!!!! STOP KILLING HIM!!!!!!!!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** sorry bo, i think sawamura-kun would be more likely to kill me for killing suga than you’re likely to kill me for killing akaashi  
**Brokuto:** U THOUGHT WRONG!!!!!!!!!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** :00000  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Marry Akaashi, Fuck Sugawara, Kill Oikawa.  
**Oikawaii:** ??????????????????????????????? i thought u were like obsessed with me tho????????  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** If you say you’re going to kill me one day, I’ll have to kill you first.  
**Oikawaii:** i cant BELIEVE u think ur more bloodthirsty than i am (• ε •)  
**Brokuto:** HEY, LET ME DO ONE!!!!!!!!!  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Go for it, Bokuto-kun!  
**Brokuto:** TENDOU SATORI, USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI, SHIRABU KENJIROU!!  
**Oikawaii:** im sorry are we really leaving the possibility open for Ushiwaka to fuck himself????  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Marry Satori, Fuck Shirabu, Kill Ushijima.  
**Brokuto:** CMON OIKAWA!!!!!!! CLONE 101!!!!!!!!!! ITS ALWAYS EVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Brokuto:** YOU ALWAYS KILL YOUR CLONE!!!!!!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Also, Shirabu has earned it.  
**Oikawaii:** g r o s s (╥﹏╥)  
**Oikawaii:** Marry Shira-chan, Fuck Tendipshit, Kill Ushiwawawawawawaka!!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** How can you kill me if I’ve already killed myself?  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** ohohoho, loophole’d :3c  
**Oikawaii:** all of u underestimate my thirst for ushiwakas blood so badly  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** Marry Tendou-kun, Fuck Ushijima-kun, Kill Shirabu-kun. Just going off impressions of the ones I’ve heard about  >:3c  
**Dadchi:** Wait, you heard that Tendou threatened and got beat up by a guy on Oikawa’s team and you decided you wanted to marry him?  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** it sounded fun  >:333cccc  
**Dadchi:** I don’t understand you a lot of the time.  
**Dadchi:** I’ll Marry Ushijima, Fuck Shirabu, Kill Tendou.  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Marry Shirabu-san, Fuck Ushijima-san, Kill Tendou-san.  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Sorry Ushijima-san, you’re the only one I know and I put you in fuck over marry- it’s just that you’re definitely my type, but you’re also marrying Tendou, and how can I intrude on that? :)  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Thank you, Michimiya-san. Daichi-san and Kuroo-san are quite the homewreckers for trying to marry Satori or I.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** and i came in like a wreeecking balllllll  
**Oikawaii:** its 2017 man  
**Oikawaii:** how dare u drag that reference out of the ditch where it died in  
**Dadchi:** Agreed. Stop that, it’s going to get stuck in my head again and I can’t take that.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** has ur dad sonar come back yet :3c  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** am i suitably disappointing rn???  
**Dadchi:** I’m guessing you’re belting out Wrecking Ball as loud as you can, so Yes.  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** I’ve got one!!  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Tanaka Ryuunosuke’s older sister, you know the one in the stands?  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** im in love with her  
**Brokuto:** YES I KNOW HER I LOVE HER  
**Oikawaii:** the one with the hair and the style and the piercings!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** She was hard to miss, even on a court.  
**Dadchi:** No, no idea who you’re talking about.  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Don’t be a smartass, Sawamura-kun.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** lmao  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Her, Tanaka Ryuunosuke, and Nishinoya Yuu  
**Oikawaii:** ….  
**Oikawaii:** i dont…… wanna marry or fuck….. Any of them……… tho  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Suck it up, you gay buttercup  
**Oikawaii:** t(ʘ◡ʘt)  
**Dadchi:** This feels weird, they’re my underclassmen.  
**Dadchi:** Also: marry Saeko, fuck Nishinoya, kill Tanaka.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** you sure put away ur moral quandaries fast :3cccc mayhaps thou hast thought about this before?  
**Oikawaii:** i cant believe i just saw a living breathing person use the word “quandaries” and “mayhaps” in all seriousness before my very eyes  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** don’t forget “thou” and “hast” :3cc  
**Oikawaii:** NERD  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** a hot jock nerd ∠( Wヮ￣」∠)＿  
**Oikawaii:** with tragic hair :Tc  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** leave my hair alone, it’s doing it’s best :(  
**Brokuto:** MARRY SAEKO!!! FUCK NISHINOYA, KILL TANAKA!!! I WANNA LEARN HAIR SECRETS FROM NISHINOYA!!! TANAKA HAS NONE!!!  
**Dadchi:** No hair or no secrets?  
**Dadchi:** Nevermind, I already know the answer is neither.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** Marry Saeko, fuck Nishinoya, Kill Tanaka. I’m hopelessly unoriginal by this point  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** yui-chan u made this one too easy :(  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** I can’t believe you guys!  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** You’re all cowards, I’d kill Nishinoya and fuck Tanaka!  
**Oikawaii:** Marry…. Iwachan, Fuck…. Iwachan….., Kill Ushiwaka  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** None of those were the given options, Coward  
**Oikawaii:** (*￣∀￣)  
**Dadchi:** Here’s a question-  
**Dadchi:** If you guys could choose from anyone you know, who would you put in those roles?  
**Oikawaii:** MARRY! IWACHAN!  
**Oikawaii:** FUCK! IWACHAN AS GODZILLA!  
**Oikawaii:** KILL! USHIWAKA!  
**Dadchi:** Yes, we got that already.  
**Dadchi:** Wait, Godzilla?  
**Oikawaii:** its our starring film ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)☆  
**Dadchi:** Okay, I’m gonna choose to ignore that. I’d marry Suga, fuck … Suga? And kill Asahi.  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Azumane-san really can’t catch a break with you, huh?  
**Dadchi:** The dad sonar is constantly detecting disappointment waves from him.  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** I don’t think I have anyone I really want to marry. If given a chance, I’d love to fuck Saeko, she’s so pretty, wow  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** And I’ll kill Sawamura-kun!  
**Brokuto:** I SUPPORT YOU IN EVERYTHING YOU DO!!!!!!!!!! YES!!!!! KILL HIM!!!!!!!!!  
**Dadchi:** Wait, what?  
**Dadchi:** Why??  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** lmao  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Azumane-san deserves a chance to live and grow!!  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** I can’t just let you kill him!  
**Dadchi:** You know Suga would kill you after that?  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** He can TRY  
**Oikawaii:** NEVER UNDERESTIMATE A PERSON’S BLOODTHIRSTINESS!!!!!!!!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Marry Tendou, Fuck Shirabu, Kill Hinata. Probably.  
**Brokuto:** USHI NO!!!!!!!!! THATS MY SON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** ...He’s very irritating, though.  
**Brokuto:** ILL TAKE THE KNIFE FOR HIm  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Guess I’ll kill Bokuto-san, then.  
**Brokuto:** ALLS FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR  
**Brokuto:** ILL MARRY AKAASHI!!! FUCK KUROO!!! AND KILL MY DEPRESSION BECAUSE FUCK THAT DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** hell ya bo  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** fuck that dude  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** not literally tho :\  
**Brokuto:** DUDE GROSS WHY WOULD YOU EVEN SUGGEST THAT  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** idk it just occurred to me that could be read another way :\\\  
**Brokuto:** DISGUSTING  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** ikr  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** i’d marry kenma, fuck bo, and kill sawamura-kun :3c  
**Dadchi:** You’ll never get to see my disappointed face again.  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** e x a c t l y  
**Oikawaii:** hmmmmmmmmmm  
**Oikawaii:** well that was fun but idk if yall arent still boring ¯\\_(• ε •)_/¯  
**Dadchi:** What do you want, Oikawa?  
**Dadchi:** If you’re dragging the conversation back to this, you’re after something, aren’t you?  
**Oikawaii:** wow thank u for offering up ur teammates skypes just like that with no prodding from me at all!!!!  
**Oikawaii:** Im just gonna need the skypes of @kitty-chans setter and ace ( ﾟ∀ﾟ)  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** i mean i get kenma cause he’s still not in your setter chat  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** but why yamamoto?  
**Brokuto:** ACE GROUPCHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE ONE IM REALLY EXCITED FOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Oikawaii:** owl-chan ur so smart!!! Thats exactly it!!!  
**Oikawaii:** iwachan is starting an ace groupchat because hes lonely and jealous of my setter groupchat obviously °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°  
**Dadchi:** I’d offer Asahi’s skype to you but he doesn't have it.  
**Dadchi:** Because he’s a loser.  
**Oikawaii:** so kitty-chan if u could pm me that info? ∑d(°∀°d)  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** ya, sure  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** yamamoto will be jazzed for it at least  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** be prepared to have a way to convince kenma it’s a good idea to stay in the setter groupchat, though  
**Oikawaii:** lmao of course  
**Oikawaii:** do u think im an amateur or something??  
**Oikawaii:** oh, and michimiya-chan!!!!!  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Um, hi?  
**Oikawaii:** im gonna give ur info to iwachan too!!  
**Oikawaii:** (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** Oh, uh, sure?  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** I guess I was the best spiker on our team?  
**Dadchi:** You were.  
**YuiCan’tHandleThis:** What about Ushijima-san, though?  
**Oikawaii:** he can die  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Iwaizumi-san already has my skype.  
**Oikawaii: he can die**  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** can’t believe tooru-kun is going to kill iwaizumi-kun :\  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** young love is so tragic these days  
**Brokuto:** CMON I LIKE IWAIZUMI!!!!! OIKAWA NO!!!!  
**Oikawaii:** mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm  
**Oikawaii:** ushiwaka,  
**Oikawaii:** one day i will kill u (ʘ‿ʘ✿)  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Okay.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Try your best.  


_-Brokuto has added Mooshijima Wacowtoshi-_

**Brokuto:** OIKAWA NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Oikawaii:** I! Demand! Blood!  
**Oikawaii:** Ushiwakas! Death! Now!  


_-Brokuto added Mooshijima Wacowtoshi-_

**Brokuto:** PLEASE OIKAWA WE CANT KEEP DOING THIS!!!!!!!!!!  
**Oikawaii:** we CAN UNTIL HES DEAD  
**Oikawaii:** AND IF UR GONNA STOP ME THAN YOU CAN GO TOO!!!!!!!  
**Oikawaii:** SO CAN EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** wait, tooru-kun, if you kick everyone then we lose the groupchat

* * *

_-KurooGotYourTongue added Brokuto, Dadchi, Mooshijima Wacowtoshi, and YuiCan'tHandleThis to chat-_

**Dadchi:** Wait, are all our old messages gone?  
**Brokuto:** REST IN PIECES OLD GROUP CHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Oikawa's not here anymore?  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** let this be a lesson  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** remember what happened here today  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** remember tooru-kun’s hubris, and remember his ghost  
**KurooGotYourTongue:** and don’t let this happen again :\

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cant believe oikawa tooru is dead, and kuroo killed him


	15. Yachi Hitoka Protection Squad Round 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Username:** KageyamaTobio09  
>  **Mood Message:** confused
> 
> **Username:** DaichiandSuga's Sun  
>  **Mood Message:** LMAOOOO @bakayama not understanding mood mesSAGES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, y'all. This has been like my longest absence thus far, and I'm super sorry about that. I'm doing way better now but I was like, the most depressed I've ever been in my life this winter. If I'm being frank, I had this chapter finished by like Feb 5th and I just never had the motivation to post it until now. I just wanted to say that no matter what's going on in my personal life, your comments are blessings that brighten up my entire day. Knowing that my writing makes people happy makes me so happy. I appreciate all of you a lot. Thanks for sticking with me! 
> 
> if you ever want More of me being a dipshit online, i'm doing my best to be funny on [my twitterrrrr](https://twitter.com/its_hazelgrace) so feel free to follow me there

**Yachi Hitoka:** Okay, well, goodnight guys! I hope you’re having a fun time at your sleepover party!   
**Yachi Hitoka:** Kiyoko-san walked me all the way home, even though i told her it would be fine and i could just go on my own!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** I got to stand next to her on the bus!!!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** It was ethereal…..!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** But I was kind of worried the whole time because so many people were looking at her and what if someone had pulled out their phone and taken a picture of kiyoko-san without us knowing?   
**Yachi Hitoka:** And what if that someone thought the picture was so pretty that they posted it online?  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** And what if a talent scout had seen it and realized that kiyoko was pretty enough to be a model, and then kiyoko-san started getting offers to pose for magazines?  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** And then what if kiyoko-san became this famous rich model and stopped going to our school anymore and her fans all messaged me online and told me that I wasn’t worthy to be her friend because I was too ugly?  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** OR WORSE  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** What if the person who took her picture started using it as their avatar on a dating website and what if kiyoko-san just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and the person who thought they were dating her because that person used their picture saw the REAL KIYOKO-SAN??????  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** AND THEN WHAT IF KIYOKO-SAN GOT BOTHERED BY THAT PERSON AND FORCED TO DATE THEM AND HAD TO CALL THE POLICE ON THEM???????  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** So I offered her my scarf to hide her face with and she smiled at me and told me that she wasn’t cold TuT  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** So my only option was to hide her face myself, with my own face!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** But she was so much taller than me that I ended up kinda just looking stupid I think ;-;  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Um, but, she kept kind of giggling while I was being an idiot and when I asked her why she was laughing, she told me I was being cute again?  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** A g a i n ?  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** I’ve never been cute a single day in my whole life, and definitely not in front of Kiyoko-san  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** I’m pretty sure being around her incredible cuteness actually devalues any possible cuteness factor I could have into the negative!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Ahhhhhhhhhh I’m kind of anxiety-spiralling, I really need to go to sleep  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** But we had a full conversation and I didn’t panic much at all and she called me cute and I can’t stop thinking about how pretty she is asjklfjaldskjfldsk  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** I’m gonna go to sleep now ;u;  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Love you all, have a good sleep! I’ll talk to you in the morning!

* * *

**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** yama-kun did you get home safe???  <3 lemme kno ASAP!!!!!!!!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Im fine  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Yea, I’m fine!   
**#1TsukkiFanboy:** Oh wait you weren’t talking to me  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** LMAO YAMAGUCHI  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** sorry but i was talking to kagekage-kun!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** <3  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** More importantly, did you get home safe?  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** YA!!!!! Im great!! Its so sweet that you asked  <333   
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** even tho i asked first!!!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Im so glad to hear that UR okay tho!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE SHOULD HANG OUT LATER  <3 <3 <3 <3 < 3< 3  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Its a date  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Im gonna kiss u all over ur face!!!!!!!! JUST U WAIT  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I wont have to wait, Ill come over to your house early  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** And Ill kiss you even more  <3  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** YOU CAN TRY!!!!!!!!! BUT IM GONNA BE THE NINJA OF KISSES AND STEAL WAY MORE FROM UR CUTE FACE THAN U CAN GET FROM MINE  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Is that a challenge?  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Um  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Omg  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Did i   
**Yachi Hitoka:** Did i miss something important last night???  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** no  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Yea!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** and he spoke again, more loudly: no  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Sorry Yachi, I should have messaged you about it earlier  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Hinata and Kageyama got dared to play gay chicken by Tsukki last night and neither of them ever gave up so now they’re kind of pretending to be dating?   
**Yachi Hitoka:** Ohhhhhhh  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** And trying to get the other one more uncomfortable so they can win!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** so, like i said  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** nothing important  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Why would you dare them to play gay chicken when they’re both already into guys????  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** i thought one of them would break and be embarrassed and i could make fun of them  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** i underestimated them, i guess  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** that was really stupid of u tsukki!!!!!!!!!!!!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** ...yes, clearly, i’m the stupid one here  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** the ones doggedly holding onto this stupid dare are the normal, smart ones  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Obviously  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** you don’t even get anything for outlasting the other person  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Thats the stupidest thing youve said yet  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** TSUKKI!!!!!!! HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT!!!!!!!!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Theres nothing better in the world than beating that dumbass  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** YAMAYAMA-KUN’S FACE WHEN I BEAT HIM IS MY FAVOURITE FACE IN THE WORLD!!!!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** ...k  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** you guys really suck at the whole “being nice to each other” part of this game  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** in the world of this game, i am technically your “matchmaker”, so you should be singing my praises  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** TAHNK YOU TSUKKI!!!!!! HONESTLY!!!!!!!!!!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** IM SO EXCITED FO R THIS OPPORUNITY TO SHARE HOW MCUH I LOVE KAGEYAMACHAN!!!!!!!!!!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Not as excited as I am for it  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** AW CMON BABE!!!!!!! YOU KNOW IM MORE EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Try me  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** you weren’t supposed to actually sing my praises  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** this is awful  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** This is amazing!!  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** There’s actually a leaderboard now for which my username is applicable!!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** how do you know you’re beating them?  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** ...Tsukki  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** ...  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** …  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** …  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** …  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** ...C’mon  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** ^^^  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** that’s a fair argument  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** i can validate that you are, in fact, beating them  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** :D  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** im gonna hug kageyama-kun for like a week straight!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Ill hug you for 2 weeks  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** 3 WEEKS  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** 4 weeks  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** 5 WEEKS  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** 6 weeks  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** INFINITY WEEKS!!!!!!!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** I WIN!!! YOU LOSE!!!!!!   
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** IM AN OLDER BROTHER, I KNOW HOW THIS GAME WORKS!!!!!!!!!!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Im glad you won, I love to see you happy  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** <3  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Awwwwwwww that’s so sweet  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** THATS NOT FAIR!!!!!!!! THATS CHEATING   
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** YOU CANT BE HAPPY THAT I WON  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Too bad, because I am  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** <3 Seeing you so happy makes up for the loss  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** maybe ill lose on purpose next time so i can see u being the happy one!!!!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I dont want you to hold back around me just because you care about me  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** That would just make me angry  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I know you can win on your own merit, and it makes me happy to see you win  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** So you should do your best to beat me every time  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** DAMNIT YAMAYAMA STOP BEING SO GOOD AT THIS!!!!!!!!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Good at what?  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** good at DATING, dumbass!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Oh  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Yeah, that’s what that was  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Ahahaha I’m so glad you dared them to do this Tsukki  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** isnt that great for you yamaguchi  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** It is, yeah! That’s why I said so!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** im going to leave now and not come back until one of them gives up  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Your first mistake was that you thought one of them was ever going to give up  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** in retrospect that seems horrendously obvious  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** hindsight is always 20-20, huh  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Id give up on the game if Hinata asked me to  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Id give up on the game if u asked me 2 also!!!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** shut up, king, we already know you’d do anything hinata asked you to  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Thats because I love him so much  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** I LOVE YAMA-KUN MORE!!!!!!!!!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I accept that you love me more because I love you so much  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** STOP USING THAT LOOPHOLE YOU ASSHOLE  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** But its cause I love you so much, Hinata  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** UGHGHGHGHGHHGH STOP THAT!!!!!!!!!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Hinata, the game! Remember the game!!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** oops  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** I MEAN  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** what kind of clothes should i wear for our date~~~?  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** ill wear anything you want me to!!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** make a shirt out of the scraps of my shredded desire to live  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** then wear that  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** anyways, i’m out  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** tell me when they’re done, yamaguchi  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** On it!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** I think you should wear something blue or pink hinata!! Those colours look really good with your hair!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** yellow looks really good on you too, it really completes the sun look!!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** aw, thank u yacchan!!! I think i have some blue stuff in my closet!!  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** (Pro Tip: This is a good opportunity to ask Hinata to wear something you always thought he’d look cute in, but were too afraid to ask about before, Kageyama!!)  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Oh  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Cheerleader outfit  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** What??  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** You should wear a cheerleader outfit  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** omg  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** ommmmmg  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Kageyama, so bold!! :D (You’re doing great!!)   
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** t  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** totally  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** ILL TOTALLY WEAR A CHEERLEADER OUTFIT IF IT WOULD MAKE U HAPPY YAMAYAMA-KUN!!!!!!!!!!!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** ANYTHING   
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** TO MAKE  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** YAMA-KUN HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Only if you want to wear it  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I want you to be comfortable  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** (fdklsajfljlsdjafkldj i dont know whether to think this is sweet or laugh)  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** (I think both!)  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** no, no, its fine!!   
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** im totally happy wearing a cheerleader outfit for kageyama-kun  <3  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Are you sure?  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Your opinion always matters to me  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Its the only opinion that does matter  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Its because you say things like that that I truly WANT to wear the outfit!! You’re so sweet yamachan  <333333   
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Ur opinion matters just as much to me!!!!!!! It matters more than my OWN opinion sometimes  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Like on the volleyball court and u make a call that i never would have thought of but u did because ur so smart and cool!!!!!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** and i just wanna hit the ball over and over but my opinion on that doesnt matter because letting others hit the ball means that we actually get points!!!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Dumbass  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** You get more points than anyone  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I always want to toss it to you  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Even if you dont get the point i want to toss to you  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** thats perfect because i never want anyone else to set it to me either!!!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Oh  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Thanks  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Except maybe Suga-san!!!! Because hes a really good setter too!!!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** HINATA NO YOU WERE DOING SO WELL  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** AND HE FAILS TO STICK THE LANDING!!!  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** What?? What did i fail to do???  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** ...  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** … Just wear the cheerleader outfit  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** OH YA LMAO I FORGOT ABOUT THE DATE  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** ...  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Hinata, i still have my old cheerleader outfit from the halloween party last year, do you wanna borrow that?   
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** yacchan ur a lifesaver!! Ill head over to ur house right now!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Okay, be careful!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Don’t be careless  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** (Pro Tip: Add an endearing nickname at the end of that!)  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** LMAO GUCCI IM PRETTY SURE YAMA-KUN DOESNT KNOW WHAT ENDEARING MEANS  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** ITS GONNA BE SOMETHING LIKE  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** “Don’t be careless, dumbass” PFFT  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Don’t be careless, my love  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** omg  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Omg  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** ommmmmggggg  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** J  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** JUST CAUSE U  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** WON THIS ROUND DOESNT MEAN YOUVE WON THE WAR!!!!!!!!!!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** <3  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** LOVE U BYE ALKSDJFKLSJ  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Don’t go without letting me say bye too, dumbass  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Hes already gone, what an idiot  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I know he re-reads chat though, so  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Bye, Hinata. Love you too  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** This is adorable  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** This is so adorable!!!!!!!!!  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Also Kageyama is way smoother than i expected??  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Are you sure that’s actually Kageyama?  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Of course its me, dumbass  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Cmon yamaguchi-kun, kageyama-kun can be surprisingly kind when he tries to be!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Of course I can be nice  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Also Id rather throw myself into the sun and perish than lose anything to Hinata  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** “Im glad you won, I love to see you happy”- Kageyama to Hinata like 2 minutes ago  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** you guys are so crazy passionate about things that it scares me sometimes, haha  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Says the girl who writes borderline erotic poetry about Kiyoko-san at 2 AM  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Im just!!!!!!!!! Shes so pretty!!!!!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** I dont know how to deal with all my feelings otherwise!!!  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Why don’t you try talking to her?  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** You never know  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** She might actually reciprocate! :)  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** No, you’re right, that was a stupid idea  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** We both have crippling anxiety  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** I know how this goes   
**Yachi Hitoka:** ;u; thank u yamaguchi-kun  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** youre a good friend but i just  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** cant seem to talk to her like a normal human being??  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** having a crush is hard….  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Relatable  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Relatable  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Though  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I dont understand you Yachi  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Isnt it obvious that Kiyoko-san likes you back?  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** NOPE  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** DONT EVEN START TALKING ABOUT THAT  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** WHAT IF SHE DOES LIKE ME BACK???????????? WHAT THEN?????????????  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** WE START DATING, MAYBE???  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** BUT THEN I ACCIDENTALLY SPILL DIET MOUNTAIN DEW ALL OVER HER AT THE PREMIERE OF THE MOVIE SHES BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** AND ON OUR FIRST DATE, TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** AND SHE STAYS AT THE MOVIE ANYWAYS BECAUSE SHES SO NICE AND FORGIVES ME!!!! BUT HER FANS DONT  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** I GO TO THE WASHROOM AND IM FACED WITH 50 SNARLING SCHOOLGIRLS ARMED WITH KNIVES AND FLASHBANGS  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** HOWEVER I JUST BARELY MANAGE TO ESCAPE BECAUSE THEY FORGOT TO GUARD THE EXIT AND THEN I SCRAMBLE DOWN THE HALL TO KIYOKO-SAN  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** WE FLEE THE MOVIE AND KIYOKO-SAN SMELLS LIKE MOUNTAIN DEW BUT I DONT WANNA INSULT HER SO I TELL HER HER PERFUME SMELLS LOVELY AND SHE TELLS ME THAT SHE,,  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** ISNT WEARING PERFUME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** AND THEN KIYOKO-SAN HAS TO COAX ME OUT OF THE TRASH CAN I DECIDE TO LIVE IN   
**Yachi Hitoka:** BUT BY THAT TIME HER FANS CATCH UP AND KIDNAP HER!!!!!!!!!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** SO I HAVE TO GO HOME AND SEW A SUPERHERO SUIT TO GO SAVE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Um, Yachi  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** BUT IM NOT A SUPERHERO SO I REALIZE THERES NO POINT AND IM HALFWAY TO THE FABRIC STORE AND I STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD AND I GET HIT BY A CAR AND IT TAKES MONTHS TO RECOVER   
**Yachi Hitoka:** AND BY THEN KIYOKO-SAN’S TRAIL HAS GONE COLD AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE SHE IS AND EVERYONE’S FORGOTTEN ABOUT HER BUT ME  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** SO IT LOOKS LIKE IVE GONE TOTALLY MAD AS I KEEP LOOKING FOR HER  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** FOR THE REST  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** OF MY  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** USELESS  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** LESBIAN  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** brb having a panic attack  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Yachi!!   
**KageyamaTobio09:** Fuck  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Sorry, I definitely should’ve tried harder to interrupt you!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Fuck, no, that was my fault  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Sorry, Yachi  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Yachi that’s not going to happen!!!   
**#1TsukkiFanboy:** You and Kiyoko-san are going to live full and happy lesbian lives together!!  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** She also doesn’t have any rabid fans???  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** And I don’t know where you got that idea from!!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Nishinoya and Tanaka  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Okay.  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** You got me there.  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** she’s not here anymore, stop trying to calm her down  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** but nice going, idiots  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** TSUKKI  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** I messed up ;-;  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** nah  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** can’t be helped  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** also, mostly king’s fault  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I’ll apologize to her when she’s back online  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** hinata will be getting there soon and he’s always good at calming her down  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** and not to trivialize yachi’s feelings because mental health is always a serious thing but i doubt it was a full blown panic attack   
**Tsukishima Rex:** yachi will be fine  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** I still feel awful for not helping to stop it...  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** it’s not your responsibility   
**Tsukishima Rex:** don’t mind it  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I thought you werent going to come back until Hinata lost the game  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** he’s gone right now  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** so this is alright  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** also, a cheerleader outfit?  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Fuck off  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** little defensive there, king  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** been having some daydreams about that cheerleader outfit?  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Oh wait ya, Kageyama was blushing so much when Hinata joked about being able to fit in it at the halloween party!!   
**#1TsukkiFanboy:** I remember cause Tsukki kept making fun of him :D  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** it’s just my service to the world  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** He looks cute in it  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** So what?  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** so brave to say that now, under the plausible deniability of hinata re-reading these messages  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** “no, officer, i only said that because calling him cute again would make me gain points in the game of gay chicken i’m trying to win”  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Fuck off, Tsukishima  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Sooooooo  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Since it’s been an awkward minute and Tsukki still hasn’t shown up to respond to that  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** What’s everyone who’s still here up to?  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Homework  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** that’s a lie  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** That’s for sure a lie  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** i’m betting you’re picking out clothes for your date  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** relax, i won’t tease you about it  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** That’s also for sure a lie!  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** For real though, Kageyama, I’ll help you pick out clothes if you want?   
**#1TsukkiFanboy:** I don’t think I have the worst sense of style  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** And Tsukishima’s got a really cool sense of style!!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** it’s not a sense of style  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** it’s just observing fashion trends and figuring out which ones are stupid and which ones are worth following  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** for example  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** black skinny jeans are vaguely in style right now and they basically always look good on tall people  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** they’re also practical because they hide stains easily and are reasonably comfortable once you’ve broken them in  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** jeans are fairly cheap and don’t tear easily so i don’t have to worry about replacing them that often and even if i do it doesn’t matter much to my bank account  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** any other colour top i wear with them also matches fairly well as long as i wear something reasonably pale  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** which flatters my natural complexion anyways  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** it’s only natural that i would wear them a lot  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Wow, Tsukki. You’re so right  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** It’s like you’re not even trying and have put no thought into this!  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** You truly have no sense of style after all!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** black skinny jeans are hardly a sense of style  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** They still look really cool though!!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** like i said, they look good on everyone  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I don’t think they’d look good on Hinata  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** …  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** ...no, you’re right  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** The idea of Hinata wearing black is….  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Cursed?  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** very cursed  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** It’s just wrong  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Even though our volleyball uniforms are black, and our school uniforms are black….  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** In casual wear, it just feels weird  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Hes always wearing bright colours and like  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Shorts  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Do you hang out with him a lot outside of school?  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Hes been inviting me over on weekends to practice volleyball a lot  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** At some point seeing him outside of school became normal, I guess  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** who cares about your pathetic love life  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** kageyama, just wear dark jeans and a cardigan or something  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** i don’t know if you own anything other than sports clothes now that i think about it  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** but definitely do not wear any sports clothes, even sports shoes  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** ugh  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** why am i even helping you with this again?  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** I complimented your sense of style!!  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** And then told you you look cool in your normal clothes!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** why is it that when i do something nice for someone i don’t really like, it’s always because of you, yamaguchi?  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Cause you love me :D  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** you’re gross  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Your face is gross!!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** o u c h  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** sick burns from yamaguchi  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** So dark jeans and a sweater or something?  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I have some shoes that arent for running but ill have to dig them out  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** i don’t know why you’re going to the trouble of looking nice or even vaguely normal  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** you asked your date to wear a cheerleader’s outfit  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** It doesnt hurt to look nice for a date  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Besides, Tsukki, have you ever considered that maybe it’s society’s fault for making cheerleading outfits the non-norm???  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** i have literally never considered that yamaguchi  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Maybe we should ALL start wearing cheerleading outfits and then society won’t know what hit it!!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** i don’t want to do that though  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Coward  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Joking aside, skirts look comfortable and fun and I’m sad that people would look at me weird for wearing one as a teenage boy  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** maybe, yamaguchi, have you considered that society sucks and gender isn’t real?  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Actually, I have considered that one, and I gotta say? Totally agree!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Gender isnt real?  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** get with the times, king  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** it’s fake as hell  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** just another thing people made up to sell more stupid stuff to the ignorant masses  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** What Tsukki means by that is that there are all types of way humans experience gender, and biological gender is only one of those ways! Brains are all different, and each brain is unique in its gender identity as well.   
**KageyamaTobio09:** Huh  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** If gender isnt real, then why cant we wear skirts?  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** society sucks  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** also, sexism  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Hows sexism involved?  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** there’s this idea that wearing what’s typically a “woman’s clothes” is shameful for a man, while a woman wearing what’s typically a “man’s clothes” is empowering to a woman  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** it’s why woman have been wearing pants for a while now and they’ve made pants for woman for a while now, but a man wearing a skirt or dress is still him wearing a “woman’s clothes”, even if he bought them for himself  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** get woke, kageyama  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Forgive him, Tsukki, he literally only thinks about volleyball or Hinata  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Thats true  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** You know  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I kind of remember Oikawa talking about something like this with Iwaizumi-san before  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** But i wasnt paying attention because i was trying to make sure that i didnt drop his umbrella on his face   
**#1TsukkiFanboy:** This was the time he made you carry his umbrella the whole time you were at the beach?  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** No, this was another time at a park  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** There were… lots of times  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** ...Middle school was a mistake  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** hiiiiiiiiiiiiii  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Yachi!! Hey!!  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** You doing better?  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** uhhhhh   
**Yachi Hitoka:** yea, im doing a lot better  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** sorry about  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** That  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Don’t worry about apologizing  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** That was my fault and Im sorry  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** no, no, no, its totally not your fault kageyama-kun!! Im really sorry i totally spiralled there dslkajflsdkajf  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** no, it was definitely kageyama’s fault, so definitely blame him  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Is Hinata there yet?   
**Yachi Hitoka:** it usually takes him about twenty minutes on his bike so… probably soon? Sometimes he stops on the way to get snacks for us though ;u;  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** sorry, i’m just rereading the convo since ive been gone!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** gender is very fake and society is dumb!!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** yachi is woke and kageyama is not  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** nothing i just said was surprising in the least  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Hey, Tsukki?  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** ya  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** You usually hate modern slang so much  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Why do you keep saying woke?  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** i dont hate modern slang  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** that’s ridiculously un-bae of you to say  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I dont even have social media and even i can tell what you just said was wrong  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** I regret raising the subject immediately!!  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Hey, Tsukki, I think it’s great how you’re educating Kageyama on gender roles and unafraid to use modern slang to appeal to your fellow teens!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** it’s truly lit for me to do  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** tsukishima i usually don’t confront you much about anything because you’re very scary but   
**Yachi Hitoka:** Please Stop!!! My Eyes Are Burning!!!!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** sorry everyone  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** i’m just trying to get turnt with my fellow teens  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** as yamaguchi said  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Whatever I did to displease you, Tsukki, I take it back one thousand times over. Please. Stop.   
**Tsukishima Rex:** you know  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** i thought you guys were fam  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** and it turns out?  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** you’re just bae….  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Ive never done anything to suggest I like you as a person  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Dont call me your bae  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** s a v a g e, bae  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Stop  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** have you guys ever noticed how thicc daichi’s thighs are?  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** STOP!!!!!  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** hahahahahahaaaaaaaa  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** k, i’ll stop  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** i’ve had my fun  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** OOOOH HINATAS HERE  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** ill let u guys know how its going!!!!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Tell him that im glad he got there safely and i already miss him  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Wow, Hinata’s losing badly at this game  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** His own fault for not having wifi  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I have the advantage  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** I didn’t realize this was that much of a strategy game!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** What game isn’t a strategy game?  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** The Game  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** What does that mean?  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Wait  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** WAIT NO  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** NOOOOOO  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** TSUKKI YOU SICK BASTARD  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** OMG  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** FUCK!!!!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** NO!!!! OMMMMMG ITD BEEN MONTHSSSSS  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Wait  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Oh no  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Oh fuck no  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Id forgotten about The Game for four years  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I was winning so brutally and now fucking Tsukishima made me lose  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** get gud  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Hey Yachi  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Yea?  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Show Hinata the chat  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** hahahahaha  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** No!! We can at least save Hinata from this!!!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** If im going down hes coming down with me  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** you don’t need to remind us that you want to go down on each other  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Besides afterwards we can turn it into a new competition  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Once one of you loses, won’t you make the other lose though? What’s the point of that?  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** It doesnt matter by how much  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** As long as one of us wins and one of us loses  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** UFCK YOU KAGEFUCKYOUYAMA!!!!!!!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** I HAD FORGOTTEN ALL ABOUT THE GAME LSDKAFJKLSDJFLD  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** I HATE U I HATE U I HATE U  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** I BET YOURE SMILING YOUR STUPID GROSS SMILE!!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** I NEVER WANNA SEE YOUR DUMB FACE AGAIN!!!!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** I WAS GONNA REREAD CHAT ANYWAYS WHY DID U MAKE YACHI SHOW IT TO ME NOW????  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** If you saw it later you would have an unfair advantage in our next round  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** SUCK A DIIIIICK  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Only if its yours  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** WHAt?  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** oh no  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** we’re still playing gay chicken  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Hmmmmm.  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** That sure sounds like a breakup rant to me.  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** I’m sorry to say this Hinata, but I think you just… lost?  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** We were already letting you get away with a lot of dissing on Kageyama.  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Haha I win  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Suck it  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** god, just go blow each other already  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** Um, hey, this is yachi again!! Im taking my phone back and putting it away cause hinata is very frustrated rn  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** good job winning kageyama!!!!  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** thank god that’s over  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** I’m actually amazed it only lasted a day?  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** I really thought you guys were gonna be pretending to be dating for like, months!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Like i said  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** All games are strategy games.   
**#1TsukkiFanboy:** Ooh, cool line!!!  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Does this mean you guys aren’t going on a date now though?  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** yea, very cool line from the man who just lost his date for the evening  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** No  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Wait  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Fuck  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Im dressed nicely though  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** and you’ll never see hinata in the cheerleader outfit ever  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** what was it hinata said earlier?   
**Tsukishima Rex:** paraphrasing to make it fit the situation a little better, but:  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** “you’ve won the round but you’ve lost the war”  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Fuck off Tsukishima  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Hinata and i can still hang out tonight as friends  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** He’s kind of hanging out with Yachi now probably though?  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** what a master strategist, our setter  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** KAGEYaMA UR NOT MY FRIEND!!!!1  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** FUCK U KAGEYAMA  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** U TRICKY BASTARD  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Stop being such a sore loser  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** U TRICKED ME!!!!!!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Try being smarter and maybe you wont be so easy to trick  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Dumbass  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** im NEVER TALKING TO YOU EVER AGAIN  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Good  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** GOOD  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** You just talked to me  
 **DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** aw crap i forgot he has my wifi password  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** im gonna take hinatas phone now too before he can ruin anymore friendships!  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** We’re apparently not friends so it doesnt matter  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** headline of the week: “master strategist” brags about how he won the game, promptly loses his date, tries to get his date back, immediately insults him and loses even friendship from potential date  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** Oh, Kageyama…  
 **#1TsukkiFanboy:** You gay, gay disaster….  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I know what im doing  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** famous last words  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Its not like hinata can be mad at me forever  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** We have to work together on the volleyball court  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** He’ll get over it  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** uhhhhhmmmmm  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** are you sure? Because he definitely stayed mad at you for as long as it took when you told him he’d never be able to hit your set with his eyes open  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** So what  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** I was mad at him too then  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Im not mad now  
 **KageyamaTobio09:** Its entirely different  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** i guess it is different  
 **Yachi Hitoka:** its just a game!   
**Yachi Hitoka:** im sure he’ll get over it soon :)  
 **Tsukishima Rex:** and he spoke again, more loudly: famous last words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the idea of Hinata and Kageyama playing Gay Chicken together and neither of them ever giving up came to me like 2 years ago. I never sat down and wrote out the idea but it haunted me like the devil fucking dickens. I just knew that if I were ever gonna write anything to do with Kagehina, it had to include the stupid Gay Chicken thing. And then, in writing this chapter? I realized I could just Do That and my life's goal would be completed. I feel so accomplished rn
> 
> FINAL SIDENOTE: the whole "hinata dressed as a cheerleader" thing came from [kkumri's amazing kagehina art](http://kkumri.tumblr.com/post/166951983782/halloween-x-two-idiots-who-cannot-come-to-terms) which i cry over daily


	16. Buff Ace Squad Round 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Username:** Yamamofo B)  
>  **Mood Message:** TFW no gf :( TFW talking to girls makes u cry :( TFW all girls are too pretty for u :(

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all! hope u have fun reading this <3

**Brokuto:** IWAIZUMIIIIIIIIIIII  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Hey.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Nice to meet you, dude.  
**Brokuto:** OIKAWAS TOLD ME SO MUCH ABOUT U!!!!!!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Like what?  
**Brokuto:** HOW YOURE SUPER HOT  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** True.  
**Brokuto:** AND HOW YOURE LIKE THE BEST ACE EVER!!!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** That one can’t be true. Both you and I are ranked higher than Iwaizumi, Bokuto.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** That kind of sentiment is wildly against the sort of groupchat feel that I was going for here.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** I added you because you’re nationally ranked, Ushiwaka, but you’re already on thin fucking ice with that comment.  
**Brokuto:** OPINION OF THE HEART MATTERS MORE THAN ACTUAL SKILL!!!!!!  
**Yamamofo B):** TRU THAAAT  
**Yamamofo B):** Its the heart that matters in the end!!! It can prevail over any monster!!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** That must be why I lost to Karasuno in the end.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I’ve been informed I am heartless.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Did Oikawa tell you that?  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Yes, as well as many other people in my life. Mostly Oikawa, though.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Ha. Oikawa’s great.  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** why would you say something so controversial yet so brave?  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** When he’s right, he’s right.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Anyways, as most of your skype usernames were given to me by Oikawa, I don’t necessarily know everyone here.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** But for a brief introduction, we have @Brokuto, Bokuto Koutarou, the ace and captain of Fukurodani, ranked #5 ace in the country.  
**Brokuto:** OH SHIT THATS ME!!! HEYA!! NICE TO MEET U GUYS!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** @Mooshijima Wacowtoshi, Ushijima Wakatoshi, the ace and captain of Shiratorizawa, ranked #3 ace in the country.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** It’s been so long since I’ve seen my name spelled normally.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I don’t like it.  
**Brokuto:** ITS OKAY USHI!!! ILL NEVER CALL U BY UR REAL NAME IF I CAN HELP IT  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Who says that’s my real name?  
**Brokuto:** Wh  
**Brokuto:** Where am i  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Ushiwaka, shut up.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Continuing on.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** @Yamamofo B), Yamamoto Taketora, the ace of Nekoma and one of the only second years here.  
**Yamamofo B):** And That makes me FAR COOLER than the rest of you!!!!  
**Brokuto:** RESPECT!!!!!  
**Yamamofo B):** Im MOSTLY saying that because the fact two of you are nationally ranked is intimidating the fuck out of me and I really wanted to regain some face!!  
**Brokuto:** ITS OKAY YAMAMOTO!!! IM SURE UR A GOOD ACE  
**Yamamofo B):** Bokuto-san… Youve played against me… Many times...  
**Brokuto:** wh  
**Brokuto:** FUCK I HAVE  
**Brokuto:** YOU ARE A REALLY GOOD ACE!!!  
**Yamamofo B):** I cant show my face here anymore….  
**Brokuto:** ITS A REALLY GOOD FACE ON A REALLY GOOD ACE, PLEASE KEEP SHOWING US IT!!!  
**Brokuto:** I WASNT KIDDING WHEN I SAID I RESPECT THE HELL OUTTA YOU FOR BEING THE ACE ON UR TEAM WHEN UR ONLY A SECOND YEAR!!!  
**Yamamofo B):** TuT I LOVE YOU BOKUTO-SAN!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I was considered the ace of Shiratorizawa by my first year.  
**Yamamofo B):** WOW!! I feel like I should be impressed but mostly that just pisses me off!!!!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** That’s how most people feel about him, don’t worry.  
**Brokuto:** IM SO PROUD OF USHI TOO!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** @Sour Bitch Kid, Futakuchi, the captain and ace of Datekou.  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** this is wildly intimidating  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** i am definitely not on the same level as the ranked aces here  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** also, everyone keeps talking in all caps and its wildly against my aesthetic  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** yamamoto, you’re my only friend now  
**Yamamofo B):** SOLIDARITY MY DUDE!!!!  
**Yamamofo B):** WE GOTTA STICK IT TO THE RANKED GUYS  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** again with the all caps  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** couldnt even stop for a minute, huh  
**Yamamofo B):** oops!!  
**Yamamofo B):** sorry dude!!  
**Yamamofo B):** nice to see another guy who isnt nationally ranked though!! Really making me feel more confident in myself  
**Brokuto:** RANKINGS DONT MATTER!!!!!!!!!  
**Brokuto:** THE FACT THAT I COULD CRUSH U BOTH ON A VOLLEYBALL COURT MEANS NOTHING IN THIS GROUPCHAT  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** o u c h  
**Brokuto:** BESIDES, IWAIZUMI ISNT NATIONALLY RANKED??  
**Yamamofo B):** OH TRU!!  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** mmmmmmm k  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** i dont believe that should be true for one second but okay  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** whoever decides who gets these rankings is slacking off  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** See, Futakuchi, I knew there was a reason I was adding you.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** @Chicken Nugget…, Kyoutani Kentarou, the future slash current ace of Seijou since I’m essentially already retired.  
**Yamamofo B):** AS LONG AS VOLLEYBALL LIVES ON INSIDE YOUR HEART YOURE NEVER TRULY RETIRED  
**Brokuto:** HELL YEA!!!!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Wow, you guys are excitable. Since I added Kyoutani as the technical ace of Seijou, I also added a couple other ace nominees- @Pounder of Balls, Tanaka Ryuunosuke, the future ace of Karasuno (if their volleyball year ever ends), @BestAce(L)Ever!, Haiba Lev, who I was told wants to be the ace of Nekoma? And @DaichiandSuga’s Sun, who wants to be the ace of Karasuno.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** I’ve been informed that the actual ace of Karasuno, Azumane Asahi, does not have a skype.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** This sounds like some peak bullshit to me, but since I’ve added two other generations of potential Karasuno aces, I’m pretty sure we have our Karasuno participation covered.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Really don’t want any more crows in here.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I second that.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** If we’re going to add Azumane, we’re going to need to sacrifice another one of these guys to the volleyball gods.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I volunteer Hinata Shouyou.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Stop responding to me like we’re friends, Ushijima. It’s not going to happen. Stop trying to make it happen.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I don’t want to be your friend.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Fuck you, I would be a great friend.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Do you want to be friends then?  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** I’d rather jump off a cliff.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Alright then.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** God, I fucking hate your guts.  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I’m indifferent towards you.  
**Brokuto:** HEY GUYS  
**Brokuto:** WHY DONT WE ALL CHILL OUT CAUSE UHHH GUESS WHOS HERE????  
**Brokuto:** HINATA!!!!  
**Brokuto:** MY SON!!!  
**Yamamofo B):** AND!!!  
**Yamamofo B):** TANAKA MY BRO!!!!!!!  
**Yamamofo B):** WAIT  
**Yamamofo B):** Lev?  
**Yamamofo B):** NOT LEV  
**Yamamofo B):** FUCKKKKKKKK  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Hinata Shouyou does not belong in the ace groupchat.  
**Yamamofo B):** WHO CARES ABOUT THAT!!!  
**Yamamofo B):** LEV DOESNT BELONG IN THE ACE GROUPCHAT WHAT THE FUCK!!!  
**Brokuto:** WHAT THE FUCK U SAY USHI????  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** aaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAaAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhH BOKUTO-SAN!!!!!  
**Brokuto:** HINATA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** ITS BEEN SO LONG  
**Brokuto:** MONTHS  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** YEARS  
**Brokuto:** DECADES  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I’m going to kick Hinata Shouyou now.  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** hhhhhuh?

_Brokuto added DaichiandSuga’s Sun._

  


**Brokuto:** USHI!!!!! WHY WOULD U DO THAT  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** oh im back!!!  
**Brokuto:** I THOUGht WE WERE BUDS!!!!  
**Brokuto:** BESTIES  
**Brokuto:** AND YET NOW U BETrAY ME!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Our friendship is irrelevant to the matter of Hinata Shouyou.  
**Brokuto:** BRUH!!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Hinata Shouyou isn’t ace material.   
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** THAT ISNT FOR U TO DECIDE!!!!  
**Brokuto:** HELL YEA HINATA!!! TELL HIM!!!  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** (leans back and starts eating popcorn)  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** i have a lot of people who believe in me and i dont really care that you dont!!!   
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Who believes in you? Your setter? Your captain? Your first year friends?  
**Brokuto:** ME!!! I BELIEVE IN HINATA  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** These people tell you things that will make you happy, not the truth. If they say that you will one day be a great ace, they’re lying to you.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** This is getting intense fast. Calm down, Ushiwaka. If you’re going to be inflammatory, I’ll be Happy to kick you and never speak to you ever again.   
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** BOKUTO BELIEVES IN ME  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** AND HES A BETTER ACE THAN U!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Factually incorrect. Your opinions are nonsense.   
**Sour Bitch Kid:** its been like two minutes and this is already dramatic as hell  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** im having a blast over here  
**Yamamofo B):** Really??? Im tense as HELL  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** im wired to thrive on dysfunction  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** so my opinions matter less because im younger than you??? And yet i still beat u, didnt i???  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** lmfao BURN  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** “You” did not beat me. Were it not for your seniors, I would have crushed your team.   
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** thats sure easy for the third year to say to the first years!!!   
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** how would u have done if u were still a first year against us first years, huhhhh?  
**Brokuto:** TELL HIM HINATA!!!  
**Brokuto:** Y’ALL KARAsUNO FIRST YEARS ARE WILD AND GOING PLACES  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** This groupchat has spiralled wildly out of my control. And it’s only been like five minutes.  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** can i get a waffle? can i PLEEEEASE get a waffle?  
**Yamamofo B):** DUDE I LOVE THAT VINE!!!  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** vine compilations are the only things that get me through the long hard nights  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** I still would have beat you, Hinata Shouyou. I have played volleyball as the ace of my team for 6 years now. There’s a pride in my position that you do not have, and will never have.   
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Your spikes, which rely on trickery and deception, carry none of the effort and strength that a genuine spike would carry.   
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Against the Iron Wall, your spikes would lose.   
**Sour Bitch Kid:** oh hell ya we basically crushed him  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** he did get a lot over our heads and his team did win tho lmao  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** not taking sides, just stirring the pot  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** Without your setter allowing you to do those spikes, you would lose.   
**Brokuto:** MAN USHI CUT IT OUT!!!!  
**Brokuto:** NONE OF US CAN SPIKE WITHOUT A SETTER  
**Brokuto:** YOU SOUND REALLY STUPID!!!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** I’m really fucking tempted to kick you, Ushiwaka. I’ve got no love for you. You’re being unwarrantedly cruel. This is your last warning.   
**Sour Bitch Kid:** and iwaizumi cuts in to shut it dowwn  
**Yamamofo B):** Please stop fighting guys!! I am so uncomfortable with my feelings, as a person, and I don’t have the energy to process how many feelings are currently happening!!  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** im still growing!!! My spikes will get stronger as i keep working on them until one day ill make u EAT YOUR WORDS ushiwaka!!!  
**Mooshijima Wacowtoshi:** How much can someone of your stature really grow?  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** oh wow, there he goes  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** yeeted on outta here  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** farewell, sweet prince  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** So I’ve kicked Ushijima. I’m not expecting to hear any complaints about this. But he isn’t coming back.   
**Sour Bitch Kid:** i cant believe we kicked the #3 ranked ace in favour of the karasuno brat  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** I’ve got no patience for people who do well in things, but look down on those who are still growing. Skill is only worth being called skill if the person who has that skill takes the time to reflect on how long it took them to gain that skill.   
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** If that makes sense? I think I worded that weirdly.   
**Yamamofo B):** No, that makes sense! I totally respect and agree with that, Iwaizumi-san.   
**Sour Bitch Kid:** yea thats a big fucking mood  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** i wasnt really arguing because like. Totally agree that ushiwaka was being just like. The biggest douche in the world there  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** even douchier than i, and i try pretty hard to be a douche  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Hey, if it matters, I think you’re a pretty big douche, Futakuchi.  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** thanks iwaizumi. Means a lot coming from you, who i’ve never talked to before today yet has somehow managed to absorb my douchebaggery through osmosis  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** ?? We’ve talked before. On the court and before matches.  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** did we?  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** i dont remember that  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** See, this is how I know you’re a genuine douche.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Anyways, Ushiwaka is out. Fuck that guy.   
**Brokuto:** HELL YA IWAIZUMI  
**Brokuto:** NO WONDER OIKAWA THINKS UR SUCH A COOL DUDE!!!!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** I’m a very cool dude.   
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** thanks iwaizumi-san!!!!!!!   
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** No problem, Hinata.   
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** i was handling it fine tho!!!!!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** That’s not the point. It’s one thing when someone says something nasty to you on the court to get into your head, because that’s on the court. If someone says something nasty to you off the court? They’re just an asshole.   
**Sour Bitch Kid:** iwaizumi just keeps calling me out   
**Sour Bitch Kid:** i appreciate that you say it to my face  
**Yamamofo B):** OH BIG MOOD!!!!!  
**Yamamofo B):** There are these snake guys in Tokyo who are absolute asssssholllles on the court  
**Yamamofo B):** They like to get the other team riled up enough to make mistakes by kissing the asses of refs and targeting ‘weak links’ and making snarky comments  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** im kin with them  
**Brokuto:** THE SNAKEEESSSSSS  
**Brokuto:** I HATE THOSE GUYS!!!!!!!  
**Yamamofo B):** Yeah, but they’re still alright cause they really only do it for the game  
**Yamamofo B):** They’re all really nice people off court actually  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** no longer kin with them  
**Yamamofo B):** AND THEIR CAPTAIN HAS THE CUTEST GIRLFRIEND AND ITS WILDLY UNFAIR  
**Brokuto:** OH HER  
**Brokuto:** I KNOW HER!!!!   
**Brokuto:** SHES SO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Yamamofo B):** I KNOW!!!! I LOVE HER!!!  
**Yamamofo B):** I hope that when I get a girlfriend someday she’ll be cute like that…..   
**Sour Bitch Kid:** are you uh  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** sorry, weird question to ask probably?  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** but are you like…..  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** straight?  
**Yamamofo B):** OH LMFAO NAH  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** oh thank god  
**Yamamofo B):** Im Bi! I definitely lean towards liking girls tho, like 95% of the time  
**Brokuto:** THATS SO VALID  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Oh ME TOO  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** everyone is cute!!!!!   
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Why should i have to decide who’s cuter????  
**Yamamofo B):** HELL YA  
**Yamamofo B):** HINATA GETS IT  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** It’s a well known fact that straight people don’t exist in volleyball.  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** there sure are a lot of horny gays   
**Sour Bitch Kid:** never met a volleyball gay who knew how to contain their thirst   
**Brokuto:** OOOOH HEY  
**Brokuto:** NOT TO CHANGE TOPICS ENTIRELY BUT  
**Brokuto:** HINATa MY SON!!!!  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** YEA BOKUTO-SAN???  
**Brokuto:** HOW ARE THINGS WITH YOUR MOODY SETTER BOY???  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** DONT TALK TO ME ABOUT KAGEYAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** IM NOT TALKING TO HIM CURRENTLY  
**Brokuto:** OUCH!!  
**Brokuto:** WHAT HAPPENED????  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** woah, for real? The Karasuno first year devil duo is having marital problems?   
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** we’re not married!!!!   
**Sour Bitch Kid:** and yet u dont deny that ur both devils...  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** he made me do a bunch of stupid shit for him because we were in a contest and then he made me lose an entirely different game and its petty but im not talking to him  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** That didn’t really make sense, but I’m sorry I guess?   
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Hopefully it’s not affecting your gameplay much.   
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** oh nah we’re fine there  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** y a y y y y  
**Brokuto:** GREAT  
**Yamamofo B):** LOVE TO HEAR THAT  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** WAIT  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Were you all hoping that we were doing bad??????  
**Yamamofo B):** I mean. Yea  
**Yamamofo B):** Yea, definitely  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** i think if u got a sprained ankle, god would have answered a lot of peoples prayers  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** broken leg? The people would sing  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** so would u say ur ….., afraid of me????  
**Yamamofo B):** Only on a volleyball court, ya punk  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** im not “afraid” of u in any way shape or form  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** its just very exasperating watching u dart around and knowing i have to try and block u  
**Brokuto:** HINATA IM SO PROUD OF U  
**Brokuto:** YOU HAVE ONE PERSON WHOS AFRAID OF PLAYIN U!!!!  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** AHhhhhHHHHHH IM SO EXCITED  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** IS THIS WHAT MAKING IT BIG FEELS LIKE????????  
**Brokuto:** HELL YEA!!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Hm. I don’t think anyone on Seijou feels that strongly about you, Hinata.   
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Kindaichi doesn’t like you, but that’s more of a rivalry thing.   
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Oikawa likes to mock you but that has nothing to do with you and more to do with Kageyama.   
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** thats fair!!!! bakayama deserves to be made fun of!!!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** What’s it like being Kageyama’s best friend, anyways?   
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** For being on his team for a year in middle school, I really don’t feel like I actually got to know him that well.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Mostly because Oikawa was always telling him to shut up.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** I didn’t think much of that at the time because I was so focussed on helping Oikawa with his issues, but I’ve tried to be better to him because in retrospect I was pretty fucked up for letting Oikawa treat him like Oikawa did.   
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** thats nice of you and all but  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** im not his best friend!!   
**Yamamofo B):** LMAO U sure about that bud????   
**Yamamofo B):** I have like 15 screenshotted pics from Tanaka’s snapchat story with u 2 doing weird best friend shit in the background that would disprove that  
**Yamamofo B):** LMAO WHY WAS KAGEYAMA ON YOUR SHOULDERS IN LIKE FIVE OF THESE PICS??  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** HE SAID I COULDNT LIFT HIM UP AND I HAD TO PROVE A POINT  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Thats not best friend stuff!!! Thats kageyama being a JERK who just wants to make me look STUPID!!!  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** bakageyama is a stupid, socially stunted asshole who likes to make fun of me and be mean to other people!!!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Sounds like Oikawa had more influence on him than I thought.   
**Yamamofo B):** IDK Hinata!! It sounds to me like you guys are pretty good friends  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** It sounds to me like ur pretty stupid then!!!  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** buuuuurn   
**Brokuto:** LMFAO HINATA!!!  
**Brokuto:** THAT LANGUAGE!!!  
**Brokuto:** WHERE DID U FUCKIN LEARN THAT SASS!!  
**Yamamofo B):** I blame Kuroo-san :(  
**Brokuto:** YEA ITS PROBABLY HIS FAULT  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Suga-senpai is pretty sassy too!!  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Kuroo-senpai was more focussed on Tsukki  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** i didnt actually get to talk to him much  
**Brokuto:** OH MY BAD  
**Brokuto:** I TOLD HIM TO STAY AWAY FROM U CAUSE U WERE MY CHILD  
**Brokuto:** AND HES A BAD INFLUENCE!!!  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** bokuto-senpai!!!!  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** im not 9 years old!!!  
**Brokuto:** I KNOW BUT!!! I CANT HELP IT  
**Brokuto:** UR SO SMALL!!!!  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** im OFFENDED  
**Brokuto:** UR JUST REALLY CUTE OKAY!!!???  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** i know u dont mean anything bad by it so ill let it pass this time  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** but im not SMALL  
**Brokuto:** WAS THAT A DICK JOKE??  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** sdlkajflsdkajflksajf NO!!!!  
**Yamamofo B):** LMFAOOOOO SURE IT WASNT  
**Brokuto:** IM JUST MAKIN SURE!!!  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** U GUYS HAVE DIRTY MINDS!!!! PERVS!!!! STOP IT!!!!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** This isn’t that bad. Try having Oikawa Tooru for a best friend.  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** lmfao whats it like being Oikawa’s best friend then??  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** please, give me some blackmail material  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** For the past week or so? It’s mostly just been listening to him bitch about getting kicked out of the Captain Groupchat.   
**Sour Bitch Kid:** theres a captain groupchat?  
**Brokuto:** YEAH ITS LIT!!! KUROO AND I MADE IT  
**Brokuto:** OIKAWA GOT KICKED CAUSE HE KEPT KICKING PEOPLE AND KUROO GOT FED UP WITH HIM  
**Yamamofo B):** Kuroo-san got fed up with someone??? Ive never seen that happen before!!  
**Brokuto:** OIKAWA IS SPECIAL LIKE THAT!!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** He sure is.   
**Sour Bitch Kid:** captain groupchat sounds lame ngl  
**Brokuto:** UR FACE SOUNDS LAME  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** wow, nice comeback, did ur fellow preschoolers teach u that one?  
**Brokuto:** HEY BUDDY IDK WHY UR MAKING BEEF WITH ME BUT IM REALLY NOT APPRECIATING IT!!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Oh, is this because Futakuchi is a captain and he’s not in the captain groupchat?  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** no….. Why would i be allowed in…. Im just a lowly second year…. Please, don’t think of me…..  
**Brokuto:** OH SHIT  
**Brokuto:** DUDE!!!!   
**Brokuto:** PLEASE COME JOIN THE CHAT IM SO SORRY  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** i can understand not being added cause im from a different prefecture but learning that oikawa was allowed in before me?  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** ive never been more offended  
**Brokuto:** TBF!!!!  
**Brokuto:** I DIDNT KNOW YOU WERE A CAPTAIN BEFORE I MET YOU FIVE MINUTES AGO  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** whos in the chat?  
**Brokuto:** DAICHI AND MICHIMIYA FROM KARASUNO, KUROO FROM NEKOMA, USHIWAKA FROM SHIRATORIZAWA, AND YOURS TRULY!!!  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** wow. Are you sure ur meeting ur mandatory karasuno population there?  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** i mean, only two karasuno kids….  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** seems like slacking   
**Yamamofo B):** YEAH, WHATS WITH THE SHAFT GIVEN TO EVERY OTHER SCHOOL’S WOMENS TEAMS??  
**Brokuto:** I THINK ITS MOSTLY CAUSE WE DONT KNOW THEIR CAPTAINS THAT WELL??   
**Brokuto:** DAICHI WAS ALREADY GOOD FRIENDS WITH MICHIMIYA BEFORE JOINING!!!  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** MICHIMIYA-SENPAI  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** I LOVE HER!!!!!!!!!!  
**Brokuto:** ME TOO!!!!!!!!!!!  
**Yamamofo B):** IDK ANYTHING ABOUT HER BUT IM HOPPING ON THE BANDWAGON TO SAY ME TOO!!!!!!!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** We never had much contact with the Seijou Women’s team. Well, we did.   
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Then Oikawa started dating their ace, who broke up with him like two days later because she realized she was really just dating him as a substitute for this other girl she had a crush on.   
**Sour Bitch Kid:** d r a m a  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** i thought oikawa was like…. The gayest bitch alive ngl   
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** It’s been a journey, for him. I’m just along for the ride. Pretty sure he’s landed on Bi? But that could change.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Our days of angsty conversations about sexuality are sort of long behind us though, we mostly just do our own thing now.  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** thats fair  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Anyways.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** After that, their captain didn’t want to speak to Oikawa, because their captain and the ace started dating right after that.   
**Sour Bitch Kid:** DRAMA  
**Brokuto:** THATS SUCH A CUTE LOVE STORY ACTUALLY  
**Brokuto:** I SUPPORT THEM!!!!  
**Yamamofo B):** ME TOO!!!!! I HOPE THEYRE HAVING A GOOD TIME AND NOT TOO BOTHERED BY OIKAWA  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** No, he’s not that kind of person.   
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** He likes to pretend he’s a lot more petty then he actually is.   
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** prettytend? I feel like there’s some pun/mash up there.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Wait, I just called him pretty.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Fuck.  
**Brokuto:** CONGRATS YOU PLAYED URSELF!!!  
**Brokuto:** OIKAWA IS VERY PRETTY THOUGH!!!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** If you tell him what I said, you perish.  
**Brokuto:** PERISH???  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** You heard me.  
**Brokuto:** DANG OKAY THEN!!  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** didn’t expect to get blackmail material on iwaizumi-san out of this, but i’m not complaining  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** datekou’s woman team is….. Terrifying ngl  
**Yamamofo B):** YEAH???  
**Yamamofo B):** Please Share!!!!  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** well like  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** their captain is taller than me  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** please…… give me some…. Of ur height …. :(  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** no. suffer  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** ;-;  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** i. Admittedly. Haven’t spoke to her since moniwa left  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** shes too powerful for me to handle  
**Yamamofo B):** Aint that just how it is in this bitch of a world???  
**Yamamofo B):** I am so scared of all women!!!!  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** i used to be like that!!! But then i met yachi and i think i just became a cooler person after becoming friends with her  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Treating women like they live on some other planet or are very different from us is a good way to never have a friend who’s a woman.   
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Also a good way to end up a sexist bitch.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** I usually make my way around to just about every club at some point in the school year so I can watch their games and know who I’m cheering for.   
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** u watch other sports???  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Yeah. I love volleyball, but I was always one of those kids who wanted to try everything. Honestly, if it wasn’t for Oikawa, I probably would have joined the baseball team or something.   
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** baseball….  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** baseball….  
**Brokuto:** BASEBALL  
**Yamamofo B):** Baseball…  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Yeah? What do you guys want?  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** baseball...  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** what is…. Baseball?  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** You’re kidding, right?  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** no like!! Ive heard of it!! Ive just never seen it or played it  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** You’ve… seen other sports from volleyball, right?  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** oh!! I know what soccer and basketball are!!  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** those are other sports!! They count as me knowing about other sports!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Wow. You really are just like Kageyama, huh?  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** No wonder the two of you ended up such good friends.  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** stop calling him that!!! Hes not my friend!!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Hinata, I honestly don’t know you that well, but don’t you think you’re going a little overboard here?  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** ABSOLUTELY NOT!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** If it was Oikawa he’d be really upset over me saying I didn’t want to be his friend anymore.  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** Kageyama isnt Oikawa-san!!  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** just cause kageyama got influenced by oikawa-san in middle school or whatever doesnt make them the same person  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** besides im hoping that kageyama is upset. I want him to feel bad  
**Brokuto:** CUTTHROAT!!!  
**Brokuto:** JUST THE WAY I TAUGHT U!!!  
**Yamamofo B):** DAMN HINATA UR PRETTY HARDCORE  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** really??? U think so???  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** im doing my best!!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Well, it’s not really any of my business.   
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** I just hope you don’t end up saying or doing anything you regret.  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** i  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** am stupid  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** ASDLFKJ SHut UP FUTAKUCHI!!  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** B)  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** idk!! I have a lot of regrets actually  
**Brokuto:** hinata :(  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** im sad i didnt get to play volleyball until high school, and im sad that im not on the same level as anyone else  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** what  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** but i cant sit and dwell on those regrets because it would just stop me from moving forward  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** towards a better future!!  
**Brokuto:** HINATA THATS WISE AS HELL!!!  
**Brokuto:** I WANT THAT ON A SHIRT!!!!  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** no for real, can we back up  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** devil child didnt start playin volleyball til high school?  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** so i think that whatever happens with my team and the people i know now  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** im not gonna regret any of it  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** because as long as i keep doing my best every day with them, i cant regret any of it  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** That’s honestly a lot more than I was expecting from you.  
**Brokuto:** HES RAD LIKE THAT!!!  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** im sorry like. Everyone else just moved past it but im having an existential crisis over here. How has devil child only played high school volleyball.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Not to burst your bubble, but how does that whole monologue really help you with the petty fight you’ve got going against Kageyama?  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** uh  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** it doesnt really!!  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** but id rather set myself on fire and become an actual sun then give up this fight!!  
**Brokuto:** HINATA I LOVE THAT UR SO STUBBORN!!  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** thank u bokuto-san!!!!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Wow, the more I talk to you the more you start to resemble Kageyama. Oof, I’m feeling old.   
**Brokuto:** WE ARE OLD COMPARED TO HINATA  
**Brokuto:** ALMOST IN UNIVERSITY!!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Gross.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Hey, I’ve gotta get going to do some chores in a bit, but before I go, anyone have any advice for spiking/want any advice?   
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** I’m sure I won’t be able to give as good advice as the much-praised #3 ace in the WHOLE NATION but who knows?  
**Brokuto:** MAN USHI WAS NOT COOL TODAY!!  
**Brokuto:** OH I HAVE A QUESTION!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Really? Shoot.  
**Brokuto:** WHAT DO YOU GUYS DO WHEN UR SETTER IS SO PRETTY THAT U PHYSICALLY BECOME UNABLE TO FUNCTION FOR A BIT  
**Yamamofo B):** uh  
**Yamamofo B):** Sorry!! Dont think I can help with this one  
**Yamamofo B):** If i looked at Kenma in any way close to a romantic/sexual gaze, id have to claw my own eyes out!! Love that lil dude but hes just a friend  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** cant relate im not really into twinks  
**Yamamofo B):** FUTAKUCHI!!  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** what? We all know its true  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** whats a twink?  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** u  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** really?? Im a twink??  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** No. No. Futakuchi, stop talking.  
**Brokuto:** FUTAKUCHI SHUT UP!!!!!  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** people always hate the truth :\  
**Brokuto:** HINATA CAN BE WHATEVER HE WANTS TO BE!!!!  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** WHATS A TWINK!????  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** like  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Oh my god, stop talking.  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** fiiiine  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** someones gotta explain it to me or else im looking it up!!!  
**Brokuto:** NICE GOING FUTAKUCHI!!!!  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** hey, hes got internet  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** hes gonna find out whether we tell him or not  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** I LOOKED IT UP  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** AND I HAVE SOME COMPLAINTS!!!!  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** hahahahh lmao  
**Brokuto:** HINATA U DONT HAVE TO BE A TWINK IF U DONT WANT TO!!!  
**Brokuto:** FUTAKUCHI WAS JUST BEING A BITCH  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** u got me there  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** FUTAKUCHI SAID THAT SETTERS ARE ALL TWINKS AND I DONT THINK KAGEYAMA COUNTS AS A TWINK!!!  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** I DONT THINK KENMA COUNTS EITHER CAUSE THE INTERNET SAID “usually dumb” AND KENMA ISNT DUMB  
**Yamamofo B):** I cant be here for this discussion  
**Yamamofo B):** Oh my godddd  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** I THINK SHIRABU IS A TWINK  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** fldksajflkjdklfajlshgjkshka  
**Brokuto:** LMFAO TRU!!!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** I know where this is going next, and believe me when I say that Oikawa is a twink. I don’t care if you think he’s smart. He’s a twink.  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** oh okay!! Good to know  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** i could be a twink though???  
**Brokuto:** HINATA PLEASE STOP MAKING ME REGARD U IN A SEXUAL CONTEXT  
**Brokuto:** UR MY BIRD SON  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** that directly conflicts with hinatas username but okay  
**Brokuto:** HES MY BIRD SON AND NO USERNAME CAN CHANGE THAT!!!!  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** okay bokuto-san!! Ill stop talking about it  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** not to be on topic but about ur question  
**Brokuto:** OH MY QUESTION!!! YEAH  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** idk?? When kageyama is that pretty i usually just have to tear my eyes away and jump for the ball anyways  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** kageyama  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** pretty  
**Yamamofo B):** Hmmmm  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** im actually glad to hear that other people have this problem cause i was starting to wonder if i was weird for thinking my setter is pretty!!  
**Brokuto:** UH  
**Brokuto:** I DONT THINK ITS THAT COMMON A PROBLEM  
**Brokuto:** UNLESS U HAVE AKAASHI AS A SETTER OF COURSE  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Yikes.  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** u guys dont think its weird right???  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** nah, hinata. Ur fine  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** u keep doing u  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** and keep not listening to anyone elses advice ever  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** nice!!! I can do that!!!  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Well, since that question was more or less answered, I’m gonna get going.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Again, not to step on any toes, but since the rest of you are cowards: Hinata, that’s not normal. That’s what happens when you have a crush on someone.  
**Oikawa Tooru Protection Squad:** Peace, I’m out.  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** what  
**Brokuto:** IWAIZUMI NO!!!   
**Sour Bitch Kid:** im getting another bowl of popcorn  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** I DONT HAVE A CRUSH ON KAGEYAMA  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** LMFAO WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** just cause i think hes pretty doesnt mean anything!!  
**Brokuto:** TOTALLY!!!  
**Yamamofo B):** Not to add fuel to the fire, but I think Iwaizumi-san is right.  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** u guys dont know what ur talking about  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** we’re just friends   
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** we’re not even that!!!!!  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** keep telling urself that  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** ugh, shut up!!! Hes stupid and mean and i hate him!!!  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** i dont want to talk about this!! Ur all just convinced of something that i keep saying isnt true  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** ok ok  
**Brokuto:** WHATEVER U WANT HINATA!!!  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** thanks :(  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** srry, not to change topics, but i do have something i wanna say?  
**Brokuto:** SHOOT!!!  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** hinata absolutely wants to bone kageyama   
**Brokuto:** NOT THAT ONE!!!!  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** i dont :(  
**DaichiandSuga’s Sun:** right??  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** :)  
**Sour Bitch Kid:** my work here is done

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if any of the html is broken pls let me know asap, and sorry for any grammar/context errors, i wrote this in installments and the latest stuff is a little unedited. can't wait to see y'all next chapter!

**Author's Note:**

> [my blog!!](http://grassepi.tumblr.com/) i'm always open to people coming to chat with me about whatever! if thats not ur speed, i've also got a twitter at [its_hazelgrace](https://twitter.com/its_hazelgrace) which im arguably way more talkative on about like, my own life and dont just reblog things lmao<3


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